Still tired. Also, bleeding and cramping, so I decided against having my blood sample taken today, and will instead do that on Monday. My mood is... um.* Let's just say I'm feeling exhausted pretty quickly and what I'm currently craving the most = playing Diablo2 some more and having unbeliavably sweet things such as tiramisu or tangerine cream cake. Like, for comfort.

So, this is not comfort food, but a comfort entry.



For the first time in my life, I baked bread, with instant mixes (just add water). Last week I tried white bread, but didn't like it that much -- I had the feeling the mix was sweetened excessively. I know white bread usually tastes sweet, but not that much. The second was a mix based on rye, and turned out much better and tastier. I might do this regularly -- it's cheaper than buying loafs of bread, and it makes me feel accomplished. Yesterday I gave a small quantity to my parents, and now I'm anxious if they'll like it. I'm also ridiculously fond of the outcome when the loaf got dented in while baking, because it makes the slices look like a stylized cloud.

For some weird reason, I'm sort of drawn back to "my" subculture late in life. I mean, I was sort of heavily into it, see this for an example (no, this is not my flat). I broke up with it a few years ago, but it's never really been going anywhere, has it? The music stays, the fondness for certain clothes and stylings stays, the feeling that you somehow don't "really" live as yourself when you dress in denim and grey sweaters. Sometimes I think I ought to write it all down, these goth years. But I digress. I've spent a lot of money on eBay -- money I can afford, due to my ex-company paying me the ten days I could have taken off during the 6 months but didn't. Most of it gets spent on CDs, of course. But I finally bought one of these Bundeswehr Kampftaschen that I had been wanting for years...



... and I'm fairly certain I'm going to decorate it with buttons.

Also, I got a Joy Division shirt, something I had wanted since October 2008 (proof).



I also bought black hair dye. The last time I dyed my hair black was... well. See linked photograph. Five years ago?

I have that crazy idea of buying an expensive button machine (example). To make music band-related buttons I CANNOT GET OTHERWISE. And perhaps design some of my own. And maybe sell them, in small quantities. Please, somebody tell me that I do not need a button machine for 120 Euros? I don't, right? (Or DO I?)

Also, next week my sister and I will go shopping (video games! I'd like Persona 3, kthx) and having ice cream afterwards. It's actually a birthday gift from back in April, she made me a gift card with hearts and sparklies. (Aww!) And she's so overjoyed at the prospect of meeting and shopping, it's cute. But you know what's really weird? She's growing up. I mean, yeah, that's normal, but. She's always been sort of a late bloomer (like me, actually) and I still see her as the girl who loved boy bands, I guess. But yesterday she asked me what music I liked listening to and we exchanged two or three YouTube links and... she's listening to that modern softcore EBM/Electro that wouldn't be out of place in 99% of all "goth" clubs, nowadays. Like Noisuf-X and Agonoize and shit. Which, on the one hand, well crap. On the other hand, funny. So I was, like, "I could give you some names and locations of dance clubs", and then sent her a link to Suicide Commando's "See you in hell" -- I mean, if she listens to electro, might as well try to steer her towards the classics, right? And she made me promise to make her an mp3 mix. THIS IS WEIRD, PEOPLE. I still don't know if I should find it cute or roll my eyes. It makes me feel old and hopeful at the same time, because, honestly, the ways I could connect with my little sister... I can count them on one hand. Without using any fingers.


* No, not just because of menstruation, though there are some rather reliable consequences in my case, because generally speaking one thing it does NOT is make me feel good.