[Junkers] THERE! There that's what I'm talking about!
HOW can I be a Maverick Sympathizer when jerks like that stupid Maverick bastard Violen are constantly picking at me?? How? It doesn't make SENSE.
[Junkers] Someone shoot me now! XD
WHEEEHEE YEAH WHOOHOO BOOYAKA!!!1!
After DAYS of being told by EVERYONE not to care about what people say about me, and I'm juuuuuust starting to accept, guess what? :)
I get my metallic arse landed in KING'S COURT.
For TREASON. Maverick Sympathizer. What did I say? Did I NOT say it? Did I not?
~_~
...
...
...FUCK!! FUCK FUCK DAMN IT ALL TO HELL AARRRRRRRRGH!!
Okay, so no, that wasn't really necessary. Yes King's just following rules, and yes there's been issues in the past and YES there's the problem with my tendencies of being friends with damn near everything with a pulse but DAMMIT I'm NOT a SYMPATHIZER!
I realize that King's using this as a resolve, but... ...Ahh hell.
AND Gems is in trouble too. I understand the entire thing with the Enker thing was still in effect, but not even *I* remembered! AND if he can't defend me he gets punished too.
I'm SO glad I'm not guilty. Maybe not innocent all the way, but I'm not guilty of being a Sympathizer. Not in the capital letter way. If I were I'd be an Interpol Sympathizer, a Strider Sympathizer and a Hunter Sympathizer as well.
Which I'm ~not~.
I mean, yeah I wanted to mash Gemini for being a jerk but I didn't think it'd land us both in court over it!
Yeah, I can just imagine exactly how MUCH people are going to watch what they say after THIS little fiasco.
I wonder. King'll be like, judge, or is Wily being judge? And if Wily IS judge, that means King's the prosecutor? Or is it that King's the judge and someone else will be doing the prosecution thing? If King IS Judge, who'll be prosecutor? With my luck it'll be someone like... ...wait, no, Skull said he'd actually be /defending/ me. He seemed sincere too. Which is wierd, considering we're such FIERCELY opposite people.
Come to think of it it'll probably be Sword. He's a nice even type I could see them saddling him with the job. Poor guy.
Frost also is helping me. Which is going to be wierd, but it's nice to see that he's behind me. That he knows I'm not a sympathizer.
But that's the crux of it isn't it?
Sympathizer. He, they, actually think I am. As if I'd care about someone else, someone who wants to HURT Dad, OVER Dad! ...
That's ~/*crazy*/~
Wierdest thing is Dad knows. And he's letting this happen anyway. Which is why I figured that this has to happen to clear my name and all that. I shouldn't be worried.
But I guess a little worrying is inherant, isn't it?
Tengu helped me today. He almost seemed scared. Ahh fuck it, he DID seem scared. Why would Tengu be scared? For me?
I love Daddy. No matter what happens, no matter WHAT happens I love Daddy, and I'll never stop loving Daddy. No matter what happens, he'll be right. I trust him. No matter what happens I know he's right.
What exactly constitutes a Maverick Sympathizer anyhow? :/
After DAYS of being told by EVERYONE not to care about what people say about me, and I'm juuuuuust starting to accept, guess what? :)
I get my metallic arse landed in KING'S COURT.
For TREASON. Maverick Sympathizer. What did I say? Did I NOT say it? Did I not?
~_~
...
...
...FUCK!! FUCK FUCK DAMN IT ALL TO HELL AARRRRRRRRGH!!
Okay, so no, that wasn't really necessary. Yes King's just following rules, and yes there's been issues in the past and YES there's the problem with my tendencies of being friends with damn near everything with a pulse but DAMMIT I'm NOT a SYMPATHIZER!
I realize that King's using this as a resolve, but... ...Ahh hell.
AND Gems is in trouble too. I understand the entire thing with the Enker thing was still in effect, but not even *I* remembered! AND if he can't defend me he gets punished too.
I'm SO glad I'm not guilty. Maybe not innocent all the way, but I'm not guilty of being a Sympathizer. Not in the capital letter way. If I were I'd be an Interpol Sympathizer, a Strider Sympathizer and a Hunter Sympathizer as well.
Which I'm ~not~.
I mean, yeah I wanted to mash Gemini for being a jerk but I didn't think it'd land us both in court over it!
Yeah, I can just imagine exactly how MUCH people are going to watch what they say after THIS little fiasco.
