The Crazy Rantings of a normal 20-year old

So,

It's been a while, huh? How ya been? Not so bad myself... Went to see Dr. Perona on the 11th, and he told me to get rid of the space boot and the crutches, and i could be back to work the following monday. :-D yay for mee!!! So sunday night came, i took a half of a Tylenol PM to help me sleep through the night, since I still sort of wake up in the wee hours of the morning. But, I kept waking up every half hour or so, afriad I'd be late or something. ( I had to be in at 6:30am) But whatever. I get there, and it's already hopping. Marilyn took me aside and showed me some things, and this lady needs an enema. So we go off to start this enema. I'm feeling pretty good, watchinhg Marilyn do her thing. All of the sudden, she's talking, and I get light headed.. "Oh Shit" i think, I'm gonna pass out! So i go out to the desk and put my head down by my knees to get the blood flowing back into my brain.. and i am just sweating from head to toe dude. it's just gross. So about a half hour later, my mom comes in, and im still sweating, no color in my face.. im looking like death warmed over! She got me some ice water and i drank that, and eventually started feeling better. The rest of the day went off without a hitch, and i was just taking lots of vitals and cleaning random beds and stuff.

Tuesday, Wednesday, and today, I was down on Second floor with Kathy. Man oh man does that woman run! She's like the energizer bunny!! But it was lots of fun, and Now I have the next three days off. What to do??? Whatever. 


Andrew. He's a cute, funny, sarcastic piece of shit, and I heart him!! yay for mee!

I have to go in for ankle surgery on Monday morning. :-\


Yep, I'm nervous. But I shouldn't be all that worried; after all, when Aunt Marie drew my blood yesterday, I was fine! I didn't get light-headed, or get sick to my stomach or pass out or anything!! :-D THAT made me very happy. But, still the idea of Dr. Perona poking a pin into my tibia bone isn't very pleasant. On the bright side, I won't have to have my leg stuck in a yucky cast for 6-8 weeks... I'll have my trusty space boot on and as soon as Doc gives the okay, I'll start physical therapy and get my happy ass back to work!

In other news.... I'm tired of being alone. Like, relationship-wise. Almost everyone I know anymore is married, engaged, or seriously close to engagement. And personally, I don't think it's fair. I'm young, yes, but I'm ready for commitment and I'm just about ready to get on with the next phase of my life. Being involved in this accident has really made me realize that life can be over in, literally, the blink of an eye. It all happens so quickly, and before you know it, it's gone. And you'll never get it right again, you'll never get to live this life again.. and thats what makes each day so unique and so powerful. I dunno... I just felt like writing. :)




E*Mae

So, as many of you may already know, I was in a car accident Friday night. Jason and i were going to pick up Kate at her house, and then we were all going to see the movie "Hairspray".  I can remember backing out of kate's driveway, but everything else is a complete blur. Kate told me that we were on 1800N rd. heading toward Plank Road, and someone must've said something about the stop sign, and we collided with another car who would've been coming past us. I guess we hit their driver's side and somehow spun where they hit our front, or we hit something other than the car... i'm not too sure.. :-( Both mine and jason's left ankle are broken, I need surgery for sure (I go in on monday) and I'm sure Jason's probably in the same, or similar boat as me. We've got lots of bumps, bruises, and stiff muscles. Kate sustained a gash in her right foot, and just needed a few stitches. She's gets them out monday, and will probably be back to work shortly after that. she's such a tough gal. ;-) As for me and Shipp, We'll be out for at least six weeks... hopefully not that long.. As a formality, I had to "resign" my job at the hospital, since I am still on orientation, but Anne said that they love me there so much, and I've been doing such a good job, that she's not letting me "resign", but is allowing me to keep my job, God bless her!

So, surgery monday morning, some screws will be put into my ankle, and i'll have the post mold cast put back on for a week, I think is what they said. After that, I'll have my one week post-op exam, and I'll have the air cast put back on. Hopefully with alot of physical therapy, I'll be back on both my feet before too long... It's getting annoying sitting at home all day long, being dependent on others for the tiniest things. I've got so many things to do, and I can't do them, because i'm terrifyed to drive. So if anyone wants to haul my ass around.... ;-)

I'll update more soon... I'm gonna go lay down for a bit now.

Love you all!

