Sarcasm or Suckage

from part three


advantage: Ackles

“Not my finest hour,” Jensen admitted with a rueful smile.

Jared didn’t return the smile though. “That was the moment we were over,” he said instead.

Jensen bit his lip. “Yeah,” he agreed. “I think I knew that I’d gone too far.” He hated being wrong but if the last two years had taught him anything, it was that being determined to be right all the time was a very lonely way to live. “I never apologized to you.”

“It wasn’t me who needed the apology,” Jared said. “It was Misha you hit.”

“I did apologize,” Jensen protested. “Eventually.” He hated that he’d lost control so badly. “Man, I was a complete head case then.”

Jared’s mouth quirked up in a grin. “And you’re the poster boy for mental health now?” he teased.

“Asshole,” Jensen said, but there was no heat behind it. It felt almost like they had taken a tiny step back to the friendship they’d once shared, before their relationship had got in the way.

Jensen was surprisingly nervous getting ready for dinner that night. They’d agreed on meeting up at Joe’s instead of Jared picking him up. For a moment Jensen had seen Jared’s almost protest, but having separate cars would most likely be the safer option. Especially if they were going to have a serious discussion about what had gone down two years ago.

The thing about Joe’s was that nobody knew about it except for the locals and the few friends that Jensen and Jared had introduced over the years. It was a family-run business and Papa Joe was the chef and tyrant who ruled all he surveyed.

“Jensen!” Papa Joe called from the back of the crowded room as soon as he spotted him. He was round and short and looked like a stereotypical Italian grandfather. He was, however, from New York and could swear more than any living person Jensen had ever met.

“Papa,” Jensen smiled and let himself be gathered into strong arms and an embrace that smelled of garlic spice and welcome.

“So, you finally decided to show that pretty fucking face again?” Papa asked. His face was hard but his eyes were kind.

Jensen swallowed. “Yeah,” he said and shook his head. “Sorry I was such an idiot.”

“Fucking right, you’re sorry,” Papa said and waved to the kitchen. “Mama, our prodigal asshole is back!”

Mama Cat was as skinny as Papa Joe was round. She would joke that when they looked at her they’d wonder if there was a famine and when they saw Joe, they’d know why.

“Jensen,” Mama came rushing out of the kitchen and her hug was forgiveness and joy. Jensen felt his eyes burn as he tucked his face into the warmth of her neck.

“Hey, Mama Cat,” he whispered into her skin.

“Don’t you make this staying away thing a habit any more, you hear?” Her words told him how much he’d hurt them.

“I’m sorry,” he said to her as well and thought that with all the apologies he’d been making already, saying sorry to Jared might not be as tough as he’d thought.

“It’s done,” she dismissed the past two years and stepped back, hands on his face, turning it this way and that to inspect him. “God, you’re even prettier.” She sounded a little disgusted and Jensen grinned. “You made a deal with the Devil we need to know about?”

Jensen shook his head. “It’s all in the genes,” he told her and she tucked her hand into the curve of his elbow as she guided him to his table. Their table.

“Jared not here yet?” he asked, going for casual.

Mama Cat’s sly smile told him he hadn’t quite succeeded. “He’s out back with Junior and Sylvia,” she told him. “He’s still a regular here.”

Jensen flinched. Their friends had taken sides and they’d divided up their home. Even their favorite places had been separated. “I’ve missed you guys,” he said.

“You and Jared, something happening with you two again?” Mama Cat sounded hopeful.

Jensen shook his head. “Nah, we’re just business these days. Jared and I are thinking about playing doubles on the tour.”

Mama Cat beamed. “And you can beat those two foreigners who seem to win everything these days,” she said.

“Roger and Rafa are the best for a reason,” Jensen said. “We’re all a little past our prime for singles. But doubles is still within reach.”

“That Federer, I swear, he isn’t human,” Mama Cat grumbled as Jensen pulled out his seat. She leaned in close, “I think he might be an alien.”

Jensen laughed and that was when Jared came back into the restaurant. He looked good in black jeans, a white button-down and a skinny tie. Jensen felt his mouth go dry.

“You flirting again, Mama Cat?” Jared asked as he kissed her cheek.

She blushed, smacked his arm and shoved him towards his chair. “Please, you know I only have eyes for Papa Joe.”

“And hands for?” Jared teased.

“I will make sure you get extra garlic in everything tonight,” she warned.

Jared grinned at her. “Ah, you know how I love my garlic, Mama Cat. It keeps all those pesky vampires away from me.”

Jensen snorted a laugh and covered it with a cough when Mama Cat’s eyes turned to him.

She shook a finger at them. “Papa says you don’t order tonight. He chooses your meal. Okay?”

Neither Jared nor Jensen was prepared to argue with Papa Joe when it came to food. They both nodded and smiled at the waitress who came over with a pitcher of beer and two glasses.

“Drink,” Mama Cat ordered. “Food is coming. It’s a good night.” She patted Jensen’s cheek. “Very good.”

Jensen watched her head back into the kitchen and turned back to find Jared’s eyes on him. “What?” he asked.

“They missed you,” Jared said.

Jensen shrugged. “I didn’t want to make them choose.” He shifted a little uncomfortably in his chair. “I was the one who’d fucked up. Seemed only right that you got to keep them.”