I wonder. King'll be like, judge, or is Wily being judge? And if Wily IS judge, that means King's the prosecutor? Or is it that King's the judge and someone else will be doing the prosecution thing? If King IS Judge, who'll be prosecutor? With my luck it'll be someone like... ...wait, no, Skull said he'd actually be /defending/ me. He seemed sincere too. Which is wierd, considering we're such FIERCELY opposite people.
Come to think of it it'll probably be Sword. He's a nice even type I could see them saddling him with the job. Poor guy.
Frost also is helping me. Which is going to be wierd, but it's nice to see that he's behind me. That he knows I'm not a sympathizer.
But that's the crux of it isn't it?
Sympathizer. He, they, actually think I am. As if I'd care about someone else, someone who wants to HURT Dad, OVER Dad! ...
That's ~/*crazy*/~
Wierdest thing is Dad knows. And he's letting this happen anyway. Which is why I figured that this has to happen to clear my name and all that. I shouldn't be worried.
But I guess a little worrying is inherant, isn't it?
Tengu helped me today. He almost seemed scared. Ahh fuck it, he DID seem scared. Why would Tengu be scared? For me?
I love Daddy. No matter what happens, no matter WHAT happens I love Daddy, and I'll never stop loving Daddy. No matter what happens, he'll be right. I trust him. No matter what happens I know he's right.
What exactly constitutes a Maverick Sympathizer anyhow? :/
[Junkers] Stupid STUPID Gemini... >.
It's amusing, just how unimportant some things can look, and how stupid you can feel for worrying about this or that. Like the fact that so many of my brothers (so many being 2) seem to think it's so amusing to peg me as a Maverick Sympathizer.
And the fact that I tried to crush Gemini's throat last night. Yep. You read that right >.> I tried to crush Gemini.
He wouldn't stop /messing/ with me...
Snake and Number say I let too much get to me. They say that I have too thin a skin and that Gemini, being a predator essentially, instinctively seeks out weakness. They're right of course. I shouldn't let him get to me. But when you start questioning my loyalty to Father and start throwing the word Sympathizer around, that's a serious thing! You do NOT do that casually! It'll get someone reprogrammed...
Like that's not going to happen. Dad's loving and reassuring, and I'm not TRYING to push, but, well... I don't know. I'm always so paranoid of reprogramming... ...after what happened to Tengu, I can't help it.
Though he told me something which disturbs me. He told me that brotherly spats aren't something to get ruffled over, and essentially that if someone's being mean to me it's okay to slap them around. Which is all well and good, except that I'm not supposed to be able to do that!! I thought, programming wise that I was unable to lash out at my brothers. It makes sense that dad wouldn't restrain me so bad, but... I'm a medic, and I'm designed not to harm my family. I thought I couldn't. Like Asimovian couldn't. >.> This is disturbing.
How many other things I think are wrong?
avoidant
Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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I'm not avoidant, but the word retarded in there popped up. Which is wierd. Both Gemini and Number called me that today, though one was a simple shout of "Run you retard!" ...it's annoying in the extreme. I'm not retarded <.< >.> Robots can't be retarded, even if Number says I run slower than a 356. Which is mean ~_- I run a LOT faster than that. Not as fast as him, but he's a frickin supercomputer! S'not fair. I really should spraypaint something on his head some day. ^_-
Well anyway. Ever had the feeling that your soul's been ripped from your body and is slowly forcefeeding its way back into you through a gaping hole in your back? I didn't think so.
I'm not a Maverick Sympathizer, and I swear, the next person who says I am I'm going to snap like a dry and brittle twig. I can fix them afterwards, but really. They really shouldn't mess with me. I don't know why I let them.
See, now this is why I hadn't wanted this whole free will thing. I hate Skull. I can't help it. I am life, he is death, and he's MEAN about it! He doesn't care, and I just want to, to HURT him for it! #_# Which is completely unlike me. But still, the things he does... If he somehow manages to get worse, I'm afraid of what I'll do to him >.>
I've ranted too long. I'm gonna go have a drink, go to sleep, try to let it all just kinda rest.
I still have Frosty's teddy bear. It smells nice.
And the fact that I tried to crush Gemini's throat last night. Yep. You read that right >.> I tried to crush Gemini.
He wouldn't stop /messing/ with me...
