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One of the many things that has occurred to me slowly throughout the years is that I am, apparently, more introspective than most people. And, well, one of the common generic complaints is that people don't come with instruction manuals. So I figured I'd take #1, combine it with #2, and see what happened.
Obviously, this isn't going to be comprehensive in any fashion -- I'm much too private a person for that -- but here are some details that may make dealing with me easier for both of us. ;)
This is mainly going to be centring around my 'bad habits' in interpersonal communications -- the things that I do that are likeliest to get misinterpreted by others, as well as the automatic misinterpretations that I tend towards myself. Now, obviously, being aware of these flaws, I'm working on resolving them, but that does take work, and when I'm under stress (which I frequently am), it's difficult to remember to do. So. Just a little caveat for those of you playing along at home.
First off, please note, I am an introvert. I fake extroversion well, but I am, fundamentally, an introvert. Most of my friends are introverts and therefore understand all too readily exactly what I mean, but for those of you who are not... Simply being around people too frequently or too intensely can cause me to have a stress reaction. So -- company over or going out every night for a week, I start getting stressed. Being in the Expo Hall at the San Diego Comic Con with ~130k other human bodies, I start getting stressed somewhere between "immediately" and "after 10-15 minutes, tops". If either situation continues, the stress scale continues up exponentially.
Further, I physically need more sleep than average to keep in operating form. If I don't get enough of it, I will be stressed.
Why am I bringing these things up? To emphasise that, if I am being bitchy, it probably has nothing whatsoever to do with you in specific. Like most people, I am more prone to said 'bad habits' when under stress.
So: what does a stressed Sora look and sound like?
1) I lose nearly all capacity to judge what is and is not patently obvious to other people. This means I end up doing at least one of two things: A) Pointing out things to you that you're perfectly well aware of ("There's a stop sign there!" "...I know."), which is intended to be helpful but frequently seems to come across as bloody annoying; and/or B) Waiting for someone to openly state a conclusion I figured out five minutes ago to a group problem ("We have three apples here, and only we need two! What do we do?" "We could grow an apple tree from the extra one!" "We could throw it at bad comedians!" "We could donate it to the poor!" "We could slice off the peel in one piece and use it for divination!" "...Orrrrr... We could just put it back in the fucking fridge for later." "..."), which ends up with me sounding like a condescending bitch when I finally get tired of waiting for someone else to say it. (FWIW, A is overcompensating for B, not visa versa.)
2) I lose a lot of my capacity for patience with people I feel "should know better". When I am stressed, I want the things that are stressing me to stop. Now. This tends to express itself as me ending up cutting through a lot of the tact and social niceties with sharp statements -- and, frequently, orders, if the stressful situation is stressful due to a lack of organisation/control/discipline and/or an overabundance of chaos. This is the thing I am working on hardest right now.
3) I hyperfocus on what I'm doing. Well, this isn't really a stress symptom: when I'm engaged in any task, I hyperfocus on it -- it's all I see/hear/smell/taste/touch, and anything that intrudes on that tunnel-vision is likely to get an immediate reaction of (potentially extreme) irritation from me. The best way to minimize that irritation is to do one thing -- once -- to get my attention ("Hey, Sora?") and then wait for me to respond. If I don't respond at all after 10-15sec, I probably didn't hear you, and go ahead and try again. If I nod/mmhmm at you or go, "Yeah, just a sec" or similar, then wait for me to disengage myself from my task. I promise, I will turn my full attention to you once I've got whatever it is I'm doing at a point where I can leave it and pick back up again where I left off -- assuming you haven't proven yourself to be wasting that attention when given. Once you've got my attention, then go ahead with whatever it was, and we'll go from there.
4) In higher levels of stress, I may speak before I think about the words I'm using. This can lead to me saying things very poorly/tactlessly and foster misunderstandings. If I say something that makes no sense, or that you find offensive/mean, please, please, please call me on it -- by telling me what you heard me say. (Not verbatim, but your interpretation of what I meant.) This gives me a reality check in that I might've been misunderstood and reminds me to think over what I'm saying, while giving us both a chance to correct the misunderstanding at hand. I've had a lot of arguments where both sides were both actually arguing for the same side, and neither party realised it until the end, and I tend to prefer to avoid that.
5) When I am extremely stressed and/or emotionally engaged in a topic under dispute, I am very likely to start crying. This is a purely physiological reaction. Please ignore the fact that I'm crying, and respond to what I'm saying -- it is not actually an indicator of a lack of rationality on my part.
6) I hide. This is my last refuge against being bitchy towards other people -- I try to hide away from the source of the stressor (likeliest culprit: humans!). I may hide behind a book I'm reading, I may go into another room to do some random task (e.g. get some trivial thing) and take a longish time at it, etc. If I am hiding like this, please just let me do it; I'll come back as soon as I feel up to facing 'people' again. If I'm forced back into the uncomfortable social situation before I'm ready, I am likely to either have a very private meltdown inside my head or else become outwardly bitchy -- and neither situation is pleasant for anyone involved.
Again, I will reiterate for emphasis: This list is not all-inclusive. It is, however, the so-called 'high points' of the matter.
As well, please do note that I am not saying that, having owned up to these behaviours, I am no longer responsible for them. What I'm trying to do here is minimise misunderstandings and friction while I continue to work on these, not build myself a ready excuse-cache for bitchery.
