New.
Hi everyone!
I had a livejournal years ago but am happy to be back, determined to find support on my path to recovery, and help others struggling with the same diseases/addictions/traumas. I will post tonight on my page a summary of my first step so those of you who want to can get to know me a little better. Thank you all for being here and looking forward to sharing my experiences, struggles, strengths, and hopes.
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Niki
I had a livejournal years ago but am happy to be back, determined to find support on my path to recovery, and help others struggling with the same diseases/addictions/traumas. I will post tonight on my page a summary of my first step so those of you who want to can get to know me a little better. Thank you all for being here and looking forward to sharing my experiences, struggles, strengths, and hopes.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Niki
Seeking feedback on a short nonfiction story on rape and prevention
| Subject: | Seeking feedback on a short nonfiction story on rape and prevention |
| Security: | Public |
Hello,
I started writing a short nonfiction story last week to clear some stuff out of my head.
I'm hoping to do something meaningful with it and would appreciate any feedback and support that this group might offer.
You'll find the story here:
http://mylahmohgann.livejournal.co…
Much Love,
Mylah
help each other
i created a community a while back,help each other for people like myself with ptsd,and other problems who want to get better together.i am very into getting well.
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hopeful
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Introduction
Introductions are hard for me. I hate them. Normally I lurk and comment indiscriminately. I'm a paraniod individual and shy away from posting in communities. But lately I am having a hard time with my self imposed isolationism. I need people to lean on and relate to.
( My diagnosisCollapse )
I did cross-post this to other communities of this nature, because I am fleshing myself out to be better able to identify which community is best suited for me. Thank you.
( My diagnosisCollapse )
I did cross-post this to other communities of this nature, because I am fleshing myself out to be better able to identify which community is best suited for me. Thank you.
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anxious
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(no subject)
Please think good thoughts for me. I'm so afraid right now.
i feel i'm starting to slip away from reality
i live with my friend now and i really love him,but it's a lonely world.i need hugs and stuff and i get none.he doesn't want me to even leave the house to be around people,but i don't even get a hug once w week and i get no humane affection any more.he is so good to me but i am so lonely eith him being my whole world,and i don't know how to make it better.i have been starting to slip away from reality a lot of the time because i am so lonely that my mind just gives me a hell of a bad time some times.it's not my friends job to passify me by giving me hugs and stuff like that,but at the same time i'm not even supposed to go anywher that i can be around people to get those of my needs met.the lonely ones are the ones that cut deep.maybe i should just talk to him about it,but i don't even know where to start tolking to someone like him about something like that,and the reason i can't leave the house is because when i do get hte chance to get away i usually get drunk and when i get back home i pay the price because he gers extremely cold with me and thinks i am just the worst person in the world,he knows how lucky i am to be here i've heard him mumble it under his breath,so i don't even have any leway to make anything any better,because with him being so much better than me i don't even feel i have the right to say anything off key.so i dont know what to do i guess i was born to be lonely.
If only just to see her smile
I am posting this on behalf of somebody I truly care about. Nearly a year ago, my girlfriend was horribly raped, and she has kept it a secret from everyone including myself until just a few days ago. I would've never guessed that this had happened to her. To make amtters worse around the same time that this happened, I broke up with her for unrelated reaosns not having the slightest clue what she was going through. We've been back together for 5 months now, and she's revealed this secret to me. I am deeply cocnerned, and I feel powerless to help her. I want to encourage her to report it and to see a therapist to help her work things out that I know she's bottled up. Then I wonder if I'm making a bigger deal abotu it than I should, mayme the last thing she needs is for me to remind her of this god awful experience. I feel so helpess, and I'm afraid of hurting her by pressuring her into anything that would make her relive this horrific experience. It is a last resort for me to post an entry in this community, I hope that somebody can share with me some advice that might allow me to help her.
sprinting through tired
A little over a week in inpatient, and two weeks in intensive outpatient. My soul feels tired. I have spurts of creativity. At leas my meds don't block my creative drive... but even that takes energy. Whie I haven't had runnimating thoughts, I have been a fiend about searching for jobs... Jobs that I can't work at for several weeks to come due to medical opinion. Sometimes I feel a certain rebellion rise up in me, and I think that I am ready to go to work, but then I really think about it" having to deal with lost of differenet people, initiatives, expectations... and I get so overwhelemed. At least I am not sleep 20 plus hours a day like I was a few weeks ago. I just felt like I had no purpose in life. I crave to feel in demand, my skills, my abilities, my drive all juiced up from being "on." Instead I feel like a rebellious 6 year old that stands in the doorway, flicking the lights off and on in the depths of my spirit. "I want to fly, I want to fly... heaven knows." Kayne said it very well.
