fifties cool

(no subject)

This be my favourite song at the moment - everyone should get a copy:

"Wear Clean Draws" by The Coup:

You know you're my cookie baby and you're too smart
I can read it in the lines of your school art
True heart
I mean courage
Expressed with care
Go on draw them superheroes with the curly hair
You're my daughter, My love
More than kin to me
This for you and the woman that you finna be
Tell that boy he's wrong
Girls are strong
Next time at show and tell play him our song
Tell your teacher I said princesses are evil
How they got all they money was they killed people
If somebody hits you, Hit 'em back
Then negotiate a peace contract
Life if a challenge and you gotta team up
If you play house pretend that the man clean up
You too busy with the other things you gotta do
If you start something, now
Remember, follow through
Later on you gon' blossom like a lotus
You'll get into boys and the boys gon' notice
It don't matter who you do it with
Just remember when I tell you baby you the shit
Handshakes are promises
Lies can spoil it
Words should be bound and sealed
Wash you hands after using the toilet
Brush after every meal
And also
*Chorus*
Wear clean draws
Everyday
'cuz things may fall
The wrong way
You'll be lying there
Waiting' for the ambulance
And your underwear
Got holes and shit
Wear clean draws
Everyday
'cuz things may fall
The wrong way
You'll be lying there
Waiting' for the ambulance
And your underwear
Got holes and shit

My boogie baby now
The world ain't no fairy tale
And it's ran by some rich white scary males
To make it simple for you let's call 'em the bosses
They take money while the people take losses
Stole Black folks from Africa
To work for free
And we still barely get paid enough to eat
That's what I told you
I be saying in my vocals
That's why the woman got the gun on the logo
The star is the future
That we gon' create
Where nobody steal money from the things we make
The revolution takes time and space
But you as a woman gotta know you're place
That's in the front baby
I'm being blunt baby
If the get mad say it's they time of the month baby
Your face is just like the sun when it raises
Thank you for adding beauty to my phrases
Handshakes are promises
Lies can spoil it
Words should be bound and sealed
Wash your hands after using the toilet
Brush after every meal
And also
*Chorus*
Wear clean draws
Everyday
'cuz things may fall
The wrong way
You'll be lying there
Waiting' for the ambulance
And your underwear
Got holes and shit
Wear clean draws
Everyday
'cuz things may fall
The wrong way
You'll be lying there
Waiting' for the ambulance
And your underwear
Got holes and shit
Charter

(no subject)

Tomorrow I leave my home for what seems to be good. I'm heading for Sydney to find myself a new home - away from my family, away from these familiar, comfortable surroundings that to me have the shape of home. I haven't felt anything about this fact all week, but simply remained neutral to it, almost as though it wasn't really about to happen. But tomorrow I leave. Everything is packed away neatly into boxes, and they will follow once I've found myself a house to move them into.

I thought, if I can't write about this, I can't write about anything any more.

I'm sad to leave - sad because I feel a little like this is the close of a part of my life, which has itself been sometimes very sad. Trawling through everything from high school - all the poems, the cards from friends, the little notes, the faded representations of memories - was really difficult. But it's part of the process, and I feel like it's completing itself.

Mostly I'm sad to leave my mum - she's been my best friend, helped me through everything I've been through. I love her a lot. She tells me about her mum and how they did not get along, and it's a concept I can't understand.

I played for her four Chopin nocturnes as she drifted off to sleep tonight - my parting gift to her, and to my childhood as well.
  • Current Music
    Chopin Nocturne - the one I just played on the piano
IWW

(no subject)

My new baby is here: http://ywsm.blogspot.com/

Don't worry, it's not like it's a baby that will replace this space. Obviously. Because it's not really "mine" - I just set it up. Not that anyone would really be worried, because no one reads this anyway and thus it's really just a space for my own peace of mind and pleasure. But on the off-chance I have some audience left to the machinations of my mind, go and check out the awesomeness that Karol and I have unleashed upon Sydney, Australia.
IWW

My thoughts on democracy

For posterities sake, this is what I have been thinking:

I thought I would take this opportunity to write down my thoughts about democracy and class formation. Bear in mind these are just thoughts I haven't properly articulated yet, so it might not be that well rounded, but I think it's interesting and useful.

