dancing with the dead

Title: Anything You Say Can and Will Be Held Against You
Author: dreams_and_oj
Rating: PG 13
Pairing: Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie
POV: Third
Summary: Brendon didn't think he was going to call.
Disclaimer: I don't own nothin'
Beta: She doesn't have a livejournal, but Kimi *u*
Author Notes: I've only ever written one little ficlet before but this was playing on my mind so I wanted to get it out *u* My own headcanon about what happened on Brendon's birthday <3 Thanks to Kimi for looking over this for me, I love you :* Title from "Just One Yesterday" by Fall Out Boy because it's my new favourite and I couldn't resist.

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this my big ryden fic rec list but it's a work in progress shhhhh ;)

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when she's gone and she won't be gone for long but long enough long enough to make up for lost time and it's the reprieve that i shouldn't need but i do i can't find it anywhere else and i said i would stop i said i said but it's not like you think i promise and i don't need it but i want it or do i need it i'm not sure anymore but i'm not sure if i ever was in the first place or why i started but the point the point dear is that i did and now i don't want to stop not when i can and when i can i am /coping/.

Title: Fairytales of Yesterday
Pairing: Colfer/Criss
Rating: nc-17 (for future parts)
Word Count: 2700 (this part) 

Summary: Darren has spent his whole life (literally) looking for the perfect fairytale, but will he miss out on what has been in front of him this whole time?

A/N: Okay, first I have to give a colossal thanks to everyone who has encouraged me to keep going with this story, but no one more than Luke, who nudged me to get it done and then edited it for me and put up with all my overused commas and run on sentences. There'll be one more chapter after this, as well as an epilogue and I also intend to put up the whole of what I've written for Courage (about 8000 words or something) just in case you guys were interested.

This chapter references the song "The Other Girl", by the Young Veins and a quote by Jac Vanek which you can find in full here

prologue  part 1  part 2  part 3  part / art 5 art 6  part 7  part 8 part

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strange stuff's been going down lately. 

like at the end of last year i was so eager to go on holidays and it was really groovy for a while just relaxing and sleeping all the time. but then it started to get boring and all my friends' were going away with their families and stuff and i didn't really do much and then christmas happened and it was so... underwhelming. maybe it was because everyone kept saying that it didn't feel like christmas that it sort of evoked a... er anti-spirit? like a community thing i guess. maybe if we had of all said man, it really feels like christmas this year, everyone would have said yes.

but they didn't so it didn't.

but whatever. then new years and it was cool because i got to hang out with some friends and stuff but fuck that was nearly a month ago and i can't even like... grasp what's happened between those days. it's all just fallen away from me and it's really, really terrifying. 

because i've come to realize that after all this time i have absolutely no idea what i want to do after school.

i wanted to be a dancer for so long and i love dancing, i do, but i love writing, too, and i love acting and drama and music and there's just so /much/ that i want to do but i'm not sure if i'm good enough for any of it. this has pretty much been my train of thought for however long the holidays have lasted, considering i've spent most of it holed up in my room with nothing but thoughts and doubt for company. it's strange, you'd think with all this free time i'd be watching all the movies and shows and reading all the books and writing all the things i didn't have time to during school but i /haven't/. i've been sitting aroun pondering and all that apathy is so fucking scary when i'm going into grade twelve and everything counts.

we went to a soccer game last night my mother, little sister, father and i. it was weird. a lot went down.

i ranted to my dad about having no idea what was happening. he was no help. said i would figure it out as the year went on. he's not really good at comfort, but then again, everyone else has said the same thing. my little sister, helpfully pointed out the scratches on my arms to mom who freaked out. i felt ill for the rest of the game but thankfully my older sister told me that mom had called her at half time and my sister had explained it. my mom's still not happy about it, but she gets it, at least. i didn't want to talk about it. 

god, i never know what i want. do i want to talk about it or don't i do i want to graduate fucking high school now and never have to return to that stupid place with all those condescending teachers and stupid peers or is that less frightening than what lays ahead?

i don't know. i've been listening to a lot of panic! at the disco and fall out boy lately and the progress with playing guitar is coming along. right now i want to start a band but idk if that's just because of the music or if it's something i genuinely want. i feel like it's the latter but it's such an intimidating prospect.

nothing is stable about dreams, and i've always said defiantly that i didn't care that nothing i wanted was like a stable job. and you know, i don't really. but that doesn't mean it doesn't terrify me at the same time.

life is so scary. we're all gonna die anyway. the pressure to make it count in such a short span of time is overwhelming. i mean, sixteen years have already passed for me and what have i done?

i guess i'll just have to make the next sixteen better 

Title: I Will Come Back to Life (but only for you)
Pairing Ryden
Rating PG-13
POV 3rd (Brendon's perspective, though
Word count 875
Summary: Brendon writes "The Calendar" 
A/N: I'm not sure if anyone will even read it, but I just wanted to get it out *u* This is how I imagine Brendon writing ~the song

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you're a precarious edge (my love) that i can't remember falling off until i'm on the bottom looking up

god this journal is a mess 
i was considering starting a new one and using it for personal posts and new fic for the new year
but then i didnt want to toggle between the two considering that im still writing fic here

im not sure how many of you would be reading this post but just a heads up if you are, im sorry i havent been updating a few of my wips i suck i know. the holidays were supposed to be a time that i would write heaps but the days have literally just slipped away so fast its terrifying. im trying to work on getting 'we run the night' and 'fairytales of yesterday' finished, though. im mostly done we run the night i just have two more scenes to write, and then maybe an epilogue? i havent decided, yet.

as for foy, im nearly done the next chapter and i think there'll be one more after that and then an epilogue. im really not happy with how its turned out but it is what it is, i suppose. whats bugging me about it is the excerpts of courage, as the actual story isn't fully written yet. it's like only 8000 words but i think ill post that, too, for anyone who may have interest in reading it. i had fun with it, its not great but like i said before, it /is/ and thats what is important to me atm. 

finally, i was going through google docs and i realised that i hadnt put the last part of this gkm fill id been doing, but that i wanted to upload the full thing beta-d. unfortunately, my beta's really busy with college and im about 99 percent sure he's forgotten i ever asked him to look at it, considering i forgot the whole thing existed. but yeah. 

writing wise, thats whats going on and thanks to anyone who's still hanging around, you guys rock my socks thanks xo