Stop volunteering to be the village sacrifice we all know you're not a virgin. The dragon probably wouldn't even be into you.
any time i see those stupid orange paper towels or god forbid orange toilet paper in those youtube Fall Restock videos i have to wonder if they dye doesnt get everywhere
Untie yourself from that altar right now.
Look. I didn't want to say anything because it's kind of a touchy subject, but the dragon doesn't actually take these "brides" back to its lair full of riches and add them to a harem. Okay? It's a big fucking lizard with a brain the size of an orange, it just roasts and eats them.
That's why we always pick the most useless airhead to sacrifice come harvest season.
Now come on, get those chains off. Where did you even get these? Oh you made them? See that's the kind of craftsmanship the village needs you for. We'll have a big orgy after the ritual and if you want a bunch of us will dress up as dragons and take turns having a go at you. It'll be nice, you'll see.
Yes, yes, I know, not the same. Well not all dreams are attainable, in the end.
The first time I took acid my friend and I were trying to make a ranked list of different divination methods and number one on the list was “you already know the information”
when you think about it a rollercoaster is probably safer than a car. i mean you crash any vehicle going over 60mph and youre likely to be gravely injured so id rather be in one thats stuck in a tested loop and not driven by my road-rage prone mother. this is why im about to make a bold new proposition for public transport,
sometimes you trap a male false black widow under a cup in the middle of the night because he was roaming around on your ceiling looking for female spider pheromones and then his harmless dumb ass fell straight onto your bed so you had to contain him because you were tired and wanted to sleep. and sometimes that spider is no longer in that cup the next morning. as haunting as it is his determination is honestly kinda inspiring. chase your dreams little man hope you get spider laid
so, I hadn’t seen him since he escaped from his cup prison the other day (I did, however, find a ridiculously tiny vampire bite mark on my tummy— it did not swell or itch, like I said, he’s harmless), and I came home today to find ants swarming my bathroom. and there he was, following the trail and making a meal of em. He really got his revenge by biting me (pathetically) and then made an effort to prove his worth. I think we’re basically best friends now