I'm sure I'll do another one of these later for other topics, but this one was on my mind for a fair few reasons.
Obviously, this isn't going to be comprehensive in any fashion -- I'm much too private a person for that -- but here are some details that may make dealing with me easier for both of us. ;)
This is mainly going to be centring around my 'bad habits' in interpersonal communications -- the things that I do that are likeliest to get misinterpreted by others, as well as the automatic misinterpretations that I tend towards myself. Now, obviously, being aware of these flaws, I'm working on resolving them, but that does take work, and when I'm under stress (which I frequently am), it's difficult to remember to do. So. Just a little caveat for those of you playing along at home.
First off, please note, I am an introvert. I fake extroversion well, but I am, fundamentally, an introvert. Most of my friends are introverts and therefore understand all too readily exactly what I mean, but for those of you who are not... Simply being around people too frequently or too intensely can cause me to have a stress reaction. So -- company over or going out every night for a week, I start getting stressed. Being in the Expo Hall at the San Diego Comic Con with ~130k other human bodies, I start getting stressed somewhere between "immediately" and "after 10-15 minutes, tops". If either situation continues, the stress scale continues up exponentially.
Further, I physically need more sleep than average to keep in operating form. If I don't get enough of it, I will be stressed.
Why am I bringing these things up? To emphasise that, if I am being bitchy, it probably has nothing whatsoever to do with you in specific. Like most people, I am more prone to said 'bad habits' when under stress.
So: what does a stressed Sora look and sound like?
1) I lose nearly all capacity to judge what is and is not patently obvious to other people. This means I end up doing at least one of two things: A) Pointing out things to you that you're perfectly well aware of ("There's a stop sign there!" "...I know."), which is intended to be helpful but frequently seems to come across as bloody annoying; and/or B) Waiting for someone to openly state a conclusion I figured out five minutes ago to a group problem ("We have three apples here, and only we need two! What do we do?" "We could grow an apple tree from the extra one!" "We could throw it at bad comedians!" "We could donate it to the poor!" "We could slice off the peel in one piece and use it for divination!" "...Orrrrr... We could just put it back in the fucking fridge for later." "..."), which ends up with me sounding like a condescending bitch when I finally get tired of waiting for someone else to say it. (FWIW, A is overcompensating for B, not visa versa.)
2) I lose a lot of my capacity for patience with people I feel "should know better". When I am stressed, I want the things that are stressing me to stop. Now. This tends to express itself as me ending up cutting through a lot of the tact and social niceties with sharp statements -- and, frequently, orders, if the stressful situation is stressful due to a lack of organisation/control/discipline and/or an overabundance of chaos. This is the thing I am working on hardest right now.
3) I hyperfocus on what I'm doing. Well, this isn't really a stress symptom: when I'm engaged in any task, I hyperfocus on it -- it's all I see/hear/smell/taste/touch, and anything that intrudes on that tunnel-vision is likely to get an immediate reaction of (potentially extreme) irritation from me. The best way to minimize that irritation is to do one thing -- once -- to get my attention ("Hey, Sora?") and then wait for me to respond. If I don't respond at all after 10-15sec, I probably didn't hear you, and go ahead and try again. If I nod/mmhmm at you or go, "Yeah, just a sec" or similar, then wait for me to disengage myself from my task. I promise, I will turn my full attention to you once I've got whatever it is I'm doing at a point where I can leave it and pick back up again where I left off -- assuming you haven't proven yourself to be wasting that attention when given. Once you've got my attention, then go ahead with whatever it was, and we'll go from there.
4) In higher levels of stress, I may speak before I think about the words I'm using. This can lead to me saying things very poorly/tactlessly and foster misunderstandings. If I say something that makes no sense, or that you find offensive/mean, please, please, please call me on it -- by telling me what you heard me say. (Not verbatim, but your interpretation of what I meant.) This gives me a reality check in that I might've been misunderstood and reminds me to think over what I'm saying, while giving us both a chance to correct the misunderstanding at hand. I've had a lot of arguments where both sides were both actually arguing for the same side, and neither party realised it until the end, and I tend to prefer to avoid that.
5) When I am extremely stressed and/or emotionally engaged in a topic under dispute, I am very likely to start crying. This is a purely physiological reaction. Please ignore the fact that I'm crying, and respond to what I'm saying -- it is not actually an indicator of a lack of rationality on my part.
6) I hide. This is my last refuge against being bitchy towards other people -- I try to hide away from the source of the stressor (likeliest culprit: humans!). I may hide behind a book I'm reading, I may go into another room to do some random task (e.g. get some trivial thing) and take a longish time at it, etc. If I am hiding like this, please just let me do it; I'll come back as soon as I feel up to facing 'people' again. If I'm forced back into the uncomfortable social situation before I'm ready, I am likely to either have a very private meltdown inside my head or else become outwardly bitchy -- and neither situation is pleasant for anyone involved.
Again, I will reiterate for emphasis: This list is not all-inclusive. It is, however, the so-called 'high points' of the matter.
As well, please do note that I am not saying that, having owned up to these behaviours, I am no longer responsible for them. What I'm trying to do here is minimise misunderstandings and friction while I continue to work on these, not build myself a ready excuse-cache for bitchery.
I'm sure I'll do another one of these later for other topics, but this one was on my mind for a fair few reasons.
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