Snake and Number say I let too much get to me. They say that I have too thin a skin and that Gemini, being a predator essentially, instinctively seeks out weakness. They're right of course. I shouldn't let him get to me. But when you start questioning my loyalty to Father and start throwing the word Sympathizer around, that's a serious thing! You do NOT do that casually! It'll get someone reprogrammed...
Like that's not going to happen. Dad's loving and reassuring, and I'm not TRYING to push, but, well... I don't know. I'm always so paranoid of reprogramming... ...after what happened to Tengu, I can't help it.
Though he told me something which disturbs me. He told me that brotherly spats aren't something to get ruffled over, and essentially that if someone's being mean to me it's okay to slap them around. Which is all well and good, except that I'm not supposed to be able to do that!! I thought, programming wise that I was unable to lash out at my brothers. It makes sense that dad wouldn't restrain me so bad, but... I'm a medic, and I'm designed not to harm my family. I thought I couldn't. Like Asimovian couldn't. >.> This is disturbing.
How many other things I think are wrong?
avoidant
Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla
I'm not avoidant, but the word retarded in there popped up. Which is wierd. Both Gemini and Number called me that today, though one was a simple shout of "Run you retard!" ...it's annoying in the extreme. I'm not retarded <.< >.> Robots can't be retarded, even if Number says I run slower than a 356. Which is mean ~_- I run a LOT faster than that. Not as fast as him, but he's a frickin supercomputer! S'not fair. I really should spraypaint something on his head some day. ^_-
Well anyway. Ever had the feeling that your soul's been ripped from your body and is slowly forcefeeding its way back into you through a gaping hole in your back? I didn't think so.
I'm not a Maverick Sympathizer, and I swear, the next person who says I am I'm going to snap like a dry and brittle twig. I can fix them afterwards, but really. They really shouldn't mess with me. I don't know why I let them.
See, now this is why I hadn't wanted this whole free will thing. I hate Skull. I can't help it. I am life, he is death, and he's MEAN about it! He doesn't care, and I just want to, to HURT him for it! #_# Which is completely unlike me. But still, the things he does... If he somehow manages to get worse, I'm afraid of what I'll do to him >.>
I've ranted too long. I'm gonna go have a drink, go to sleep, try to let it all just kinda rest.
I still have Frosty's teddy bear. It smells nice.
-
-
aggravated
-
[Junkers] 98 hours
98 Hours. Straight drunk. Then Enker came.
Came to make me feel better. And I did. Stopped drinking, put it aside for the while. Enker talked to Dad. I don't have to kill anyone, dad says, and that I'm upset, and don't worry. And that I should stop fearing my own free will.
He's right, though. He's always right. I don't want to think for myself though. I want to let him do it for me. If I have to be a mindless automaton as everyone *cough*Sigma*cough* always calls me, can't I at least get the benefit of it? ...ah dammit.
Yes, for everyone who's ever poked psychological and sociological fun at my brotherhood, put that in your pipe and smoke it. I don't WANT to make my own decisions!
Maybe I'm just afraid of being mad at Dad. Maybe. I don't know.
I finished the thing for Punk! Big razor edged spinny death bladey thing! ...he didn't hack me one with it, so I guess I did good.
I fought Mavericks. Yay! I didn't kill everyone. Yay! I, uh, stuck around after the battle, and, well, they found me and tried to beat me till I E-Ringed. Ya- or not. Yeah. It sucked. I know I was in enemy territory, but it's not as if I was going off on... oh screw it. Yeah. I got beaten down by Mavericks. And then Frost came in, and *he* got beaten down by Mavericks. And it's my fault. They hit him, Sigma held us with a freeze thing, and they hit him, and he was just making these awful noises... >.>
And guess who's fault it is? :( I swear I try to do good.
Terror was remixing the sound of me screaming and uh, begging and crying and stuff over the radio. He's... not being nice. He got Daddy mad at him. ...I can't save him anymore. Why does he do this? He doesn't understand! Or maybe he does. I don't know anymore. I just don't know.
Stupid Terror. It's embarassing! Making me screaming and crying over the radio. Murr.
I go get drunk. Mmyes. Wait, no must finish that holothingy. I hate algorythms.
I also hate Reprogramming Paranoia. Every single stinking time I do something wrong or get in trouble I start acting all stupid and apologizing and saying goodbye to all my friends. :( And then I don't get reprogrammed and feel like a flippin' idiot.
Maybe I should go make cookies for Top. Though sugar often makes him worse... hmm -_-
...screw it. I'm working on another sculpture.
