
In my mind, there at some point comes a serious disconnect between a totem animal and a therioside. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to best differentiate between the two. What I identify as my therioside comes and goes; sometimes it is hidden, sometimes it is trapped, or asleep, sometimes I won't feel it for days at a time. Sometimes I get images and visions that are not typical of how my therioside usually appears. All this is very understandable: human life, with all it's diversions, distractions, and agitations, is very good at derailing personal connections. I'm fine with all that. To me, it just means that I need to spend more time cultivating that primal aspect. What I do not know how to interprate is that I see this entity or aspect as residing in myself, but as a separate part of myself. I shall try to explain.
When I dream, it is common for me to view myself from the third person. Sometimes when I meditate, I see myself from the third person. This is understandable: I have a mental impression of what I look like and how I act, dress, respond, etc. Sometimes when I meditate, I have images of my body as a physical shell, and in this shell (specifically in the "belly" region) resides this other aspect. Occasionally, I cannot reach this aspect; sometimes it breaks free readily, but still, to interact with it, it has to become removed from this inside space. Then, it either acts as a comforter, a guide, or a companion. Mostly, I'm confused when I hear other therians giving impressions of thought-shifting, astral-shifting, etc. and being in the first person. This leads me to wonder if I am experiencing a close bond with an animal spirit, or if that spirit is part of me.
In the end, I don't think this issue has too much deep importance; it seems to be a problem of semantics. However, I'm curious to see what others of you think, or if you could help me discuss this dilemma.
Anyway, I hope to hear from some of you. I think I cross post this to my personal journal, or maybe Therianthropy if I get enough response (or, conversely, if I get too little response).
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- Current Music
- [Pandora Radio] Scream Your Heart Out by Angra

*sigh*
death makes me feel like a dog. There are so few emotions, and I really only want to act on an instinctual level. I don't want to do anything structured. I don't want to exercise, I want to run. I don't want to talk to anyone. People did too much talking today and it didn't do any good. Why don't people know how to let the dead be dead without marring their memory by saying so much about it?
My faith in humanity went down a few notches. I mean, I've been to funerals before, but it never struck me as so sacrilegious or blasphemous as today. What can anyone say to sum up a life?
What would anyone say about me when I was dead? I'm sure nothing I'd want. The parts of myself that I love are the parts that are wild and in my head, and the feelings that I feel, and the lessons that I learned. I don't want people to say, "Oh, he was a good person, he was strong, he died too soon." Nobody really does justice.
I'm really trying to think how I can apply this to cynanthropy, but this was the first place I thought to post it. I'm trying to think of something to ask, or some way to make it pertinent to this community. How should cynanthropes look at death?
I guess I really don't think about death. It's better to be concerned with life.
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- Current Music
- [Pandora Radio] Song for the Fells by Kiuas