Won't you please rearrange me?

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DONT KNOW I HAVE A NEW LIVEJOURNAL. GO ADD IT. dysorexia

kbye

You all got punk'd

I'm back on livejournal.


and Ren did not hack into my livejournal and type this. even though i gave her my password.

I AM DONE WITH LIVEJOURNAL.
i wont be logging in anymore. i wont be reading entries. i wont be commenting, or reading my comments. livejournal has no use to me anymore. i'm not deleteing it though.

if you feel the need to contact me, add my myspace
www.myspace.com/charmander

or talk to me on aim
Melissa Is Deck


other than that...goodbye dorkaroo. it's been a good two years. you just hold...too many hurtful memories.

christ i join 2 rating communities and now everyone is promoting to me @_@;

thats s0 epic (3:11:44 AM): Those 3jews that invented ac are godly
Melissa Is Deck (3:11:57 AM): how do you know they were jews?
thats s0 epic (3:12:14 AM): Those 3 jewish guys.... High, max, and norm

i love all of you. thank you for caring about me.

i am so in-fucking-love with joe whatmough. :) ♥

its 5:44 and i cant sleep. its 5:44 and i cant stop crying. its 5:44 and i can't understand anything or anyone. its 5:44 and i don't know what to do. its 5:44 and i don't know what's wrong or if anything is wrong. its 5:44 and i am confused. its 5:44 and i'm on my computer yet again because i cannot sleep. its 5:44 and i don't even know if i want any sleep right now. its 5:45.

i'm laying in my bed reading. "a million little pieces". it's making me cry. i can't stop crying. i'm not what my parents want. i'm not what my friends want. i'm not what my family wants. i'm not what anyone wants. this isn't how i was supposed to grow up. this isn't how i should be at fifteen. this isn't how i should be thinking at fifteen. this isn't what i should be doing at fifteen. this shouldn't be me a fifteen. its 5:46.

i'm sorry for lying. i'm sorry for everything. i wrote in my written journal about how sorry i am. i'm breaking down. i can't help it. i can't help my tears. i can't help my emotions. they're running wild. they're trying to slow down so i can get this all through my fingers to my keys but it's not working quick enough. this isn't working quick enough. i'm not sure of what's going on, but it's not happening quick enough. its 5:47.

i'm not making sense. i just want to stop crying. i don't want anyone to grow up like i am. i dont want my little brother to turn out like me. i don't want him to be fucked up in my head like me. i don't want him to think like me or do what i've done or feel all the horrible things i've felt. i'm not bad. i haven't delt with horrible shit. but i'm not what i should be at fifteen. i'm not normal. this isn't right. why aren't i sleeping? i can't stop crying. my keys are wet from tears. its 5:48 and i hear footsteps.

i want to cut my hair. short.

comment with idea/suggestions/pictures :)

(i know i should be posting this in madradhair or something, but i don't wanna) fuck that, i'm posting in madradhair.

ps; fourth of july was good. i spent it with joe. i liked kissing him by the fireworks. :] he's cute and i love him.

i spent all day at joe's house with cris playing world of warcraft getting his level 9 troll shaman to level 14.
oddly, i feel accomplished. and now that i'm at my house, which lacks world of warcraft, i don't know what to do.