This isn't just a memory. Not yet.

The harsh truth is, if I hadn't paid around 80 bucks for a special edition steel case of Final Fantasy XV, I would've tossed the game in the trash can after completing it. This is how grievously it disappointed me.
To be fair, though, it is a solid video game. But it does in no way deserve to call itself Final Fantasy. It tries, it has so much fucking potential, but it miserably fails to deliver.

And this is not for a lack of Final Fantasy. It has it all. A coming-of-age story about an epic journey that covers themes of friendship, sacrifce, loss, responsibility and self-growth, that comes with a tear jerking amount of tragedy and unforgettably heart-wrenching moments. A bunch of outstanding, remarkable characters that are as loveable and relatable as they are profound. A truly despiceable villain with a reasonable background story, motivation and intention, left for you to figure out as the plot thickens. A comprehensive and detailed fantasy world that leaves nothing to your imagination but everything to explore and discover. A really fun to play and easy to master battle system, complete with astonishing magic animations and giant summons. Exciting, grand-scale boss battles that send shivers up and down your spine as you're fighting them. Great and witty dialogues, noteworthy lines of the kind that simply stay with you forever. One of the best and most epic Final Fantasy soundtracks ever composed.

In short, XV has everything it would've needed to be a real Final Fantasy. It has all the right parts. But what Square Enix sold us as the final product, fails to deliver the experience as a whole. What I got is an unfinished game, that was released way too early, even after 10 years in the making. For the sake of profit, Square Enix butchered Final Fantasy XV. They launched an incomplete game, with a world only half-finished, a cropped story, and terrible, terrible pacing issues both in plot and gameplay.

XV promised to be a great story. And it would have been. If only they had taken the time, effort and heart to tell it right. Instead, they crop the story into pieces, leave out whole chapters to sell for additional profit as DLC later, and give you this half-assed excuse of a Final Fantasy.

I seriously mourn what Final Fantasy XV could have been if they had done it properly. The developers definitely had the ideas, dreams and hopes of making a great Final Fantasy game. You can still see and feel that, even in the heartless, profit-seeking product that Square Enix so greedily sold us as a Final Fantasy.

If this is what the future of Final Fantasy looks like, then it seems like I indeed did play the Final Fantasy.

Our lucky streak is officially over. All was well until we started cantering about three weeks ago. Ever since we added canter work into our training there's been a gradual decrease in Caven's performance. At first it was hardly noticable, but then it got drastically worse with each training session.

And that's only been two weeks of minimal canter work. We're in the third week now. I stopped cantering last week after both my trainer and I realized how much Caven's performance has suffered in this short span of time.

Caven has become terribly stiff and tight under saddle, he struggles to move correctly, makes use of all the wrong muscle parts, and on top of that he's lost his concentration and focus. He's almost back at the point where he's ready to bolt at any given circumstance. Luckily, he hasn't yet.

Everything's been going perfectly well until we started cantering. So, naturally, my first thought was: "Something has to be wrong..." Does he have serious back issues after all? I was relieved to hear that one of my trainers noticed and thought of the same thing after these two weeks. Like she had before, she suggested having Caven's back x-rayed to be absolutely sure.

The thing is, I have two trainers. And today my other trainer said something completely different. He, too, noticed the decrease in just about everything we've been working so hard on over the past two months. He doesn't think that cantering is the cause of all evil in this case, though. He was trying to be really nice about it, but he basically said I can't ride well enough to be able to train Caven properly, the way he obviously needs to be trained.

I don't disagree. I know I'm not a good rider (yet) and I certainly don't have any talent, either. But I had honestly hoped I could ride well enough in order to not cause any harm/damage to my horse. So, bummer.

There is just these two options left now. Either Caven has serious back problems, or I suck at riding, (or both...). Either way, I'll feel like a total asshole for getting Caven's back checked, trying to find the cause of our problems there, when I know very well the cause could simply be me...

Well, I feel like crap.

I also don't know what to think. Over the past two months we've been treating and training Caven, I was the one who rode him into shape. No one else rode Caven. I did, and according to both trainers and our physiotherapist, I did well. Caven recovered. He healed and got back into shape. There was noticable, visible progress, every week.

