Club Booty

I always wonder if action in the US is escalating or if I'm just coming to realize what's really going on.

Something is horribly wrong in the world, and I’m sitting right smack in the middle of it:

The U.S.

I’ve always known there was something bigger than me that I had to know, that there was something out there TO know, something that was wrong and I wanted to CHANGE it.
I remember in the spring I went to talk to a job counselor, a friend of my aunt’s. He asked me what I see myself doing in 5 years, what type of career or job or activity I see myself doing, and the only thing I could think of was “contributing to CHANGE” in some way. He seemed confused and disappointed that I couldn’t come up with some sort of palpable idea or picture of myself doing something, anything. That made me think, well maybe I’m just confused and maybe I don’t even know where I’m going in life and I need to concentrate on something else, something specific. Yes…but no. Maybe my answer, my vision for myself is just fine. There are so many things to change in the world and why not start with the big picture. Don’t frown at me old man.

So, now I have an internship at a non-profit organization that supports workers and unions in Latin America, works to affect unfair trade policy, and educates the public about the reality of how little some U.S. companies value the lives of their foreign workers.

Sounds right on the money. I like it, but after studying abroad, experiencing the outside, trying to escape, working for an organization that supports people in need who are outside of the U.S., I think what I really want to do is concentrate on the corruption, subjugation and discrimination going on right here in the U.S. We’re living in the middle of it all.

So I read “The End of America” by Naomi Wolf, and that has definitely influenced me, and given me ideas about what may happen in the near future, that there is some creepy plan to control society, not just through socialization, but actual physical pressure and fear. The things she suggests in her book have reflected multiple times in my everyday life the past week or so.

There was an article in the Washington Post a couple days ago announcing the increase in domestic “security”, in case of a natural catastrophe, terrorist attack, or any kind of situation that needs to be controlled.
Here’s the link:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-d…

This type of possible control isn’t taking place in some far off country on the other side of the globe, it’s about to happen here. Naomi Wolf discusses the existence of a security company, a company that has been heavily invested in since 9/11. Because this security is a corporation, called Blackwater, it does not have to follow the same constitutional laws that the government military must follow. What if this exists and is what the Washington Post article is eluding to? What if there are secret dispersed groups of highly trained men out there, privately employed, ready to take “control” of a situation when the word is given? I envision this “situation” to be most likely a non-violent protest or demonstration, dissent of some sort, targeted and silenced.

Anyway. That’s the kind of stuff that has been running through my head the past week. That’s the kind of stuff I see myself working against, where I see myself in 5 years, contributing to the change of the U.S.

I am verrrrrry interested to see what happens when Barack takes office. We all are. I just wonder what he knows, and what he doesn’t know. I hate to think it, but what if…what if he’s the next JFK? That case still isn’t really solved. If anything happens to Barack, that will tell me we really are living in a nation that has no interest in its People.

I also can’t help but wonder if this LJ post is being monitored.

Gross.

I <3 The Office

After my first month or so at my new internship, I'm realizing maybe I'm not meant for this type of work. Being an activist is HARD!

I went to the bike recyclery to get help installing my fenders, and I did it all myself with minimal instructions! The girl even commended me for cruising through the maintenance on my own. Now on to my filthy chain (it's black when it should be a shimmering silver).

I've always been really good with computers and mechanical stuff. When I was young I LOVED watching This Old House. The show relaxed me.
Seems like being a member of a union would be a really good idea, if I were an electrician, in construction or something as equally butch. I could wear my cute little hard hat and strut around the site in my strategically hoisted tool belt.

I'm also waiting to see what's going on with this Assistant Manager position.
I am SO on my way to becoming the ambassador of some place.

My kitty's butt smells.

Had a creepy dream about dead bodies falling through the ceiling. I was part of a band of kids exploring a haunted house in a world where all the adults have disappeared except for a man named Eduardo who eerily walked out of a dark room. And then a humungo bumble bee was chasing me. I was convinced it was satan. I woke myself up batting at it.

A couple nights ago I had a dream of a serial killer named Ike who chased and killed women. He was a skin head, whitey, hick guy just outside of my room and starting to come in for me. Gross.




Amy and I have been dating for about two months. Not sure what it is. I guess we're exclusive, but we haven't talked about it. I'm helping her find a bike. I called her to ask if she was interested in any of the bikes I was checking out, and she said "Wow, you're such a good friend!"
The word "Friend" caught me off guard.

