for anyone who needs the lulz

a few minor deadlines down. i celebrate by posting happystuff!

most of this is in filipino, but i like to imagine there's enough english in here to amuse everyone er, somehow.

TEN QUOTABLE QUOTES:

1. Better late than pregnant.
2. Pag may tiyaga, good luck.
3. Aanhin pa ang damo, kabayo ba ako??
4. Pag binato ka ng bato, kawawa ka naman.
5. Kung me isinuksok, me mabubuntis.
6. It is better to give, much better to receive.
7. Cleanliness is next to Godliness, oiliness is next to blemishes.
8. Ang taong naglalakad nang matulin, pawisin.
9. Pagkahaba-haba man daw ng prusisyon, mauubos din ang kandila.
10. Honesty is such a lonely word.

...

(gets shot)

okay i swear this one is funnier. this is an email that eclair forwarded to me. it's the return of The Sexiest Girl of DM. or well... someone almost exactly like her.

even if you're not filipino, tell me if this makes sense? i'd love to know if the humor gets across to non-filipino speakers. i remember a friend once remarked she was surprised at the amount of english that's used in our day-to-day conversations.

I thought Jay's ex-girlfriend was really out of our lives. But heaven
only goes that I was wrong. Kakakasal pa lang namin nun when Jay
received a uninamous text. "Meet me at the clinic." I had a stinking
feeling in my butt. I told him not to go. It might in danger him.
Pero sabi niya, ok lang daw because life is what we make. Tumahimik
lang ako. Sabi niya, "Penny for you talks." But I didn't know what to
say. Beggars can't be losers. Isa pa, worried talaga ako na baka yung
girl yun. Jay said, "Can't got your tongue?" I tried to smile at him.
Kahit di ako nagsalita, actions speak louder than works, di ba?

Be that as is may, umalis pa rin siya. I was out of the loophole.
After a few hours, I called him on his cellphone. But my calls fell
on Jeff's ears. Lalo akong nag-worry kasi I didn't even know Jeff.
Sabi na nga ba di na dapat umalis si Jay. That's what I'm talking
about it.

So I tried calling some friends who will help me find Jay. That's
what friends are for naman di ba? But I just faced a blank mall. I
had to do this alone. Nag-taxi na lang ako. Pero ang mahal na pala ng
plug down rate.

When I got to the clinic, the security was really buffed up. Di
basta-basta makakapasok. So I said, "I beg your cordon. I'm patient.
It's my favorite virtue nga e. Nagduda yata yung isang guard.
Hinawakan ako sa arm. The nerd! I shouted, "Don't touch me not!" Buti
na lang the other guards were nice and said, "Come on, let's join
us."

When I went inside, parang I've been there, done there. Nung walang
nakatingin, nag-explore ako. Nakarating ako sa top floor and I had a
bird's IQ of the clinic. I could not explain it but I was drawn to a
room on the floor. Siguro Divine Intermission na yun.

Parang may narinig akong umuungol. I was thorn. Di ko alam kung aalis
ba ako o papasukin ko. It made me stick in the stomach to think that
Jay and his ex-girlfriend were there. I tried to tell myself to
slower my expectations. But to tell with it! I had to strike while
the iron is not. I had to hear the truth from the corpse's mouth. I
barraged in. O my gas! Si Jay, naka-strap sa operating table, parang
genie pig sa isang nakakatakot na experiment. He was on the cutting
edge. He was bleeding. At ang doctor na nagpapahirap sa kanya, ang
ex-girlfriend niya at ang bago nitong boyfriend, ang nurse na si
Walter. Doon ko napatunayang blood is thicker than Walter.

Guess watch? Di ko alam kung paano ko nagawa pero I was able to
search and rescue Jay. Siguro adrenaline brush na yun.

Now, he's recovering. Nag-sorry siya na hindi siya nakinig sa akin. I
know it's a better pill to swallow your fried so it's forgive and
forget me not. All swell that end swell. I know we should kiss and
put on makeup.

Ang ex-girlfriend naman niya at si Walter, nakakulong na. Detention
is really better than cure. So the moral of the lesson is: if
symptoms persist, insult your doctor.