And now I'm the one who destroyed that? In a matter of days?

If so, I should probably not ride horses... If we check Caven's back and there's nothing wrong with him, it's all my fault. Honestly, I'm afraid of what the result will be, because it can only be devastating. I'm either a horrible enough rider to make me realize I should quit for my horse's sake, or my horse has serious enough back problems for the vet to retire him as a riding horse. Worst case scenarios, obviously. But also, likely.

I have another lesson tomorrow, and directly after that Caven has an appointment with his favorite physiotherapist (he enjoys her massages A LOT), so we'll see how things will go then and what both trainer and therapist have to say about Caven's condition. And I'll see to it that Caven gets his back x-rayed, either at a clinic or a vet who can do it on site.

The ups and downs of a horse owner. More like, the downs and downs... I know I'm being unfair, but that's what it feels like at the moment.

It looks like Caven is finally out of the woods! Last weekend our physiotherapist came to check on him and she was impressed by how well he's recovered! So all the training, massages and exercises we did daily really paid off! Caven is in good shape, his back is completely pain-free and his muscles are back to how they should be. Finally some good news, and I was truly relieved to hear them. :)

And because Caven has recovered so nicely, our therapist gave us the go to add canter work to our training routine, starting this week. Admittedly, I was a bit worried, because Caven hasn't cantered under a rider for over a month, and we didn't know how he would react to the aid. It went surprisingly fine and smooth, though.

Ever since we started from scratch and rebuilt our training according to the treatment and diagnoses of Caven's therapist, I have never ridden Caven without a trainer by my side. Not once. It paid off and I will continue this routine until I feel Caven and I are both healthy and ready enough to do more.

Right now, riding three times a week with a trainer by my side is more than enough and it proves to be extremely effective! Since we started training like this Caven hasn't bolted or really spooked even once. He's much more focused and concentrated. He doesn't get distracted as easily any more, and he listens and pays attention to me.

Because we started from scratch and took things slowly, I learned to give much clearer aids and as a result manage to ride more boldly than before. Caven learned to accept my lead and doesn't question every little thing I ask of him anymore. In fact, he is eager to work, thinks with (and sometimes ahead of) me and is generally more relaxed.

We really made huge progress in this one month and we'll continue to make progress from here on out! Our training is finally stress-free and just a lot of fun. :)

When we cantered for the first time yesterday, my trainer had Caven on a lunge just to be safe. But it was totally fine, and after the first try I didn't worry any more. When I gave the very first aid to canter, Caven understood at once and smoothly jumped into the gait without becoming too fast or pushing too much forward. Well done and even better behaved!

Also: we're finally using the outdoor arena! We just started doing that last week, because the wheather was more than appropriate, and apparently we were more than ready. :) Of course there's more distraction and more stuff to be wary off outside, but so far Caven stayed with me at all times, even when things got a little spookier (like a tractor driving by or a dog barking at him). To have him stay with me and remain cool even in situations in which he would've bolted and ran off just two months ago, is making me unbelievably proud. Of both of us. :)

We'll continure training like this, now adding canter to our routine, and hopefully, we'll continue making lots of progress. Can't wait to see where this journey will take us!

I don't even want to sound too positive saying Caven and I are back in training, because everything is still not well... It's been four weeks now since we've slowly started working Caven under saddle again. At the same time he's been and still is being treated by a physiotherapist weekly. We build Caven's training according to her treatment and diagnosis. So far, Caven's back has improved a great deal. From what his therapist can tell, Caven is finally pain-free. His muscles loosened so much, they're almost back to normal. In addition, his flexibility has improved as well and it really shows in his movements during training.

However, he's not recovered completely yet, as his back is still tense in canter and he can't seem to really relax it in this gait. The problem is, there isn't much we can do treatment-wise. He received all the treatment we could give him, and the rest has to be worked out in training. Of course, Caven lost a little muscle mass over the past 1-2 months when he wasn't trained properly. We have to build that back up now, and hopefully the still remaining issue that he seems to have will resolve during more thorough and regular training.

