girl sailor

Ugh, I can't wait until we have a washing machine next year. I've literally spent all day trying to get change for those bloody machines in the laundry room. And I have yet to do any work this weekend. At all. Putting post it notes on useful-looking pages for my kafka essay probably doesn't count, does it...no Ellie, it doesn't. I'm going to have to do some serious reading this week if I want to get an essay done before Christmas.
Oh, and my buoyant mood has evaporated somewhat. The crush is looking more and more pointless, because, well, we just don't really see each other that often and today for example, we exchanged a thrilling conversation via text about whether he had change for a tenner. (He didn't...useless person.) That was it.  Seriously. I have had more interesting conversations with walls. Not that I talk to walls..but you get the general idea.
So I've come to the conclusion that yes, being optimistic helps sometimes, when you're going a little bit mad from liking someone. But now is not one of  those times. He doesn't want to make an effort, which is fine. I won't make an effort either. I will do work...erm, ok, scratch that.  I'll go on Facebook, eat ice cream and watch DVDs and eventually I'll get over it. No problem.
Hmm..now trying to remember the last time I had fruit or vegetables..I should probably go and make something nutritious for tea, which involves at least something that's good for me. Those chopped tomatoes are doubtless feeling very neglected at the back of my cupboard.

Oh and in other news...we've found a house for next year! The rooms are huuuuge...the kitchen less so, but seriously the house was so nice, I didn't care. Fingers crossed we can sort it all out tomorrow, because I really want to live there. I've shotgunned a room already...

I'm feeling quite buoyant today, for several reasons. I'vejust had an awesome weekend in Leeds, during which I did no work but had a fine old time  visiting Alison. This helped me put all my mopey thoughts in perspective a bit; I realised there isn't really any point in moping, basically. It's a case of put up and shut up (that is, stop moaning on at people about this guy I like, and over it) or actually try and see if it works out, but not get too het up if it doesn't. So I've chatted to him this week, and borrowed a film off him to watch, which is progress I guess :-) 
I also saw him today, which is another reason for my buoyant mood. We had a ten second conversation about the film I borrowed which has left me feeling ridiculously happy, despite the fact I saw him come out of his class later with a girl who seems superglued to his side at the moment. It's weird, but unlike the other day when I saw them together (deep in conversation) I just wasn't bothered at all. I mean, she may be on his course but I live directly above him, we chatted alright today and he has lent me a film. So whatever happens with her, at least I can still talk to him..and feel fuzzy inside afterwards. It was funny though, I ended up in the queue behind them for the lift and the girl turned round and glared at me. It made me laugh, I mean I didn't even show that I know him. Ah well...I refuse to be petty and jealous, because firstly she wasn't pretty (yes yes I know, shallow, but it made me feel better..) and secondly...it's not worth it. If he does end up going out with her or whatever, it's not really anything to do with me - I'd get over it, and probably still be friendly with him. The buoyancy has lasted all day anyway, just from realising it's not such a big deal.
In other news, I got a 1st in my first essay :-D which was a relief. Just hope I did alright in the others...

Well..I made it to Sheffield! The last six weeks seem to have gone by so fast, it's bizarre. So much has happened - different people I've met, formed connections with or just not clicked with, people I have pointless crushes on (well..one in particular..) and people who just aren't worth my time. Uni is brilliant, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, but it's a bit of a whirlwind. I'm just about on top of things, with work and going out etc., but the first week or so took getting used to. It's weird how you can feel totally at home somewhere while still thinking you don't fit in. I don't know if other people get that or not...maybe it's just me.
Argh and I've got work to be doing, reading week next week (when I shall write those two essays, dammit..), my birthday, going down to watford to see my family...but still a pointless crush is occupying most of my energy. Typical, really. Never mind. I'll update more at some point when I'm not completely knackered...if that ever happens :s

Well yes, I seem to have been frequently deserting livejournal for facebook recently...*shifty eyes* but I'm back!! If only to try and remember where this summer went, and be happy about GOING TO UNIVERSITY :-D

Soooo...where to begin. I went to devon with darkandtwistyme and others, which was pretty awesome looking back at the photos. I laughed so much, got quite drunk on bacardi with dale one night and nearly fell off my chair, got bullied into buying things from primark by corinne and sian, went to the beach...lots of fun.

Then  the london school of theology ,where I worked with people I know from school (which I have again next week) . It's been a laugh - our supervisors aren't that much older than us so they're lovely, the waitressing for people at the conferences has been tiring but amusing (americans: what do you british call this fruit salad? hannah: erm...it's just fruit salad), and I met this legend nigerian guy called sunday who is very funny. Hehe, washing up in the kitchen with him was a laugh. Plus we had this huuuge dishwasher which, being sad, I found AMAZING. I'm now ace at washing up, I have to say...and I'll probably apply for the job again next year, it's fair decent pay even if the morning shifts are dire. Getting up at five next week is going to be interesting.