Came to make me feel better. And I did. Stopped drinking, put it aside for the while. Enker talked to Dad. I don't have to kill anyone, dad says, and that I'm upset, and don't worry. And that I should stop fearing my own free will.
He's right, though. He's always right. I don't want to think for myself though. I want to let him do it for me. If I have to be a mindless automaton as everyone *cough*Sigma*cough* always calls me, can't I at least get the benefit of it? ...ah dammit.
Yes, for everyone who's ever poked psychological and sociological fun at my brotherhood, put that in your pipe and smoke it. I don't WANT to make my own decisions!
Maybe I'm just afraid of being mad at Dad. Maybe. I don't know.
I finished the thing for Punk! Big razor edged spinny death bladey thing! ...he didn't hack me one with it, so I guess I did good.
I fought Mavericks. Yay! I didn't kill everyone. Yay! I, uh, stuck around after the battle, and, well, they found me and tried to beat me till I E-Ringed. Ya- or not. Yeah. It sucked. I know I was in enemy territory, but it's not as if I was going off on... oh screw it. Yeah. I got beaten down by Mavericks. And then Frost came in, and *he* got beaten down by Mavericks. And it's my fault. They hit him, Sigma held us with a freeze thing, and they hit him, and he was just making these awful noises... >.>
And guess who's fault it is? :( I swear I try to do good.
Terror was remixing the sound of me screaming and uh, begging and crying and stuff over the radio. He's... not being nice. He got Daddy mad at him. ...I can't save him anymore. Why does he do this? He doesn't understand! Or maybe he does. I don't know anymore. I just don't know.
Stupid Terror. It's embarassing! Making me screaming and crying over the radio. Murr.
I go get drunk. Mmyes. Wait, no must finish that holothingy. I hate algorythms.
I also hate Reprogramming Paranoia. Every single stinking time I do something wrong or get in trouble I start acting all stupid and apologizing and saying goodbye to all my friends. :( And then I don't get reprogrammed and feel like a flippin' idiot.
Maybe I should go make cookies for Top. Though sugar often makes him worse... hmm -_-
...screw it. I'm working on another sculpture.
-
-
embarrassed
-
[Junkers] Bet you a hundred zenny I lose nerve before I'm done...
Screw it.
Hee. Yeah, writing drunk. Whoohoo! *_*
Do you have ANY idea how much booze it takes to trick my CPU's Shots Protocol into thinking I'm full out sh*tfaced drunk for the last... what time is it... hm, twenty hours?
Answer? a LOT. Like gallons, and of some good stuff too. *urp* Mmm. Dad's best.
Which I PAID for... what do you think I am, a bleeder off Dad's resources?
...
Fuck.
------------
Fuck it. I'm gonna say it. That's what this piece of crap is for, right?
I've given up.
Well, maybe. I'm not sure if the code lets me, but I have up until it starts kicking my ass like it always does.
Unless that's me. That'd be funny. Kicking my own ass. I do it well enough.
Fuck.
~_~
Fuck fuck fuck fuck... oh Wily damn it all.
I'm not going to do it.
He threatened it; he'll have to do it. He'll have to reprogram me if he's going to make me do it. If he's going to threaten it than he should have to be forced to do it.
Oh who am I kidding. He did it to Tengu, he'll do it to me. I'm so stupid. So stupid and small.
But...
But it doesn't make SENSE dammit! I'm a medic! It's not my JOB to go murder Mavericks!
They're a family too. Though they're our enemy. And it's Father's will. Which is all that should matter.
Fuck. I'm really drunk, I'm not even hedging the manner and screaming at myself for being bad and risking dissapointing him. ...Dammit. What do I do now?
When in doubt, ramble. Watch me ramble! ...yay ~_~
So this is me given up. Junk Man Wily, son of my father, has essentially done the equivalent of flipped him the bird for all the love and caring and support he's ever shown me. I've willingly thrown that all in his face. And I hate myself for it.
We're at war, this is an army. It's not a family during war, it's an army. And I'm AWOL. And that without leave part's gonna bite me in the ass.
...oh well, it's not as if I had anything better to do than... dissapoint Father.
...Daddy.
I'm sorry. There's a reason I wasn't built to think. I'm stupid and I... Daddy I'm sorry.
I'm so scared. ;_;
Ironic that. I tip my hat to you Plant, I tip my hat.