Jared poured them each a glass of beer. “Nobody said you had to stay away from Joe’s, Jen.” He seemed confused. “You broke up with me, not with everyone else.”

Jensen took a long gulp of beer before he answered. “I felt that I should probably stay away from the people that knew us for a while.” He sighed. “I didn’t want them to feel like they had to choose between us.”

Jared made a small disgusted sort of noise. “Don’t let Papa Joe hear you say that,” he warned. “He’ll be pissed.”

Jensen gave a laugh. “I had my head up my ass for a very long time, JT. I had to get myself sorted out before I could even start thinking about joining the human race again.”

Jared stayed silent, just looking at him. “You hurt a lot of people when you cut them off,” he said eventually.

The words stung, mostly because they were true.

“Yeah,” Jensen could only agree. “But really, I was doing more damage to my relationships being with the people I cared about. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Jared leaned forward. “You disappeared for a year, Jen. Dropped off the face of the earth.”

This time the words were accusing. Jensen knew he deserved them.

“Kane knew where I was,” he said instead.

“That was the only reason I didn’t call out the National Guard,” Jared said. “Why?”

Jensen wondered if he was going to get out of this conversation with his pride intact. He sincerely doubted it.

“After the match, when I got home from the hospital, you’d gone.” Jensen hated remembering that time. “Not a note, not a phone message, nothing.”

“If I’d been there, I’d have fucking knocked your head off your shoulders.” The angry rumble of Jared’s tone told Jensen how serious he was. “I was so goddamn mad at you, Jen.”

“And you had every right to be pissed off at me,” Jensen agreed. “But I got home, knee fucked to hell again, and the one person I counted on to be there for me was gone.”

Jared went pale. “Jen,” he started.

Jensen held up a hand. “No, we do this, get it out in the open and then put it away forever, okay?”

Jared nodded and had to sit back as Mama Cat came over with a platter of bite-sized pieces of heaven.

“Papa says this is for you to get the juices flowing. So you enjoy the food even more.” She smiled at them and then stopped. “All going okay here?”

Jensen attempted a smile in return. “Yeah, this looks awesome, Mama. I’ve missed Papa’s cooking.”

She shook her head. “Things are not right yet, between the two of you.” She fixed her gaze on Jensen. “You fix this tonight, yes?”

Jensen gave an unexpected laugh. “It’s what we’re trying to do here,” he said.

She nodded in satisfaction. “Then I wait with the main course until I see you two smile at each other like you used to.”

Jared put a hand on her arm. “We’re not getting back together, Mama. We’re just clearing the air.”

“You say air clearing, I say making up.” She waved an airy hand. “Fix!”

Jared’s words had made something raw twist inside Jensen. He hadn’t realized just how much he’d been hoping that this would be a new start for them. After the way he’d behaved, he really didn’t blame Jared for not wanting to be with him again.

Jared shook his head as she stalked off. “Maybe Joe’s wasn’t the smartest place to choose,” he said to Jensen.

“I forgot how fucking nosy they are,” Jensen said with a tight laugh, gut still clenched with the knowledge that the only thing he was going to be able to salvage was Jared’s friendship. “God,” he popped one of the cheesy bites into his mouth. It exploded on his tongue with mozzarella cheese and chilies, tomato and basil and some sort of smoky meat that pulled it all together. “These are fucking amazing!” He shoved one at Jared who leaned forward and bit into the stuffed pillows of pasta.

The moment Jared’s lips touched Jensen’s fingers they both froze.

“Uh,” Jensen tried to move back without appearing to jerk away.

Jared sat back again and rubbed at his eyes. “Fuck.” His voice was low and rough. “This would be so much easier if I didn’t feel anything for you anymore.”

Jensen wasn’t sure if he was expected to say anything, so he concentrated on his food, and breathing.

“So you felt like I’d abandoned you, and I was so mad at you I wanted to do damage,” Jared looked at him. “Is that about where we were?”

Jensen nodded. “And you wanted to know why I disappeared for a year.”

“Kane eventually told me that you’d gone to some private medical facility in Timbuktu where, and I quote, they were going to do some sort of woo-woo healing bullshit on you.” Jared snorted a laugh. “So really, where were you?”

Jensen tried to formulate the right words as he chewed on another delicious mouthful of heaven. He had a feeling that this conversation might be the most important one he would ever have.

“I went to a monastery in Tibet,” he said eventually.

Jared just about choked on the mouthful of beer he’d just taken. “You went to a what where?” he asked, eyes wide with disbelief.

“You remember Rosey?” Jensen asked instead.

“Mike Rosenbaum?” Jared looked confused. “He’s not been on the tour for years.”

“I know,” Jensen said. “He retired about two years before I fucked up my knee, decided to become a photographer and take a trip around the world to find himself.”

“Okay,” Jared was clearly not following Jensen’s train of thought. “And?”

“He met someone in Nepal, when he decided that he needed to climb Everest.”

“Rosey climbed Everest?” Jared seemed impressed.

Frustrated, Jensen wiped at his mouth. “No, Rosey met Tom in Nepal and they exchanged vows at one of the monasteries there. I think they’re planning on getting married legally in every country that allows it.” He allowed himself to smile.

