Sarcasm or Suckage

From: Desperation





He woke up to Jared arguing with Misha and JD. He kept his eyes closed for a few minutes and listened to them.

“You need to tell him,” Jared said.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” JD shook his head. “Not yet, anyway.”

“He has a right to know and the sooner you tell him, the more prepared he’ll be.” Jared was insistent.

“Tell me what?” Jensen sat up and three pairs of eyes turned to him. Jared looked worried and a little pissed off. Misha appeared uncomfortable and JD’s jaw was set.

“Leonard is coming,” Jared blurted out before JD could say anything.

Jensen got off the bed so fast he felt his head spin. “What the fuck?” He looked to JD for confirmation.

“It looks like Nicor told him where she was heading and now that she hasn’t checked in for the past day or so…”

“Day?” Jensen asked. “I’ve been out for a day?”

“Yeah,” Jared came over and hugged him. “You had me worried for a while there.”

“How is your mother?” Jensen asked Misha.

“She’s just fine, thanks to you,” he smiled. “The use of your robur took a toll on you.”

Jensen shrugged. “I guess that’s the price you pay, right?” he raised an eyebrow at JD.

“The stronger the robur, the more it demands of your body,” JD nodded.

“So, back to Leonard coming over for a visit,” Jensen was surprised at how calm he felt. He knew he’d be shaking with fear later.

“I have an informant at the Abaddon homestead,” JD told him. “He left a short while ago.”

“At least we know he cares about someone else besides himself,” Jared offered.

“Nicor is the other half of Leonard,” Misha said. “Was,” he amended.

Jensen tried not to think of the way his birth mother had died. He felt nothing for her but it was a gruesome end to anyone. “So, Leonard coming here is a good thing, isn’t it?”

“It will be better if we deal with him like this,” JD agreed. “There will be no bloodshed, apart from his, and then we can select a new king.”

“Do we think he knows that Nicor is dead?” Jensen asked.

“They have been together for centuries,” JD replied. “It may be possible that they sense things about each other.”

“So your answer is basically yes,” Jared scowled.

“My answer is perhaps,” JD levelled a look at Jared.

“We take him down here, before it gets ugly,” Misha laid out the plan once Jensen pulled on some clothes and they headed out.

“Do we do the same thing as what happened with Nicor?” Jensen saw that scene in his mind’s eye again and shook his head to get rid of it.

JD shook his head. “I’m going to have to let him take a shot at me, distract him so that you and Verin can work together.”

“Wait, what?” Jensen stopped dead in his tracks. “You want me to do to Leonard what Vix did to Nicor?

“You are a second, Verin is a Third,” JD explained. “I can use ignem against him but I can’t kill him. I couldn’t kill Nicor either. The only robur that is capable of ensuring the true death is carnem.”

“The other powers can’t kill?” Jared shook his head. “That doesn’t sound right.”

“They can kill, but only if a wielder of carnem is not around,” Misha pointed to Jensen. “Leonard knows that carnem kills as well as heals.”

“He’s systematically rooted out the families that carry the robur of carnem and killed them.” JD’s mouth was tight. “He is a paranoid lunatic who has engineered his own downfall.”

“He’s killed everyone who could save him,” Jensen sighed. “I’m the only one who can take him out, right?”

JD nodded. “You and Verin are now the last two of your family, apart from Leonard, still alive. You are the only two on Asar who have a hope of killing him.”

“Just how do you know all this shit, man?” Jared demanded. “You’ve been gone for so long.”

JD’s smile was sly. “I’ve been able to receive messages over the years. I’ve kept an eye on my home, despite the distance.”

“You’ve kept too much from us,” Jensen was angry. “We need all the information we can get. This isn’t a battle we can afford to lose.”

“You’re right,” JD admitted and he blew out a breath. “I’ve spent so many years keeping secrets, that I’ve forgotten how to share information with those I can trust.”

He stopped and levelled a gaze at Jensen. “It would be good if you could stay.”

Jensen opened his moth to tell him that he wanted to go back home as soon as Leonard was a memory. “If you decide to stay a while, Jared won’t age as fast on Asar,” JD smiled at Jensen, offering a reward. “Our years are about ten times that of Earth’s years so if you stayed here for a hundred years, Jared would only age ten years.” Jensen could see the eagerness on Jared’s face and sighed. “We can’t send you back just yet.”

“What about using one of the ships?” Jensen didn’t understand why JD couldn’t just send them home now.

“I want to send you back to the time before the Asarians arrived on Earth,” JD explained. “I’d prefer that Earth be as though Asar had never come calling. Besides, the ships that we use for interstellar travel can’t make a time warp.”

