I did something waaaay stupid again. Remember how I promised I wouldn't indulge in pill taking again? Well I broke that promise.
Two weeks ago I decided just as I woke up that I woud go to the pharmacy and buy strong anti headache pills containing codein. I went there and bought a botle of 100 pills. That's not the bad part, the bad part was that I stole them. I walked right into the pharmacy, asked for the pills that by the way you can only get with a prescription but since its swaziland they trust you and sell them to you anyway. So I got the pills then I walked around the place a bit and left, without paying. They cost like $60 american dollars. You wouldn't believe the high that these pills produce. I ended up taking 20 a day. When the pills were finishing I decided to try going for a day without them, and I couldn't, I was addicted. I was worried so I told mom and dad, they nearly killed me, yelled at me and even told me i was going back to chile. But I went cold turkey and stopped taking them. First day without them my whole body itched and I was in physical pain, all my limbs hurt, and I fet I needed those pills badly. The second day I was still in pain and I slept all day, third day i was in pain and extremelly anxious...and so on.
I'm ok now. But now, for real, I'm not doing that ever again. I know I say I won't but I mean it this time. I have got to stop with the self destructive behaviour.
My brother left yesterday morning at 4am, we said goodbye in our jammies and he left on a taxi to the airport and then to chile. I felt awful, I miss him already and he only ;left yesterday. I love my brother to death and he is my best friend. I miss you Count Omega.....xoxoxoxo
Well, I've been through hell and back...yikes, admissions processes are awful. In the end I took the exam thought I did horribly bad, just got word that I was accepted but that's all nice and all but I already chose to study with the University of South Africa long distance, and I'm not gonna study visual arts, I'm gonna study computer science. The University of Witwatersrand put me through hell and back, I just had to give up the idea of sudying arts alltogether. BASTARDS!
But I am happy with studying computer science, I'm good with puters and maths so there.
My friend Jo refuses to write to me. I don't even know why she hates me so much. I know I can be annoying but come on, at least tell me why you are so mad.
I'm still obsessed with the band HIM, short for His Infernal Majesty.
SO I wont be moving away from home to live on my own, that's the biggest bummer of them all. I guess I'm just not ready to evolve. One day it'll happen, believe me. I would very much so like to go study in England or Australia, that's an idea I shall ponder on further. I can't be with my parents for more than a year from now, I just can't, I need to move away pronto.
From What Privileges Do You Have?, based on an exercise about class and privilege developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. If you participate in this blog game, they ask that you PLEASE acknowledge their copyright.
Bold the true statements.
1. Father went to college 2. Father finished college 3. Mother went to college 4. Mother finished college 5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor. 6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers. 7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home. 8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home. 9. Were read children's books by a parent 10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18. 11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18. 12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively. 13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18 14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs 15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs. 16. Went to a private high school 17. Went to summer camp 18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18. 19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels. 20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18. 21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them. 22. There was original art in your house when you were a child. 23. You and your family lived in a single-family house. 24. Your parents owned their own house or apartment before you left home. 25. You had your own room as a child. 26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18 27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course 28. Had your own TV in your room in high school 29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college 30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16. 31. Went on a cruise with your family 32. Went on more than one cruise with your family 33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up. 34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.
Well, I am still in Swaziland. The Witwatersrand University accepted my application and I have an interview on the 4th of this month. I am scared as all hell. Please please accept me. I love this university and it's curriculum. Plus, if I get in I will finally live on my own. ON MY OWN!!! I AM 27 FOR FUCK'S SAKE AND I'VE NEVER LIVED ON MY OWN!!!! Except that one time when my brother and I lived in Cairns, but I was with my brother so it doesn't count....much....he's younger, so I cooked, did the laundry, went grocery shopping, etc. But still, this will be different.
By the way, I am so into the band HIM that I am getting a heartagram tattooed on my left shoulder blade. HOWZHAT FOR COMMITMENT????
Wow, I haven´t posted in here for 2 months! I am so sorry, I guess I´ve just been busy doing nothing. What I have been doing is waiting. Waiting to see if I got into at least one of the two universities i applied to in South Africa. And the waiting has me mad, I have been getting awful headaches every single morning for a month now. I went to the doctor to see what was wrong, he ran a few tests and basically he says it´s psychological. It´s plain ol´stress. I truly don´t know what i am going to do if I don´t get in. Dad has a weird idea that if I don´t get in he could use his savings and buy a franchise be it a music store or a book shop and I would run it. It´s a good idea but not something that I want. I want to finish my studies in art and finally teach and be an artist. I also want to explore theater, something i love.
Countess ORAEL gets married in a few days now and I didn´t send her a wedding present. It could have been something cool like an african statue or something. But I have no money, plus, sending something big to Australia ain´t cheap. I hope she can forgive me and I truly wish I was there for such momentous occasion like her wedding. I wish her the best.