Jared stared at him. “Not that I’m not enjoying the romantic story of Rosey and Tom, was it? But what the actual fuck does it have to do with you?”

“God, I’m not explaining this very well,” Jensen muttered. “When I fucked up my knee the second time, the end of that first year, Kane called Rosey. They’re friends from way back. Asked him if I could meet up with him in New York. He was on a stop-over, had taken up photography and was trying to find himself. Kane thought that it might be a good thing. That it might help me find my zen or something.”

“So you went to Nepal with Rosey where he met his husband,” Jared nodded. “That about sounds exactly like something Rosey would do.” They shared a small grin. “And Tibet?”

Jensen let himself relax back into his seat. “I didn’t plan on going there, but Tom wanted to go and Rosey sort of does whatever Tom wants so we went to find the Dalai Lama.”

Jared stared at him. “You do know that the Dalai Lama is in exile from Tibet because of the assholiness of China, right?”

Jensen felt the flush rise on the back of his neck. “Well, I do now,” he said and Jared started laughing.

“I have missed that insane brain of yours,” Jared admitted when he stopped wheezing. “I swear you have the mind of a flea sometimes.”

Jensen’s mouth curved a little in a smile. “Eh, short attention span, I can’t help it if my brain works faster than everyone else’s.”

“Okay, so you went to Tibet to find the Dalai Lama,” Jared prompted.

Jensen could feel the pout forming. “When you say it like that it just sounds stupid,” he said.

“That’s because it is fucking stupid!” Jared said. “But let’s not digress. Tell me more about how you became a monk.”

Jensen glared at him. “I did not become a monk,” he gritted, jaw actually aching with the effort not to shout at Jared. “I stayed in a monastery.”

“For a year,” Jared said.

Jensen crossed his arms defensively. “It was fucking peaceful.”

“Vow of silence?” Jared asked.

“Oh, fuck you, dickhead,” Jensen scowled.

“If you ask nicely,” Jared shot back and just like that, the atmosphere changed. “I’m sorry,” Jared said, dropping his gaze. “We’re not those people anymore.”

Jensen took a deep breath and picked up his beer again. “We met this monk, he didn’t tell us his name. Rosey called him Clive.”

“Clive?” Jared chipped in. “Why Clive?”

Jensen rolled his eyes. “I can’t explain why Rosey does the things he does,” he said. “He just decided that the monk’s name was Clive and that we were going to tag along with him.”

“To Tibet,” Jared supplied.

Jensen nodded. This had all sounded so much more spiritual when they’d made their plans.

“And how did Clive feel about that?” Jared asked, obviously fascinated.

“Clive was a cool dude. He let us hang with him until we reached his home.”

“The monastery,” Jared guessed.

“The monastery,” Jensen affirmed.

“In Tibet,” Jared added.

Jensen glared at him. “Then the head monk, the Lama, offered us a place to stay and so we did.”

“For a year?” Jared asked.

“I stayed for a year,” Jensen said. “Tom and Rosey headed out after a month. Rosey had a hard time with the quiet.” He laughed at the memories. “Tom had problems with the head shaving thing.”

“You shaved your head?” Jared’s voice went high and loud and for a moment it felt as though every eye was on them.

“It’s only hair,” Jensen said defensively. “Not like it couldn’t grow back.” He ran a hand through his hair now. “Truth is, being there, in the silence and the clean air and the mountains, it was good for me.” He smiled a little at Jared. “Made me realize what I had lost, what I had done.”

“You didn’t call me when you came back,” Jared said and there was a hitch in his voice, something that betrayed a deep-seated wound that Jensen hated himself for inflicting.

“JT, I was fucked up,” Jensen admitted and he reached out a hand to touch Jared’s. “I wasn’t any good to anyone else until I’d sorted my shit out.”

Jared nodded slowly and Jensen tried not to wince when he pulled his hand away from Jensen’s. “Okay.” He sounded wary but not angry so Jensen counted that as a win. “If you had this epiphany when you were in Tibet, what took you another year to get back to this?” He waved at Jensen’s almost healthy self. “Why did you wait until now to get back into the game?”

Jensen ate the last of the cheese bites and took a deep gulp of beer. He poured more beer into both their glasses and tried to ignore the curious faces of the Leone family from the kitchen.

“First,” he started counting off on his fingers, “when I got back I weighed about half what I weigh now.” Jared stared. “Living on rice and water isn’t good for muscle building,” he said.

“Second, there was no miracle cure for my knee.” He reached down to rub it, sometimes wondering how much of the ache was real and how much of it was phantom pain. “It was better. Not playing had given it a chance to heal but I had to go back into physical therapy to figure out if I’d done more damage. Leaving it for as long as I had didn’t do me any favors either.”

“Not Misha,” Jared guessed.

“God, no,” Jensen shook his head. “Roger hooked me up with the guy who’d helped him with his back a couple years before and Jeff knocked my ass into shape.” He met Jared’s gaze. “You’d like Jeff,” he said. “He didn’t put up with my bullshit.”

One corner of Jared’s mouth tilted in a half smile. “That would be good,” he said. “You need more people to call you on your crap.”

Jensen felt his mouth go tight. “It wasn’t about you, JT.” He really needed Jared to understand this. “I was pretty much useless to anyone until I liked who I was again.”