Hee. Yeah, writing drunk. Whoohoo! *_*
Do you have ANY idea how much booze it takes to trick my CPU's Shots Protocol into thinking I'm full out sh*tfaced drunk for the last... what time is it... hm, twenty hours?
Answer? a LOT. Like gallons, and of some good stuff too. *urp* Mmm. Dad's best.
Which I PAID for... what do you think I am, a bleeder off Dad's resources?
...
Fuck.
------------
Fuck it. I'm gonna say it. That's what this piece of crap is for, right?
I've given up.
Well, maybe. I'm not sure if the code lets me, but I have up until it starts kicking my ass like it always does.
Unless that's me. That'd be funny. Kicking my own ass. I do it well enough.
Fuck.
~_~
Fuck fuck fuck fuck... oh Wily damn it all.
I'm not going to do it.
He threatened it; he'll have to do it. He'll have to reprogram me if he's going to make me do it. If he's going to threaten it than he should have to be forced to do it.
Oh who am I kidding. He did it to Tengu, he'll do it to me. I'm so stupid. So stupid and small.
But...
But it doesn't make SENSE dammit! I'm a medic! It's not my JOB to go murder Mavericks!
They're a family too. Though they're our enemy. And it's Father's will. Which is all that should matter.
Fuck. I'm really drunk, I'm not even hedging the manner and screaming at myself for being bad and risking dissapointing him. ...Dammit. What do I do now?
When in doubt, ramble. Watch me ramble! ...yay ~_~
So this is me given up. Junk Man Wily, son of my father, has essentially done the equivalent of flipped him the bird for all the love and caring and support he's ever shown me. I've willingly thrown that all in his face. And I hate myself for it.
We're at war, this is an army. It's not a family during war, it's an army. And I'm AWOL. And that without leave part's gonna bite me in the ass.
...oh well, it's not as if I had anything better to do than... dissapoint Father.
...Daddy.
I'm sorry. There's a reason I wasn't built to think. I'm stupid and I... Daddy I'm sorry.
I'm so scared. ;_;
Ironic that. I tip my hat to you Plant, I tip my hat.
[Hien] I told you.
I told you. I told you. I told you what would happen. I told you that you'd leave me alone like Matic left. Matic wasn't a bad fighter. You're not a bad fighter. I told you. It happened to Matic.
It was going to happen to you.
I TOLD you daddy! I told you! ...but you had to do it. I don't claim to understand.
I'm sorry I said those things to you. I'm sorry that's the last thing you heard from me. That I wouldn't forgive you...
I realize, that, you were fighting. But I knew it wasn't something, that, can be fought. I'm not mad at you for dying. It's not your fault that you died. You can't live after something like that, so asking you to stay with me would just have made you sad. ...I'm sorry Daddy I ...I don't know what to say.
I've already said too much. Words aren't good. They aren't helping.
You're blood got all over my outfit, but I don't want to wash it at the moment. You died before I even touched you, I found that out, I could feel it. I don't know what you were thinking when you left.
I TOLD you.
...Daddy...
It was going to happen to you.
I TOLD you daddy! I told you! ...but you had to do it. I don't claim to understand.
I'm sorry I said those things to you. I'm sorry that's the last thing you heard from me. That I wouldn't forgive you...
I realize, that, you were fighting. But I knew it wasn't something, that, can be fought. I'm not mad at you for dying. It's not your fault that you died. You can't live after something like that, so asking you to stay with me would just have made you sad. ...I'm sorry Daddy I ...I don't know what to say.
I've already said too much. Words aren't good. They aren't helping.
You're blood got all over my outfit, but I don't want to wash it at the moment. You died before I even touched you, I found that out, I could feel it. I don't know what you were thinking when you left.
I TOLD you.
...Daddy...
-
-
lonely
-
...well, it had to happen some time.
Red! Your eyes are red! You're a very distant
person, and you tend to hunger for power. In a
Manga, you'd be the sexy evil villan. Nothing
wrong with that, although you may want to think
about toning down the killing.
What Color Are Your Anime Eyes?
brought to you by Quizilla
I guess it makes sense that I'd lose my first entry eventually. Also makes sense that it'd be one of the ones I...
*sigh*
maybe they're all realizations, and such. But I had no right to complain.
Doppler will never read this, nor anyone important ~_~
Worst thing is, I couldn't see myself NOT doing it. Maybe if I'd never volunteered. Maybe I shouldn't tag around Frosty.