The idea of democracy quite often gets left out of Marxist theoretical discussions, mainly for two reasons - firstly, in its current representational form, democracy can easily be associated with bourgeois interests and/or reformism (a keyword harking back to the reform vs. revolution debate); and secondly, since the 1970s in particular (and, obviously, aided by the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991), democracy has become central to the sloganeering of neo-cons in the United States who talk about 'exporting democracy' and explicitly associate democracy with free-market capitalism and neo-liberal reforms. However, I think it's important to realise that this is a problem with "form" rather than either the concept of democracy or its history.

That democracy is inherent to capitalism is not an uncommon view - and a view that I think is irrefutable. (However, we should note rather that democracy is the form which capitalism chooses to take, not that capitalism IS democracy or that you can't have democracy without capitalism - and neither does it mean that in the absence of democracy, capitalism cannot survive - a point I'll come back to.) If we look at the history of capitalism, the emergence of the bourgeoisie at the end of the 18th Century also largely marked the emergence of ideas of modern democracy - with the shift away from the rule of the landed aristocracy toward meritocracies (in the French form), monarchies and autocratic rule became slowly untenable and were replaced by representational parliaments with varying limitations on suffrage. Regardless of the turbulent history that Europe underwent in establishing democracy (which was not established in large parts of Europe until after WWI), we see the seeds of it in the early stages of capitalism.

The bourgeoisie are contrarily both enamoured with and opposed to democracy. It is useful for them only in that it allows them to pursue their class interests - those of capital accumulation and creating ideological hegemony (in the pursuit of a more efficient system of capital accumulation). That's precisely why democracy has historically been so closely linked to capitalism, because it was a tool which the bourgeoisie used in defeating the landed aristocracy. Conversely, the same fact is also the reason why the bourgeoisie often resisted extending suffrage to the working class, because, when extended to its fullest potential, democracy would logically become the tool of the majority to defeat minority rule. This is something which the working class (and its allies) often are aware of, and comparative studies of development towards democracy has shown that the working class is overwhelmingly the class which continues to pursue the extension of democracy, while the bourgeoisie resists it.

In this analysis, democracy is the sight of class conflict. By which I don't mean that in its daily mechanisms of convening parliament or even calling elections class conflict is a motivating force in a direct sense. But rather, the struggle for democracy and the extension of democracy is the struggle between classes.

We can see this more clearly if we analyse the way in which the bourgeoisie manipulates democracy as a means of diffusing crises and maintaining social control. The welfare state is one way that they have been able to do this - class conflict, which pushes the state to meet the needs of the majority, can be contained within institutional models (including industrial relations commissions, but all forms of welfare as well) and stripped of its radical edge by bureaucratising needs. In a more general sense, however, the functioning of democracy can be used as a diversion from class struggle, through the running of election campaigns, and through the participation of pressure groups and other public bodies in the creation and institution of legislation. By presenting a democratic facade (ie, creating an illusion around the current form of democracy that it is the only possible form of democracy and that it is a permanent factor in modern society) the bourgeoisie are able to legitimate their dominance in decision-making and, through their over-representation within democratic bodies, to influence policy in the favour of capital. And this same democratic facade can be used to distract the working class from the sources of their problems, by firstly assuring them that democracy is at its fullest and cannot be extending and secondly by channelling demands within the bureaucratic system. Thus working class demands are tailored to suit the system and simultaneously dealt with by the system in a way which does not challenge the dominance of capital.

To this end, we can analyse modern democracy as being the epitome of continual bourgeois triumph in class struggle. However, democracy is not in and of itself always necessary for the continued survival of capitalism, but is more an aid towards the development of bourgeois hegemony. Thus, if hegemony is completely constructed and democracy becomes the greatest challenge to this hegemony, then its full removal and the establishment of an oligarchic regime is not countrary to capitalist interests (because capital can and will negotiate with any regime - whether it be democratic or not). In many ways, this is the process which is currently taking place in Poland and Eastern Europe - the gradual development of authoritarian rule as a means of enforcing bourgeois hegemony.

We can thus analyse all of the movements against the government within our own country, Australia, as being potential expressions of class conflict. For example, when we struggle to defend universal health care, that is a struggle which is of importance to the majority who don't have access to the majority of capitalisms profits, while the defeat of the struggle aids capital in that it extends its market share. Yet, these movements don't become genuine expressions of class struggle until they are linked together to become a comprehensive analysis and attack on capitalism in favour of extending democracy and in favour of social change. And it is precisely the role of socialists to facilitate such a comprehension.