“You didn’t even give me a chance,” Jared said. “You made the decision for me. Made me feel like what we had wasn’t important.”

Jensen couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. “Are you fucking crazy?” he asked. “When you weren’t there that night I got home from the hospital, I thought you’d finally realized what a douche I actually was and dropped my ass.”

“I was in fucking love with you, Jensen,” Jared told him. “I just needed one night away from you so that I didn’t hate you at the same time.” The words were like a whip, flaying his skin open and making him bleed. Jensen felt sick.

“And that’s why I never contacted you,” he said, not letting the pain he felt show in his voice. “I thought you deserved better.”

“I loved you,” Jared repeated. “I didn’t want anyone else.” His eyes were intent on Jensen. “I came back to you, but you were the one who ultimately walked away from what we had.”

“Yeah,” Jensen admitted. “And it was the right thing to do.”

Jared stared at him. “Seriously?” he asked. “You’re sitting here and seriously telling me that fucking me over and leaving me like a bride in front of the altar was the right thing to do?”

Jensen refused to back down. “Lose the drama, JT, it’s been two years and we’ve both moved on, had other relationships, done stupid things. I can’t change what I did back then, I can only say that I’m sorry that I hurt you. It’s the one thing I regret.”

“The one thing?” Jared said almost musingly. “All the things you did two years ago, that’s the one thing you regret?”

Jensen was unsure where Jared was going with this. “You’re the only person I haven’t apologized to,” he said. “While I was in the monastery, the Lama told me that to live with regret is to be poisoned slowly.” Jensen willed Jared to understand. “I’m sick of hating myself for what happened. I want us to be friends again.” He held out a hand. “Can we at least try to be friends again?”

For a sickening heartbeat, Jensen was sure that Jared wasn’t going to take his hand. But then long, warm fingers wrapped around his and Jared met his eyes. “I’m willing to try if you are,” he said and smiled.

Right there was the smile that Jensen had missed every day for almost two years. His dimples making deep creases in his cheeks and eyes bright with joy, Jared’s smile made everything seem possible. Even if it was only for a moment.

Mama Cat came over then. “You two done with the heart-to-heart?” she asked.

Jared nodded. “Chick flick moments make me hungry, Mama,” he said and patted his belly. “I need man food to help cleanse the palate.”

Jensen watched Jared flirt with Mama Cat, still not sure where they were right now but willing to hope that at least there wouldn’t be a murder on the tennis courts.

“I’ll bring you your meal now,” Mama Cat said. “Stop being stupid,” she ordered them both and headed for the kitchen.

Jensen looked over at Jared. “Stop being stupid?” he mouthed. And Jared laughed.



game

That was the start of their partnership. Jensen was very careful to keep things as professional as possible, as professional as two ultra-competitive former number one tennis players could be.

There was a lot of fighting, swearing, threats and dramatic exits off the tennis courts. Kane spent way too much time playing matchmaker when either one of them threw in the figurative towel and vowed to never set foot on a court again.

Slowly Jared and Jensen got to be friends again. It happened in almost invisible increments. Six months after their dinner at Papa Joe’s, Jensen looked around Jared’s bathroom and noticed that some of his own personal toiletries had migrated over to Jared’s house.

He left a change of clothes in one of Jared’s spare rooms for the times that they showered after a practice session and headed out to meet Kane or Fed and Rafa.

Somehow, while Jensen had been in Tibet finding himself, Jared and Misha had become friends. Misha spent a lot of time with Jared, and Jensen worked hard at not resenting him. The irony of Jared being jealous of Misha way back when he’d been Jensen’s physiotherapist was not lost on Jensen.

The first time Misha had dropped by when Jensen was there had been a little awkward. Jared hadn’t said anything, just stood back and let Jensen sort out his own mess.

All it had taken was an apology and Misha had let it go with a smile. “We’re good,” was all he had said and Jensen had been amazed to realize that all of his fears had been for nothing.

“Thanks, Misha,” Jensen had said. “Can we start fresh?” He held out a hand.

“Of course,” Misha’s smile was remarkably serene. “Perhaps we can enjoy a yoga class together some time?” He folded his hands in front of him, looking for all the world like the Lama at morning prayers.

Jensen narrowed his eyes. “You heard about the monastery,” he said. It wasn’t a question.

Misha’s eyes twinkled. “You shaved your head?” he asked. “That must have been a good look on you.”

Jensen scowled. “I fucking meditated my ass off,” he told Misha.

“You sound as though it did you a world of good.” Misha dead-panned.

Jensen gave a startled laugh. “You have been spending way too much time with Assalecki,” he said.

Misha grinned. “Jared has been teaching me how to be more aggressive.”

“Oh god,” Jensen groaned.

“Seriously though,” Misha dropped a hand on his shoulder. “I’m glad you found some peace of mind.”

“You gonna hug me and sing ‘Kumbayah’ now?” Jensen asked with a small smile. “Thanks for pointing me in the right direction, man. I wasn’t in the right head-space to listen to it then, but when I stopped being a dick, I was really grateful.”

Soon Jensen found himself looking forward to the times when Misha would come by and share some strange observation from the world he lived in.

It was a world that Jensen didn’t recognize at all. Jared was convinced that Misha was an alien and Jensen though he might actually be right.