They are so stupid sometimes. >:-O  Sometimes they're your best friend, until you're ready to tell them that you wanna go to bloomington with a friend, to meet up with some more friends.... and then they become your worst nightmare. "You're just going down there to drink... how irresponsible are you? You have to work at what time in the morning??" [[six, I respond.]] "You are so stupid Erica! I can't believe I've raised such an ignorant, selfish bitch."  {yep, thats what i got called}
Selfish? Selfish because I'm twenty years old and don't have kids to take care of, or bills to pay? Selfish because I'm a young adult who can afford to go and have fun with her friends, even when she's gotta be at work by six the next morning? Selfish because I'm not going to be forced to be stuck at home, again, on yet another Friday night? No, I'm not selfish. And if anyone else wants to call me that, I'll knock you the fuck out. Gee, sorry that I don't feel like sitting around watching TV for yet another night. Sorry I don't feel like spending every waking moment with my mother. Sorry I've got friends who, when they come home, expect to see me, especially when I've begged them to come home. And I'm sorry that some friends live an hour and a half away, and they'd love to see me as well.... NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM! I'm going to Luke's stupid birthday party at the Y tonight, I've cleaned her fucking house all damn day today, I went to the stupid vacation bible camp "closing ceremony" today, even though Luke was a complete asshole to everyone.

She tells me to get a damn apartment and get the fuck out. Maybe then she'll realize how much she fucking needs me. I'm working my ass off to save money for a car, so i can get my own place and "get the fuck out" as she requests. It's not easy, but I'm going to do it, because I want her to see how much I do for her. Yeah, I'm a bitch sometimes, and don't do everything she asks me to do, but thats because I'm sick of doing it ALL. Do you know she's making me pay the frickin water bill this month??? She told michael that was HIS responsibility, not mine. ..... but NOOOOOOOOOO michael gets to spend his money on CBs, and Ipods, and his slut girlfriend, and a bunch of other totally unnecessary things. I get my first paycheck and damn near $100 of it goes toward the fucking water bill.... what the fuck is that??? It's not my fucking responsibility, why the fuck should I have to pay for the fucker? 


FYI: [[11 forms of "fuck" is in this so far... I'm gonna keep count]]

Ughhh.... I'm just so frustrated right now.. I am going to bloomington tonight, and I'm not gonna listen to her.. but it still pisses me off that she thinks the world would be so much better, had I not come along.. I swear she thinks that sometimes. And Brittany, don't you dare tell me any different.. I'm right, cause she's said it before.She jealous because michael and I are finally old enough to be going out with our own friends, and she has to stay stuck at home with luke because she made a mistake. She's a grown woman, and she's jealous of her 20 year old daughter. Give me a break. Thats why I'm waiting for as long as possible to have kids.... I want to be sure I'm ready to settle down and enter the next stage of my life. Cause I think that my mother had to grow up so fast, [as did i] that she never really got a chance to do anything fun, or go anywhere with just her friends... and shes mad at me now, because I get to do it. Well tough shit woman.... It's my time now. Yours is over.

Deal.



Peace bitches.

E*

I really don't have anything exciting to say, but I'm bored at work, and I figured since I haven't been on here in AGESS, I'd get on and update some things.

1. I am finally finished with my CNA class, as of June 28th. yay! (sidenote, if you've already read the myspace blog, bear with me, some of these things are gonna be similar.) Anyway, the CNA class was amazing, and I seriously cannot wait to start working at the hospital. All these people are asking my mom when I'm starting, and she keeps telling me how I have to work hard, and take extra shifts when I can, and all that good stuff, cause I can't let her down. Some of these people are complete bitches, and are looking for ways to talk about my mother behind her back, and her "incompetent" daughter would be the perfect way to go about that. So I've gotta prove all these bitches wrong, and prove to my mother that I can do things, and get myself ahead in life without the help of anyone. With that being said, 

2. I need a car! My poor mother has been dealing with me being a loser without a car since like, March, and I really need to start making some good money to get myself a decent car! And I don't want some junky piece of shit car either.. I want one thats gonna get me back and forth without having to worry about it breaking down or anything.

3. I absolutely CANNOT WAIT for the end of July!! I know I'm getting myself all excited for something that may or may not happen, but I still can't help it.  I want him home so bad, it hurts. And it's super frustrating to know that your best friend can't comprehend why he means so much to you. But I'm glad that some people do. Some people are going through worse things than I am, but at least I'm able to talk openly to them, and they can totally understand why I'm so frustrated all the time.


so mark says ( in red):

Goddamn Kids :-) 
Fireworks tonight :-)?!?!

so I say: (in pink)
you're too cool to be going, aren't you???
not really...just tired 


you're gay, you know that? im really kinda mad at you right now.

i doubt it

i dont/

how so?
cause you PROMISED that you'd go with us, and i don't like people who break their promises.
so youdon't like me :(

not at the moment

....
smartass

your the one callin me gay

well stop being gay, and i wont call you gay.
its just who i am
hahahah
your weird

thats alright, at least imnot gay
true

so are you coming with us tonight or not?
not sure i havn't seen a fireworks show in 3 years