Frosty's my friend though. It's my fault.
I know it is. I made Sirius throw up, and I made Tori unhappy.
I'm just going to crawl over here and be hated now >.>
It's been two weeks and it still gets to me. As it will, as Sirius said it would, for the rest of my life.
Which, if FComputer stays running, could be a loooooooooooong time.
*sigh*
...I wish I could apologize to him. To everyone. But it'd just be a mockary.
[Junkers] One handed typing sucks.
I can't talk. Why can't I talk? I tried talking to Gyro. Well first Plant.
Plant's nice. Wierd, but nice. Plant wanted to talk to me. Nobody wants to talk to me. I sound annoying. I sound annoying and someone wanted to talk to me even when nobody does.
And I couldn't talk. It's like I didn't want to like I didn't feel like it at the time, though they were right there and nobody talks to me.
I wish I could cry, though Pharaoh would laugh at me then hate me more if I could. He already hates me, but then, he hates everyone. Even though everyone was made by Father. He told me, cause I asked him, cause it confused me; if you worship father, how can you not love that which he created, since the way they are is of his will? He said he didn't debate their existance, and that he's somehow exempted to hate because of this.
Why can't I just be right? Make things easier? But I'm not, and it's all complicated.
I think I need to go get drunk again. Yes.
Booooze *_*
I think I'm going to get some new eyes soon. Putting them in hurts. I like these, but they remind me too much of Terror. Maybe a nice white one, and something dark? Or maybe a dark brown and a bright fiery orange? Hmm. Maybe I should get similar ones. Hm...
Maybe I need to write less. The ones I have seen have almost nothing in them. Yes. >.> <.< I ramble. Watch me ramble! You're still reading this! Mwahah! ;>
Plant's nice. Wierd, but nice. Plant wanted to talk to me. Nobody wants to talk to me. I sound annoying. I sound annoying and someone wanted to talk to me even when nobody does.
And I couldn't talk. It's like I didn't want to like I didn't feel like it at the time, though they were right there and nobody talks to me.
I wish I could cry, though Pharaoh would laugh at me then hate me more if I could. He already hates me, but then, he hates everyone. Even though everyone was made by Father. He told me, cause I asked him, cause it confused me; if you worship father, how can you not love that which he created, since the way they are is of his will? He said he didn't debate their existance, and that he's somehow exempted to hate because of this.
Why can't I just be right? Make things easier? But I'm not, and it's all complicated.
I think I need to go get drunk again. Yes.
Booooze *_*
I think I'm going to get some new eyes soon. Putting them in hurts. I like these, but they remind me too much of Terror. Maybe a nice white one, and something dark? Or maybe a dark brown and a bright fiery orange? Hmm. Maybe I should get similar ones. Hm...
Maybe I need to write less. The ones I have seen have almost nothing in them. Yes. >.> <.< I ramble. Watch me ramble! You're still reading this! Mwahah! ;>
[Junkers] Stupid technology...
Never tried this before. Just talk? I can talk. When I type it doesn't have to deal with stutters and starts. Looks better. Is better.
I watched an execution today. I know what you must think. Yeah yeah blah, so what? Yeah. Just some rebellious people that King managed to ferret out. They died quickly, and relatively painlessly. Heck, anyone would want a death like that, instead of stabbed or shot or burnt up or anything, right? ...right.
There were a lot of them, like eight or nine. King knew what he was doing, he found them. Wily was happy. That's what King was built for and he did it. I love Wily, I respect him. I was there because, well, because I don't like him being outside. ...he's been outside before, and I miss him. Cause I'm not there. ...and he gets hurt. I'm not going to let him get hurt ever ever again. So I was out there.
...I'm weak. I know I am. ... ... ...I need to be stronger. I'm weak, too weak. I want to be there for father. But I can't. Not like this. I was watching. ...I didn't like it. I know it's not my right to have an opinion, being a child of my father. I can't have an opinion, not one that matters, and if I feel it and it gets in my way it matters. I can't I can't. I'm not supposed to. I'm not supposed to have anything inside me that deviates from his will, be it something major or minor. Nothing. Nothing at all, and I did. I can't. And I do. I can't. I do but I can't and I'm scared.
