I haven't been well. Not in a sick sense, in fact I haven't gotten a cold in a long time.
But I haven't really been able to, well, exist.
I jump when I hear a loud noise, have a panic attack thinking about high school, and yet when I think about the college I've been accepted to I jump for joy.
My bipolar diagnoses and subsequent treatment has removed my one defense against my overwhelming fear, my thick shell, and now I'm just a shy mess. Phobias about the smallest thing have me running under a table, just people I know frighten me, not for any coherent reason, they just trigger the fight or flight response.
I'm in a cage with a panther, but its not the panther that I'm afraid of, its the cage. If I can just get outside the cage, there's some food for the panther, so it wont eat me.
On a lot of levels, there really is nothing to fear but fear itself. but saying that doesn't make it go away.
WonderCon!!! Okay, so Wonder Con happened this year March 2-4, as it always does on a fri-sat-sun schedule. I went on Saturday, (today) and it was awesome!
He had to go to the hospital, and because he was a macho stupid head he didn't tell us the he was fucking bleeding after the colonoscopy and polyp removal.
For 36 HOURS!!! I mean, COME ON!!!
Bleeding there=Bad thing. even a five year old knows that!
but, yaknow, I'm just glad he's okay.
God, it had to happen during my AP US history exam and SAT too...
(Legaly, I can't talk about the US history exam questions for like a year, but I think I might have aced my SAT)
So Dad's okay.
Now here's the second problem.
After I came home wensday at thre in the morning, I had two fucking insane panic attacks, and I had to crawl in bed with mom in order to get any sleep. I know Dad going to the Hospital is BAD THING but I've been having sorta Panicy moments ever since, and my nerves are shot.
This just creates a whole new problem, since me+ panic attacks might put me in the semi-Drusilla mode I tend to go in.
I'm not skitzo, but I'm not QUITE sane either, and the effect on my mental state is getting to me.
It could also be that I haven't talked to any friends though...
well, playing Zelda Wind Waker is a sort of therapy, right?
Okay, I need a "squee" icon, because the last days events equal squee.
1) Me mum LOVED the original Doctor Who. 2) Besides her recent indoctrination into Stargate, she just watched with me, the premere of the 2005 series on Scifi.
My Mother aparantly has the ability to SQUEAL LIKE A LITTLE GIRL, when confronted with sci-fi. Now, she IS the women who got me started on StarTrek and StarWars when I was a wee lass. (no really, I was raised on the stuff. Cosplayed as Princess Leia at seven. ^_^) But this, this is incredible!!!!
(and as a side note, the first two episodes ROCKED!)
"I'm the doctor, what's your name" "Rose" "Nice to meet you Rose, Run for your life!!!"
Here in good ole San Francisco, the wind speeds are up to about 60 mph and our lights are flickering a tich. eeeeeee!!!! cool.
I have a new DC action figure, Identity Crisis's Green Arrow. That brings the total up to two, Green arrow, and Martian Manhunter. I'll take pictures, they look pretty cool.
New Heroclix too, 'cause I am a shameless, SHAMELESS geek. (yay)
I have my crappy bio comic back, and I must upload it. It's too cracky for words.
Signing off for now, because I'm a tad fearful the power's gonna go.
Hmmm. I guess I could be described as socialist, but I'm defenetly not communist, Even the most idealistic must understand that communism just doesn't work.
(except in the kibbutzes in israel, those seem to work fine.)
scared
cheerful
bouncy
indescribable
uncomfortable
creative