Am I hiding from you?

i'm not even sure why i am putting this is into some type of black and white.

we've been together for 4 1/2 years. when i met him, he had had his tattoo shop for FOUR days. i helped support the shop in it's 3 years of existence financially. anything from paying the rent, to the phone and internet, to even putting in $800 for signage. the shop failed. he employed his friends and was too much of a pussy to supervise them. so, the did what they wanted to do...and so did he. inevidabley, the shop failed. it's not like he could pay bills with the money that he could make there. every penny that he made from that place went back into it. i was lucky to get $30 here or $100 there for the household expenses. then he wondered why i was "SO UPSET" when i didn't have the funds for the heat, the mortgage, the phone (in which i had added him to my plan with the expectation that he would pay his share). months went by. month after month in which i had to earn my money and ONLY my money to pay for the household expenses...in which he had been a resident in for years...

and now there is now. he has had a couple of jobs. here and there. he can't hold a job. he quit the the last one because they switched him from hourly to piece work. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. i dunno when he will get it thru his head that some money is better than no money. he says he has some type of work ethic but it has taken until now to see that he has none. he doesn't want to work. he wants to make excuses for everything.

need i say nore

THE APPRENTICES AT TWISTED TATTOO NEED YOUR SKIN TO PRACTICE!!!!

IF YOU ARE IN THE MARKET FOR A SMALL TAT (A FEW INCHES) BEFORE THE SUMMER, THEN NOW IS THE TIME.

JUNIOR IS APPRENTICING UNDER TOMMY D



AND SKWERL IS APPRENTICING UNDER DON GRAY



ALL TATTOOS AND MOST PIERCINGS BY THE APPRENTICES ARE ONLY $10!!!! ALL WORK IS SUPERVISED BY THEIR TEACHERS. THEY NEED THE PRACTICE...AND YOU NEED THE ART!!! FUN PEOPLE, VERY CLEAN SHOP...SO COMMON!!!!! CLICK THEIR PICS TO SEE THEIR WORK.

SO MESSAGE ME DIRECTLY OR CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO THE TWISTED TATTOO PAGE...OR CALL 253-826-4438 FOR MORE DETAILS!!!!

i know it's not fuckin 98 degrees anymore...but it's still freakin hot!  and someone please tell me

WHY THE HELL DID I WEAR JEANS TO WORK TODAY???

my smoke breaks are killing me....

 

 

I'm just venting so nobody freak out on me...

i'm stressed out just about beyond my limits.

i'm freaking out over money. i didn't realize that an additional two more people would be such a burden on my financial well being.  twice as much food, twice as many cigarettes, and then the beer consumption.  i've had my water shut off twice in the past 3 months. i have had to take out a payday loan every payday for the past 3 or 4 paydays, just to get by.  i need to sit down, evaluate my bills, and give myself a budget. it's just a matter of doing it.

the living space is becoming to seem more cramped, although it's mainly just clothes everywhere, since there wasn't a whole lot more brought into the house. but the upkeep on the house is taking a major toll on me.  coming home when it was just me and pat (and ray), cooking dinner and doing the dishes every night seemed so easy.  but for some reason they just stack up and don't get done nearly as often.  more stuff laying around-more everything.  just seems allot more cluttered.  and for some reason over the past few months i have allowed it to get this way.  (*SMACK!*) 

i know that i don't have a physically demanding job, but the emotional and mental stress far more outways anything physical i could be doing.  i come home and all i want to do is chill out with my baby on the couch and vegitate my brain cells.  i don't want to think about ANYTHING that has to do with real life.  i call it my *WOOSH* time. just let everything during the day seep out of me. 

i've been seriously contemplating getting a second job. just waitressing a couple hours a couple nights a week.  that way i will always be busy and not think about the shit that is constantly running through my head.  and i would have a little extra $$ to help get through the month.  i need to come home and not *WOOSH* anymore and just take care of business.  i know this.  my expections of household anything has gone so far below my usual standards, so i need to just do things myself i think.  not expect anything from anyone. not ask anything of anyone. just do it myself.  i will be tired initially i know, but i know that i will eventually get over it. 

i need to quit being such a loser slug and get off of my ass and do shit. 
i need to make a TO DO list for myself and post them around the house like my dad used to do to me, so i remind myself that i can't be lazy all the time at home.  i am just feeling like such trailer trash that it isn't funny.  i need to get back to me, and get my house back to my standards.  otherwise i am going to end up on medications again.

i need to start meditating again a couple times a week and start practicing.  i know that when i practice, my energy levels are high and i feel great.  i have been letting it go down hill for some time now, and need to kick my ass back into gear.

i guess what i am trying to say is that i need to get back to me.  i need to start finding happiness in myself and not look outward to other people to fulfill that need.

But on a lighter note...pictures of Patrick's depature to North Carolina and Griffen's new hair do!!

  and this was just a funny Oxymoron to me! 

I am in need of your help.
Last week my husband did a system restore on our computer at home. We lost a little information, but that is okay.
My problem is the Microsoft Student Office.

The software stayed on the computer, but it is wanting me to re-register it. The computer and the software were my son's 12th birthday present from his dad last year (dad lives in NC).
His dad wanted the software back after we loaded it (and registered the software with Microsoft).

Patrick, my son, is in NC with his dad right now as we speak, but his dad won't give him the registration number for the software to send to me!!! I have a shitload of work i need to do from home this weekend, but i can't if i don't have Excel!

does anyone have a registration .. for the software they can share with me?????? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease! This is no bullshit, i am in diar straights right now and flippin out that i won't get this assignment done, and i dont' want to lose my job!

HELP ANYONE?????

My husband and I on our way to the fremont solstice parade on saturday.  
Echox in her full Ceremonial Pagan Garb