“Is there a time machine on Asar that you haven’t told me about?” Jensen demanded.

JD wouldn’t meet his gaze.

“But if you send us back before the aliens arrived on Earth, then…” Jared went quiet.

“What?” Jensen prompted him.

“Then you and I weren’t together,” Jared muttered.

Jensen stared at him. “You’re kidding me.”

“No, I’m not,” Jared’s jaw was set. “The only reason we finally got around to being a couple was because of the Asarians.”

“Your memories will be intact,” JD said and his mouth was curving in a smile. “It’s the rest of the planet that won’t remember a thing.”

“Oh,” Jared’s voice was small and his ears went pink.

Jensen pulled him down for a kiss. “You are not getting rid of me that easy, Jay.”

Jared’s pleased smile made Jensen laugh.

“Okay, getting back to this insane plan,” Jensen looked around and saw Sitri and Victoria in front of the holographic fireplace in the living room. Orias was lying on one of the divans, watching them with a smile. Her about face since the confrontation with Nicor was still disconcerting. He thought that Misha’s mother probably needed centuries of therapy. “What if one of you gets hurt in some way? Who will heal you?”

Victoria stood up and came over to them, leaving West with Sitri. “We are aware of the risks, Jen, but we’re prepared to take those risks if it means the end of Leonard Abaddon.”

“We will, however, do our very best not to get hurt,” Misha added and for a brief moment, he was the guy Jensen had known for the past four years.

“That would be good,” Jensen agreed.

The knock on the door took them all by surprise. “Is it him?” Jared asked.

JD motioned for Jensen and Jared to leave. “I’ll call you when I need you,” he assured them.

“I’d rather stay,” Jensen said. “I want him to be worrying about me while you’re drawing him out.”

JD looked like he wanted to argue. “I’m going to stay,” Jensen stated.

“Sitri will open the ground, trap him there.” JD ticked off the points on his fingers. “Orias and I will make sure he cannot shake himself loose. Then you and Verin must use your robur and destroy him. From the head down.”

Jensen swallowed hard. Put like that it felt like murder. JD’s sharp gaze pinned him. “Don’t lose your nerve now, Jenny-bean.” The affectionate nickname brought the reality home to Jensen.

“I’m okay,” he said.

“What about me?” Jared asked.

“Stay with Mastema and Vetis,” JD instructed. “They have no part in the fight today.”

“But I want to fight,” Jared was practically pouting. “I trained for three fucking months on the ship to fight.”

“Jay!” Jensen exclaimed. “What the hell, man?”

“I feel like I’m the princess here,” Jared muttered. “Waiting for my prince to come and save me.”

“This is not about you,” Misha’s voice was low. “Sometimes the soldiers just have to accept that they will not see battle.”

Jared stared at Misha. “Channelling Castiel now, are we?” he snipped.

“Sometimes I just don’t know about you, Padalecki,” Misha sighed and grabbed Jared’s arm and led him to where Sitri was still sitting with West. “Take your place with your husband,” he told her. “We’ll bring up the rear.”

Jared grumbled a little but he sat down with West and folded his arms. “Fine.”

Jensen heard the front door swish open and braced himself.

He was unprepared for the sheer force of Leonard Abaddon’s presence. He strode into the room as though he owned it and his sharp gaze scanned each face briefly. Once his eyes rested on Jensen, he stepped forward. JD stepped in front of Jensen.

“Merihem!” Leonard’s deep voice rolled and the hatred in his tone was a living thing.

“Abaddon,” JD inclined his head.

“Where is my wife?”

“Her ashes have scattered to the Fell by now,” JD’s airy response made Jensen nervous. It made Leonard shake with fury.

“You have killed my Nicor?” he sounded as though he was finding it hard to believe.

“One less Abaddon is not a bad thing,” JD shrugged and the taunting words sent the king over the edge.

“You DARE?” his bellow made the house shudder and Jensen could feel the power in the room ratchet up several notches.

JD snorted. “After what you have done to my family and to the other freedom fighters of Asar, I would dare much, much more.”

Sitri knelt down suddenly, palms flat against the floor. “Your first prison,” she told Leonard with a sneer and the ground opened up beneath the king.

With a startled cry, he fell into the hole that had appeared and scrambled quickly to his feet, hands reaching for the side of the hole.

“Nuh uh,” JD shook a finger at him and he smiled over at Sitri. “Close it up, love.”

And the ground closed around Leonard so that only the top half of his shoulders, his neck and his head was showing.