I guess we are friends...who have sex. I'm not sure if I want more. I like how it feels, and that there is no pressure to be anything or do anything. But still, it was weird when she called me a friend. I haven't really thought about it, and I don't think I want to. It would be nice if things could be as they have been. If she met the girl of her dreams tomorrow it would be HORRIBLE, but I don't think I'd blame her because we haven't made any promises to each other.

She's so positive, fun, adorable, silly, and affectionate.

Poopyface texted me the other day, "Can we get together for a friendly drink some night?"
I said "I can't" and she replied, "Cool. Good to know. Let me know if you ever can."
Gross. She's lonely, horny, bored with her new job, and realizes she'll never meet anyone as amazing as ME! So there.



Te extrano, Put!!!!
No one will ever replace you.

Stay positive Carol!!!!

So, I'm trying to figure out what I would like to do job-wise. I totaly bombed my interview for an internship last week. I accidentally said "bullshit"...who does that??????????!!!!!

I think I'm going to volunteer at a community center helping permanent residents fill out US citizenship applications. But I need Moneyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too.

I've been thinking I really like helping and enlightening people, and exposing people to things they wouldn't have known about otherwise. But I don't think I have the patience to be a teacher.

I think it helps to have that one thing you love to do and are knowledgable about, like gardening or playing an instrument or working on bikes or baking. The problem is I have so many interests and I haven't specialized in any one thing, except maybe eating. I love food. I need that thing one does when there is nothing else to do, NOT going on the internet.

So, I'm dating again. In particular, a girl named Amy. :)

I went to Megan's (my ex) yesterday to pick up the last of my belongings:

A lost earring
My Europe beer coasters
Playboys I got for my birthday from Ali's boyfriend
4 cans of Spray paint I had to buy in Wilmette because you can't buy spray paint in Chicago

Her apartment brought back all these memories, but it was like our past was nearly erased. Eerie. My heart was beating so fast. I'm glad we're done.

What to do with this life of Carol Birgitta Hansen?

I think I'm allergic to cats.

Janet comes home tom!! Or maybe Wed. We are going to revamp the house. My dad has no idea what's coming. I got rid of about 4 garbage of clothes this morning. Didn't even make a dent. All those years of thrift shopping...ugh.

We've decided to split the bedrooms, cause it wouldn't be fair to put either of us in the little back bedroom.

I haven't done any homework since Thursday. I figure I did well the first half of the quarter.

Saturday was my last rugby game for a while. We played great! I made two trys and had to do my first zulu (running topless after a ball and then getting sprayed with beer). Two other girls and I did it together. I tried to atleast cover my nipples.

I'm going to keep playing this summer and next fall. I think my sister would really like rugby. I also realized I need to buff up or I'm going to get the poop kicked out of me.

I've been trying to figure out what I want to do after school is no longer in my life. I thought about making little research projects for myself. Today, I thought maybe I should think outside the box, like becoming an oyster farmer in Maine.

So, I'm debating whether or no to go to Mexico for 5 days with my ex. It's in a month. I still have feelings for her, she has none for me. My worst fear is she meets someone while we're there, and Ill have no one else to talk to about it, and I can't just go home. But then I thought I may meet someone. I can always just go and have fun on my own. Though, it's hard for me to meet people. I feel like she just wants me to go cause I am her last resort. None of her other friends can go. But it's MEXICO!!! and Mayan ruins!!!!!! And all food and DRINKS are paid for.
It's a free trip...to paradise...and I'm debating...

oh, heart, why must you be so vulnerable.

It's times like these that I wish I had an outlet, like music. Do a few riffs, a couple chords, what have you, to express the pain in my soul. I thought about cleaning, but I have no time, or I THINK I don't have time.

So, I've been realizing lately that my mom is not really my mom. She just plays the part. She has all the external qualities, but that special mother-daughter connection has never been there. It's like she's just some woman who knows my phone number and calls me once in a while because she gets paid for it. I haven't been all too open with her, though. So, I haven't even given her a chance to learn about who I am, and maybe I haven't learned who she is either.

I went to a job counselor about a month ago. We started talking about what I think I want to do, and where I see myself in the future, but there was such a block. I couldn't articulate anything. All I could think of was "change". So we just ended up talking about myself, and why I want to contribute to "change". It was weird and I started tearing up, but I didn't cry. It was uncomfortable talking about myself. Atleast we spruced up my resume a bit.



(Always end on a productive note)

It's been more than a year! Where have I been? What have I been doing whilst neglecting my beloved LJ? I rememberrrrrrr. Being a douche.

The past year has been f'd. Not a waste, but just f'd.

About to graduate (5 weeks). Going through a break up. Not going to Mexico anymore (ripped from my hands). Hungry. and playing rugby again. Im a mess.