It wasn't anything important. It never is. I made sure it wasn't. But it was, and it wouldn't stop. I swallowed it down, I was the good soldier. And it DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. I didn't even want to save them, I didn't care. Father left the last one to die. It's a good gesture, the kind of gesture that would work. It would work for what Father needed. They went against father. They went against father. Against father. Trust in father, trust in father, trust in father and everything will be okay.
I read a story once. Well, parts of it. It was in the computer and it was all fragmented. I wouldn'tve read it, but there was this part. I found, it works, for father, and I'll repeat it sometimes, like this; Father guide us, father teach us, father protect us. In your light we thrive, in your mercy we are shelterd, in your wisdom we are humbled, something something, our lives are yours. And my life is his. If only dying would make him happy. It would make things simpler. Much simpler. If I could die knowing it would make him happy.
But no, he wants something much worse. He wants me to live. To think. To exist. But mostly to think. I'm not built for thinking. He wants me to ...I don't even know anymore. I don't know. I don't know, it's all so confusing...
He said he didn't want to lose a son. He didn't want to lose me.
But he... no. No must not think of that, trust in father trust in him and everything will be okay.
Sometimes, as much as I treasure what I am, I wish he'd crack my head open and reach inside and change everything that's wrong and cowardly and disagreeing and BAD NO WRONG...
Tengu...
---
I watched an execution today. I know what you must think. Yeah yeah blah, so what? Yeah. Just some rebellious people that King managed to ferret out. They died quickly, and relatively painlessly. Heck, anyone would want a death like that, instead of stabbed or shot or burnt up or anything, right? ...right.
There were a lot of them, like eight or nine. King knew what he was doing, he found them. Wily was happy. That's what King was built for and he did it. I love Wily, I respect him. I was there because, well, because I don't like him being outside. ...he's been outside before, and I miss him. Cause I'm not there. ...and he gets hurt. I'm not going to let him get hurt ever ever again. So I was out there.
...I'm weak. I know I am. ... ... ...I need to be stronger. I'm weak, too weak. I want to be there for father. But I can't. Not like this. I was watching. ...I didn't like it. I know it's not my right to have an opinion, being a child of my father. I can't have an opinion, not one that matters, and if I feel it and it gets in my way it matters. I can't I can't. I'm not supposed to. I'm not supposed to have anything inside me that deviates from his will, be it something major or minor. Nothing. Nothing at all, and I did. I can't. And I do. I can't. I do but I can't and I'm scared.
It wasn't anything important. It never is. I made sure it wasn't. But it was, and it wouldn't stop. I swallowed it down, I was the good soldier. And it DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. I didn't even want to save them, I didn't care. Father left the last one to die. It's a good gesture, the kind of gesture that would work. It would work for what Father needed. They went against father. They went against father. Against father. Trust in father, trust in father, trust in father and everything will be okay.
I read a story once. Well, parts of it. It was in the computer and it was all fragmented. I wouldn'tve read it, but there was this part. I found, it works, for father, and I'll repeat it sometimes, like this; Father guide us, father teach us, father protect us. In your light we thrive, in your mercy we are shelterd, in your wisdom we are humbled, something something, our lives are yours. And my life is his. If only dying would make him happy. It would make things simpler. Much simpler. If I could die knowing it would make him happy.
But no, he wants something much worse. He wants me to live. To think. To exist. But mostly to think. I'm not built for thinking. He wants me to ...I don't even know anymore. I don't know. I don't know, it's all so confusing...
He said he didn't want to lose a son. He didn't want to lose me.
But he... no. No must not think of that, trust in father trust in him and everything will be okay.
Sometimes, as much as I treasure what I am, I wish he'd crack my head open and reach inside and change everything that's wrong and cowardly and disagreeing and BAD NO WRONG...
Tengu...
---
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<hatred [...] coward's>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]
Never tried this before. Just talk? I can talk. When I type it doesn't have to deal with stutters and starts. Looks better. Is better.
I watched an execution today. I know what you must think. Yeah yeah blah, so what? Yeah. Just some rebellious people that King managed to ferret out. They died quickly, and relatively painlessly. Heck, anyone would want a death like that, instead of stabbed or shot or burnt up or anything, right? ...right.
There were a lot of them, like eight or nine. King knew what he was doing, he found them. Wily was happy. That's what King was built for and he did it. I love Wily, I respect him. I was there because, well, because I don't like him being outside. ...he's been outside before, and I miss him. Cause I'm not there. ...and he gets hurt. I'm not going to let him get hurt ever ever again. So I was out there.