It should. If it doesn't, we have to seriously consider getting his back x-rayed... Which means taking him to a clinic. You can probably imagine how much I don't wanna have to do this. Sure, getting an x-ray in itself isn't bad, but the possibility of his spine being injured scares me... We'll keep training for the next two weeks at least. Should there be no sign of improvement, we have no other choice but to take him to a clinic...

Well, I haven't given up hope yet, because the training is going extremely well. Caven moves properly, energetically and loosely, and so far has given no indication that he doesn't like working out under saddle. Quite the opposite, actually. He behaves really well, is fully concentrated and has great work ethics.

He doesn't get distracted as easily anymore, he pays attention to me and the aids I'm giving, he follows my lead, (sometimes thinks ahead of me, because he likes to think he knows what I wann do next) and he's generally enthusiastic about working out and learning new stuff. The communication between me an Caven has improved a great deal, too! He doesn't hesitate or question what I ask of him anymore.

Working with him during these past weeks has been a lot of fun and we made so much progress, even though, or precisely because we've been taking it really slow, only going at a walk for a whole week. The following week we added a little bit of trot and now we can change between walk and trot to our liking. Still no canter under saddle, though. Canter seems to exhaust Caven, since he tenses up quite a bit and can't really move in a relaxed manner that way.

Canter is currently only being trained at the lunge, without rider. He has to canter a lot, over poles, too, so he'll eventually loosen up more. That's what our trainer and Caven's physiotherapist are hoping for anyway. I hope we'll see some positive results in the upcoming weeks! All that training needs to pay off after all. :)

Meanwhile Caven did approximately 43801364 stupid things, including knocking over 3 (!) more fire extinguishers (in one go, mind you), tripping over his own feet and falling down while running around like crazy every other day (I'm not even kidding, I lost count of how many times Caven face planted it, he's so fucking clumsy), totally misbehaving on one of our trail walks by simply lying down in the middle of the freaking road and rolling around (the people passing by sure had their fun), and absolutely testing my patience with what a little greedy pig he can be, always on the lookout for food, trying to snatch it from other horses and people alike!

Seriously, Caven would die for food. He's so greedy we actually have to keep an eye on his weight, and already had to reduce some of his concentrated feed. I mean, horses always act like they're starving, but Caven is really taking the cake. You can simply stand next to him and he will start searching your clothes for pockets that could hold potential treats... Also, and this one is entirely my fault because I taught him, he kisses everyone at every given chance. Three welcome kisses, five thank you kisses, eight well done kisses, and eleven goodbye kisses, because last chance to get a treat, obviously. xD

Treats in our case are always small pieces of carrots or bread, because I don't give Caven anything sugary. He gets one welcome treat, one after training if he worked out really well, and sometimes one goodbye treat. That doesn't keep him from trying to kiss his way too many more treats, though. You'd think he'd get tired of trying eventually, but noooo. I think maybe he also just likes being a little affectionate. When he's eating his regular feed for the day from his manger and I get closer to watch him, he will stop eating, give me a kiss, and then resume eating happily. It's really cute.

Man, why can't I keep up with the blog entries? I have so much stuff I wanna write about and every day I'm like "I'm gonna write as soon as I get home!" but guess what, that never happens...

I do know, though, why I haven't written anything since the last entry. It's hard to follow up on. March 23rd was Grenny's one year death anniversary. Is it okay to say it like this? I don't know. The point is, I didn't feel like mentioning it. But I wasn't able to just keep on going about my business as I had wanted to, either.

There was a lot I wanted to write about that didn't concern Grenny, and I kept thinking that I should at least say something about him before I started writing anything else. But then I couldn't do it. I was sad and I couldn't bring myself to write about him, so then I ended up writing nothing at all.

The truth is, I didn't write about him because I didn't want to face my sadness. During the past few weeks I felt his loss as strongly as I had exactly a year ago. And at first I couldn't even admit that to myself. When I was at the barn, working, tears would suddenly run down my face. I would get angry at Caven for every little thing he didn't do right. I'd get frustrated with him and myself, and in the end, feel horrible about it...

