Understanding Duality

I have decided to make this journal friends-only. It does contain personal things, being a journal and all, so yea... Not that anyone really reads this seriously... probably because I never update... ^^;; But yea, there you have it. Let me know if you aren't already a friend and, for some really weird reason, want to read my journal. Take care all!

Look! I found time! ^^

meme stolen from minako134

The one who seduced you and fucked you over and broke your heart in a million pieces and laughed about it: Wolf's Rain

The old flame you don't see very often any more but whom you still really enjoy getting together with for a few drinks and maybe a pleasant nostalgic romp in the sheets: Gundam Wing, Orphen, Outlaw Star

The mysterious dark gothy one whom you used to sit up with talking until 3 a.m. at weird coffeehouses and with whom you were quite smitten until you realized he really was fucking crazy: Ergo Proxy

The one you spent a whole weekend in bed with and who drank up all your liquor, and whom you'd still really like to fuck again although you're relieved he doesn't actually live in town: Full Metal Alchemist

The steady: Advent Children

The alluring stranger whom you've flirted with at parties but have never gotten really serious with: Trinity Blood, Neon Genesis Evangelion, and so many others...

The one you hang out with and have vague fantasies about maybe having a thing with but ultimately you're just good buddies 'cause the friendship is there but the chemistry ain't: Naruto

The one your friends keep introducing you to and who seems like a hell of a cool guy except it's never really gone anywhere: Tenjo Tenge

The one who's slept with all your friends, and you keep looking at him and thinking, "Him? How the hell did he land all these cool babes?": Irresponsible Captain Tyler, Crest of Stars

The one your friend has fallen for like a ton of bricks and whom she keeps babbling to you about on the phone for hours, and you'd be happy for her except you just know it's going to end badly: Mushishi LOL (although I guess it doesn't end badly)

The ones you repeatedly cheat on your steady with: Full Metal Panic! (all seasons), Final Fantasy VIII, Buffy, Miyazaki Films

So I turn 22 today. Yay? I feel older. I feel like I should be older. I mean, come on, I'm married, I have a job (yea finally, p/t deli clerk at Fred Meyer... it could be worse, I guess), I have graduated college, I'm not leaning on my parents for financial support anymore. Most certianly feel older than 22.

Hopefully it will be a good day. It's looking to be kinda dismal though. It's supposed to rain all day, and while that is a much needed thing in Spokane in August, I still wish it had waited a day or two. At least I don't have to work. Mark does though... :( At least it won't be blazing hot when we go to the Good Guys Classic Car Show today, but it will more than likely be cold... Grrr...

I don't know, I just feel blah, and I hate feeling blah on my birthday. But I'm probably not giving the day a fair chance, so I'll stop while I'm ahead and update you all (read: myself) when the day has come to a close. Hopefully the day will surprise me! :) Well, see ya soon!

Quick Update:

Heh. So I'm back at Western now. Safe and sound back in my, now clean room. I've done a lot today. I worked for a few hours, then bought my text books (under $400 this time), then I went a picked up my fish from my friend Tanyisha, she was real good to him during the break. Then I went to dinner and caught up with a lot of friends. Then I cleaned my room. Now? I'm chillin while Maria plays WoW and Mark-down-the-hall (not mine, the other one. heh) is shooting a nerf gun in our room lol. I hope we don't get written up for noise. That would suck, I'd kill him lol. But yea, life is going pretty well. Classes start tomorrow, that should be interesting. Maria and I have the same class first thing in the morning. Pyschology 374: The psychology of childrearing. Oooooooo. Might come in handy some day... then on to my other 2 psych classes. I'm actuallly looking forward to classes starting up again. LOL Remind me of that in a few weeks.