Fed and Rafa spent some time taunting them, asking when they were going to stop being chickenshit and join the tour. Jensen wasn’t going to rush into anything this time. This second chance was way too important to fuck up.

“JT?” Jensen pushed the front door open and walked into Jared’s house. He had his own key now, the gate code and access to the tennis courts if he ever felt the need to hit a few balls when Jared wasn’t around.

The house was silent and Jensen wondered where Jared was. They didn’t have an arrangement today but Jensen had come by on the off chance that Jared might feel like an hour or two of tennis.

He dropped his gym bag in the spare room and changed his shoes. The ball machine would have to do as a partner today. He picked up his racquet and headed towards the side door leading to the courts. He heard a sound from upstairs and stopped. “JT?” he called again.

The sound came again and Jensen hefted the racquet in his hand like a baseball bat. He stole up the stairs, trying to keep his trainers from squeaking on the tiles. He stopped when he reached the top of the stairs and waited to hear where the sound was coming from. He heard it again and it sounded like it came out of Jared’s room.

He crept forward, keeping his center of gravity low as he pushed the bedroom door open carefully. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Jared on the bed, sheets hitched low on his hips and tossing in what appeared to be a fitful dream.

Jensen took a moment to appreciate the view but the noise Jared made was so full of pain that Jensen was moving and putting his hand on Jared’s shoulder before he was even aware of it. “JT,” he said and Jared’s eyes flew open.

The next second Jared had hauled him up and over and was looming over him, body hard and damp with sweat. Jensen tried to stop his heart from shoving its way out of his throat. Jared’s eyes were bright and intense on his. “Any particular reason you’re in my room, Jen?” Jared’s voice was sleep-rough and it went straight to Jensen’s cock.

“I thought there might be an intruder,” Jensen said. “There was a noise…”he licked suddenly dry lips and Jared’s gaze tracked the movement.

“No intruder,” Jared pointed out. He smiled down at Jensen and it was all teeth. “Just me.”

“You were dreaming,” Jensen said, trying to maintain some sort of control. But Jared was there all hot skin and hard hands, and Jensen wanted. He’d been so very careful about holding back. He’d let Jared take the lead this time, too scared of fucking up. But here, now, with Jared curling over him, Jensen just wanted.

“Do you want to know what I was dreaming about?” Jared asked. His hands were gentle now, moving in slow circles over Jensen’s skin. He wanted to press close and push away from Jared at the same time.

“Seemed like a bad one,” Jensen said. He held himself still. Didn’t want to move just in case Jared was doing this in some half-asleep, half-awake mode.

“You were leaving me,” Jared said and the words were blunt and harsh in contrast to the soft motion of his hands over Jensen’s skin. “Always, leaving me.”

Jensen went still beneath Jared. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I never meant to hurt you like this.” He hated seeing the damage he’d done.

Jared stared down at him. “We’re better, right?” he asked and for a moment he seemed so very young.

“Yes,” Jensen breathed. “We’re so much better, JT.”

And Jared dropped his head slowly. Slowly enough that if Jensen had wanted to, he could have turned away. Jensen didn’t want to move. He never wanted to move again.

Jared’s mouth was warm on his, lips soft and seeking, almost tentative. It was completely unlike Jared had been while they’d been together.

Jensen pulled back, pushing Jared up with a gentle hand to his face. “What is this, JT?” he asked. He didn’t want to fuck up the new friendship they’ve been building.

Jared’s expression turned serious. “It’s what I want,” he said. “It’s what I’ve always wanted, Jen. Even when you were being a dickhead, even when you ran away to Tibet to be a monk.” His eyes twinkled a little at the last.

Jensen snorted a laugh. “I didn’t run away to be a monk, you asshole,” he said, but he let his body relax a little, enjoy the feeling of Jared pressing him down.

“So, can I kiss you again?” Jared asked.

Jensen met his gaze, a little terrified now. “JT, you need to promise me something,” he said and he lifted his hands to Jared’s shoulders.

Jared frowned and said, “Okay. What?”

“You need to promise me that no matter what happens between us, this,” he lifted one hand and flapped it between them, “thing that we do that we can’t seem to stop doing, that it doesn’t fuck us up again.” He made a sound of annoyance. “Fuck, my brain honestly has no edit function when I’m around you.”

Jared grinned. “That made no sense, you know that, right?”

Jensen glared at him. “I want you to promise that we are partners, no matter if the sex thing ends or doesn’t start or gets shot to shit. We’re good together on the court and I don’t want that fucked up.”

“Okay,” Jared said.

Jensen stared up at him. “Okay?” he asked.

“Okay,” Jared repeated. “If the sex thing gets messy, I won’t let it affect our professional relationship.” He lifted up a hand and crooked his little finger. “Pinky swear.”

“You are such an asshole,” Jensen muttered.

Jared waggled his pinky and Jensen glared a little more but finally gave in and curled his finger around Jared’s.

“Now can I kiss you?” Jared asked.

If Jensen’s brain had been distracted by the conversation, his body certainly hadn’t been. Months of celibacy, constantly hanging around Jared and not being able to touch, had made him horny as shit.

“Fine,” he said, acting like it wasn’t a big deal.

But it was and they both knew it.

