I haven't actually placed any posts in a long while so I thought I should.
Upon returning from Brazil last week I found it interesting how sort of alone I felt. While there I thought of my friends here and there and actually considered emailing them although I didn't cause I knew most were on vacation. However, even though I know they might have thought the same thing about me, I felt that they could have emailed me, especially the ones that called me whilst I was in the airport waiting for my flight. And when I got back I know that I could have taken the initiative and called someone but my friends know that I hate having to call anyone up. And then Katie text messages me asking for help in getting away from certain people and when I call her I get a five minute conversation with no depth in it that ends in her saying that she'll contact me later and she never does.
On top of this when I got back I had to deal with the crap that is the GSA. I apparently was so "mean looking" toward the other officers that it was apparent that I was having some issues. I still think Shira opened her big mouth. I had to explain my feelings to the advisor of the club because she basically continued to pressure me into having a meeting with her and then I felt guilted into having to tell her. As I told her things I felt that same hatred that I have been feeling for the past couple of months toward her. She seems like she never really pays attention to what I'm saying and the crap ass solutions that she was stating as answers to my complaints were the most bullshity comments to ever leave her mouth. Whatever. I'll ride this wave and see how far it takes me. Chances are I'll just suclude myself from the club for the rest of the year instead of quiting.
Whatever, I need some more music and some alone time to just relax my mind.
Last night was amazing. I got to the pool hall at New Roc and then after around 10 minutes Andrea, Lauren and Harlen showed up. We found out that Kevin and Semra thought that we were going out Saturday night so they weren't coming. So we went in and played for a good hour or so. Lauren was undefeated for the four games that we played. Then once we payed we stood around trying to decide what we would do. We opted to go to the Battle of the Bands at the Weschester County Center. I followed Harlen and Andrea followed me, although first me and Andrea started following the wrong car because we forgot to pay attention to what type of car Harlen drives. We made our way to the County Center and we stayed for just two bands. Your Mom sucked. The singer was tone deaf and we all deduced that the bassist might be slitting her wrists due to the arm gear she was wearing that's typical of teens that slit their wrists. As they began to play their cover of American Idiot me and Andrea went to get some fries from the Nathan's stand in the center. Then we all went back to the front to hear Climax Theory play. They were a hell of a lot better than I wouldv'e expected. But Andrea realized how late it was getting so we all decided to head home. On the way Andrea dissappeared from behind me, almost giving me a heart attack. When I called her she told me that she was already at home. Then I realized that I had no clue where I was, luckily after driving around for a good 5 minutes I realized I was right by Mamaroneck Avenue so I knew how to get home. I got home at 11:50 pm and neither of my parents even made that big of a deal that I was way past the legal hours that I could drive. But even if they hadd they couldn't have ruined my mood, which has continued way into the morning. Now I'm just waiting for Katie to call me to discuss when we'll be going cd shopping, although I have no clue where we'll go since she couldn't find anything last time at Best Buy and there are no other places in the area to buy cds. Whatever. We'll see what happens when it happens.
For the past couple of days I have noticed how much life sucks as a senior. You hear so much about how wonderful senior is but in reality it's a moment in life where your emotions run more wild then the first year or so of puberty and where sleep is a distant memory for most. In this past week I have gone through massive depression, ecstatic highs and every possible emotional plateau in between. I have re-evaluated my friendships and have realized that the one person that I felt the closest to last year has become the person that's the most distant. And through the mist of all of this crap I still have college crap to deal with in the next couple of days as I try and settle down to fill out the damn FAFSA. I've never felt more alone while at the same time I've never had sooo many people calling me and talking to me at once making me feel a little cornered.
On a GSA tangent, I'm on the verge of quiting. I've been trying to wait and see if things get better but today I wasn't the only one to notice how litle we get done. One of the members stated under his breathe that "This is a very productive meeting." As soon as I heard that I was like at least I'm not the only one. And hopefully he'll say something to Shira and maybe things will start to change because we all know that when I said it to her she sent me an email telling me that she wanted to sit down and discuss it but that never happened.
Anyway, I'm off to play some pool at New Roc with Andrea, Lauren, her boyfriend, Semra's boyfriend and maybe Semra and some others.
Okay, I just spent two hours at school even though I had gotten my father to sign me out. Why did I do that? I have to stop being so nice to friends and letting them "have their way".
Alright, this is officially my first posting on LiveJournal. Can't believe that I'm actually doing this seeing as how I used to mock people for it but I need an outlet for some of my emotions plus this can be a nice little thing to do at nights when I'm too wired to sleep.
So let me jump right into it. I can't believe that the GSA went ahead and gave permission for my pictures to be published in The Globe without anyone telling me. I had to find out by just opening the paper and seeing two of the pictures in there. Now, I'm flattered that my pictures were used and now get to be seen by anyone that opens the paper but the fact that when I sent out the pictures to everyone I got scolded for the fact that they didn't include everyone or that my captions were too exclusive and then for them to go and just take my pictures for their own intentions w/o any notice. They've had almost two whole months to tell me that they did this and they didn't even bring it up. What makes me even madder is that I treasurer of the freakin' club, although that might not be the case much longer, and they don't even try to keep me in the loop. I feel even more in the dark even after telling Shira that I might quit the GSA pretty soon. They don't see the club in the same way that I do and the more I think of it the more depressed I tend to get.
Let me go before I get too emotional over this. Plus I've vented enough for one night.
bitchy
happy