But yea. I have an 8 AM class and I'm tired of my computer screen. So I'll ttyl. Take care~

So yea. Happy New Years! I said it, there are you happy now? heh. Anyway, here's wishing you all a healthy, happy and safe holiday! But while you're at it, don't forget to through in some spice, like cliff-jumping, or I don't know, something else adventerous. Go say hi to that person you are crushing on. Go out and watch everyone else get drunk then laugh at them when they don't remember. You know, cool good stuff. Anyway, just wanted to pass along the holiday semi-goodness. School starts soon and more things are to come. We will have a blast! (hopefully) Take care and all that jazz~

I got my package from Mark today! Finally!! I'm very happy with it. I got my Shisa! They are so cute. I love them. Hopefully they'll help me with my good luck a bit. There were two other pairs of shisa in the package, one for our best friend Brad, and another for Mark's sister, Manda! Also five little bottles of star sand for his little half-siblings. This is what the star sand looks like... http://www.justnice.org/graphics/l…

I'll update this journal with a pic of my shisa once I figure out how to put it up here... Anyone who can help me with that, it's appreciated.

So Mom and I went to see "Rumor has it" and it was pretty funny and had some good acting and stuffs. The Grandma was my favorite character. It wasn't an exceptional movie, but if you like awkward moments and some funny arguements then its worth a see. Don't have to spend theater money on it, a rental will suffice. But it was enjoyable. The only downside was that there was a couple sitting right next to me hangong all over each other and making out for a good portion of the movie. I wouldn't have minded so much if 1) they had been a few chairs over and 2) Mark wasn't halfway around the world. Ever notice how it's always hardest to see other couples happy when your sweetie is away or you two have been fighting? It makes sense, just doesn't make it feel any better I guess. Only 8 more months, that's just what I have to keep telling myself. In all reality it's not that long. It just feels that way. Anyone who has been in a long-distance rerlationship (and some people who haven't) can relate to that feeling. That longing for their arms, their smile, their laugh, their love. Soon... soon. Patience is a virtue, they say. I agree. But haven't we been patient? When does patience stop being a virtue and start being a burden? "Like bits of string, grown-up wings you needed. But when you had to add them up, you found that they were not enough..." Go Savatage... Go 80's rock ballads... haha.

Mark, I love you. We'll make it and I'll be right there waiting for you. ^^ Just believe...

NEW CUP MOVE DOWN! So, how was that for a gentle segway into a new subject? I made out ok this Christmas.
- 76 piece kitcehn set for when I move out. Pots, pans, utensils, stuff like that.
- A really full cook book, again for when I'm out of the dorms.
- A really really soft pillow case for my body pillow. It's almost like suede, so comfy...
- Some cookies and candy. Yum!
- LOTR: Two Towers DVD. Finally my collection is complete.
- Some mittens from my Aunt and Uncle. heh.
- A $25 gift card to Best Buy. (Oh, Advent Children, how I can't wait....)
- Memoirs of a Geisha book from Brad.
- Of course the Shisa, and an mp3 player from Mark. He's going to spoil me... oy.
- A really thoughtful ornament from my Mom. For when I have a tree of my own, so its not bare and empty.
- And my oh-so-spiffy webcam/mic! I am so Happy! Mark has one too now... wait I already told you about that... whoops.... ^^;;

I really do have great parents. Especailly my mom. She and I have had it pretty rough for a couple of years now. But she really is thoughtful and doing the best she can for me. For that I can never thank either of them enough.

I'm looking forward to seeing all of you again. But I'm also having some pretty good times here at home. Finally. Brad and I talked for a long while tonight. That was much needed I think. We both neglect each other too much. I got to see Dusty and Sean tonight at O'Dorhety's. That was nice too. They are both fun guys, if not a little dense in the head at times. It must be the booze and beer... lol Brent and Sarah were there too. I've seen lots of Brent so far, so that was nothing new really. Haven't seen much of Sarah. Can't say I'm terribly disappointed by that, but I've made up my mind that us hating each other is stupid. Neither of us remembers why really. I have a few instances I can remember, but I need to let them go. Almost four years old now, those memories, if not more. Time to let go passed a long time ago, I just missed the flight. So yea. Oh, duh, Erica, Brad's girl was there too. Gee, I'm dumb. I like her. She has a fun spirit. With a little time she will fit right into the group. It took me a while to blend in too. But she has strong potential. I believe in her. I hope we can become good friends. I want to be. And not just for Brad's sake. I really truly like her. heh. Weird, I usually don't like my close guy friend's girls. I feel like I'm being replaced in some silly way. *shrugs* But she's cool ^^