While the traditional strategies and tactics of the working class (particularly in Marxist theory - which is different to historical precedent) are predominantly centred around attacking capital at its heart, ie. within workplaces or through general strikes, it becomes problematic when we remove the democratic element from this struggle. Indeed, we can criticise the experience of the Russian revolution (and other expressions of Soviet-inspired socialism) for not giving enough emphasis to democracy - a fact which resulted too easily in the contortion of the revolution by an authoritarian state-run bureaucracy (and I won't continue to analyse the experience, because we are well aware of the history of the Soviet Union and its offspring). The contention here is that an extension of democracy is necessary for the success of any attack on capital, because it allows working class hegemony to develop. We can argue that this extension of democracy can happen in two ways, and that neither is better or worse for class struggle but can only be determined by the specifics of the historical context in which that struggle is taking place - the first way is that democracy becomes extended through the process of class struggle, and the second is that democracy is extended as a premise for class struggle to develop and succeed.

We can again look to the potentials of Eastern Europe for the first - a genuine class struggle in Eastern Europe in the current context would both necessarily be demanding economic change and challenging the encroaching threat of authoritarianism. Yet, the second is more interesting and historically problematic for socialists.

We can look to the example of Venezuela as a case study. Many socialists time and time again complain that Venezuela is not socialist, despite its verbose proclamation of creating Socialism in the 21st Century. The critique that Venezuela is not socialist because there has been no coherent and direct challenge to capitalism is a valid one, and one which it is impossible to deny. Yet, the key point that is missing in the analysis of the process which is underway in Venezuela is the potential for such a challenge to develop. Socialists, particularly from the International Socialist tradition, point to the non-existence of a genuine workers' party, as though such a challenge to capital could only come from that sort of formation. This is missing the complexity and potential of the democratic reforms underway. The particular promise of transferring lage amounts of authority to directly elected community councils of a few hundred people means that decision-making power will be placed within the hands of the majority of people - that being the poor, who are the primary support-base of Venezuela's Bolivarian revolution, and are often the more radical elements which continually push the revolution into more radical expressions. If this extension of democracy is successful and free of manipulation from any counter-productive force which is set upon protecting the interests of either capital or an entrenched technocratic bureaucracy, then it is difficult to see that capitalism will have a long future in Venezuela. Similarly, such an extension of democracy would negate the threat of authoritarianism that became the defeat of socialism in the Soviet Union. Such a potential is combined with the economic imperative of endogenous development, which is helping to extricate Venezuela from the grips of external capitalist restraints - a development which is in and of itself an extension of democracy in the form of economic sovereignty. With the reclamation of decision-making power over the form of development which takes place in Venezuela, and the control of decisions at the level of the local community, we can see the potential for a real challenge to capitalism to develop organically within this process. Thus, while Venezuela is not socialist, it is developing the basis for socialism, and this basis is located primarily within the extension of democracy. (I would also like to add that the extension of democracy is also linked fundamentally to the extension of literacy and education through the missions, as well as access to all the different social benefits that the mission programs provide, which has increased the level at which people can participate in society by developing them educationally and resolving their subsistence problems.)

The issue of the class-basis of a challenge to capitalism is also resolved to some degree by this analysis of democracy as a site of class struggle. While in Marxist theory, the working class is the class which directly challenges capital, there are many and varied anomalies to this theoretical stereotype, which include the problem as to why the so-called petty bourgeoisie do not follow Marx's chosen path as counter-revolutionaries, but are, particularly in Latin America, some of the most vehement opponents of capital's interests. When the petty bourgeoisie are in fact poor workers from the informal economy, their interests are not met by bourgeois hegemony and capital's control of democracy. They do not have a voice, in the same way that the workers do not have a voice, and thus there emerges a class-alliance in the struggle for the extension of democracy. This has been evident in the development of democracy throughout Europe - although, it is a thought which I haven't read deeply into and am as yet just beginning to develop.
IWW

(no subject)

The weather in Melbourne at the moment is the kind where days just never seem to wake up. It's grey and cold and always somewhere around nine in the morning until suddenly it's five o'clock at night and the day is gone. Grey weather always makes me miserable. I worry a lot about my health - I'm the kind of hypochondriac that makes themselves sick from worrying about being sick. It's pathological and I'm well aware of it, so I don't pay too much attention to it. I just keep it there in the back of my mind, just in case. At night, though, I feel jumpy - on edge, oversensitive to movement, sound and noise. My pulse is really slow, like I'm permanent hibernation, and this is worrying only in that it used to be so high (back in my high altitude days, I'll admit). Many of these things can perhaps be attributed to the combination of beer (a relaxant) and mate (a stimulant), but that would be logic of a higher level than my hypochondriacal persona likes.

