craka, please!

Yesterday I had a go at chat roulette. I saw 3 penises, one of them being yanked on, dispersed through a series of men, most of whom were not wearing clothing. Most of these men skipped me immediately, clothed and naked alike. At one point I found myself chatting with a stuffed brobee who, sadly, wasn't actually that talkative. Eventually I bumped into a couple of teenaged candian girls and I got Ruby up to say hello to them. Ruby danced and bounced in front of the camera and the girls were as impressed by that as you could imagine. And that was my experience.

I'd give chat roulette about 2 out of 5 stars for human-interaction. About 4 out of 5 for penis-related experiences.

Things are settled. We got a car, thanks to my Dad's help, which has made living in the sydney equivalent of mongolia easier to cope with. Even though I hate cars. We found an electronics store and I bought the parts to finish the cooling of our projector hush box. bastardang is making curtains for our exceptionally sunny lounge room. I have all the ingredients to make a bacon-flavoured porter. We've been maintaining a pretty good balance of socialising and hanging out as a family.

Yesterday I got into a crazy funk where I felt like crying all day for no real reason. I haven't felt like for a year or so. I was unenjoyable. I think the cause is lack of sleep and alcohol. Even though I haven't been getting very drunk, I have been drinking a decent amount every night for a week. I think it did it's work on me and got me down.

Aside from that it's good. I've lost some weight, I'm getting my cycling muscles back and I feel good about myself and my life. I think I'm happy.

This whole car drama has been going on for 4 days now. It was really heavy and oppressive on Sunday in the dealership, mainly because I hate cars and I always feel like I'm getting screwed when I do anything involving cars. It's gotten worse each day since. Everyone there was so nice to us and set us at ease originally. They assured as that despite the finance not being resolved yet (due to IT issues) it would all be resolved the next day and our car would be delivered on Monday. We made plans around it, which we had to cancel when no car arrived. Each day since we've been told the same thing. In the morning it will happen today, in the afternoon it will happen tomorrow. The one guy who told me he'd get it sorted on Tuesday then hasn't been in the office since. At least I don't think so, each time I try to call him I get told different things, he's on the phone, an hour later he hasn't been in all day.

What I really should do is forget all about it and just wait to see what happens. Pretend there is no car, then when the car arrives it will be a pleasant surprise. If the car arrives. I'm usually the one telling bastardang not to stress out about things. It frustrates me that my car is just sitting there at the dealership, waiting to be delivered and I can't use it when I really need it because certain people aren't typing in the right boxes or signing the right forms. I hate knowing that if I don't keep chasing this, it could go on for weeks. This is compounded by how much I wish I didn't need this stupid car and how I'm proving right all those people who told me how I'd have to get a car once I had a child.

OK, fuck it. There's no car, there never was a car, there'll never be a car. None of this matters.

I don't like cars or car culture. I was never one of those people who were interested in cars. I appreciate that they can be very attractive and fun to drive, but there's nothing in a car that really excites me. When I sold my old car I was very happy and I lived car free for years, even when I was commuting for 3 hours a day, it was just easier for us not to have one.

Now we live in the suburbs and everything seems to have changed. Things are much farther away. And transporting a two year old + gear around is becoming so difficult that we're just not doing things. We've been playing with the idea of getting a car since we moved but decided to tough it out and try to live without one. We've been doing OK with the car sharing service, but there's only one in our area and its a 10 minute bike ride away. We've been looking at hiring some local teenagers to babysit, but they would have to be driven home at night. The list of things goes on and we came to the conclusion that our new locality is set up to require a car and that we would just get one. On the way to the car dealership, the train station was closed for trackwork and we had to catch a rail bus, that pretty much confirmed that we were making the right choice.

I had a vision of just walked into a dealership being all like "I'll take that one" and driving home with time to head over to my brother's and record some music. It ended up taking hours and we never did get to drive home. I guess our car is being delivered today, assuming the finance is approved. It's all so complicated and I hate it and I wish we didn't have to buy into this stupid car system with it's insurance and stamp duty and monthly repayments. Gargh.

Anyhow, it's a silver suzuki alto. Not my first choice in colour, but it was the only one they had in the store that day, and I don't want to wait 3 months for one to be made at the factory. It has lower emisions and better fuel consumption than a prius. It has trouble going up a hill faster than 20 k/h. It's roughly the size of a rollerskate. It's basically a go-kart with a CD player. But now it's my go-kart, so I will try to love it.