Name: Claudia Neupert Age: 27 Status: single Kids? Ages? Names?: none Age you were diagnosed as bipolar?: 16 Where do you live? Mbabane, Swaziland What meds do you take/dosages? I take many. 1. Zuclopentixol Decanoate 200 mg Depot - to be injected once every three weeks (it helps with the hallucinations) 2. Quetiapine 200 mg 3. Lorazepam 2 mg 4. Escitalopram 10 mg 5. Temazepam 20 mg 6. Folic Acid 7. Levotiroxine 100 mg 8. Mirtazapine 45 mg Have you ever been inpatient in a facility? many times Do you have any other mental illness diagnosis? just severe depressions and personality disorder
Let me tell you what I went through in the month of September. Pure and utter hell. My days were like this. I was taking 25 to 30 sleeping pills a day, sleeping 3 hours, badly I might add and eating chocolates and cookies obsessively, like I would die if I didn’t have a treat every 30 minutes. The sleeping pills obviously made me drowsy and high. I would play The Sims 2 all day and night and giggle every time a sim did something funny, I was high. By the second week of my binge my parents took notice. My father told me I looked sleepy all the time and that I spoke funny. I said it was because I was sleeping so badly. They had noticed that too. That I simply was not sleeping and I was obsessively playing The Sims all the time. I started to steal money too. I had to buy the chocolates and cookies somehow so I started stealing right off my Dad’s wallet. I was making weekly trips to the supermarket and the lady cashiers were always impressed by the amounts of junk food I would buy. Then there’s the pills. ( Read more...Collapse )
Last night I saw Brokeback Mountain for fifth time and at the end I cried. Man did I cry, I cried for about 10 minutes. My parents were worried about me cause I wouldn't stop crying.
Anyhow, the movie made me think about things that have nothing to do with the movie. One of the things it made me think about was accents.
Here I go...
I was born in the USA in Providence, Rhode Island. But that doesn't mean that I have been speaking english all my life you see after I turned 1 we left the US and went to Cairo Egypt. Stayed there for 3 years then we went to Essen, Germany. One year in Germany then Brazil, my brother was born there and we were there for 4 years. After that we moved to Asuncion Paraguay, there for 2 years. And finally in 1990 we moved to Toronto Canada where I finally learnt how to speak english. I was 10 years old and I dreamed of the day that I would be fluent in english. It seemed so cool to me to speak english. I would be in my room and I would pretend to speak english talking mostly gibberish but it felt good. Either way I learnt in 3 months and I spoke with a Canadian accent by 6 months.
SO that got me thinking. I speak english, I think in english and I even dream in english. But my first languages are spanish and portuguese. None the less I speak english with a semi canadian/american accent.
So after being in Canada for 3 and a half years we moved to Canberra, Australia. I was 14 and at Canberra High I was known as the American chick. This is where it gets interesting, after I had been there for about 6 months I noticed that my accent had changed, I was saying some words with an Australian accent. Nobody noticed because to them I was just american and most of what I said was with an american accent. But I noticed and felt embarrased. After I had been in Australia for a year I called a good friend of mine from Canada, Kim, and the first thing she said was "OH MY GOD!!! YOU HAVE AN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT!" What? I said No way. But there you go.
I have always kept my American accent but everytime I travel somewhere I find myself speaking the local accent. Everytime I have been back to Australia be it when I went to study in Cairns or just went on a holiday to Darwin I would speak as Australian as possible. Also I noticed that everytime we went to South Africa I would start speaking (in english of course) with a south african accent. It's like I try so hard to fit in being in so many countries all my life that my accents change. I think I try too hard sometimes.
Hey guys, it´s been a month since I last wrote on here so bear with me.
I am still in Swaziland and loving it to pieces. I have a tutor that is helping me with my portfolio for when I have interviews at the South African Universities. I am only applying to 2, University of Pretoria and Witwatersrand University. Hopefully I´ll get in at at least one.
On wednesday I twisted my ankle pretty badly and am now an invalid, can hardly walk.
What else? Not much else, Zoe Anderson found me on facebook. I hadn't been in contatc with her for about 10 years so it was great to hear from her, she is planning on moving to outh America indefinetly, why I don't know, she must like it there.
Hey guys, I know it's been a while. Things have been actually quite fun. I am currently now in Swaziland and this place is fantastic. I love it here, I live in Mbabane and it's chilly and windy and the city is really small but it's great.
Dad and I arrived Friday the 20th and they lost our luggage. We got it the next day though so that was cool. Dad started work immediately. I? Well I stay in the hotel room reading Transmetropolitan and listening to music. Sometimes I sleep cause of the time change and jet lag. The hotel has a buffet for breakfast so we eat a lot, then for lunch I eat a sandwich in the room. Then at night we eat at the hotel's restaurant, good food but too much eating I think. I went out on the town on my own our third day here. I went to a bank to change money then bought some socks and bras for myself. Then I went crazy looking for a University that will take me in so I can study whatever the hell they offer. No such luck, admissions was in April so I can't study this year. No problem, Dad is finding out that there are art classes in various places and drama clubs so there.
Mom joined us last friday. She arrived and they lost her lugagge also and we still haven't got it back. Grrrr.... Everything here is normal. But tomorrow I start my art classes one on one with a teacher from these parts. He's gonna prepare me for my interview with the South African universities. It's gonna be great. Of course today wasn't a very good day for me. Mom and I went to the malls and I was so bloated with gas I was gonna burst plus I had diarreah. So we had to make our trip short and come back home so I could let some of this horrible gas go and poo...hehehe sorry, you didn't need to know that.
Here we move into our new house on Friday. It's an awesome house with a great big backyard and a barbecue pit. The house is nice and fully furnished. It's great. Today they took us to see another furnished house and it was blegh, it was really ugly and with a HUGE backyard. But we are pretty set with the house we're movin in to on friday, YAY!
