So after babysitting my niece all day for my sister while she was at work-she started at 5AM btw, she decides that she is going to go out to lunch with her new love interest and not let me know when I had plans of my own! Isn't that super nice of her? I thought so!
Then, she gets pissed off at me for not being understanding. I'm not understanding? I was watching your daughter all day because you asked me to! Yet you were inconsiderate enough to leave me in the dark so you could selfishly run off and do whatever the hell you wanted to instead of taking care of your responsibilities!!
Summer has gone by incredibly fast! It started off slow and then all of a sudden it is over. I'm not very happy about that.
I've been catching up on all of the shows I've been slacking on. I rewatched the last season of Supernatural because no matter what I do I cannot get enough of that show EVER! I have been watching Dexter. Hmm I need to watch Undeclared and Justified still. Timothy Olyphant can never be bad in my book! I need to buy the second season of Deadwood and watch that also! I can't wait for the new Supernatural season to start and BONES omg Bones! I'm super stoked for that. As well as for both of those to come out on DVD.
Lets see I'm trying to catch up on reading my fanfics. I've caught up on most of my Sam/Gabriel ones, but my Destiel flist is still heavily in need of some hardcore reading.
I also need to make a Barnes and Noble run for some new books and what not. Gosh so much to do!
Anyways I am going to try to update this a lot more often since I am horrible about it. =[
Sometimes I wonder about people. If you know you are doing something wrong why would you still do it? If you know you are hurting someone, that should be reason enough for you to stop doing it, especially if it was a person you liked in any way.
I'm not sure if showing remorse for it later is enough. Yes, that shows you thought about it after the fact and realized that what you did was wrong and maybe you shoudn't have done it. Yet, you knew you were hurting someone the whole time and didn't do anything to fix the situation until it was over and done with and you had nothing else to do except sit there and see in retrospect what you had done. Is it a last ditch attempt to save your conscience or is it true remorse for your previous actions? Either way, you waited until the situation was over and you couldn't change anything anymore.
I would like to think I would never do something like that to someone. I know I'm a good person, maybe too good in other people's opinions. I put other people in front of myself almost always. I find it genuinely hard to enjoy myself if one of my friends isn't and I can't stand it if I can't help someone if they need it or I can't fix a situation or relationship that is messed up. I know some situations are out of my control.
This whole situation has pretty much been out of my control. I've tried to solve it from the beginning, but it seems like no one else cared. Maybe I just care too much. I don't like to feel like I have given up on someone, I have never just written someone off before. In a way that's exactly how I feel, but when "whatever" is your only response to something then you clearly are not worth all of the effort I have put in. Do you think that makes you a stronger person? The fact that you just cut people out of your life? I think it makes you weaker. A coward. You can't deal with something you run away. You feel guilty and blame other people for things you can't take responsibility for. That doesn't make you a man, that makes you an adolescent. It all could have been easily solved if you would have taken two seconds, but you couldn't see it through al the fog of gossip that you kept seeing. Your choice.
I would have hoped this wouldn't have affected so many people, but in the end i know it did. I'm not sure I will forgive myself for some of the friendships that got ruined because of this.
My heart was hurt, but now i know it will get better because I'm over it and am moving on.
The past two days have not been much fun for me. Umm Wednesday night I got in a lame argument I guess you could say with my best guy friend over a girl he didn't know calling him on the phone. If someone you don't know randomly calls you and you didn't give them your number I think that's weird. I told him so and he got all pissy about it. When your best friend tells you "I don't know what to say" it is a little akward. I'm not sure you should ever not know what to say to your best friend. Am I right? Maybe I hold them to high on a pedestool....
Then after not talking all day Thursday-we talk everyday usually-he got mad at me again today over the DUMBEST thing ever! He has these hats that he always wears. Well, today I stole it and was just kinda wandering around with it talking to some people we know away from him on the other side of the room. I walk back over to him and the group I was with before and I find out he is absolutely fuming over the fact that I had his hat. He had been ranting to another one of our friends about it. Yet, this whole time he never once asked me for the hat back or said anything to me about it seriously or jokingly. I gave it back and he hasn't said anything to me the rest of the day yet. Now, that has only been 3 hours and I am going to his soccer game in 20 minutes, but we'll see. I just find it strange...
These last 3 days or so have just been strange to me...our relationship seems off for some reason. Maybe we need to take a break from each other or something.
I dunno...I just feel really lost.
Edit: I have now gone to the game and come back and I am royally pissed. So I go sit through his 2 hour game in cold ass weather with cold wind blowing to watch him play because no matter what has happened he is still my best friend and I am going to support him. So all that and what happens after? Absolutely nothing. He walks up says "who are you talking to" and walks away? What the hell is that?! Are you kidding me?!!
AHHH I am finally done with the fall semester of classes! Gosh I feel like it took forever, even though I know it was only 5 months. Now I get to look forward to my 6 weeks-count them SIX weeks-off to do absolutely nothing except work and sleep. That's my plan. Well, and hang out with friends of course, but that's easy. So, this will be the first weekend in 5 months that I have had absolutely nothing school related to get done. AWESOME!
OK, I'm done with that haha. If you want to check out the song Let's Pretend by MC Magic. I can't find lyrics anywhere, but I really like the song.
I love this song! Sorry I haven't been around like all week. FInals are coming up and I've been trying to prepare for them. Plus I have a 5 page paper due tmrw that I am trying to write at the moment. I decided to take a quick break to post these lyrics though. BE back soon I promise!
Seems like everyone else has a love just for them, I dont mind, we have such a good time, My best friend, but sometimes, well, I wish we could be more than friends, Tell me do you know? Tell me do you know? oh..
I get so breathless, when you call my name, I've often wonderd, do you feel the same? There's a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity When we're all alone, So don't tell me You can't see What im thinking of.
I can understand that you don't want to cross the line, and you know i can't promise you things, will turn out fine, But i have to be honest, I want you to be mine Tell me do you know? Tell me do you know? oh...
I get so breathless, when you call my name, I've often wonderd, do you feel the same? There's a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity When we're all alone, So don't tell me You can't see Oh!
Cause ive tried to do this right in your own time I've been telling you with my eyes, my heart's on fire, Why dont you realise? Tell me do you know? Tell me do you know? I get so breathless...
irate
awake
impressed
bouncy
excited