The pleating at center back!????? The liripipe!!??? Sir!? (claps)
you've been diagnosed with never shuts the fuck up disease. yeah it's terminal
men in 19th century novels only know flop proposal, get rejected, be pathetic, leave town
Do you like found family? Queer romance? Enemies to lovers and an epic space opera setting with fantasy elements?
well I didn't write that. You are fucked out of luck.
my fav thing in the entire world is witnessing people try new things. almost teared up at this bc i love it so much
so funny “dear sir gingalin! what knight was it that met with you in the forest?” “i confess i don’t know my lord but what i can tell you is he was sad as fuck”
I'm not a prayin' man, but the night I found out my at-the-time-fiancé had been sending sex horny nasty horny sex asks to my friend on THIS VERY WEBSITE, I sat in the car in the parking lot of an abandoned church and watched a family of deer play in the snow, and it didn't quite feel like a sign because that part of Pennsylvania was mostly deer and abandoned buildings and snow, but it felt nice, and once the tears stopped, I looked down at my phone and my other friend had sent me a text that said, "HE'S TRYING TO CHEAT ON YOU ON THE ONE DIRECTION IMAGINES WEBSITE?" and I realized that life is all about your curated experience. A real choose-your-own-adventure deal. I have never seen someone post about One Direction on here in my life.
Yes I know you mistrust the banks, milord, and I don't blame you, but their Vault Wizards are specially trained to prevent dragons from detecting large amounts of gold. I cannot emphasize enough that it's a full-time job employing multiple specialists, I'm not trying to be humble here but it's not something that just the court magician and I can set up a couple wards for on the weekends and call it good.
It's, it's just that dragons are the primordial embodiment of avarice wrought into fire and flesh. They are truly, supernaturally good at finding large amounts of valuables, that's why the big mines hire those Dragon Scouts to go sniff out their lairs and mark them on the maps as potential mining ventures. You know, in case someone slays the relevant dragon. Which doesn't happen often because, milord, they are simply not that easily slain.
No I know you've hired many knights, blooded warriors and true. Yes, I was there when you gave the ten most impressive ones their special sashes. Very grand, very high honors, of course. Ehm. It's just, none of them have ever actually faced a dragon. Yes no I know Sir Edbert says he did but Sir Edbert is rather notoriously prone to exaggerated and tragically unverifiable tales---
Well no milord of course I would not doubt the word of a sworn knight. Perhaps his sobriety, but not his word, as such.
The point is that the grand treasury, while surely grand and a very special notion, is just... it is mayhaps not the ideal way of handling the realm's finances? Perhaps a series of smaller vaults, capped well below the dangerous wealth threshold at which gold is known to whet the appetite of colossal winged harbingers of death, in different corners of the realms or...?
No, I, yes well I do realize that will impede anyone's interests in coming into the vault to hurl around the gold coins and go "whee, I'm so rich!" I am aware of its deficiencies as a plan in that regard. No, I see I've misjudged a few things.
Actually, thinking on it, milord, I truly believe what you need is a fresh set of skilled wizards on this job. The court magician and I, we cannot keep up with your visionary thinking. We're too old-fashioned. But the wizards revolutionizing the eldritch academies seem to be more on this sort of level. I hear they've made some truly remarkable choices in terms of outsourcing all of their spellwork to the Ever-Whispering Void, such that it takes mere minutes for them to set up an entire defensive array. That's just the sort of innovative thinking you require.
Though it will grieve the court magician and I to leave your service, perhaps this is a sign that retirement is overdue. So I'll just... be moving further away from the big pile of gold... in the opulent, dome-shaped building with the crystal skylight... best wishes.
Anonymous asked:
Those boots look like a really beautifully made boot, (something I'm continually searching for as someone who wears brown boots everyday). Do you mind telling us what brand/place you bought them from?
hellenhighwater answered:
They’re Red Wing Silversmiths. Red Wing is a quality bootmaker, and they’re known for durable, long-lasting boots and being willing to repair their product (at a reasonable rate) basically indefinitely. They’re not cheap, but I wear through cheap shoes so quickly that if I only get five years of use out of these, I’d still be money ahead. And I expect to get a lot more than five years! These are an investment. The silversmiths are “heritage” shoes, but Red Wing also makes a lot of work boots, with safety toes and other worksite protections. Including safety toe sneakers, if that’s your jam. It is not my jam, but to each their own.
If you’re able to make it to one of their physical storefronts, they often have a fancy shmancy foot scanning machine that will tell you what size is best for you in each of their boots, as well as what insoles are best for you. They’ll do the scan for free even if you don’t buy anything. I can personally attest that the sizing is worthwhile, since I have basically not needed to break these boots in at all, they just….fit correctly. crazy.
They’re mostly in the US and Canada. I know they also sell elsewhere, but their ability to do longer-term repairs is more limited outside of the states. They have a full line of women’s shoes as well as men’s (which is not always a given, from work-boot companies) and with the way they scan for sizes, you should be able to order from either line without fit problems.
Citing a right to keep their torsos sheathed in windproof synthetic fabrics, tech billionaires were reportedly threatening to flee California on Monday over a proposed statewide vest tax. “If the legislature passes this measure, you can bet that countless entrepreneurs and venture capitalists are going to pack their bags and move their gilet collections to Texas,” said tax advisor Aaron Faucher, who confirmed that several of his clients, including Larry Page and Peter Thiel, had already begun transferring garment bags to states more friendly to billionaire wardrobes.
They should invent a cry for help that has zero negative effects on anybody and also that makes everyone treat you like a little animal in a cardboard box. But everyone’s cool with it because you’re a cute little animal and not an adult human that needs to get their shit together to stay alive
This tag literally wins, I literally DO want to be a chiikawas. Honorable mentions to everyone tagging this as petplay though
An unlocked, unguarded door with a sign saying "NO ENTRY, DO NOT OPEN" and it opens up right to a solid brick wall and on the brick wall is a sign saying "WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM"