Jared lowered his head and brushed his mouth against Jensen’s. This time, Jensen was ready for it and he parted his lips a little. He let the scent of Jared invade him so that he felt like he was drowning in him.

Jared pressed slightly harder and Jensen opened his mouth more, allowed his tongue to touch Jared’s. And then all bets were off. Jared growled into his mouth and dropped his hips so that Jensen could feel how hard he was.

“You need to tell me when you want to stop, Jen,” Jared said against his mouth. “I’m not going to be the one putting on the brakes here.”

He moved his lips lower, to the line of Jensen’s throat and nipped at the skin as he made his way down.

Jensen arched his throat and sucked in much-needed air. The problem with them had never been in the bedroom and it was both familiar and new as he felt Jared tug at his shirt.

“Little overdressed here, Jen?” Jared murmured against his skin.

Jensen allowed Jared to wrestle him out of his shirt and then they were skin to skin for the first time in what felt like decades. Jensen wanted to take a moment to appreciate the smoothness, the heat, the muscles, but Jared was intent on making up for lost time.

Jared’s hands were everywhere, smoothing across Jensen’s chest, tweaking his nipples and rubbing against the front of his shorts where Jensen’s cock was straining to get out.

“JT,” Jensen gasped and bowed back as Jared sucked a kiss into the curve of his hip. “Fuck! That’s going to leave a mark, you fucker.”

Jared lifted his head and looked at him, eyes dark with passion. “I’m planning on marking you all over, Jen. Just so that you and the rest of the fucking world remember who you belong to.”

Caveman Jared had always been a sort of secret turn-on for Jensen. He’d never let Jared know but somehow his body must have betrayed him, stupid cock, because Jared’s smile turned filthy.

“JT,” Jensen warned but Jared was too busy pulling off Jensen’s shoes and socks. Jensen realized that Jared had been naked all this time and wondered what that said about him that he’d been oblivious until now.

“You need to be more naked, Jen,” Jared told him and tugged his shorts and boxers down his legs.

Jensen tried not to think about the fact that the last time he’d been naked with Jared had been almost three years ago and he’d been younger and firmer.

“Stop it, Jen.” Jared stared at him. “You’re still the most gorgeous person I’ve ever seen.”

Jensen felt himself flush. Jared had always been able to make him hard with a word, with a touch. “It’s been a while,” he confessed.

Jared paused and his hand crept up and rested at the top of Jensen’s thigh. “How long?” he asked. It seemed as though the answer was important to him.

“At least a year,” Jensen admitted and then his brain turned into mush as Jared’s mouth wrapped around his cock. He closed his eyes as he tried to think of anything else but how fucking amazing it felt to have Jared giving him head.

The sounds Jared made were obscene. Jensen had always been teased about his cock-sucking lips, but Jared was the one who really enjoyed it. Jensen felt his balls draw up tight and hard, and he tapped Jared on the shoulder to let him know that he was at the edge of coming.

Jared looked along the length of Jensen’s body, his eyes dark and sly. He drew hard on the tip of Jensen’s cock and just watched him as he fell apart.

“Can I fuck you?” Jared asked and his voice slightly hoarse, sending shivers down Jensen’s spine.

“God, please,” Jensen begged, his body lax and open after his orgasm.

Jared moved up his body and reached over him to his bedside drawer. The lube and condoms were within easy reach and he handed Jensen a condom while he drizzled lube onto his fingers. “Tell me when you’re ready,” Jared said and pressed one finger against Jensen’s hole.

Jensen gasped and lifted his hips as Jared pushed into him, one finger and then another. Jensen felt his body opening to Jared, just as it always had and he bit back a shout when one long finger brushed over his prostate.

“That’s it,” Jared crooned. “There’s the spot.” He spent several moments making sure that every nerve ending in Jensen’s body was dancing as he stroked the spot over and over again.

“Please, JT,” Jensen grabbed Jared’s hand. “Please, just fuck me already.”

Jared’s hands were shaking too hard to tear open the condom packet. “Put it on me,” he said to Jensen. The sticky latex did nothing to shield Jensen’s fingers from the heat of Jared’s cock.

And then Jared was pushing into him, hot, hard and filling him more perfectly than anyone ever did. Jensen had forgotten just how right it felt and then Jared’s hips were moving so that he hit Jensen’s prostate with every thrust.

Jensen lifted his legs and wrapped them around Jared’s hips, his hands dug into Jared’s shoulders and he hung on. Jared dropped his face into the curve of Jensen’s shoulder and bit down as he came. Jensen couldn’t hold on for too long, his arms and legs turned to jello as he shook through the aftermath of Jared’s orgasm.

Jared didn’t move for a while and for once, Jensen was okay with just lying there and being covered by a Jared-sized blanket.

“I’d forgotten how good we are together,” Jared confessed into Jensen’s neck.

“Yeah,” Jensen said and he allowed his hands to stroke up and down the length of Jared’s back. It felt good and right and so scarily perfect that he didn’t want to think too hard about it.

“We’re not fucking this up,” Jared told him. He pulled out of Jensen and rolled the condom off. Jensen winced a little at the unfamiliar ache between his thighs and watched as Jared tossed the condom haphazardly towards a small bin.