Im actually thinking of getting serious about rugby. Ive been trying to get my thighs and ass back. It's a good outlet.

My sister is moving back home. We'll have four pussies running around the house.

Ecuador was weird. I seemed to have put that memory aside.

I think Chicago is sucking my soul from my eyeball. Everyone seems depressed, hurried, frustrated, stupid.

Maybe I need Jesus. Gospel Fest is coming up.

Put, ilu.

It was me and Meghan's 6 months yesterday. Que raro! Technically, we haven't been "in a relationship" the whole 6 months, but we just counted it from our first date. I pretty much live with her. I'm never home. I went home yesterday for two hours.

Taking Spanish again. I need to warm up. My teacher speaks fast and mumbly and switches in and out of English. He's Chileano and has dark hair and blue eyes. Bernardo Navia.

Taking a class on Indigenous Struggles. The course readings are perfect for what I want to learn about: oppression, cultural imperialism, economic injustice, and blah. I'm one out of five white students in the class. The rest are hispanic. The first day I came in a little late, and the seats were set up in a circle, but they were all taken. So, I had to sit on the peripheral. The teacher asked me to move to a seat in the circle that I initially didn't see, and just as I was walking towards it, someone else came in late and took it. Everyone kind of smiled and they moved their chairs back so that I could fit. I'm sure I was red as a vag. Initial uncomfort makes me more comfortable in the end.
Got an A+ on the craziest paper of my life: 15 page research paper on how high caste Hindus have marginalized Dalits in India. The night after finishing the paper during finals week, I broke down after watching Pan's Labyrinth (Josh, you have to see it if you haven't already). I didn't know why I was crying. I was uncontrollably emmotional.

Applied to a program in Ecuador for the fall. The deadline is tom, and I mailed it on Thursday, Priority Mail. Hope it makes it on time. Now I just have to worry about the credits being approved for transfer and...the loan.

Been drinking way too much red wine and beer lately, but it's good because I've come to realize my tastes. I like Pinots and Sauvignon. Not too dry, but not too fruity. My favorite beers are Blue Moon (w/ an orange), Sierra Nevada, Fin Du Monde (though, very heavy and expensive). Hate IPA, don't really like Great Lakes. Hate Stella and Heinekine. Not sure what I think of Guiness yet. The texture kind of freaks me out.
I've also realized I'm very sensitive to dairy. Butter and cheese shoot straight through me.

Once school hits I pretty much cut myself off from any kind of social life. I try not to commit myself to anything, cause that just stresses me further. I think I have to learn how to balance school with a social life, because I'm guessing any kind of career is going to be just as difficult and time consuming, and I should get used to it before I end up not having friends the rest of my life.

Life's a lot different now. It's interesting how quickly I was forced to adapt. It's also odd to think it's been less than a year since NMU. If there's one thing I know I can do, it's adapt.

My bike is now free wheel. Beautiful. Not as fast as I'd like. I calculated, and I think I rode almost 200 miles over spring break. My friend Ali and I rode from chicago to McHenry county for a weekend, which is about 70 miles there, rode to and from work downtown five times which is about 7 miles each way, and just rode all week. My friend Ali and I rode down to the south side to check out the Pullman neighborhood. In the late 1800s and early 1900s it was supposedly an self-sustainable industrial area. Now it's kind of run down, but being renovated. Looks entirely different than anything I've seen in Chicago, somewhat reminded me of Vienna. It's a little white and hispanic pocket surrounded by rocky black neighborhoods. While riding through the areas around it, there were little churches made out of houses, a carwash, a corner store, anything. And as we rode by you can hear shouting and drums. One sounded like blasting heavy metal. It was a Sunday morning/afternoon. And on our way back home we stopped at a restaurant called Soul Vegetarian. It's known for its vegetarian Soul food...soooooooooo good. Ugh. Kind of expensive, but worth it, and so healthy. The waiters had African-esque clothing. Ghanaian. They spoke Hebrew. Then we took the train north to the Chinatown stop, got off and rode through Chinatown and nearby Pilsen area (largely Puerto Rican). It reminded me of Brooklyn/Spain. One of the cheapest places to live in the city. BEAUTIFUL. Tons of art galleries, colorful, everyone was outside, hanging from their windows. As we rode back north, it was interesting to see the contrast between North and South. North seemed more bland compared. I've been on the Southside a handful of times. I think it'll be seeing more of me.

I think I have the potential for being the best girlfriend EVER! I really do. What more than a quirky, attentive, horny and studious woman could anyone want? I'm also a lady when need be.