...I'm weak. I know I am. ... ... ...I need to be stronger. I'm weak, too weak. I want to be there for father. But I can't. Not like this. I was watching. ...I didn't like it. I know it's not my right to have an opinion, being a child of my father. I can't have an opinion, not one that matters, and if I feel it and it gets in my way it matters. I can't I can't. I'm not supposed to. I'm not supposed to have anything inside me that deviates from his will, be it something major or minor. Nothing. Nothing at all, and I did. I can't. And I do. I can't. I do but I can't and I'm scared.
It wasn't anything important. It never is. I made sure it wasn't. But it was, and it wouldn't stop. I swallowed it down, I was the good soldier. And it DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. I didn't even want to save them, I didn't care. Father left the last one to die. It's a good gesture, the kind of gesture that would work. It would work for what Father needed. They went against father. They went against father. Against father. Trust in father, trust in father, trust in father and everything will be okay.
I read a story once. Well, parts of it. It was in the computer and it was all fragmented. I wouldn'tve read it, but there was this part. I found, it works, for father, and I'll repeat it sometimes, like this; Father guide us, father teach us, father protect us. In your light we thrive, in your mercy we are shelterd, in your wisdom we are humbled, something something, our lives are yours. And my life is his. If only dying would make him happy. It would make things simpler. Much simpler. If I could die knowing it would make him happy.
But no, he wants something much worse. He wants me to live. To think. To exist. But mostly to think. I'm not built for thinking. He wants me to ...I don't even know anymore. I don't know. I don't know, it's all so confusing...
He said he didn't want to lose a son. He didn't want to lose me.
But he... no. No must not think of that, trust in father trust in him and everything will be okay.
Sometimes, as much as I treasure what I am, I wish he'd crack my head open and reach inside and change everything that's wrong and cowardly and disagreeing and BAD NO WRONG...
Tengu...
---
<Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated>
Junkers :)
I watched an execution today. I know what you must think. Yeah yeah blah, so what? Yeah. Just some rebellious people that King managed to ferret out. They died quickly, and relatively painlessly. Heck, anyone would want a death like that, instead of stabbed or shot or burnt up or anything, right? ...right.
There were a lot of them, like eight or nine. King knew what he was doing, he found them. Wily was happy. That's what King was built for and he did it. I love Wily, I respect him. I was there because, well, because I don't like him being outside. ...he's been outside before, and I miss him. Cause I'm not there. ...and he gets hurt. I'm not going to let him get hurt ever ever again. So I was out there.
...I'm weak. I know I am. ... ... ...I need to be stronger. I'm weak, too weak. I want to be there for father. But I can't. Not like this. I was watching. ...I didn't like it. I know it's not my right to have an opinion, being a child of my father. I can't have an opinion, not one that matters, and if I feel it and it gets in my way it matters. I can't I can't. I'm not supposed to. I'm not supposed to have anything inside me that deviates from his will, be it something major or minor. Nothing. Nothing at all, and I did. I can't. And I do. I can't. I do but I can't and I'm scared.
It wasn't anything important. It never is. I made sure it wasn't. But it was, and it wouldn't stop. I swallowed it down, I was the good soldier. And it DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. I didn't even want to save them, I didn't care. Father left the last one to die. It's a good gesture, the kind of gesture that would work. It would work for what Father needed. They went against father. They went against father. Against father. Trust in father, trust in father, trust in father and everything will be okay.
I read a story once. Well, parts of it. It was in the computer and it was all fragmented. I wouldn'tve read it, but there was this part. I found, it works, for father, and I'll repeat it sometimes, like this; Father guide us, father teach us, father protect us. In your light we thrive, in your mercy we are shelterd, in your wisdom we are humbled, something something, our lives are yours. And my life is his. If only dying would make him happy. It would make things simpler. Much simpler. If I could die knowing it would make him happy.
But no, he wants something much worse. He wants me to live. To think. To exist. But mostly to think. I'm not built for thinking. He wants me to ...I don't even know anymore. I don't know. I don't know, it's all so confusing...
He said he didn't want to lose a son. He didn't want to lose me.
But he... no. No must not think of that, trust in father trust in him and everything will be okay.
Sometimes, as much as I treasure what I am, I wish he'd crack my head open and reach inside and change everything that's wrong and cowardly and disagreeing and BAD NO WRONG...
Tengu...
---
<Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated>
Junkers :)