“I don’t want to,” Jensen said. He turned into the curve of Jared’s body and allowed himself to be drawn into the circle of Jared’s arms. “But you know what an idiot I can be.”

Jared’s warmth was both a comfort and a turn-on, always had been, and Jensen had almost lost him forever. “How about we agree to talk about shit?” Jared suggested, his chin resting on the top of Jensen’s head.

“I can try,” Jensen said. He wasn’t used to sharing how he felt, but if it meant more moments like this, with Jared, then he’d fucking try.

“We’ll try,” Jared said and Jensen smiled. He pressed a kiss against Jared’s chest, right where the lub-dub of his heart beat sounded the strongest.

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay,” Jared’s arms tightened around him and Jensen allowed himself to fall asleep.



set

Roland Garros, France

It was their second tournament together, their first Grand Slam. They were in the semi-finals and Jensen was shaking like a leaf.

They’d played the Madrid Open earlier in the month and had made the quarter-finals of the doubles competition.

Kane had been ecstatic.

Jensen and Jared had been cautiously optimistic. They’d opted out of the Australian Open, feeling that they needed more time to get Jensen back to the kind of form it took to win tournaments. It had been worth it. Even if Kane had practically bitten off his own arm trying to not push them harder than they were prepared to go.

They were playing the Bryan brothers and Jensen liked the twins but he was ready to wipe the court with them. Almost two weeks of competition had reminded him just how much he loved this game.

He bounced the ball a couple more times and Jared caught his eye. Clay was Jared’s favorite surface, grass was Jensen’s, and right now they had the chance to make history. Two former number one singles players, both side-lined with injuries playing together in a Grand Slam doubles semi.

Jensen’s first serve went wide, the red clay kicking up just past the service line. He didn’t bother challenging and focused on placing his second serve.

There was plenty of top-spin on this one and Bob Bryan was at full-stretch when he made the return.

Jared caught the volley and sent a smooth backhand slicing down the center line, just out of Mike’s reach.

“Fifteen – love.”

Jensen was sure he heard Kane’s triumphant crowing in the crowd.

He got the next serve in, almost an ace, as Mike barely got his racquet to it.

“Thirty – love.”

Jensen put as much heat on the serve as he could and Bob skipped out of the way. Jared turned to look at him and smirked. “Ate your Wheaties today, babe?” he teased.

“Forty – love.”

“Breakfast of champions,” Jensen agreed.

He missed his first serve again, smashing it into the net where it popped over and fell just out of the zone. Jensen scowled and knocked his racquet against the soles of his shoes. The thick red clay stuck to everything.

He narrowed his eyes and aimed his second serve for just over the net, where it dropped almost dead before the baseline. The crowd howled its approval.

“Game: Padalecki, Ackles. Two sets all, five games to four: Bryan, Bryan, fifth set.”

Jared sat down next to Jensen. “You know it’s okay if we lose,” he said.

Jensen gulped down his water. It was soothing on his dry throat. “I know,” he said. He looked over at the Bryan brothers. “Fucking hell, JT, how the fuck did we manage to get to the semi-finals of the French Open?”

Jared shook his head. “I have no fucking idea, man.” And then he grinned. “But it’s fucking awesome.”

Jensen grinned back at him. “It really fucking is.”

Losing that match wasn’t as hard as Jensen had thought it would be. It may have had something to do with the fact that Jared had promised to perform filthy and possibly illegal acts on him when they got back to their apartment in Paris.

Jensen was willing to accommodate him. Losing sucked after all. He needed lots of comforting.



match

All England Club, Wimbledon, England

Jensen had to serve for the match. He was terrified and exhilarated and so ready to be off the court and in a hot shower with Jared. In that order.

He looked over to the players’ box. Kane, Steve and Misha were almost falling off their chairs in excitement. Kane’s face was impassive but his eyes were dancing with glee. Jensen could practically see the dollar signs. The asshole.

Ollie was sitting between Rosey and Tom. They’d come to London as a favor to Jensen and he was glad to see them looking so happy. According to Rosey, they’d been married in fifteen countries so far. The next stop was England. Jensen and Jared had been invited to the ceremony just after Wimbledon was over.

Ollie waved frantically, face shining with joy, and Jensen lifted his racquet with a small smile, acknowledging him. It had been so much fun having the kid with them. Experiencing live on the tour through Ollie’s eyes had been awesome. It had also made Jared a little broody. Jensen was sure that Jared was plotting an adoption. Human, animal or other was up in the air. Jensen was okay with starting small, maybe with a dog.

Jared came over to him and they bumped fists. “You holding up okay?” Jared whispered over the noise of the crowd.

Jensen rolled the two new balls around in his hand. “Knee is shot to shit, but I’m doing okay,” he quipped.

Jared’s gaze was steady. “You want to stop this, we stop it,” he told Jensen.

“No, I’m good.” Jensen shook his head. “This is more than we ever hoped for.”

Jared stared at him. “Nothing is more important than you, Jensen,” he said and his eyes were terribly serious.

Jensen swallowed over the lump in his throat. “Well, let’s end this and see what happens later, okay?” he suggested.

Jared gave a short nod and took his place at the net, crouched like some huge bird of prey, prepared for when the ball came back his way.