I'm spending a lot of time at the moment not doing very much. Reading. Working on applying theories of anger-politics and democracy to social and historical analysis. Catching up on Six Feet Under. My cat is my best friend - she curls up in bed with me and sometimes she is just so warm and cuddly that I oversleep, like this morning. My parents are away, in Italy. They're doing what old people do when they're on holiday in bourgie European destinations. A Destination of High Culture. Mum had the revelation yesterday that even in High Cultured Societies the streets and train stations can be dirty. It must have been a shock.

In six weeks more or less I'll be moving to Sydney. There we will find a house or flat together, with or without some other people, and I will be once again able to re-emerge from my cocoon-like hibernation-existence. Although my acceptance into Sydney through cross-institutional enrollment is not yet complete (I'm waiting on letters from both institutions), the acquiring of written letters of approval from both history departments and the submission of forms has run smoothly at both ends. It's odd to think about all this just ending and something new beginning, but it's definitely time. I was ready to leave my childhood behind when I returned from overseas, and this interminable black-hole extension of it has just reconfirmed that for me over and over again. Despite thinking that after a certain age my brain would start to shrink, being old is not so bad. And that's even more so when no one will ever believe that I'm old. It feels that only now have I been able to come to terms with my existence, my past, my family's past. That only now has everything suddenly opened up in front of me with clarity. I've emerged with a new family - I've reclaimed my cousin, my uncle has returned from foreign lands, and I now have a half-brother who before was just a shady skeleton in my mums closet. And this brother has brought with him into our lives a beautiful bride from Sumatra (who is 14 years younger than him!), and I just can't stop myself feeling so happy about having her in the family and wanting just to embrace her with this happiness.

Even though I'll be leaving that, it's something to know that family is always there. I remember, just over a year ago when my uncle died of cancer and my other uncle returned after nearly 20 years absence, railing about why I had to feel connected to people just because they were my family. I didn't have this sense of connection which I have now, and I think that it has come from actually discovering that my family are worth knowing. Tomorrow Emily and I are going to a concert together - it makes me immensely happy just to be spending time with her.

And all this within the cold-grey of Melbourne Autumn and amongst the half-hearted hypochondriacal fears born out of behavioural hibernation.
IWW

(no subject)

This is what I'm currently submitting to my lecturer:

This is written as a response to the way in which the subject "Crisis Zones of Europe" has chosen to present and analyse the period of communism in Eastern Europe. The focus which has been taken revolves around the role of the communist regimes as repressive regimes - both in terms of the immediate brute force used by the Communist Parties in the form of purges, show trials and forced removals to Siberia, and in terms of the subsequent totalitarian control of democratic and ideological apparatuses. This is not an analysis I wish to take issue with - it is neither one which many Eastern Europeans themselves would disagree with. However, "Crisis Zones" has attempted to extend this analysis by comparing and indeed equating communism with Nazism. This perspective has been presented within the lecture by looking at the way Nazism ostensibly paved the way for communist seizure of power, and within the tutorial by presenting side-by-side articles and documents detailing the manipulative atrocities of both sides and then asking students to find "the difference". It is this particular representation of history which I wish to take issue with.

There are innumerable differences between Nazism and the way communism expressed itself within Eastern Europe. While both did seek to maintain ideological control through authoritarian one-party states, one espoused the eventual extermination of the Slavic race and the rise of Germanic world domination, while the other proposed an industrial-based social system which tied itself to the Soviet Union. While one proposed "smoothing the dying pillow of a failing race" by forcing the Slav's into a subordinate position as labourers serving the process of German imperial expansion, the other provided full and guaranteed employment, universal and free healthcare and education, guaranteed housing and food.