It's strange how I didn't notice how sad I really was until I listened to ENJOY THE SILENCE. It was a source of solace I didn't realize I needed. And it helped me come to terms with how I really felt at the time. I didn't tell anyone, either. When I talk about Grenny, I always smile. Mentioning him in a conversation is easy. Thinking of him is hard. I try not to, but it doesn't help. There still hasn't been a single day I didn't think of him. Most of the time I just get a little sad, but somtimes I can't take it and it feels like I'm losing him all over again.

I read something about loss once. It said that losing someone isn't an occasion or an event. It doesn't just happen once. It happens over and over again. In that sense, I lose Grenny every time I open the door to his stall to feed the horse that now lives in it. I lose him every time I think of the trail rides we can't go on any longer. I lose him every time I stare at his halter and saddle, that I still keep in my room.

People told me to sell the saddle, by the way. I could never do that. In fact, I still have all of Grenny's tack, and I'm not using any of it for Caven. Even though they have the same size and most of it would fit Caven, too, I bought everything new for Caven. I don't know if it's stupid or whatever, but I can't bring myself to give Grenny's tack away, not even to my other horse. It's Grenny's.

I don't think I will ever be okay with Grenny's loss. He was my heart horse. I have to accept that.

All I ever wanted, all I ever needed, was here, in my arms.

What strange week this is. I came down with a bad cold yesterday, dragged myself to work, and then had a fever by the time I was going to sleep. Unfortunately I couldn't stay in bed today, either, because Caven had to get his medicine early in the morning. So I dragged myself to the barn to find my horse is doing way better than I am. His fever is gone, he's eating properly again, and he still devours whatever medicine-cover-up-treat we offer him. It's a relief, and also really cute.

Seeing as how I haven't been this sick in years, I now seem to fall ill rather easily. Just a while ago I already had a bad cold like this, so I thought I was done for this year, but guess not...

Yesterday was also the release date for both GACKT's and VAMPS' new singles! Bought them both, of course. I really like both songs, but what has been bothering me for a while about G's singles is the glaringly ovious lack of a b-side. First I thought "Is that just not done anymore? Outdated?" But VAMPS are still doing it, too, so come on, G!

Sure, we always get an orchestral and an intrumental version, but it's still not as awesome as a second actual song. And G's b-sides used to be badass, too. So yeah, I guess I kinda miss that a little.

I gotta say, though, that VAMPS' new tie-in song is more than making up for G's lack of one! They did a cover of Depeche Mode's ENJOY THE SILENCE and it's simply nothing short of amazing. I'm not a Depeche Mode fan or even familiar with any of their songs, but this one, this one just happens to be the one that somehow, at some point just stole its way into my heart. And apparently, it never left.

I never once consciously listened to ENJOY THE SILENCE in the past, but as it has always been playing on the radio, and now I find I somehow associate this song to my childhood. It evokes a strong sense of being protected and feeling secure. Moreover, I've kept humming the words and melody of this one line for years now: "Words are very unnecessary." Like some kind of mantra, whenever it pops in my head I hum it, and I'm pretty sure I just did a short while ago...

So hearing HYDE sing this song for the first time was a really strange and overwhelming feeling. I suppose I hadn't expected to hear HYDE sing something so familiar and unconsciously precious to me. And then HYDE's voice itself is familiar, and to me, that combination simply creates one soothing source of solace.

Until I listened to this song yesterday, I didn't even know I was seeking any kind of solace. I'm not in distress, I'm fine, but for some reason finding solace in that song felt reassuring. I kept listening to it on repeat, feeling absolutely secure.

Another thing that I really like about VAMPS' cover is how it perfectly ties in with their actual single CALLING. CALLING is the song that "makes you realize that you can fearlessly express the cries that everyone has lurking inside their soul". So CALLING and ENJOY THE SILENCE contradict and compliment each other in that sense.
Like, CALLING is screaming at each other and ENJOY THE SILENCE is sitting next to each other in silence. And both is perfectly fine.

Last week has been really stressful, for me as well as for Caven. We've been training, doing flatwork every day to keep Caven's stamina in shape and strengthen his muscles, had an appointment with a saddler and then had a physiotherapist check on and treat Caven throughly (massages and acupuncture included).

