personal cringe comp

old man in the library got a phone call, someone on the other end says loud as fuck “hey pittsburgh phil what are you up to?” and pittsburgh phil responds “i’m in pittsburgh”

hour 3 of therapy: and sometimes, doc, i feel like i'm up against the dive rocket launcher without an angry pumpkin to handle any of it. how am i supposed to be the architect and/or builder of my future when-

therapist, through gritted teeth: and once again, that's the end of your time. please put that 20 dollar bill away. i already told you you can't extend the meter. it doesn't work like parking.

me: i PROMISE i'm almost at the part where i intend to harm myself or others

the visibly erect therapist, one hand on The Button and the other mysteriously absent: f-f-fine. okay. fifteen,, fifteen more m-minutes. but if you keep fucking edging me like this i'm gonna mark your gender dysphoria as Cured

Shout out to the phrase “I’m going to become the joker” for capturing a very specific and real emotion

When I say "godspeed" (I say it a lot) I like to imagine I'm a member of a futurism religion that worships velocity above all else. Like its the standard well-wishing in my culture. Speedliness is next to godliness. Someday we'll catch him! And the closer we get the more he loves us

Friends, romans, people who are nonbinary except at work, lend me your ears,

junji ito being a doll customiser, working as a dentist and owning cats just recontextualizes his horror manga as just,,,, what happens when you exist like that

For the @dashcon-two Crow Exchange, I made custom DashCon/Magic the Gathering trading cards. They were a huge hit! Unfortunately, it was my first convention I've ever gone to and I accidentally handed them out wayyyy too fast and had people tracking me down all day and had to send them away empty handed. So to make up for it I've decided to publish the files for them here! Feel free to print them out and stick them on your own cards. If you end up playing any games with them I'd love to see. (Also included is the Tumblr University card that no one got because I accidentally left them behind in the U.S. lol)

just helped an old old man log into his outlook account and we succeeded and he said “young lady, go in peace. we have accomplished this mission.” what an electrifying way of speaking…

happy There Will Come Soft Rains by Ray Bradbury day

i’m going to burst into tears. such a hauntingly stupid and wonderful phrase to immortalize somewhere. LOOK AT PIttbert!

god

"lola bunny space jam this, lola bunny feminist icon that" everyone shut up lola bunny space jam will never amount to whatever the hell was going on with her in the looney tunes show

I’m not gonna lie very little has been going according to keikaku these days

kurtis conner video: This Conservative Influencer is Crazy

drew gooden video: The us governments obsession with integrating ai into every facet of our daily lives is going to bring about the collapse of society if we don’t get of our ass and start taking action

danny gonzalez video: Buying Food on Ebay

eddy burback video: I did the russian sleep experiment for a month

my house is scary at night

Interpreted this initially not as shelves, but as your cat having erected defensive fortifications

Your heart is not true enough to enter the gates of Margaritaville

My heart was heavier than the feather; I am sentenced to Rainforest Cafe

can you put that thing on a leash?

ok