Some kind of nasty got a hold of a bunch of us on our weekend down the south coast. I don't know who brought it with them but it sure has done a number on me. What I thought, at first was just a hangover turned out to be some kind of pig of a flu. I seem to be coming out of it now. Being sick is no fun, but I've actually really enjoyed the last two days of sick leave, just staying at home with bastardang and Ruby. Nowhere to go, nothing to do. Spending time in the house with my ladies. It has made me even more aware of what I am missing out on while I'm at work and how much I wish I could just spend my time with the people I love the most.

We're TV-less right now, which bastardang is not enjoying, but I'm finding quite liberating. Last night we just all hung out together and played a board game and talked and watched some things on my lap top. It was all quite nice and I appreciated the monotonous chatter of the TV disappearing from our evening. I'm not a big fan of TV. I like a lot of the shows and movies that I can watch on it, but the advertising, the background noise it creates and the general ubiquitousness of it gets to me. I feel guilty because I know how much bastardang enjoys her TV, and I feel like I'm taking pleasure in her misery. But when it's absence makes her feel like the time is grinding, I feel like the time is no longer slipping by. That I don't come home from work just to fall into a TV coma and wake up the next day to go to work all over again.

This is especially important to me right now as Ruby is growing at an alarming rate. Not so much physically, but mentally. She's putting words into sentences and using them imaginatively. A great example of this was last night when Ruby put on a pair of polar bear ears then walked past us saying "I a bear, rawr!". The sheer volume of cute radiating from this kind of thing makes me want to choke. Add the strange pride in seeing her learning things like language, animal noises and pretending ... I could barely take it. She was also able to name almost every letter of the alphabet

I'm really looking forward to spotshouse's visit next month. I'm taking over a week off work and I'll be able to spend all that time just with my family, having fun, going places and just being together.

I'm going to make a post about Master Chef Australia. Its a reality TV show and I've been watching it almost every day so even though I feel lame writing about it, I also don't.

Mainly my issue is with Chris (that picture makes him look good). He makes food that makes me want to sing songs of praise. For example, last night he cooked a 3 course meal consisting of:

• Duck and black pudding stuffed into a duck's neck
• Half a pigs head, marinated and baked to crispy
• Beeramisu, which is like tiramisu, using chocolate stout instead of coffee

After this, I decided that I would be happy to fly interstate just to eat at any restaurant he was running. His idea for a restaurant is exactly where I want to be. The problem is that having watched the show has given me an insight into his personality. He's a grumpy, know-it-all who loves to tell everyone how it is and looks down on most of his competitors. He is also greasy, bloated and mono-browed with a bulbous wino nose and wears a hat all the time. Now I would call myself greasy and bloated and I also like to wear a hat, but my nose is in pretty good shape and I have two very distinct eyebrows. Also there is certain hat etiquette which hat-wearers should follow. For example, when you go to meet some of Sydney's top chefs and you have a meal with them, you should take your god damned hat off. Especially if its a wobbly-brimmed straw hat, stained dark from your greasy hair.

I guess that what annoys me most about him is that one of my good friends refers to him as "Dan" which makes me want to scrub myself with bleach in a bath full of drain cleaner.

In looking for links for this post, I stumbled across an Australian Muslims forum where they were discussing the show. Many of them agreed that Chris's food looked well made, despite the fact that a pigs head on a plate horrified them. One user commented that throughout the show they often drink alcohol and so isn't watching the show the same thing as associating with people who drink alcohol. I just had to wonder what kind of dreary world-view makes you think such things.

Woah, something happened to my brain today. Blinding pain behind my eyes. Feeling dizzy for no reason. I even had a little puke after lunch. I guess its a migraine, only the second time in my life I've had such a thing.

I made a family of blue people in the sims. There is an incredibly fierce dark-blue woman and her skinny, blue, teenage house-girl. I expect a lot of lesbianism to occur in this family. Mating with passing men should produce only girl children. An army of fierce, blue women and their girl-servants will take over the town in due time.

Yep, the sims lets me play out my fantasies in vivid, real-time 3D format.

I keep organising music nights with cucurucho only to flake out due to various complaints. Today's complaint is the migraine. I very much want to be Meat Pigging every day, but when it comes down to it, I just don't seem to have the cajones.

And that's the end of that chapter.