WHAT??!?!?!
WORK :(

well, you're off at eight tonight, plenty of time to get out there and watch them. :)
theres a lot of people that live in walnut i don't like

thats silly.. 
very
 so the's just go then... :-\


pleaseeeeeee

so whats in it for me

whatever you want :)

i want to go home
now?
kinda yea

if you leave now, you'll have plenty of time to sleep and come out tonightt ;-D

ugh....who else is going?

me and arica for sure

no shipp?

he's gotta be back for work tomorrow morning, so he left this morning.

i see...what about bobby?FUCK YOU DUDE
OKAY GOOD ILL GO TONIGHT

promise?

im hungry

im not
well screw you

later
okay bye
bye
homo

i know..
i cant help it
loser


can i finish updating my livejournal now?

ummm....let me think
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im bored

im gonna finISH MY UPDATE NOW.



I'll finish later, I need to pretend I'm working :)

Well,

I need to update this thinger..It's been quite a while, and many things have changed. Okay, so maybe not MANY things.. but enough for me to feel it necessary to write them all down. You know, when I was younger, I never really understood what the importance was in keeping a journal. If you felt like crap, you got over it by crying or throwing a tember tantrum, right? But now that I'm much older and more mature.. temper tantrums aren't exactly working.Boyfriends come and go... girlfriends pretend to be in love, when in all actuality, they can't stand the way he snores, or the way he chews on pen caps. She can't understand that those small things are not important enough to make or break a relationship.. but she uses them to fight with him, and to break things off so she can go slut around with other guys. "Find bigger fish in that ocean", right? But what if he was YOUR catch? What if he was the best thing you've ever had? What if nothing better ever comes along? Then what? Then you're fucked.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm rambling about, it's just whats in my head at the moment. I think I'm procrastinating going to the bank, and then to hennepin... I really don't want to go, but I know I've gotta go pretty quick, since I've gotta be at work at one. 

Spring Break is upon me now, and Bejster is home.. but we haven't really been able to do anything since she's got an assload of homework, and the YMCA owns my soul. But it's cool, because that means more shopping for me when payday comes around. :-D But anyway, Bobby is off galavanting in Indiana again, and he's calling me again. Surprise. I can't figure him out, and it's really quite annoying. He tells me that he misses me, and wants to be with me because I'm exactly what he's looking for in a wife, but he's still with Sarah. Yeah, they broke up, but they're back together now. He'll call me up, or send me a text message at 1:14 on a Monday afternoon that says, "U know what i got a problem: there is this person i wana see more than my gf when i get home." How in the hell am I supposed to "move on" as he so coldly told me if he keeps sending me shit like this?? I personally think he likes playing these games. His whole problem is that he wants to have his cake and eat it too. As cliche as that may sound.. I don't care right now. I know thats what he wants. I won't put out, but she will.. so he's willing to sacrifice the best relationship he's ever had, for a slutty little Bede girl who'll put out at the drop of a hat. So you know what? Fuck him. Fuck everything about him.. I'm done. I know i know.. I've said this (many) {many} times before.. but this time, I really mean it. I'm tired of being the little girl who cries over the boy every night. I'm tired of throwing temper tantrums to get what I think I need. 


As the famous Taylor Swift song "Teardrops on my guitar" goes, 

"Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

[Chorus:]

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do  << I always do this, and I hate it. I'll put on a song, just because it reminds me of him.

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

[Repeat Chorus]

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see." 


It's slightly pathetic, I know. But damnit, I'm a girl who gets waht she wants... and right now, nothing is going my way! But, right now.. I'm going to go get dressed, and run to the bank. Grrr...

I'll be on later to add more. I'm no where near being finished.


<3

Break ups are a bitch!


But at least it wasn't me this time!! Yayyy! haha.. I'm terrible, but I can't help it. 

Me and Brad are talking, and things are going good so far, despite what Carolyn has said to both me and Brad's friend Andrew... I just don't understand what her problem is... she's pissed off at me for talking to Brad "without her permission" and is trying to get Andrew to get the skinny on Brad and I. I guess my thing is this: She is dating Jake. Brad and I are simply talking... nothing else.. just TALKING. thats it. And she's mad at me because I didn't ask her permission to talk to Brad. Why should I have to do that? They never dated, they never hung out or anything at all. So why should I have to ask her permission??? gahh.. Girls are sooo dumb sometimes..

Brad is really cool, and I'm going to continue to talk to him, even though I never asked Carolyn's permission. :-D

Oh, Bobby and Sarah broke up,... that's what the beginning was about.. :-D yayyY!


haha 

more,

Erica*

Texting is starting to annoy me.


