*!The Nightmare Continues When I Wake!*

...It's funny how things change...Funny? No. Strange I think is more appropriate. I had this thought once upon a dream that everything would always stay the same. Me and my silly delusional thoughts. I always forget that the world is ever changing and that things move and flow like a river, gentle and beautiful sometimes but without warning turbulence arrives and washes you up against the shore. I suppose I should pay more attention to reality so I can readjust my sanctuaries so that they protect me from the ever rough waters I am to face. 
This very morning I was able to converse with another who shines so brightly it's blinding sometimes. I am glad I was able to catch up with them and I treasure them more everyday. I know that I can face the turbulence to come with my friends not far from my side. To those people, I thank you from the deepest reaches of my soul and hope I can shine like you all one day. Maybe the waters will calm when I am able to reach that peace. I thank you, the one known as "The Dreamer"
For now, I shall brave the tide and charge into it, as the river gains momentum. I may lose my head underneath the surface and there will be times I will want to give up and simply drown, but the river will slow and calm...after all, all rivers go to the ocean and I wanna be around for that ^__________^

 I remember life a year ago. It was so much simpler. Granted I was terrified about starting year 11, which later turned into pure laziness. Now everything has gotten so complicated so I am starting anew. People who no longer wish to know me, that's fine. It's your decision and I am fine with that. You will always be in my heart though and my best wishes go with you. I am now looking forward thanks to people who have made me stronger. I am hoping to be a teacher and will probably go to Uni for 4 years for it. I hope I can get in so fingers crossed. The most I can expect in that time is probably getting drunk for the first time with my closest friend Nathan...that will be interesting lol. So I stand at a new beginning, trying to let go of the past and look forward to life ahead of me, a smile on my face and the ache in my heart dying out. Thank you to those who took the time to read this ^____^

I am a spoilt little brat who hates herself intensely right now and realises that the world doesn't revolve around her and feels like shit

Ok people! I am still alive! Somehow...lol...lets see...it is nearing the end of the school year which means Christmas is upon us and I have yet to go out and buy gifts for my koi (who is getting a beautiful, golden heart shaped necklace), Erica (I might be able to get a plushie for her) and I still need to get a present for my best friend. I already gave Marla her gift but I decided to give both Marla and Erica another gift which is the picture below. Seeing as I may not be able to get a card and gift to you Erica "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" and that picture below will have to serve as a present until I can send one. Tomorrow I should be going to earn $50 so I will have money! But that won't last long with presents and such. Um...I have 2 assignments to do in the next 2 weeks which should be wonderfully stressful -________-...but I'll live...hopefully...the Amy Lee pic below (yes, it is Amy Lee) won 2nd prize for my school's art show. I know I know! She looks nothing like "THE" Amy Lee however I did try to make some form of likeness. *sighs* But meh. I reversed her skin colour to black to see the effect and made her hair completely out of shalack, which was fun. I mainly made this out of charcoal so yeah. Um...yeah...oh! And below is a pic of what I look like at the moment ^^ Me LOVE Eyeliner! 
A few last words: To my friends, I love you all dearly and miss talking to you like I used to...I suppose life has a sucky way of getting in the way of the things we hold dear
To my koi, you have no idea how much I adore you for never changing and for loving me to the fullest extent. I love you intensely and hope we grow old together.

Flushed that Barbie down the toilet?

 

People who discriminate and have biased opinions really piss me off to put it lightly, especially when that person is my best friend who is so narrow minded I want to hit her hard. But this is what I wrote to release my anger and irritation:

 

A Recipe of Normal

 

Normal

What is normal?

I’ve asked

And the answers

I got shocked

And disgusted

Me.

Apparently

To be “normal”

Is

A dash of

European decent.

A casing of

Caucasian flesh.

Throw in a

Narrow mind.

Stir til you’re

A heterosexual.

Three cups of

Prejudice.

One teaspoon

Of a biased

Opinion.

Mix it within

A square.

A pinch of

The mundane.

Douse with a gallon

Of media influence.

Bake with an

Oven of discrimination

Serve with a side

Of “perfection”

And you have

Normality.

Yeah...I had to work 8 hours today, my feet are sore, I am tired, mentally drained and I feel like crying due to a conversation I had. I was asked to do a report of my year group at school and forgot all about it. Not only do I not know what to write but I have no idea what my year group has been involved in. So I was abused and it made me feel so depressed and upset I ended up crying. This is what was said.

Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Yeah can you do it pkease.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
I don't think I can
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
I'm on work placement
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
And I have no idea what we have been involved in this year
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
I didn't get anytime
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Do it during the holidays then.
Love me. I'm cute -Ebs says:
Er...I do jack shit during the holidays
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Great, then do this.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
That was code for I don't do anything...which means I won't do this
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Fucks sake, all you need to do is write 2 paragraphs about what your years been involved in.
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
2 damn paragraphs, is that beyond you?
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
Er at the moment?
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
Can't you get someone else to do it?
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
Like Mel?
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
nO.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
Or Steph?
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
You were on SRC when the task was given out.
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Just do it for christs sake,
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
I don't know what anyone has been up to
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
I can't go to school to ask
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
You went to Othello yes?
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
Yes
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
You went to courage to care yes?
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
No
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Yr 11 went to footy yes?
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
No
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Well yr 11 did even if you werent decent enough to get involved.
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Just write about what yr 11 has done as a whole.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
What do you mean decent enough?!
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
I didn't go because I forgot!
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Uh huh.
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Write the fucking report.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
Aaron
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
I am so sick of people dumping crap on me
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Ebony.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
I do not want to write anymore crap
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
I don't give a flying shit. If 2 paragraphs is beyond your mental capabilities then maybe you should rethink being in year 11.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
If you know what is going on in my year then be my guest!
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
Write the report!
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
I really do not care anymore!
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Am i in your year?
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
No.
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Go complain to mr connel.
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Grow a spine.
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Fucking coward, its 2 paragraphs.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
Well I can't because the next time I go to school will be next TERM!
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
But whoaaaa waiiiit!
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Its ebony!
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Holy shit! Shes got waaaaaaay to much crap to do!
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Don't want to disturb HER!
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Its not as though any other yr 11 has more to do than her! No way! Christ! How could i have forgotten!
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
-____________________________-
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Ebony is like...Whoa!
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Waaay up there in the dedication to studies scale..
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
I mean, she wouldn't be wasting time fiddling around on peoples bebo white boards or anything, because she has had waaay to much crap dumped on her!
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
-___________________-
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Im sorry, i'd better leave you to your studious habits.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
Aaron
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
In all honesty I really do not care about school anymore
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
I don't want to do any reports
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Saying my name doesn't invoke divine intervention.
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
You know what>
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
I know it doesn't
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Its 10 lines.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
Which I can't even think of
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
If you can't write 10 lines then your career path is completely fucked.
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
No matter what it is.
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Unless your going to spend your life being lazy.
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Sitting in front of a tv watching anime.
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Or on a computer using msn.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
I have been working for 8 hour straight...I am tired, sore and really could not give a fuck
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Judging from your attitude, thats what your going to turn out like.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
Well I'm so sorry that all enthusiasm for school has left my system
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Oh no, school has drained ebony, everyone look at her and pity her as if shes the only one thats tired of school. Ready now? Everyone on 3...1..2..3 Awww poor ebony..
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
Please stop it
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Write the ten lines. You have all holidays.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
You keep forgetting
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
I
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
DO
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
NOT
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
 KNOW
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
WHAT
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
TO
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
WRITE!!!
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
is your imagination beyond that of a 2 year olds?
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
I do not get involved in anything my year does anymore because I hate money bludging off my mother
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Or your communication skills?
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Ask your friends.
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
I don't care.
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Just do the damn report.
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
Or alternatively i can put you into the daily notices every morning and get connel to ask you to do it during lunch.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
Why the hell should I do it?
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
I'm not the only person in Year 11
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
You already said you would.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
Why the hell should I always be made to do the freaking report for everything
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
I don't like people who don't live up to their word.
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
So, therefore, i'm going to persist in making you do it.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
*sighs* Fine...but if it's shit it's your fault...not mine
Life Itself Is Only A Vision; A Dream. Nothing Exists Except Empty Space And You. And You, Are But A Thought.. says:
I dont care if its shit.
Love me. I'm cute  - Ebs says:
Whatever



Now I will be in the corner crying if anyone wants me

Was depressed so I wrote this. It's called "Screaming Inside"

Take me away
Far away
I don't care where
As long as it's not
Here
This place
This nightmare
Where I'm hurt
Unappreciated
Unnoticed
Unloved
I cry, they laugh
I frown, they smile
I scream;
They don't care
What did I do?
Do I really deserve
Such loneliness?
I feel,
I am
So alone
Someone...
Save me, please
I can't keep pretending
This place
These people
Are killing me
And the tears wont stop
I want to smile
For real
To feel the true warmth
Of happiness

Anyway that's it...I feel much better now ^^

 I fiddled with a photo of myself a few weeks back and this is how it turned out...it's for the person I love most :D

And I found the most perfect poem for us:

Until We Meet
by Syreeta Elie
Until we meet
My nights will be a little colder
My days a little shorter
My heart will beat a little less rapid
Until we meet
I know that my arms will be empty
My mind hurting from the constant thought of you
Minutes will seem to be hours
Hours will seem to be months
While months will seem like eternity
Until we meet
The stars in the sky will not affect me
with its gleaming sparkles of life

Until I am gazing at them in your arms
And the food that I eat will not be as fulfilling and nourishing
Until it is you that I share the my food with
And Until we meet
I will not feel whole
My world will seem incomplete
Until that wonderful day
When our eyes make first contact
And our bodies and souls collide in blissful whirlwind
The words will roll off my tongue like a sweet love song
"Hello, my love, I couldn't wait to meet you."

Isn't it just perfect? I think it should be our poem koi...don't you agree?