~*~iLLuSioN~*~

It's way too late and I should be sleeping. I have work tomorrow. I think I'm going to start posting here again. I need a place to put my thoughts.

I was discussing on an online forum how people who aren't poor don't realize how exhausting it is. I thought I'd write a post detailing my day and showing how money and making money is literally on my mind the whole day and how it's go go go all day long.

Monday-Friday:
Morning:
- Wake up
- Feed and water animals
- Take a few moments for myself
- Eat breakfast while doing online work
- Leave passive videos playing while I walk dogs, collect any recycling to recycle for money later
- Chores, by hand because I sure as heck can't afford a maid or to replace the broken dishwasher, I hang clothes to dry too
- Pack lunch
-Get ready for work
Morning/Afternoon:
-Commute to Work
-Do stuff for work
-Shopping center #1
-Park at far end of shopping center, walk around the entire center looking for "help wanted" signs for Indeed
- Snap any necessary photos for Indeed
-Walk into store and get Shopkicks and Checkpoints
-Walk next door and pick up cat food
-Drive a few blocks to another shopping center
- Walk around shopping center and any surrounding shopping centers (several block radius) getting any shopkicks, checkpoints,photos for Indeed
-Buy a few groceries for myself
-Drive a few blocks to another shopping center, repeat
- Pick up any stray cans and bottles or free samples I might come upon
- Eat packed lunch at tables
- Scan any reciepts for apps, items for NCP, Ibotta etc
- Play VeryDice
-Drive a few blocks to Library
- Spend several hours working on paperwork for my main job while doing online work, clipping coupons, signing up for giveaways and freebies
-Go home
Evening:
-Feed and water animals
-Online Work
-Check mail for any freebies, write reviews/test if needed
-Passive money while making dinner
-Chores
-Online work till late at night when I finally can't take it anymore and fall asleep.

Weekends:
- Main grocery trip (use shopkicks, checkpoints, JobSpotter, Ibotta etc while shopping, physical coupons if any, shop deals and sales.)
- Online work in between chores and a little bit of fun/me time.

( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

I used to be extremely patriotic. One of those "This is America, love it or leave, learn to speak Enlgish or get out" type of  patriots who was outraged at any criticism of this "beautiful country." I'm feeling a quite different form of outrage now. This is not my home. I feel no shred of love, respect or pride in a country that is wholely curropt and that would brutalize and abuse not only its citizens but innocent animals as well. The only feelings I have now are shame and sadness. This is not my home.

We currently live in an 800 sq ft house with no central a/c, no central heating and the septic tank we share with the neighbor backs up into our shower when it is full. It consists of one bedroom, a tiny kitchen, a tiny bathroom and a porch. That's it. My husband gets paid 2x a month and one of those times is on the 1st of the month. Rent is due the 4th and it takes up half his paycheck every 1st of the month. My husband owns a home that is 7 bedrooms with several acres. But.... it is in another country. It is far away from my hometown, family, friends, culture and language. He wants to move back. What would you do?

You're the same kids who called names and spread lies and stuck gum in their hair. Only your grown ups now, you should be past this. There should be more answers to the tough questions as an adult, there should be more than "Life's not fair."  I saw beauty in what you did, because I wanted to see it. It's all you'd ever let me see. Hiding behind your masks, do you even know who you are? You're like a rootless tree. I think you know, one wind and you go over. So you seek and destroy those who would disagree with your created reality. You're grasping at the wind. It's all futile this life you've created on the backs of others. Do you even know what you hope to find?

Thought you'd change the weather

Start a little storm

Make a little rain

But I'm gonna do one better hide the sun until you pray

I'm a tornado, looking for a soul to take



You're gonna see me coming by the selfish things you did

I'm gonna leave you guessin' how this funnel is gonna hit

I'm a tornado, looking for a man to break



I'm gonna lift this house, spin it all around

Toss it in the air and put it in the ground

Make sure you're never found
- Little big town

Totally lame, but giftcards. I'm really broke, so I asked for giftcards to target, grocery stores and my favourite resteraunts. Or even shampoo and stuff I really need.

On a happier-ish note than my last post: It's been a year since I stopped cutting! Yay!