Also there was GIFT, the summer school type thing I go to. It was weird this year being the oldest (you have to leave after year 13) and a bit emotional saying goodbye to the tutors and everyone, but I think it was the right time to leave, to be honest. I can still keep in touch with people I met there (I met quite a few older ex-GIFTers on saturday actually, it''s weird that they're all twenty and older now..) and people younger than me who still go there. So it's not the end of a period in my life really, more a continuum. And a welcome one :-)

After GIFT there was....A Level Results. I have to admit I was shitting myself the day before; I was staying at my mum's overnight for the first time and I was stressing because my ucas password didn't work. I didn't really sleep well either; I mean it's all very well knowing you're probably going to get into uni, but there's always the possibilty that you actually did just mess up your exams. I was feeling a bit sick in the morning, to be honest...

but I didn't screw up in the end! I got three A's though I scraped an A in my german writing paper and I'm GOING TO SHEFFIELD in September! I was so relieved :-D I went out with rachel and people on thursday night, and had an immense time. Most people were in town, it was good to see them. I shall remember that night fondly, methinks :-)

After results my parents went away for a week and my brothers stayed at someone's  house...that was pretty awesome. I had people round, went into town on the monday, invited a few friends to stay over who I hadn't seen in a while...and rowana came round one evening, we watched kiki's delivery service and ate ice cream. Hehe. I miss having a free house now...

Anyway, that's my summer pretty much. There was a bit of stress that week after results too, sorting out paying for accommodation and all that (it seems to get really complicated once you've got your place...) but it should sort itself out. I should be going out tonight into town, which will be nice :-) assuming I can get hold of people.

Also...this is a big fat thankyou to all my friends on lj and beyond for putting up with me this summer. Whether comforting me when I got incredibly drunk and pathetic at helen's party, amusing me and listening to me on holiday, or being there  when I needed to pour out my troubles, you've all been lovely and I don't know what I'd do without you. I'm just hoping that we'll keep in touch when we go our separate ways this september - or that if we lose touch temporarily, we can see each other when we come back from holidays and just pick up from where we left off. Because..well...you're awesome.

That was quite a long post...but it had to be done.

well not including AEAs, the silly 3 hour long extra exams I said I'd do...but, I don't care about them. PROPER exams, that count towards my future, are over. I ot a box of green and blacks assortment from my dad and his girlfriend (shortly to be wife..what do I call her though? stepmother mk 2? father's wife? mary will have to do for now) and drank proper champagne, which was lovely. 

So yes...I will spend the next few days doing NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL. MWAHAHAHAHAAAAAA. I don't even have to pretend to revise now...*does the post-exam dance*

ahem. oh yes, on another note the weirdest thing happened the other day. I was looking out at the garden around ten in the morning and this random guy, who I've never seen before, came walking towards the house. 

Our house backs out on the railway line...no idea what the fuck he was doing out there. So I'm just standing there, obviously looking mystified and pissed off that a stranger is TRESPASSING in our garden...and he just waves cheerily, and points to the side of the house where there's a gate out onto the road..

..which he just waltzes through. like there's nothing wrong with appearing in someone's garden and not explaining what the HELL he's doing there. I had half a mind to run after him but couldn't be bothered. Still, it weirded me out a little.

but enough of weirdness. exams are over! and I have my rota for my summer job...and possibly, work babysitting too. so things are looking up, I guess.

plus barbecues next week, one at darkandtwistyme's house which I am bringing martini and lemonade to :-) best combination ever, try it. ah..you know summer is here when there are barbecues.

well,  my first exam was good actually. so maybe I won't fail all of  them :-) however I have weird feelings inside me, and despair at the amount of money I have frittered away on crap recently. I've actually no idea how I'm going to pay for stuff this summer...my job won't cover everything. I may have to busk on the underground or something, find a performing monkey...anyway feeling terrible because I can just about afford to go to devon this summer  but paris is looking doubtful, and I feel really bad about letting rowana down. Not even sure if I can afford to do any day trips this summer, and the fact it's my own stupid fault doesn't make it better I guess. Oh well...if the performing monkey doesn't work out, maybe I can sell all my furniture..ok ellie, STOP. *slaps self around a bit*

right. where was I? yes my exam went ok, so that was a relief. German tomorrow which should be alright...stressing about the essay on thursday though, terrified I won't remember all the facts and whatnot. In the meantime I will breathe, eat chocolate and try not to worry. 

hmm...I'm still worrying.

Yes exams loom...and I have been revising. Which is quite astonishing, really. I mean, timed essays, everything. Never mind that it's probably erm...a few weeks too late. At least I'm doing it *is proud* inbetween watching green wing and doing all the socialising I should have been doing MONTHS ago. But anyway.