Jensen served, sending the ball kicking out to the far side of the right court. Rafa raced after it, managed to get the edge of his racquet on it and it sailed back towards Jared, slipping over the net. Jared scooped it up and hit it hard down the line, rocketing past Roger into the back of the court. He lifted a hand in apology to the linesman who had thrown his body to the side to avoid being hit.

Jensen grinned to himself and moved to bump fists with Jared. “That looked like it might have hurt,” he noted.

Jared’s mouth ticked up in a smile. “It missed,” he said, raising one shoulder, and went back to his position.

“Fifteen – love.”

Jensen leaned back into the motion of the serve and hit the ball hard and flat. It skidded past the far corner and Roger sent it back with interest.

Jared took a couple of steps back but stopped when he saw that Jensen had it under control. Jensen stepped into the ball and sliced it with enough topspin that it bounced once and veered off to the other side of the court where Rafa completely misjudged it.

“Thirty – love.”

Jared came to Jensen to bump fists and shook his head. “You’ve still got it,” he said and Jensen felt that tug of memory.

“We’ve got it,” he told Jared and was rewarded with a bright smile and a flash of dimples. It felt amazing to be in love with tennis all over again.

“Go for the body serve,” Jared said. “Rafa hates body serves.”

Jensen obeyed, hitting the serve hard and straight to where Rafa was standing on the baseline. The Spaniard’s racquet curled awkwardly as he tried to get hold of the serve but it was impossible. Jensen looked over at the ball speed and was pleasantly surprised to see his serve had hit the 140 miles per hour range.

“Forty – love.”

He met Jared in the middle of the court and they did their fist-bump. “Match point,” Jared noted.

“Yeah,” Jensen said, trying for nonchalant.

“Stop freaking out,” Jared said.

“I’m not freaking out,” Jensen denied and then shook his head. “Stop reading my mind, bitch.”

“Stop being so fucking easy to read, jerk.” Jared smiled at him.

The next serve to Roger was returned hard and fast and Jensen had to scramble halfway across the court to retrieve it. His knee screamed in protest as he skidded past the base line, grass almost greasy beneath him, and missed.

“Forty – fifteen.”

Jared shook his head. “That’s okay, it’s just one point.” They bumped fists again and Jensen sucked in a breath.

“I’m going to fuck this up, JT,” Jensen said, feeling the panic setting in.

“You are not going to fuck anything up, Jensen.” Jared’s eyes were intent on him. “Take a breath and serve for the match.” His fingers curled around Jensen’s. “I believe in you,” he said. “In us.”

Jensen stared at him and his heart spun in stupid circles in his chest. “You are so getting lucky tonight,” he promised and went back to the baseline.

The serve was curving with topspin and Rafa managed to get his racquet to it, sending it flying back towards Jared. Jared’s long, lean body was at full stretch as he managed to tap it back over the net. The short volley wasn’t quite short enough to prevent Roger from getting to it. He sent it back to Jensen with a blistering forehand that skated down the line. Jensen barely got there in time and he hit it back towards Rafa who pounced as soon as it cleared the net.

High, hard and dropping like a stone, Jensen kept his eye on the ball as it hurtled towards him. He smashed it back before it touched the ground. Both Roger and Rafa raced to get to it but they missed, and through a haze of shock he heard the chair umpire announce, “Game, set and championship: Ackles, Padalecki.”

Suddenly his arms were full of a whooping Padalecki and he automatically closed them around Jared.

“Holy shit, we did it, Jensen!” Jared was shouting in his ear and Jensen closed his eyes and pressed his face against Jared’s broad shoulder.

“Oh my god,” Jensen breathed as he heard the crowd shouting and applauding. He could hear Ollie screaming from the players’ box and knew that Kane was holding him back from launching himself out of the enclosure. “We did it.”

Jared’s big hands cupped his face and he smiled at Jensen. “Remember that promise?” he asked, holding up his hand and crooking his finger. Jensen’s face went hot but he linked his pinky with Jared’s and smiled back at him. “We won, so we won,” Jared said.

And kissed him, right there in the center of Centre Court.

Jensen’s knee didn’t hurt at all.



Notes: I have a lot of people to thank. But seriously, without them this fic would not have been written. And even if it had, it would be freaking awful.

To risti who said give me more tennis so I did. Alpha reader of awesome.

To my amazeballs artist transfixeddream who told me write a scene in the monastery and it turned out to be one of my faves. And then went on to make me gorgeous art. Chibis! Please shower with praise :D

To my lovely & put-upon inbetweencabs who begged me not to hate her when she told me to change the ENTIRE WAY I’D SET UP MY FIC and I wept because she was totally right. I love her and I hate her.

To my grammar Nazi sbb23 who wrote me long notes about how much sense I wasn’t making in my timeline. And SHE WAS FREAKING RIGHT TOO!. So much of tears.

To my latest & greatest framedhim thank you for that final read through. It helps having a fresh pair of eyes when you’ve read something so many times. She told me it didn’t suck & that she knew nothing about tennis but still liked it!

My twitter cheerleaders (ya’ll know who you are & how much it meant to have you encouraging me every step of the way).

And last, but by no means least, thank you to wendy and the other mods of spn_j2_bigbang. You are ruthless, organized and utterly fabulous. That’s why this Bang is the best of the year.

All mistakes are completely my own.