I suppose it could be argued that this is merely a detail within content, while the actual "form" (that of "totalitarianism") remains the same. But, as they say, the devil is in the detail. It is this very content which is of so much importance in understanding not only the internal functionings of the communist regimes, but also the nature and reasoning behind the rebellions against these regimes. But removing this level of detail, "Crisis Zones" is stripping Eastern European history of any content between the period 1945-1989 and arguably beyond.

The effect of this is not just the telling of a half-hearted history; it also denies Eastern Europeans any agency within their own histories. It relegates them to the sphere of "subjugated peoples" powerless in the face of totalitarianism. It creates a myth of a history without people, but only with great men (great tyrants) and unstoppable mechanical social processes. It is obvious, given the history of struggle in Eastern Europe, that this sits uneasily and cannot explain even basically the reasons for the events of 1989.

The communist era was very much more than simply a "totalitarian" dictatorship. Within that totalitarian world people led lives - and a large minority of these people led lives which were deeply connected to the Communist Party. For them, the Communist Party was more than the gun-toting Stalinist death squad some historians wish to see it as. For them, communism was a way of life (not of death) and they saw within it potential for social change towards the better. I have met and know some of these people and they are not fanatical lunatics who refuse to admit that History Ended in 1989. Instead, they are normal human beings who simply believed that the rights which they possessed under communism, and which have been stripped away since 1989, were more important than the level of repression which is often foremost in other peoples' minds. While these former members of the Communist Party may have re-evaluated their opinion of the Party, their dedication to the principles of the "social wage" aspect of Communism have not wavered.

By failing to pose this "other side" of communism (the social aspect), "Crisis Zones" fails to admit the possibility of an alternative perspective of the Communist period - a perspective which goes beyond neo-con labels such as "totalitarianism" and seeks to understand the internal mechanisms of communist life and the social forces it unleashed for better or for worse. This problem is epitomised by equating Communism with Nazism - because the content which is stripped away from that history depreciates, devalues and reduces that period to "nothing more" than totalitarianism. It denies potential, which is always present in history and was realised in the 1980s, and it is engulfs forty odd years of people's lives by throwing them into the furnaces of Hitler's Death Camps.

This is a step that I think many Eastern Europeans would be horrified to see taken. My own experience of meeting and talking to anthropology students in Poland was that they still considered the German invasion and the Holocaust the worst thing to have happened to Poland, and expressed ongoing animosity towards Germans, while seeing Russians simply as neighbours. While this may not be representative of Polish opinion, it is perhaps as valid as a primary account of communism by one man (for example, Zdenek Mlynar), which we treat as historical evidence (or worse, historical fact) by the simple virtue that it is written down.

Similarly, by establishing such a base analysis of communism, for "Crisis Zones" to go on to attempt to recount and analyse the movements against communism also necessarily strips these same movements (those "great moments of democratic history") of their rightful content. The movements in Eastern Europe between 1950-1989 were responses to authoritarianism. But they were also deeply embedded within their historical context. Many of them were attempting to be "more socialist" than Real Existing Socialism (not just Aleksander Dubcek, but the father-figure of Solidarnosc, Jacek Kuron, falls into this category - and there were the grassroots movements, such as the Polish movements for workers' control in the early 1950s). Without understanding the internal mechanisms of Communism itself, it is impossible to understand the response to communism. And if we are unable to understand that response, then there is no way we can understand the aftermath of 1989 and the present situation of Eastern Europe.

Which leads me to my final point of criticism - such an historical analysis runs the risk of leading to "capitalist triumphalism" when talking about post-1989. This is so if the image of history we have is of content-less Communism repressing the poor subjugated peoples of Eastern Europe, who eventually rise up in the "spirit of democracy" to rejoin the ranks of the patently Free nations and institute the Freedom of Capitalism. Such an analysis is extremely dangerous. It has the potential to create national myths which excuse base acts of repression through reference to the catch phrases of "democracy" and "freedom" while relying heavily on historical amnesia. Sadly, I think that this outcome is currently being realised in parts of Eastern Europe.