According to everyone we had check on Caven (osteopath, physiotherapist, trainer and saddler), he must've had a bad back for a long time. It's probably also why he was being sold in the first place. He used to be a jumper, participating in tournaments. So when he couldn't perfom at his usual level any longer, he was sold. Like a broken piece of sports equipment.

Fuck those people who treat their horses like shit. Seriously. YOU SUCK.

Caven is an angel. Depsite all the pain he's been in, he is still friendly towards everyone, and even though he's wary of strangers he lets them treat him without complaining. He is such a kind and gentle soul. It makes me tear up when I see him behave so amazingly well despite everything that is going on around him and everything that is being asked of him. He tries so hard. I'm just overflowing with love and fondness and appreciation for him.

Fortunately, the "only" cause for his back pain are extremely tense and sore muscles. He isn't injured, and his back can easily be treated with massages, stretching exercises, workouts, warmth, and lots of caring and love. We're doing exactly that and we'll keep doing it for at least another week or two, before he can go back to training under saddle. But even then, we will build up his training as carefully and slowly as you would with a horse that's a total beginner. We need to make sure that his muscles can take the training and will stay in good shape during the course of it, in order to avoid a relapse.

I said it before, but I want nothing more than for Caven to be healthy and happy. And if that means having to start over from scratch, then so be it. I'm pissed at the dealer and previous owner who sold us a horse that's basically ruined, but I'm not giving up on that horse like they did. Fuck them.

Both our physiotherapist and my trainer told me that we can get Caven back into shape. It'll take time and patience, but it's doable. We'll do everything we can to help him fully recover. And hopefully, some time in the future, he will forget that being ridden ever was a torture to him. Because if that's what your horse thinks of you riding him, then you're doing it wrong.

Caven is still young. He has his whole life ahead of him, and I wish for nothing more than for it to be a good and enjoyable horse life.

Unfortunately, Caven caught himself another minor ailment a couple of days ago. I had to call the vet today, because he was having trouble eating since yesterday. Just by looking at him you could tell he must have felt really sluggish and it looked like chewing in particular was difficult for him. The vet checked him through and diagnosed him with an inflammation of the salivary glands, which probably makes chewing a little painful, and because of the distress he's also come down with a fever....

The vet gave him an injection and left us a medicine to feed him twice a day for the rest of the week. I was afraid he wouldn't take it, but he's a little greedy pig, so as long as we put the meds into something edible, he isn't complaining! xD

By the way, when the vet saw me today she commented "You're the one with the crazy, tall chestnut, who hated vets!" They still remember Grenny. Hahaha, he left a lasting impression even on the vets. :)

Now that the full version of CALLING has been released I feel like I need to write a little followup on the video. On both videos, actually.

Admittedly, I'm still trying to make sense of what exactly CALLING is showing us, but I watched the video several times now and I can say one thing for sure: its main theme is surprisingly similar to that of ORIGINAL SIN. Despite both songs being extremely different, the music videos actually resemble eacht other in plot and tone. The settings are dreary, bleak, and the images mostly colorless, overall shady, with only the color red ever standing out (blood and eyes in ORIGINAL SIN and lipstick and a diamond in CALLING).

The lighting is also pretty much the same. Due to both plots being set entirely inside a building, we get electrical light in the rooms and daylight shining in through windows and cracked doors. One important thing to note is that there is no actual world outside, in neither video. You never see anything, not through any window or door. There is only the inside of the building, and then the daylight outside. It leaves a heavy impression of there being nowhere to go for any of the characters.

Looking at the lighting pattern in more detail you can see that both GACKT and HYDE never get in touch with daylight, while all the other characters do. (Forgive me, but I'm gonna completely ignore KAZ in this video, because like in most other videos all that he's doing is playing guitar, and thus he doesn't have any impact on the plot...) The woman in CALLING, the killer girl, the masked men, and even the younger version of G's character all come into touch with daylight, and it doesn't harm them in any way, which strongly suggests that none of them are actual vampires.