But yea, I miss you guys! My third family. That's not in any order of caring about, simply when the family started. First my real one, then the guys over here in Spokane, then you guys! Maria; my suities Diana and Megan; my old school suitie Emily and her boy Chris; my hall kids Ephriam, Brian and Brian, Teresa, Rachel, and Jasmine, Mark; and the round table crew Random, Jason, Jessilee, Richard, Greg, Dom, and wow, too many people in that group to name. I know I'm forgetting people, but you know who you are and you know I love ya! Take good care of yourselves until I can see you again! ^^ Let's have a great Winter quarter...

Any bets on the first day of school being cancelled? Anyone? Two years, at least running! Let's go for a third!! ^^ w00t~

4 AM is really boring. So I figured I'd update my journal. MTV is sucking my brain away. I'm trying to stay up for Mark to come online. He'll probably think I'm crazy for staying up for him, but I know deep down he'll appreciate it and I want to talk to him. But it seems to be another one of those 9:30 PM work nights. It's 9:00 there now. So hopefully an hour or less...

I got a webcam for christmas. That's really neat. And that inspired him to get one too. So I got to "see" him for the first time in about a month last night. That was really cool. Heh, he's so hot! ^^ So yea... But that didn't last long. My interent just randomly died in the middle of our convo. That sucked...

Things have been really up and down for me lately. Lots of talk about school and finances and where I'm going to be staying next year. Lots of missing Mark. But also lots of Christmas and talking to Mark. And I am going to see a movie with my mom tomm.. er today. Rumor has it, that's what we are seeing.

*undetermined amount of time lapses*

Well, just talked to Mark and now its late, or rather early. And I need sleep... Good night. I'll update a bit more tomorrow, er.. today, whatever! Byers~

Here I am chillin in my room watching Kathy Griffin, and I would just like to share with everyone that she is one of the funniest people around! She tells her jokes like really great gossip stories, it's awesome. She's right up there with Eddie Izzard and Robin Williams, hehe. Check her out! Just thought I'd share... Have a good night everyone! ^^

^^;; Yea, I'm a little lame. 10 points for me. So I'm feeling better from yesterday night, for those of you following my journal. I think the breakdown I was talking about is going to come in odd stages. So please bear with me. I apologize in semi-advance for all the crazy shit I say and do. I love you all, and so very much apprecaite that you are willing to stand by me. Thank you so much, Maria, Elisha, Teresa, Diana, Megan, Brad and yea, you too Wolfi. Of course you. Always you, my darling ^^ I know you all will get fed up with me at some point or another, and that's fine. I might need a little kick in the butt from time to time. But overall, you guys seem to genuinely care about my feelings and my well-being. There's not a better feeling in the world. *hugs all around!*

Okay enough mushy stuff, lol. I got to talk to Mark a little today over MSN. It had a rocky start cuz i was still in my funk, and I don't think he really knew what to make of that. I don't blame him, neither did I! But he made a few jokes and comments that lifted my thunder clouds and revealed a rainbow. Sometimes I really don't give him enough credit. He really does know what to do to make me happy or feel better, i'm just to stubborn to admitt it when it happens. There's always a catch or something, really ridiculous, like he said the word "like" instead of "love" or something so it goes down in my book as a loud "euhhhh" noise, you know the obnoxious buzz on tv shows. But overall, he tries really hard to understand what I'm feeling and make it better. I'm just a bit too picky still. >.> But anyway, he really is a great and awesome guy, and I love him to death. No matter what I may say, please always believe that and don't judge him harshly. He makes me more happy than I ever imagined I could be with a person. Oh what? Tangent? Oops. Well it was a good one so :P

