Life is good...

something is wrong with my sister's baby. they aren't certain yet, but the sonograms are abnormal.

job interview friday!

 can't go home due to massive chemical fire one block away. don't have access to my own underwear and soap. this really sucks.

okay, this is frustrating. i got an email on Saturday saying there would be orientation today for the new job. but today, a few minutes ago they called and said that was not correct. it isn't today and they'll call me when they set a date.

i was about to leave. i already bought the khakis and shirt i needed. but the worst part is i could've subbed today and tomorrow if i'd known. i had to decline two requests to sub today and one for tomorrow because i didn't know what my schedule would be. that's about $150 i lost.

i still need this job. i need all three of them, in fact. but this is very irritating.

i'll start at a retail chain that isn't wal-mart next week. i know it's not anything to do with my degree, but with this economy you have to take what you can get. hopefully this will turn out to be full time and i can still do tutoring when i can. i want to stay with Gear UP because it's a great program and all around a really positive experience. i'll keep my name on the sub lists just so i'm maximizing my money earning potential. and when the economy is better, who knows.

we couldn't bury my aunt yesterday because the cemetery flooded with the crappy weather. i spent some time organizing my music folder. and my sister gave me a new mp3 player.

i woke up this morning and found out my Aunt Carol died. we're Catholic and usually our funerals are a few days after death. we have a wake and then funeral. but in a few days it's Christmas, so i don't know.

so today i came home from subbing with a completely defeated attitude. i feel like everything is working against me sometimes when i'm there. probably most of the students were okay, wanting to hear the answers to their study guide for midterms next week. but others were loud, refusing to shut their fucking mouths after repeated requests and demands to do so from me and the other students.

i know there are better ways to handle this than losing my temper, but in the moment i get flustered and forget myself. today i really feel like i'm just not cut out for this, even though it's one of the few available jobs right now.

some of the teachers and other subs are nice, offering to help when they see me. but the ones i was around today are not. they were sort of cold and standoffish, only really chatting when they wanted details on the medical emergency that occurred in my classroom today in first hour.

i did so horribly today that i'm worried i won't get called back. i mean, there was nothing that horrible, but i don't know what the teacher will think about what i got accomplished and the fact that i had to write up three students in one hour, but didn't get their names right away because the bell rang. i had to wait until after recess when they came back to get their things from the room. the other students were perfectly happy to give me the names of the culprits, especially after i yelled at them to shut up in Japanese.

anyway, i really need the money that subbing will bring in and the HS is the only one that's been calling as far as i know. i can't answer the phone when i'm in class and i miss calls. i'm new to the sub list and therefore i'm the last person how gets considered.

after school i got stuck in traffic for an hour trying to get out of Denham. i was late getting to the winter formal dance we had for the tutoring kids at Gear Up. but it wasn't a big deal, even though i had lots of trouble finding Nelson Memorial.

it was such a great experience. we tutor kids from basically every public high school in EBR: Baker, Scotlandville, Istrouma, Capital, the lab school, Tara, Broadmore, Belaire, and so on. we get the most at-risk tenth graders, and a few in ninth or eleventh.

you wouldn't believe how good these kids were tonight. they were respectful, friendly, and cooperative. everyone got along so well and had a great time. it was so good for the kids, especially for them to feel like people care enough to do something nice for them. they all got a gift too, which was a bracelet with a usb jump drive inside. the whole thing was funded by a rich family in BR, which you can probably guess the name of if you know anything about our area, or drive down Perkins road often.

anyway, i really love this program. it is making such a difference. not only do we get the kids who need us most, but over 99% of them are Black students and many are from the poorest areas of the city. so these kids are experiencing the intersectionality of race and class struggles. with the program i am getting to help reduce some of the forces that will try to keep them down. i know i can't do much to help with poverty or racial prejudice, but i can help these kids get out of high school and want to go to college. we do a case management approach, which means we get to know them and their struggles, whatever they are. and we let them know that we care and we show them that there is more to life than what they currently know. the largest groups are from the poorest areas, so we are getting kids who really need this sort of attention.

i hope i will be able to stay with the program for a long time. some people have been there for more than ten years. there are many success stories.

so i don't understand why i can get most of the EBR kids to listen to me and care about their work after they've been in school all day, but i can't get the Livingston parish kids to shut up for five minutes when they are fresh and alert in the morning. idk.

one lady i talked to tonight said if i were a real teacher it would be easier than being a sub. kids have no respect for subs. but i'm not sure what to do now.

i'm thinking about looking into teach for America again. with a whole semester of experience with the EBR kids i might have a better idea of what i'm in for. plus, the lady said that you have to let the kids know you care and that you won't take any shit from them early on. i have so much to learn.

anyway, i could do that or something similar and go to social work school later. i can even get that med tech degree i was initially working on. maybe on day i'll be able to deal with the chemistry. idk.

well, i've been away for almost twenty hours and i just (hopefully) put to rest an argument i was having with this chick on a forum for books and movies and so forth. i went to a thread about how much people hate this one character and this crazy chick was all like, you can say that because your wrong and yadda yadda. i was like, i can have my own opinions and i'm not wrong because you don't agree.

i mean, you could probably use the text of any work of fiction to support any claim you make about your personal interpretation of it, no matter how outrageous. i had to read all sorts of stuff like that for class in my last couple years. this one things said that Wizard of Oz was a lesbian text, and the writer supported those claims pretty well. anyway, i just told the chick i thought she was rude and unreasonable and i wasn't going to try and convince her that my opinions are just as valid as hers. i'm done.

i also started another M T Anderson book called Burger Wuss. i love him.

happy Chrismahanakwanzika everyone. and happy new year.

this friday we're having a Christmas party for the kids that come to tutoring. it'll give us a chance to interact with them in a setting where we don't have to make them do homework.

also started The Hobbit. going to read all the books.

this is maybe the first time ever we had snow for two consecutive years. my flowers were still blooming this week. crazy weather.