However, GACKT himself, as an adult version of that boy, is kept in a dark room, with no windows at all, and likewise, HYDE's character is staying in some kind of basement with the windows sealed off to keep out the daylight. But whereas CALLING unmistakably implies that HYDE is a vampire who would be hurt by the light and thus can't get out, GACKT is restrained to the room with actual chains. Nonetheless, they are both trapped inside, with no way out.

Due to the daylight not affecting them in any way, all the other characters give the impression of being able to move around freely, of still having a choice to go wherever they want. This clear distinction between two types of characters gets apparent in both videos. On one side you have a "young" character, still free, still able to make the right choice, and on the other side you have a character who's already been damned, who's trapped, who's lost everything.

GACKT and HYDE both portray that very same kind of character. The one who's beyond saving, the one it's too late for. The one who's turned to evil.

The really interesting thing is, that even though GACKT's character is probably more of a victim than HYDE's is, GACKT seems to turn into something entirely dangerous, while HYDE tries to actually be helpful and supportive. This is, of course, where the songs both differ greatly. While the gist of ORIGINAL SIN really is the original sin, so to speak, the theme of CALLING holds a much more positive world view, that is reflected in the video as well.

ORIGINAL SIN carries no hope, CALLING does. While ORIGINAL SIN kills everyone, and lets no one get away, CALLING screams at the woman to get the hell out. If the characters of both videos lived in one and the same world then the only thing that would've saved the woman is HYDE. This is how much the themes of both videos overlap.

Another (minor) feature that the two videos share is manipulation, control and creation. The younger version of GACKT's character is effectively manipulated into continuing the killing spree the girl has been on, while also probably having been or still being controlled by whoever experimented on him (and probably created him?). Also, the adult version is being kept prisoner, so still under someone's control at that point.

In CALLING's case, HYDE is the one in control and the one actually doing the manipulation. However, his intentions seem to be less evil in general. Here is what I can't figure out, though: What exactly is the woman? Is she human and the stuff happening to her is only symbolism, or is that actually happening to her and she's not human, but rather something HYDE created?

If the woman really is HYDE's creation, then that would leave him to be an extremely powerful vampire, with a conscience. He created her, controlled her, and then kind of manipulated her into escaping from him. And she runs into the daylight, where he can't go. Through a kind of voodoo sculpture, HYDE gives her diamonds (a means to make it in the outside world?), and pendant with a picture of him (to remember him by?).

The woman sits motionless like a doll, can't walk at first (doesn't know how to?), and her expression is either completely blank or utterly confused. In the beginning she doesn't care, then she doesn't understand. Later she isn't scared anymore, and actually smiles. Like she accepts the life that's been given to her.

Given the song's lyrics, though, the woman could easily be a symbol for life itself. A symbol for how scary life is, for how hard it can be, how confusing, until you dare to take control, and make it your very own.

Either way, it's really interesting to see how these two extremely different songs ended up having very similar themes, plots and images in their music videos. It makes me wonder just how much influence both HYDE and GACKT had in making them. 

Coincidentally, both GACKT and VAMPS released their new music videos two days ago. While GACKT released the full video, VAMPS only granted us a preview of 1:30 minutes. That said, I like the short version of VAMPS' video way better than the full one of GACKT's.

G's video didn't disappoint, but it also didn't surprise me. When I had first seen the pictures of him sitting blindfolded in that chair, I had been excited about the character he was portraying. At the same time I was afraid the video would have said character sit in that chair and sing. And that's what he did. To be fair, it doesn't make the video as lame or uncool as I thought it would've. But I guess I was a little taken aback by how predictable G has become, in some way, to some extent.

As I was watching the video I couldn't help but notice that despite everything that's happening in it, none of it was unpreditcable, surprising or shocking to me. It actually kind of annoyed me, and at first I thought it was the unnecessary high level of gore that put me off, but then I realized it's the video itself.

Don't get me wrong. I do like the idea behind it, I like the story it tells, and how it fits into the theme of MOON SAGA. What I can't stand is how the video shoves all of that in my face. Where's the subtlety and mystery? Where are the pieces that I have to put together to get the whole picture?

