The Wheel Weaves...

((From now on I'm going to use this journal as Bella's journal, so you can look here to see her personal thoughts and feelings. Maybe I should make her a myspace, lol))

So, Sam's team lost by two points today, but she played really well for her very first game. I'm proud :)

That was pretty much the highlight of the day, and it was at noon. It's sad when your day peaks so early. Personally, I would have liked to do some other stuff, but my other half was sleeping all day. I guess having your heart all fucked up is a good excuse, but it sure leaves me BORED. How self-absorbed am I?

So, all the bitching I've done about being bored is coming back to bite me in the ass, lol. Samantha joined a soccer league so now suddenly I'm spending three hours a week at practice, and they have their first game tomorrow (go Electric Shock!). I'm excited for her, but it makes for a lot of changes for the rest of the family. We're happy with it, though, so we're getting the other kids into something too. Darian's going to play tennis and Sabryna is going to try basketball. Oh, and this morning, the kid's mom who was supposed to do the snack this week called and wanted to switch with me, so I had to run around like mad buying snacks and drinks. Fun.

Last night I spent three and a half loooong hours in the ER with Kimberlee. She has PSVT which is basically a condition where her heart beats too fast. Way too fast - it got up to 218 bpm last night. They had to stop her heart and restart it three times last night before they could at least get it down to 110, which is still tachycardic. By the time we left it was down to a more manageable 95 at least. So, on a few hours of sleep, I'm writing this before crashing out for the long day that tomorrow will be.

There's a ren faire in the next town over this weekend too, so I'm going to try to catch that on Sunday. It's such a small town, I have low expectations.

What else...? School starts on Thursday. This semester I've got PE, spanish, art history, and english. Wow, you can't even tell I'm a nursing major by that schedule, lol.

I guess that's it ... just a little update.

PEACE OUT.

I feel better today.

Okay, so I didn't get the job. At least, I'm assuming that, since they haven't called me by now. I guess I am going to have to call them, just to get my rejection up close and personal. Let me just say: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

okay, I feel better now. I'm bummed about not getting the job, because I'm soooo sick of my current gig (sorry, Kainoa) and also because it would have meant more money. I would have felt more productive while waiting to reapply for the RN program too. I guess I will stick out another semester of classes that don't have anything to do with my major. Fun. I only need two more units towards my RN degree, but I'm just going to go ahead and go full time because I could use the grant money. It's the only way we'll be having Christmas this year, anyway.

I think I will spend the rest of today feeling sorry for myself, then get over it.

Okay, I got a second interview for the Red Lobster job. It's today. I'm so nervous!! But I'm also optimistic, since I'm clearly impressing someone to make it to the next phase. Speaking of, Red Lobster's hiring process makes me wonder if it's really not a covert secret service operation. Sheesh! I had to take personality tests, a math and english test, an oral test ... damn, I just want to serve drinks, how smart do I need to be? Lucky for me, I AM smart. Anywho, wish me luck on my second interview!

Okay, I have an interview at Red Lobster tomorrow for the bartending job. Wish me luck please.

I can't believe that I just spent 3 years in college to go for a bartending job, lol.

So, another day, another dollar. Okay, another $30. That's what my babysitting gig is paying me daily. I feel like a teenager when I say babysitting, so let's call it "child care" instead, lol. Anyway, I think that if I'm not going to be in the RN program this year, then I need a real job. I'm sick to death of school (although, I do like the grant money, lol), so I've started looking around. I think I probably should do this next semester, mostly because Ken (one of my teachers) will probably hunt me down and beat me with a stick if I drop another one of his classes. Okay, he probably doesn't care THAT much, but it makes me feel important to think that he does, so whatever.

So, job search. You know what sucks about 10 years as a stay at home mom and then a student? MY RESUME. Dude, just going by that, no one will ever hire me. Except maybe McDonald's, but I'm not quite that desperate just yet. Anyway, my friend Sandy is a waitress at Red Lobster, and I used to waitress, so I thought, why not go back to that? Well, because I just didn't like it that much. Now, beggars can't be choosers, but I just started looking, so I don't want to just jump right into another job I won't like. She said today that they really need a bartender though, and that sounds more interesting. Except for a) I've never bartended in my life, and b) I don't even drink so I couldn't tell you what was in pretty much any drink. I don't even know what you put in a strawberry daiquiri besides strawberries. Or do you? See what I mean? I don't know, Kimberlee used to bartend, and if she can do it, I KNOW I can. Sandy said they're desperate enough to take me all inexperienced and train me, so I'm going in on Monday. Positive thoughts, please!!!!

Next subject: Ebay! I've got like 8 things coming in the mail, so now each day when the mailman comes is like Christmas. I thought I wouldn't like online shopping as much as I LOVE real life shopping, but no, I do. I bought four new tongue rings the other day, and I can't wait to get them so I can take this one out. I just got my tongue pierced 4 weeks ago tomorrow, but Lee said I could change this one after 3 weeks, so yeah, I'm down for that. The one they pierce you with is long to accomodate for the massive swelling (you should have seen my tongue, lol), so now that the swelling is gone, it's way too long. I have a couple tongue rings here (I sell body jewelry as a sideline, so I actually have tons of basic stuff), but I wanted something more personal. If I could get one with my name on it, I would. Actually, I probably could if I tried, lol.

Okay, I guess that's it for now. I swear I'm going to make an effort to write in this thing regularly.

Well, another year ... and I didn't make into the nursing program AGAIN. Everyone always said how hard it was to get into, but DAMN that's two years in a row. I'm kind of at a loss as to what I'm going to do with myself for the next year until I can apply again. Getting a job seems pointless, because until I have that degree I'm not qualified to DO anything. I could finish up some loose ends in the way of credits and graduate with a degree in Liberal Arts, but really what is that good for if you're not transferring? I wish I had the means to apply for the nursing programs at different schools, but the closest one besides LMC is still too far to be manageable at the moment. I don't know, I'm just sick of school and I want to be working. I guess I should just be glad I didn't go for medical school, lol.

I keep telling myself that I'm going to write in this thing more, but things in RL always seem to overwhelm me. School's out for the summer, but Kainoa requires increasing amounts of time, it seems. This week is VBS (Vacation Bible Study) at church, too, and I volunteered to help Tere with snacks, so I have to do that every night until Thursday. Not that I don't enjoy it ... I don't know, I keep going back and forth about church.

Yes, I'm a Christian, but I'm not one of those annoying fundies that believes that everything they think is the ultimate TRUTH. I recognize that there is a lot interpretation that goes into religion, so I don't feel the need to cram my ideas down anyones throat. It's hard to describe, but it just seems like the more intelligent a person is (and I'm not trying to make myself out to be a genius, but I'm not an idiot either), the harder it is to have faith. Or for some things in the Bible to make sense. Maybe it's not that I'm intelligent, maybe it's that I've become cynical. Especially about the Church. And about my place in it. Let's face it, there's not a lot of room for lesbians in the big religious picture. I was talking to someone today about tithing, and how they don't think they should have to put up 10% or whatever, and I said something to the effect of "Well, you can't pick and choose which parts of the Bible you want to obey." I felt hypocritical immediately. I mean, it's pretty accepted that the Bible doesn't have enough good to say about homosexuality, but have I been conveniently ignoring this fact so that I can go on doing what makes me feel good? I just can't help but find it hard to believe that who I love makes such a big difference to God - but then, why is it so easy to believe that he wants 10% of my income?

I think things were simpler when I just didn't think about these things.