“I will strip your skin from your flesh, then the flesh from your bones and you will be forced to eat your heart!” Leonard roared and heat flashed through the room.

“Orias!” JD called and she stepped forward, hand outstretched and scarlet fire cascaded from her palms. Jensen could only watch as the fire circled Leonard and then sank into the ground. The only reason he knew that the fire surrounded his birth father was the sight of small licks of red and gold flame appearing every few seconds above the ground.

“Verin, Samael!” JD motioned to them and Jensen took one step forward.

Leonard’s gaze pinned him. “You would commit patricide at the word of a rebel and a criminal?” he asked.

“I don’t know you,” Jensen told him. “I know JD and I trust him a whole lot more than the guy who killed thousands of people.”

“You have only his word for what happened,” Leonard reasoned. “Surely you would need to hear my side of the story?”

Victoria’s hand on his arm grounded him. “No thanks,” Jensen shook his head. “I think you’re pretty much everything JD told me and then some. The universe might actually be a better place without you in it.”

He felt the heat of Victoria’s robur slide through him and realised she was handing her carnem over to him. He looked at her. “Are you sure?”

She smiled. “Finish this, Samael Abaddon, son of Nicor and Leonard Abaddon. Serve justice for the thousands who have died.”

Jensen concentrated on bringing his robur up to the surface of his skin. His carnem bumped against Victoria’s and he held his breath, waiting to see how it would react. Their power blended, melded together and formed one long rope of deadly energy. He turned his gaze on Leonard.

“I pronounce judgement on Leonard Abaddon, First of the Abaddon family. For the deaths of thousands who I do not know, the sentence is death.” Jensen looked at JD, then Orias and Victoria. “Do I have a second?”

“Second,” JD replied.

“Third,” Orias responded.

Incandescent rage poured out of Leonard’s eyes as he fixed them on Jensen. “If you do this then I know that you are truly my son,” he bared his teeth. “You are worthy of the name of Abaddon.”

The robur rose in Jensen, a living extension of his anger. “My name is Jensen Ackles and you are no father of mine!” He let the carnem escape his hold and it poured out of him in a river of destruction. Jensen could do nothing but watch as Leonard’s face started to melt.

Then he started to scream.

Jensen felt an eerie calm settle over him as he saw the power he’d unleashed go to work on Leonard. It burrowed under his skin and pushed it out in pustules that expanded and then burst, bits of flesh and bone flying in several directions. The blood pooled across the floor and the ignem that JD and Orias maintained pounced greedily on whatever it could find and obliterated it.

Leonard screamed until his throat was eaten through, trailing off to a gargle and then nothing as his spinal cord disintegrated. Then it was down to bone and a still-beating heart. Jensen could see carnem and ignem trail across the organ, touch and then burrow deep and explode it from within. The fire soon took the last of Leonard’s bones and consumed them in a gulp of hungry heat.

Jensen staggered, felt the robur fly back into him, settle into that small black space within and sigh in contentment. He prayed that he’d never have to use it again.

“Jen,” Jared’s voice was cracked and he looked around. While he’d been focused on killing Leonard, the king had taken his vengeance.

While he’d been taunting Jensen, Leonard had summoned his robur and somehow attacked Misha who was now on the ground. Jensen saw that Misha was bleeding from his mouth, nose and ears. West was screaming and Jared had his hands over a hole in Misha’s chest that showed bone.

“Oh my god,” Victoria was on her knees, crawling towards Misha, tears streaming down her face. “No. This isn’t possible, this can’t be happening.”

Jensen stumbled over to where they were, noting that JD was almost unconscious in Sitri’s arms and Orias had passed out on one of the divans.

“Save him,” West begged and Jensen groaned.

“I can’t,” he moaned. “I’m all out of carnem. Taking Leonard out took everything I had.”

“Try!” Victoria shrieked, blood seeping through her fingers where she tried to keep Misha’s organs inside his body.

“Jen, please, he’s our friend.” Jared looked terrified and Jensen wanted that expression to disappear.

“Okay,” he shuffled closer. “I’ll try.”

He went back down to that small dark space and poked at the robur. It was curled up, spent but it responded to his call. He felt it heat his veins, shoot down his arms and he put his palms on Misha’s chest. The carnem punched out of him, ripping a scream from him.

Jared was there a moment later, his big body behind Jensen, offering strength, protection, support. Jensen pushed harder. The carnem slipped into Misha’s body, went down deep and started repairing the damage Leonard had done. Jensen could feel himself fading. The robur was using up everything and he wasn’t sure he’d survive this.

“Stop it, Jen, he’s okay.” Jensen could barely hear Jared’s words. “Stop it, babe. Please.”