Despite the dark scenes and scenery shown in the video, it is completely lacking any kind of suspense, and by having every symbol and hint pointed out to and neatly lined out in front of you, it's simply being too straightforward to really create a feeling of uneasiness or mental disturbance, like it's obviously trying to with its imagery...

To me, what's interesting is, that even though this is a MOON SAGA related, vampire themed GACKT video, it is lacking nearly everything that VAMPS' CALLING actually has. An overwhelming feeling of mystery and unearthly-ness, an uneasy sensation of not being able to fully grasp what you're seeing, a fleeting notion of witnessing something equally disturbing and fascinating.

CALLING managed to really surprise and excite me. For a video that also features at least one character with supernatural powers, VAMPS' video is doing a superb job of keeping you in the dark about said character's intentions and motivations, and thus creates a vague idea of it being something dangerous and harmful. It leaves you to guess what's going on, making you feel like you're curious about something you know you'd better stay away from, for you own sake.

The video makes me think VAMPS really mastered the vampire theme and HYDE himself is more comfortable with playing that role than he ever was. Additionally, I can't help but to be reminded of Kei when I see him in CALLING. The character in the video seems to be way darker and rougher, though. Like a version of Kei that would be for adult viewers only.

You know, with GACKT's unique and outstanding story ideas and HYDE's refined vampire acting skills, they REALLY should do a MOON CHILD sequel. And that's literally the whole point of this blog entry. You're welcome.

All joking aside, though, it would be awesome. Another reason for me to link both of these music videos back to MOON CHILD is how both of them are set in the present. They could also be kind of timeless, but there are several tiny details that hint at the setting to be modern-day.

The clothing, both of GACKT, HYDE, KAZ and the rest of the characters seen in both videos strongly suggests they're living in this day and age. Also, GACKT's character (both the boy and the adult version) as well as the girl can be seen wearing a barcode tattoo, which hints at them being a part or result of some kind of experiment, that in my vivid imagination would've been conducted by a huge corporation trying to somehow create vampires artificially. (I get, of course, that the barcode might just be a symbol for how the DARTS created the Shito, for example. And that would also fit, seeing as all the people who're killed are wearing similar clothes and masks as the dancers in the DIABOLOS tour, performing STORM.)

The thing is, that part of the story has already been told. Why should G retell it? Rather than that, it might be characters in the story making the same mistake as the DARTS did. The DARTS created something that ended up almost destroying them. And they could not erase their mistake. Vampires were born out of it and they continued to live to this day. Technically, DARTS should also still be around...

What I'm thinking about, though, is something G said in the LAST VISUALIVE Tour Pamphlet. He briefly mentiones a story he still hasn't written yet about the longest lived vampire, who after 400 years breaks down and commits suicide. That's all he says about that vampire.

And since G mentions this in the same sentence as MOON CHILD, I'm having this tiny, little drop of hope in my heart, that the vampire he's talking about is actually Kei. It could be entirely possible. We don't know for how long Kei has lived when we're introduced to him and as much as I hate to admit it, it still looks like both Kei and Sho commit suicide at the end of the movie. So...

It would be absolutely amazing if G told that story in form of a movie, and HYDE would reprise his role as Kei. It would be perfect. I could die happily.

Caven is currently shedding his winter coat, and the amount of fur I brush off of him every day is insane. It's a mircale he isn't completely naked yet. And I get to take part of him home with me. His hair is simply everywhere. On my clothes, in my pockets, on the furniture at home even though he obviously has never set a foot in there. It's fascinating.

Today he was being lazy. I get the feeling that Caven thinks he's on sick leave. But just because he can't be ridden doesn't mean he's excused from daily training. We still need to keep working on building up and strengthening his muscles as well as maintaining his stamina.

And just to be absolutely sure we're doing the right thing here, Caven has another appointment with a different physiotherapist later this week. I'm getting our saddle checked by a different saddler, too. My trainer will drop by on Wednesday to take a look at Caven and to discuss the further course of action, training-wise.

The most important thing to me is that Caven is healthy and happy, so I really want to get this right. I need to be 100% sure we're doing what's best for him, and I'm doing everything I possibly can to assure exactly that.