People used to have to ride a horse or walk ten miles to speak to the lady they were hoping to court... but not these days. A few flicks of the fingers on the telephone keypad, and you my friend, are on your way to getting a girl in bed with you. Call me old-fashioned, call me a prude, call me whatever you may like, but I am the way I am because I believe it is how women are supposed to be treated by men. ( and there went the beep of the text message again.... and again) 

Why am I ranting about stupid texting you may ask? I don't know... prehaps it's because I know that it is not how I want to have a relationship. I don't want him to make me drive everywhere to meet him places... I want him to pick me up to take me out on a date every once in a while. I want him to surprise me with flowers at work, or a sweet card telling me how beautiful I am. I'm not saying that I want to be spoiled.. but a bit of pampering wouldn't be terrible... A woman should feel like she is the only woman that matters to him. She should not fell as though she must compete with others to win his affection, and when she does begin to feel that way, she should have the common sense to leave him, and attempt to find someone new. But knowing her, she does not attempt to find anyone else. She sticks with him, hoping he'll change... hoping she can make him change. After many years of struggling with him, she will, I'm sure, give up; but not after many longs nights and fights. 

Perhaps I was truly born in the wrong place and time. I honestly think I should've been born in the 1900's. Where men treated women with a decent amount of respect, and they knew how to properly address them. The men knew it was their job to make their women happy, and had manners, respect, courtesy, love, faithfulness, honor, courage... all those things I long for in a man, I simply cannot find anymore... and that frightens me. What will it be like for my daughters? My granddaughters? If it's this hard for me in this day and age, I truely cannot fathom what it will be like for them. I pray that God will light a fire under these boys bottoms, and these parents today will learn that their ways are not working, and we should really try going back to the ways of our great-grandparents. They seemed to know what they were doing. :-)



Just some thoughts...

always,

Erica*

Okay, so before, I used to cry all the time because I missed Bobby so damn much. How stupid was I?!?!?! Crying over a boy gets you nowhere in life. Really. I promise. NOWHEREE.

Okay, so anyway... I was really bored one night, probably a few weeks ago, and I wanted to go out sooooo bad, but none of my friends where home.. they were all away at school. and Biz didnt answer her phone... (not like she ever does) . So as I'm looking through my phonebook on my cell, I came to Zach Pinters number.. and thought, hmm, well, I'm sure that Jill has broken up with him by now, shes been at school for quite a while. And I still had feelings for him, because he and I sort of "hung out" this summer. So really, I didn't expect him to answer his phone either! But he did... and we ended up making plans to go see a movie later on. So, around 9 o'clock, Zach is pulling into my driveway...and I am sooo not ready yet! But he waited only about ten minutes.

POS... "Point Of Story" for those of you who didnt have Mrs. Bittner...

Zach and I are dating now, and I love being with him. I always did.. but certain things got in the way of us being able to be together. The only thing I'm scared of now, is that when Jill comes home for break, will she try to pull her shit again? Will he fall back into her trap?

So last night, we drove up to Pearl City. Zach and Luke sat in the back, and me and mother were in the front. It wasn't a bad car ride at all, I was surprised. But anyway... we get into the parking lot, and we hear people saying to grab your lawn chairs, because there was no room. They had like no bleachers whatsoever for the visitors team. But we decided that we didn't need our lawn chairs... we'd find room.

We found room all right.... right down on the bottom row, where the cheerleaders and the boys on the sidelines were in the way... Yeah. So then, we're sittingt here, its freezing... and these varsity cheerleader suck balls. They'd do a cheer every couple of minutes... then stand there and talk to each other. Geez, last year, we couldn't do that shit! Janet would have screamed at us! But whatever... but then, I was critiquing them hardcore.. no one was doing anything right except sarah miklavcic. She was awesome last night. Tight arms, smile on her face.. even if she was freezing because they had to wear their skirts......which is the gayest thing ever. Who makes these poor girls cheer in skirts at a football game???? CRAZY PEOPLE... THATS WHO. Okay, so then, we cant see anything, and a player is down. We're scanning the numbers for michael... and were not seeing 75. mom and angela run over to the sideline to see the players on the field... no 75 anywhere... then finally, shes sees him...... on the ground. But hes okay, its his damn ankle he broke last year... geezzz!

So....

car ride home=love. 

Zach and I sat in the back with Luke, and pretty much fell asleep with him holding my hands (awee!) and my legs up across his, because I needed to stretch out hahha.. i felt kinda bad because he couldnt stretch anywhere.. =\ .. Oh, and in my moms Aztek, the back seats recline.. so we were really comfy! Yeah... I love football games. And yeah, I kinda miss being on the sidelines.. but not enough to want to go back. I'm quite content with sitting there, holding Zach's hand, and cheering from my blanketed cushioned bleacher.