I haven't spoken to my mother in almost two months. I admitted to my outpatient group members that I miss my parents and the love I never really felt that was there. It was something being torn up and out of my bodym like possessed mummy, choking and marinatingon the truth spoken aloud. I wept, sobbed, self-scolded and then wept some more. I am myself. As much as I have tried to tp deny it, hate it, spit upon and grind it beneath vehement-agressive heels. I was naked, explicitly so. The teflon fell away from my body and I took a painful step closer to the person, the self I am capable of being.... I don't know about "the self I destined to be." That shit is a little to philisophical for me. There is no room in Renee's in for screaming newborns demandig, love, care, compassion. So I stand outside of my own cellar door listening to the child within me, wimper, but only half-lost.
Radom questions for you readers: what career do you see me doing for the next three years. Forget kids, that shit will drop around 40 outside warped providence. And Bhudda knows that I have little to apologize for as this moment in time.
out, then in. Then out again.
I haven't spoken to my mother in almost two months. I admitted to my outpatient group members that I miss my parents and the love I never really felt that was there. It was something being torn up and out of my bodym like possessed mummy, choking and marinatingon the truth spoken aloud. I wept, sobbed, self-scolded and then wept some more. I am myself. As much as I have tried to tp deny it, hate it, spit upon and grind it beneath vehement-agressive heels. I was naked, explicitly so. The teflon fell away from my body and I took a painful step closer to the person, the self I am capable of being.... I don't know about "the self I destined to be." That shit is a little to philisophical for me. There is no room in Renee's in for screaming newborns demandig, love, care, compassion. So I stand outside of my own cellar door listening to the child within me, wimper, but only half-lost.
Radom questions for you readers: what career do you see me doing for the next three years. Forget kids, that shit will drop around 40 outside warped providence. And Bhudda knows that I have little to apologize for as this moment in time.
out, then in. Then out again.
a strong point
otterphoenix wrote in a reply post about abuse
"it made you who you are today and made you a more understanding person"
I have to say that what she said was absolutely spot on.
Thats kind of how I live my life and it helps me sometimes to move on from the rough patches. Sometimes I look back and say why me, was I such a bad person that I deserved to have these things done to me. It still does get to me sometimes as I think it does everyone but without those things happening I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't have a better understanding of such things and perhaps I wouldn't be able to express these things to others so they get a better understanding of it themselves. I've wondered what type of person I would have been had I had a more stable up bringing. I probably would have been stronger or more confident but in reality that person never existed. We are these people because this is who we are supposed to be and one way or another it has to have been for a reason. If these things hadn't happened we wouldn't be here helping each other the way that we are. If these things hadn't happened perhaps we wouldn't be a better writer or photographer or artist. Perhaps we wouldn't be a better mother or father for that matter. I've kind of always had this notion that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that gets a little confusing say when a loved one dies suddenly or at a young age. But then there is the bad things that happen in life that actually give a new undertanding or walk us down a new path in life. Your probably thinking aren't you being a little optmistic but hey this doesn't happen to often for me so just roll with it. All I'm trying to say is that we are who we are and shouldn't feel hopeless and alone because of something nasty and horrible that someone else has done to us. Let those people wallow in their self hatred because they are the bad people in this world not us. I just want to live my life with its ups and downs but still forever forward. I dont want them to bring me down and I want what is best for me and my family. I hope that it is ok that I'm writing this, infact I hope that somewhere this has made someones day that little bit easier or perhaps a little brighter. To all of us out there just keep fighting!
x-posted
"it made you who you are today and made you a more understanding person"
I have to say that what she said was absolutely spot on.
Thats kind of how I live my life and it helps me sometimes to move on from the rough patches. Sometimes I look back and say why me, was I such a bad person that I deserved to have these things done to me. It still does get to me sometimes as I think it does everyone but without those things happening I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't have a better understanding of such things and perhaps I wouldn't be able to express these things to others so they get a better understanding of it themselves. I've wondered what type of person I would have been had I had a more stable up bringing. I probably would have been stronger or more confident but in reality that person never existed. We are these people because this is who we are supposed to be and one way or another it has to have been for a reason. If these things hadn't happened we wouldn't be here helping each other the way that we are. If these things hadn't happened perhaps we wouldn't be a better writer or photographer or artist. Perhaps we wouldn't be a better mother or father for that matter. I've kind of always had this notion that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that gets a little confusing say when a loved one dies suddenly or at a young age. But then there is the bad things that happen in life that actually give a new undertanding or walk us down a new path in life. Your probably thinking aren't you being a little optmistic but hey this doesn't happen to often for me so just roll with it. All I'm trying to say is that we are who we are and shouldn't feel hopeless and alone because of something nasty and horrible that someone else has done to us. Let those people wallow in their self hatred because they are the bad people in this world not us. I just want to live my life with its ups and downs but still forever forward. I dont want them to bring me down and I want what is best for me and my family. I hope that it is ok that I'm writing this, infact I hope that somewhere this has made someones day that little bit easier or perhaps a little brighter. To all of us out there just keep fighting!
x-posted