I went into school today, saw three kids get caught by a PCO for shoplifting. Little pesky criminals...*shakes head in disapproval* They were only ten or so. Shocking...

Yeah not much else has been happening. Went to Revolution at the weekend with emma, cocktails in the afternoon...verrah nice. Also went to the Southern Cross and played scrabble with rachel, helen may and her boyfriend, which was fun. Mainly because we made up words and had to explain what they meant. Made me laugh..

Erm that's it really. not much has happened...just want this month to be over, really. Exams are annoying :-(

well..the easter's over. I've realised I actually spent more time in town/london/on a train than revising, but I really really will start to do it now. The fact I've just failed my class civ mock will spur me on. hopefully...once I've stopped impulse buying in waterstones *shifty eyes* and impulse buying belle and sebastian...in fact, once I've stopped buying things in general. sigh.

hmm has anything else much happened? oh yes..have started watching cartoons with my brothers...no, not just avatar, my friends. I've been sucked into pokemon as well. god the shame. *headdesk*...as darkandtwisty would say :p I'm also reading a really disturbed book called 'the wasp factory' by iain banks, about this boy who's killed three of his siblings and collects dead animal heads...not really sure why I'm still reading it, it's probably horrified fascination. You do wonder about the state of mind of authors when they write books like this though...

on the plus side, it was definitely summery at the weekend..got my first sunburn of the year while I was out working (on only one arm for some weird reason, IT'S ANNOYING ME.) and bought sunglasses from superdrug. so the weather had better stop messing around with this horrible drizzly humidness and get back to the sunshine..*glares at the dull cloudy sky*...

also, I maybe getting a job in the summer! woo! I won't be completely broke! *dances* assuming they like my application..and I don't mess up the interview. we shall see. I'm still giddy with the thought of actually earning money in the holidays and not digging into my savings though...

so, apart from the lack of revision, life is pretty much ok :-) well, apart from the fact I've got TWO A LEVEL ORAL EXAMS coming up...*panics briefly* but ah well. I'll do lots of preparation, when I eventually get off the internet :-)

well I watched the last hour of persuasion on sunday :-) sally hawkins was a tad disappointing, she seemed quite colourless in comparison to amanda root. I mean I know she's supposed to be subdued, long-suffering etc, but sally hawkins just seemed a bit...lifeless.  Ah well, Rupert Penry-Jones as Captain Wentworth made up for it. sigh.  what wouldn't I give to be in a jane austen novel...you get the pretty dresses, the balls, the dashing gentlemen..the houses...

..back to the real world, if only slightly. It's the holidays! woo! so I've made the revision timetable...now I need to do the revision..hmm. Or I could go and see spamalot  at the palace theatre (it was good, lots of stuff from the films, some questionable stuff...lancelot being gay, for one thing..), go away to see my cousin for the weekend (I haven't seen her in more than ten years though, so it'll be new and exciting), go shopping...

ok so not much revision. there are jane austen dvds to be ordered (becoming jane! persuasion! *squeeeeee*), more books to be bought read...I can revise later :p

looking out for new books to buy read...I've already bought ursula le guin ones, SHE RULES. I need to get hold of the wizard of earthsea books again. any suggestions for new books welcome :-) ooh they're interviewing anne hathaway on some random film channel...aww. she seems nice. but I guess jane austen purists are still annoyed she's not british. *shrugs* can't please everyone, I suppose.

basically just repeating what rowana  has just said, but never mind...we wandered into london today, for some enjoyable browsing in Forbidden Planet (ah..the geekiness that exudes from that hallowed place..anyway) and a BOOK SIGNING! WITH NEIL GAIMAN! 
*frolics briefly, before returning to lj post* 
all thanks to rowana 's eavesdropping (and erm..the posters..everywhere..) I ended up seeing one of my favourite authors, who turned out to be wonderful :-) he wrote little messages in speech bubbles in my books..hehehe. Also spelt my name wrong, but then corrected it, so it's all good. Bless. Also I was nice and got him to sign a piece of paper for my dear friend jess_darkwater , which I'll have to give to her after easter, but she squeeed over the phone when I told her so it's all good :-)
*bounces around*
hmm so I am still QUITE EUPHORIC, have LOTS of new books to read (bought some ursula le guin ones and a few neil gaiman ones to get signed...ahem...) and a picture of me and neil gaiman..which is a tad blurry, but it shows him in all his tousledness. hehe.
didn't really do much else today, mild panic as I had to rearrange my driving lesson so I could stay for the book signing...but it sorted itself out. Also, when we had lunch in chinatown, I used chopsticks! fairly successfully! though the portions were huuuge..
as rowana has observed, the easter holidays will probably be downhill from here. but it was a GREAT first day :-)