Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay Were laid spread out before me as her body once did. All five horizons revolved around her soul
My roommates had a head on collision today. Dai is still upset about his truck; I was the same way after totaling my 325i, pissed and wondering what I could have done when I should have just been happy I was alive.
Hawaiian cops.. They didn't even ticket the Japanese driver who was IN THE WRONG LANE. Racism, anyone? If it'd been any of us white mainlanders driving and collided with a tourist we would have had a breathalyzer quicker than you can say unfair treatment.
We went to Buzz's for lunch, clam chowder, bloody marys, and assorted other beverages.
What a strange life we lead. I'm glad though for the company I share. As to where it will lead me I haven't the foggiest. I guess that's part of the fun.
I've been over the coals a couple times with my ex husband now now I'm watching my absolute best friend go through the same genre of drama with her husband It's killing me.. And she lost her job.. She has two daughters and feels like she has to stay to make her mortgage payments to have a home for the girls. I was supposed to move in during July but even that isn't going to completely cover it. I just don't want her to go through the same kind of hell. I hate it.. What do I do.. It's killing me she's going to go through that same thing I went through but even worse because of the girls..
I went to California for two weeks I drove 2k miles, ran all over LA, Irvine, San Diego, Carlsbad, and Escondido I love it.
I partied hard at the Sheraton's Big Night San Diego on New Years, waking up next to my best friend after dancing and screaming and socializing.
We went out for salsa and had a last drink at La Puerta which turned into going upstairs with two Lebanese friends for hookah and homemade guacamole. We had BLTAs for breakfast with hefeweizen for breakfast, we shopped for le creuset and juicy couture and painted the house, the living room is now Obstinate Orange and Goldenrod. .
We wandered aimlessly around gaslamp after hookah and Indian food with nothing particular in mind..
I loved speeding up the 5, having bonfires on the beach, eating homemade Mexican food and getting called on Sunday to come home for dinner..
I'm moving. I fully intend to smoke/dance/drink/eat myself to death.
I can't wait to go back on the 10th for a month. He'll be back then, can't wait to be an exhibitionist in front of the window of our hotel room in gaslamp.
It's been almost three years and a little less that I've wasted. Seeing an old friend was that final eye opener. I am okay, but I could be good. I've stepped on toes and was really a flake while I was going through those personal things. I had some incredible friends who were there for me and really cared about me and I turned my back on them for someone who just wasn't the person for me. The only person left to be mad at is myself. For hanging on too long and for the way I treated those who really meant something to me. The word "sorry" just doesn't cut it because like I've found out actions speak louder than words, it's about meaning not mode. I'm so tired of being wrong.
I wish I could just rewind to Ewa and start that part over. I'd have never moved out of James' house, I'd have never cut ties, I'd have fixed my life like I planned.. instead of throwing away years.
Still waiting to see him even though he's here; it disappoints me I've wasted so much time in finally seeing him again when we used to barely spend a night apart. What a fuck up I am..
Two nights of driving through the pineapple fields
last night went to Cholo's for beers with a friend, bonding while being eaten alive by mosquitoes and going home to pour out your guts.. Ended up really having my heart strings ripped at.. What is it that connects people? That forces or allows them to open up those flood gates?.. And really I mean flood gates when you consider the topics we discussed last night..
tonight to grocery shop, barefoot yet again, and watch surfers here for the triple crown shop.. Strange checking out next to a pro surfer you see in mags. I just love the drive too.. the stars, the ocean, the pineapple fields themselves, Mt. Kaala..
again, being human, what is it about these things that makes me happy? why?
then again maybe I shouldn't care why but appreciate that it's these things I do enjoy..
I'm always amazed by how life works itself out.. in a manner you hadn't even conceived.
Some friends visited, it was fun but a nightmare at the same time. It wasn't much of a weekend. I spent about a million dollars and felt like I ran nonstop. J came home and almost had a heart attack about all the stuff in the garage and we expected everyone to be ready to leave and go into town to dance but no, still monopolizing our bedroom and bathroom.. and then wanted me to drive them to and from the club at 11pm and 3am. Whew that sounds as fun as... um.. a cactus dildo.
so, future house guests: use your own bathroom, use your own bedroom, and no, when I am exhausted and want nothing more than to crawl into bed and watch a movie, I will not DD for you.
I love Hawaii, I really do.. I love paying to park at the Catholic church overlooking Waimea bay because they know who I am and give me gatorade when I walk back barefoot from the beach, baked.. I love driving up through the pineapple fields, when you finally crest and see the pacific, I love grocery shopping at Pupukea barefoot and no one cares, and the contrast between the hot sand and the cold floor, I love seeing people walk down the side of kam highway lighting two joints, I love local boys that I don't even know me waving and smiling even though I'm never going to know their names.. And that doesn't even begin to tell anyone how beautiful it is...
because behind that radar scope, talking to your pilot, is probably me who is also having a little-girl-giggling fit with the new gay boy at work. The FAA will let anyone control these days, I tell ya.