I can only speak authoritatively about Poland, which I believe I know fairly well. The outcome of this capitalist triumphalism has been the following: a steady national unemployment rate of 20% (with regional variations reaching up to 50%) and the dismantling of social security systems, leaving people without money to feed themselves, or to buy their medication, or to pay to see the doctor. This is coupled with the disabling of the unions (ironic after the history of Solidarnosc) and the depreciation of wages. Many people are forced to collect bottles off the street to exchange for small change with which to eat. I have heard of the town of Walbrzych which dismantled an unused railway line for scrap to feed themselves. At the same time there is a nationalist, conservative rhetoric which scapegoats Jews (it is common to denounce a political opponent by calling them a "Jew") and has led to the current ultra-right Kaczynski regime, which is allied to the fascistic right, advocates press censorship, wants to criminalise homosexuality, and began its long-promised purge of "communist elements" (in which they include, unbelievable, Lech Walesa) last month with the first show trial of Jaruzelski (the man who instituted martial law in 1981). (And these are only some of the things that Kaczynski and PiS are doing.)

Such events are not the insignificant teething problems of a newly democratic and free nation. Rather they are deeply entrenched in the historical amnesia and capitalist triumphalism that has emerged as a result of historians and politicians wishing to place a full stop at the end of 1989. For the citizens of Eastern Europe, these post-communist realities have resulted in at best a political nihilism - the disaffection with both communism and capitalism, which is represented by political apathy and poor voter turnouts (Kaczynski was elected by about 30% of the population). This political apathy raises questions about the value of the newly-won democracy. However, it also has its polar opposite in a brand of anger-politics which erupts within the working class which has lost almost everything since 1989 and which can be easily diverted away from economic-anger towards extreme right scapegoat politics in the form of gay-bashing, for example. (This is exactly how Kaczynski was elected and explains the rise of the ultra-Right in Poland, as outlined also by David Ost in his book "The Defeat of Solidarity".) By detracting the content of communism and the context of the 1989 movements, “Crisis Zones” perpetuates this problem of historical amnesia.

"Crisis Zones" would thus be well-placed to question the focus it chooses. In many ways, asking to compare and contrast differences between authoritarian regimes is in and of itself not a bad thing. But as historians we need to assess the normative value of historical inquiry - and while Nazi-style fascism is no longer a threat, this does not mean that Eastern European history has come to an end in a utopian bed of roses. Representing the most recent past as "nothing more" than "totalitarianism" does not go beyond what one can learn about Eastern Europe from watching the news (or listening to Condoleezza Rice). It simply continues the ignorant dismissiveness that the West has been so good at with respect to that part of the world, and which "Crisis Zones" aimed, in its first lecture, to combat. Without instructing students on the ways to understand and interpret Eastern Europe's present through its past, "Crisis Zones" perhaps should question the function it serves and whether it is ethical to continue to deny Eastern Europe the relative seriousness it requires in its present situation.
IWW

This just in: University run by capitalist scum

From a letter to Karol

So anyway, there I was feeling really good about stuff because I had an awesome discussion with my lecturer about my essay and I started to believe that on this one I actually could get a 100% (because they handed out an essay which received 96% which I in fact thought was pretty poorly written - kind of the way a Labor Hack speaks, with superficial intelligence and grandiose verbosity). And now I find out that well, I'm just NOT GOOD ENOUGH for Sydney University. Great. What I want to say to them is that I was in touch with someone from the Arts faculty at the beginning of the year who informed me of the application process for mid-year entries and hinted at the fact that there may be no places available but that this would be unlikely for a degree like a BArts, but AT NO POINT WAS I INFORMED THAT I MIGHT BE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST BASED ON MY FINANCIAL SITUATION. Because advertising "full-fee paying places" does not mean that "there are no places available" it actually means that "we don't want people who are poor". Jesus. So I'm getting into the fucking university on a commonwealth scholorship whether they fucking like it or not, because if there are places available then I'm fucking taking one of them. It's just ridiculous.

But all of that aside, that is not the rational and reasonable approach to take to begin with. First, I think I will get in contact with the Faculty of Arts and explain the situation. If that proves unsuccessful, then I will submit a detailed appeal to the Dean of the faculty, endowed with accolades from my lecturers about what a brilliant student I am as well as the transcript of my results and a copy of my high school results, and including a detailed expression of my interest to continue further postgraduate study at the university. If this does not work, then I will take it to the press. The good old one-two blackmail style.

How does that sound?