Anyway, we got to talk and that was nice once I was done being all "grrr..." It was also hard though. I realized how much I missed holding him and having him hold me. That's a luxury no one should ever take for granted, one misses it so very much when it's gone. I also had a revelation later of how long ago spring/summer of this year feels. I used to see him almost every weekend. Even though that was only 7 months ago, it feels a lot longer. It was an odd thought. Funny how time works... What? another tangent... drats. I'm bad tonight... ^^;; SOOO.... While I was tlaking to Mark he told me he got a gift for me in Japan. I was like "Whee~" at first then "Wait, he already got me an expensive early-Christmas gift, why is he buying me more stuffs? Ack!" I felt kinda bad. He doesn't need to buy me things, sure it's neat to get authentic stuff from other countries, but I don't want him to feel obligated to get me stuff. What he did get me, though, was a pair of Shisa! I think thats what they are called anyway. He showed me a picture and they look so cute. I might put the pic up here, if people really want to see them. They are red and coot, and look to be made of wax maybe? Not too big, but not teenytiny either, just right! They will guard my apartment/dorm/house/whatever I'm living in at the time! Eeee! I am so happy and excited!

Mark is doing okay in Japan. Apparently he isn't as thrilled as he seemed to be. It wasn't an act really, just him trying to have a positive look on things, which I'm proud of him for, since he is usually a very pessemistic guy. It's taking it's toll on him though. He feels the distance just as much if not more than I do. Poor guy. He put up that happy mask so I wouldn't worry. Brave bugger... Fortuneatley, Japan has lots of distraction for him, of that I am grateful. I have a feeling that it's going to keep him out late at nights though lol. Silly puppy... I hope he starts feeling better soon. I wish there was more I could do, too. If anyone has anyy suggestions on how to help homesickness I'm all ears. I want to help my babe! ^^ I hope he doesn't mind too terribly. Don't worry darling, I wont do anything over-the-top or stupid. ^.~

But yea, that took a little longer than I planned. As I said before, I'm doing ok. My parents want to have lots of financial and life talks with me, which I'm at least a little anxious about. Those usually don't turn out great. Brad seems to want to hang out tomorrow, which is cool. We are going to watch Advent Children. it will be his first and my like billionth time watching it ^^ I love that movie. I should just as for AC memrobila for x-mas. The family and I might also set up the Christmas decorations tomorrow. Don't know yet. I was called a good friend today, and that was kinda nice. Roxie (one of my cats, the tabby, fuzzy kitten) is kinda driving me bonkers. And I watched a bad movie today called Darklight on the sci-fi channel. Also watched the end of the Bodyguard, most of High Crimes (good movie, see it if you haven't. Ashely Judd is pretty and Morgan Freeman is awesome, and it has a great ending!) and then the last half of LOTR: Two Towers. Wow all I did today was watch tv, practically. w00t! I am a Lazy Ass! whee~ So yea, there you have it. I bet your life feels complete now. I know mine does.... *satisfied sigh*.... ... yea... Anyway, take care all and goodnight! ^^

1. Finals week
2. My body hates me (G-rated version)
3. My fiance has left for 9 months-ish

Ha! Beat that! Well, maybe you can. If you are that person, well you have my eternal sympathy. So yea...
Anyways, it's finals week! What a time to start an LJ, no? Oh well, better bad-timing than never? Something like that. One final down, three to go. One everyday from Monday to Thursday. I'll be leaving for home on Thursday early afternoonish... And that's just a whole nother bundle of joyful news... *is apprehensive of home..., kinda sad really*

For all of you (like 2 people) who read this, you probably have already heard the sob story between Wolfi and I. Yea, touring around the Pacific for nine-ish months (him not me, he's a Marine (what? for the like one person on the planet who didn't know and just so happened to be reading this very journal entry)). Not so much with the funzor. He left this morning, and I'm holding up ok, hasn't really hit me yet I guess. Thanksgiving to my birthday is a long time to go without seeing someone... (My birthday is in August, btw). I have faith in us though. We are pretty strong. Not going on 4 1/2 years for nothing now. heh. Anyways, please, for those of you who know and care about Mark, send good thoughts his way and/or prayers to whatever "person upstairs" you believe in. We both would greatly appreciate it. Me? I'll settle for hugs! ^^ lol. Ok... it's late, and as I stated earlier, my body hates me so I should be getting to bed. Posts will be short for a while I think. Still getting the hang of this... ^^;;

... Was that a parenthetical statement inside another parenthetical statement?! The fuck... wow I _am_ out of it... Sorry about that >.>