The plea pulled Jensen back and the robur limped back through his veins to where it could replenish itself.

Misha opened his eyes and looked at Jensen. Jensen tried to smile but everything hurt and his vision was going fuzzy. He toppled over, barely aware of Jared catching him as he fell.



He slept for days. His dreams were frightful and terrible and he desperately wanted to wake up but his body kept telling him that it was not ready yet.

His friends sat at his bedside, taking turns in keeping him company.

Victoria’s soft touch made him flinch. He felt her power call to his but there was nothing to give.

JD sat and read to him. Jensen heard the history of Asar and the customs and rites of his birth home.

West cuddled up, slept at his side and whispered wicked things that no infant should know.

Misha sat in silence, waiting for Jensen to wake up so that he could thank him properly.

Jared spent the most time with him, his voice low and scared and Jensen wanted to assure him that he was fine. But he couldn’t lie to Jared. He wasn’t fine. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be fine again.

When he opened his eyes, Jared’s worried face was the first thing he saw. “Oh thank god,” Jared’s lips trembled and Jensen saw his eyes grow damp.

“Don’t be a pussy, Jay,” Jensen told him and his voice was hoarse. “I’m fine.”

Jared clutched his fingers. “Shut up, princess, you don’t get to be the cocky one here, I thought I’d lost you.”

Jensen tried to smile but his eyes were closing again. “Not going anywhere, Jay,” he promised and slipped back into sleep.

This time, there were no dreams.



When Jensen woke up again, Misha was there.

“Hey,” he said and Misha didn’t reply. “Misha, you okay?”

“You risked your life for me.” Misha’s words were low, pained.

“You’d have done the same for me,” Jensen pointed out.

“You almost died. For me.” Misha gritted.

“I’m still here, man, no need for the freak-out.” Jensen tried to keep it light.

“I will never forget this,” Misha promised.

“Well, that’s two you owe me now, Collins,” Jensen quipped. “I’m going to call in my chips one of these days.”

Misha’s mouth was soft against his. “Anytime,” he whispered and raced out of the room.

Jared came in, looking back to where Misha had vanished. “What was that about?” he asked.

“Misha was showing me his gratitude,” Jensen said and was highly gratified at the scowl that appeared on Jared’s face.

“That guy is such an opportunist,” Jared muttered and he leaned down to kiss Jensen. “You look about a million times better.” He grinned. “At least you look semi-alive now.”

Jensen patted the side of the bed. “How long was I out for? What’s been going on?”

Jared perched on the bed and then swung his legs up so that he could lie down. He threw an arm and a leg over Jensen and snuggled in. “You’ve been out for six days,” he murmured into the skin of Jensen’s neck.

“Six days?” Jensen was startled and then tried to wriggle away from Jared. Jared’s grip just tightened and Jensen settled back down with a sigh. “Tell me what’s happened while I took my beauty sleep.” He knew he had to say it before Jared did. It would come up at some stage.

“JD and Sitri have called a council of the Firsts of the families of Asar. Apparently it’s like Congress and they vote for their new king.”

“Was anyone devastated about Leonard and Nicor’s deaths?”

“Nope, apparently there are plans to give you a medal or a dragon. I wasn’t really paying attention.” Jared’s voice was slurring and Jensen realised that he’d not slept much while Jensen had been comatose.

“A dragon?” He laughed.

Jared’s hand crept under the blanket and then under Jensen’s shirt. It felt like love and home. “Or something.”

“Jay?” Jensen nudged Jared’s forehead but the protesting noise was answer enough. “Okay, babe, we’ll talk more once you’ve had some rest.”

“Wanna go home, Jen,” Jared mumbled.

“Yeah,” Jensen sighed and closed his eyes. “Let’s do that. Real soon.”

“Misha wants to be our wedding planner,” Jared muttered.

Jensen’s eyes popped back open. “What the fuck?”

Jared shrugged, eyes still closed. “Something about living in sin.”

“I’m going to kill that little bastard,” Jensen growled.

“I told him, no pink.” Jared sounded proud of himself.

“Oh god,” Jensen groaned. “You know that fucking everything will be in pink now, right?”

Jared’s sleepy chuckle made Jensen’s heart lurch with happiness. “I like pink,” he reminded Jensen.

“You are such a fucking princess,” Jensen told him and he leaned down and kissed him.

“And you’re my handsome prince,” Jared grinned into the kiss and Jensen began to believe that it was going to work out alright.

“So I guess this is where we live happily ever after?” he asked.

“For now,” Jared amended.

Jensen was okay with that.