I don't want to antagonise them too much to make them not want to accept me AT ALL (though I suppose they couldn't actually do that), but I do think a bit of push and shove wouldn't go astray. Maybe the EAG could even write something for the newspaper about the university being more concerned about profit than academic merit. You know, if they don't give way, we could use it as an excuse to bring up old grievances and even tie it into the working students thing - I mean, if you're a working student, chances are you can't afford to pay your upfront fees, and the issue of debt and all of that is linked to it.
IWW

(no subject)

From a letter to Karol:

I missed you a lot over the weekend while I was in Marysville. I kept thinking about how nice it would be to have you around and to go for walks with you and hug you in the morning with the sun shining through the window and across the bed. It's really nice up there now, it feels a lot more spacious than it used to now that there's no carpet (but I don't think you saw it before, anyway..?) and it's very cosy with a log fire that warms the whole house. But for some reason I kept thinking about being six years old and playing with these little plastic beads and an assortment of other total junk we had in a little box up there. It was really weird being there and feeling a lot like nothing had changed even though so much has changed. My parents also keep telling me things, like how they want me to be around all the time and how nice it is to have me with them and so on. I think they're feeling really nostalgic for the old days, too, and will find it hard when I move to Sydney. And I was thinking a bit about that today in the car, too, and realising that in some ways I really wish that you were from Melbourne and we were just moving out to somewhere like Fitzroy. I feel this odd connection to my city, even though when I think about it rationally I know that staying here is wrong. Even if there was a good university to go to, it doesn't feel right. Instead, it feels like I wish there was more to Melbourne and daydream about living in one of those rundown Fitzroy terrace houses and being surrounded by all these interesting lefties and radicals of different shapes and sizes. But I just don't think they exist there any more. Not really, the place has been colonised by a breed of bleeding-heart po-mo liberals who also believe strongly in "work ethic" and "success driven career paths". There is just this...something...about Sydney which makes me think that it'll be right this time and I'll be happy there. And maybe that will change and maybe one day we will move down to live in Fitzroy or Brunswick and to frequent dingy little bars filled with second-generation migrants in designer trackydacks.

I dunno, I guess I just feel a little bit confused about it all. It doesn't help that my mum and dad both keep questioning my decision to move, like it's such a big step. I can hardly understand why they would think it was a big step - after all we've been doing this backward and forward thing for over three years now and Sydney is literally just a few hours away these days. Personally, I more think about not being involved in their lives, but then I don't want to think so much about that because it makes me sad. I also know that it's foolish because it's inevitable, and if I hang around here just for their sakes then I'll be wasting my own opportunities.

Anyway, I can't wait to see you. I've been watching a lot of TV, but I did get a good bit of reading done this weekend. I've learnt some interesting things about Pilsudski and if you like I can forward you a really fascinating article about the political origins of modern Polish authoritarianism and nationalism. I saw on the news last night that they had begun criminal proceedings against Jaruzelski, which might not seem odd to any innocent bystander considering he did institute martial law to repress Solidarnosc, but knowing the whole rhetoric of PiS I could only assume that this was the first big show trial of a series of political beatups and scapegoatings. And so it begins.
IWW

In six months time I may legally be a Mrs. ...yich...

Just in case anyone who didn't already know wanted to know how hard it is to get government funding as a student, here's what Investigator Karol found out:

PS. Seeing the case-worker about youth allowance was a far more pleasant part of my day. He spent a lot of time going through all the legal business with me, but in the end he did not have a definate answer. But it helped a lot. Basically, marriage is still the easiest solution, because it will mean automatic independence status (ie. all we would need to do is show the marriage certificate). We can, however, try to prove that we've been living in a marriage-like relationship for over 12 months, but the criteria for that are very complicated and subjectively assessed. We can, according to him, do that even before you move to Sydney (arguing that its a 'temporary separation') but it would probably be more strategic to do it once you get here. As long as we claim independence on the basis of marriage-like, we can claim it even while we're living with my parents (in fact, it might boost the case - because you living there would point to 'parental acceptance of the marriage-like relationship' - getting them to sign a declaration would be a boost too). We can also say to Centerlink that we have been in a marriage-like, and now we're thinking of getting married. If they reject our application on technical grounds, we can do one of two things. Either to appeal (which takes time), or to get married (which wouldn't be fraud because we have such a body of evidence that we have been in a steady relationship for three years that no one would challenge that).

I think that's the best thing to do - as soon as you come to Sydney, we'll prepare ourselves with evidence and go to Centerlink and lodge a claim. Then we present our case as best as we can for being in marriage-like relationship - without distorting anything, simply putting forward the facts and evidence, such as all our plane tickets, etc - and if they reject that, then we consider getting married. How's that sound to you?

By the way - the guy said that you won't get automatic independence status by virtue of moving out interstate (you only get more money, but you have to prove independence status the regular way).

He also gave me a detailed copy of the laws, and a website and phone number for a welfare legal assistance group, which apparently does really good stuff - www.welfarerights.org.au. He said I should chat with them as well, as they have practical experience in dealing with such matters.

By the way, some other things would be useful, such as evidence that we pool our financial resources or costs - we did a LOT of that while travelling, but can you think of any evidence of that?

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Perhaps more positively we may be moving in with some really awesome people. Fingers crossed.
IWW

Some things what have been happening

Karol's parents give me the shits. Well, actually they give him the shits as well, so that's no big deal. It's just that everything has to be so incredibly difficult for them that as soon as you start to think that perhaps they are a lot more reliable than my parents, they turn out not to be. I was hoping to go up to Sydney in May, see, but, well, it's MAY and MAY is going to be hell for them. Gosia spent ten minutes last night explaning to me how much better it will be for me to come in June because, well, it won't be May any more. May will be over. I think she just won't face up to the fact that they have turned into hermits in a way. Oh well. I don't want to talk about it. I only hope that when I do come up there, to LIVE, it actually won't be a problem for me to stay there while we find a house. Because I know it's going to be pretty damn difficult to do that from Melbourne. Yeah.

In other news, my cousin is awesome! I knew this when I was five and she was living with us and she used to spend hours tickling me and even come into my room to tickle me when I was asleep. But I forgot it for the last fifteen odd years because she's been pretty absent since then. Last weekend we went out to see the Indigenous dance group, Bangarra, perform with the Australian Ballet and it was brilliant. She took me for my 21st birthday present because I wasn't here to have my birthday with my family last September. I was really nervous because Em and I haven't actually spent much time together alone, but we got on so well that we've decided to become "culture buddies" and I'm going to invite her to see Lano and Woodley's final show at the Comedy Festival in April/May. Well... I guess, though, our relationship hit a bit of a hiccup last Sunday when we went with my parents to see her dad, my uncle Ian (who is a drug crazed 65-year-old jazz pianist that went missing for 20 years and returned to haunt us last year when my other uncle died of cancer) play piano in a jazz band. We had to go, I guess, because, well, NO ONE goes to see them. And by no one I don't mean ten people showed up and it was a little bit embarrassing, I mean WE WERE THE ONLY ONES THERE. Us and two friends of one of the other musicians. It started out good, Em and I had a long conversation about travelling out in the last beautiful summer evening for the year (probably). But then...mullett man showed up. He was this weird-ass 40+ guy with an AWESOMELY AWFUL mullett like an 80s popstar. He started talking to us about music, said he played in an 80s band, turned out he just sang along to a backing tape. He said he played the piano, turned out he'd looked up some stuff on the internet and learnt some things about the piano in order to compose his backing tape. He said he studied history as a hobby, turned out he was a racist apologist for colonialism. Yeah. Anyway, he was busy trying to chat us both up, and then EM LEFT ME STANDING THERE while she went off to talk to her dad. GAH! I didn't know how to extract myself, it was only when dad brought some food for us that I was able to run away. Poor Em was devastated, because she didn't realise that's what she'd done. I didn't really care, actually, I just was glad not to have to talk to him and we both stayed in the safety of my parents presence so that he wouldn't come back. But then he did. With his business card. Fortunately for me I was in the middle of a usually very boring, but this time very enthralling conversation with my dad and I just nodded and turned away. So Em had the benefit of being asked to give him a call during the week for a chat. Gryheah. Gross. Well, I don't think I'm going back to that place, I don't care if Ian plays to no one. And in fact, neither does he, and neither do the other band members. They're just happy to play together. They're really good, though.

Other than that, not much.

Sometimes I wonder if I really want to go to Sydney, because I really do like my family, even if they give me the shits at times by being unintentionally racist or irritating in other ways. But it's fun hanging around them. Well, perhaps they'll improve with distance, anyway, and I won't mind their flaws if I'm only coming back for a few days, rather than having to put up with them for months on end.