Decisions decisions...

Ahh the stages of making a decision.

I start by whining that I don't like certain aspects of the current situation ( in this case my job). I really have come to hate the commute. I don't mind the driving, I don't. It's everything that comes with it- spending $250+ on gas a month, high mileage on my car, losing 2-3 hrs a day driving. Driving can be relaxing to me; the scenery in Oregon is beautiful. I perpetually feel tired ( though, admittedly, this is also due to health issues that I'm seeing doctors about). I also took a big paycut compared to my last three jobs. Taking out the gas money and whatnot, it's hurting. I feel stressed financially. Planning and paying for a wedding on top of it doesn't help the financial piece any. Running groups drains me more than 1:1 therapy. I'm not an extrovert and dealing with up to 10 clients at a time can wear me out. Also, I don't have good enough emotional barriers and sometimes feel their emotions too strongly, which tends to dysregulate myself as well. So I end up spending more time practicing my own coping skills and spending my energy on balancing myself back out, so that I can continue to help them.

BUT! I also see the positives, and they keep me in the situation. The work atmosphere is so different!!! I'm encouraged to take time off, they bend over backwards to make my doctors appointments work- I can stay late one day to leave early another, have like 30+ days off a year as a new employee (this includes sick time, vacation time, holidays, etc). No traditional productivity like other medical settings. I run 13-15 hours of groups a week, do evaluations on MD orders, etc. There are a lot of opportunities for change. They truly do look to improve processes. I'm part of an LGBTQ committee to make changes at the hospital so it is more of a safe space and informed. I'm head of the support group subcomittee and we had our first peer support group meeting on Friday. I'm on an OT committee that is standardizing resources and protocols for when we have OT interns. IF I wanted to, I could easily progress through the ranks and become executive management in the future. My health benefits are amazing- $5 co pays for urgent care, outpatient surgeries, etc. Sarah is on my health plan as a domestic partner, even though we aren't legally so (of course this won't matter anymore come next June when we are legally married, it'll be easy to put her on any health plan I have after that). I love that the groups run for 10 weeks and then I get to change things up. Anyone who knows me well, knows I get bored easily and have a love hate relationship with routine. I have pretty darn close to autonomy in deciding what I teach, and that can be nice.

Hit a point where stress and the negative aspects of the situation feel really intolerable. Of course this fluctuates. One day I can feel so fed up, and then something inspiring happens at work and I think... maybe it isn't so bad. But slowly the ratio of days where the negatives nag me to the days where I feel the negatives are worth it changes.

Start looking at options to change the situation. Or I should say, different options. We started thinking we'd just move closer to my work. Honestly, my hope was that Sarah would leave her job, as it had been something we'd talked about for a while. But finally they got their shit together and gave her the promotion and raise she's deserved for a while now. So moving down to where I work isn't really an option at this point (and honestly, I like where we live better). Moving somewhere in between is an option, but a crummy one. It still leaves total mileage the same, increases gas costs as my car is more fuel efficient. And makes us both grumpy for having a 45 min drive to and from work each day. Vanpool to decrease costs. Yes, it decreases costs. But having looked at the various options, it will almost certainly increase my travel time. Not an option!!

Break down and look at completely changing the situation. I really don't want to go back to a stressful environment where it is hard to get time off, I feel like the quality of the treatment I give is subpar, etc. I love working in the mental health field, but even so I don't get as bouncy excited when I talk about it, as I do when I talk about my work with individuals with brain injury. That says something to me. I thought to myself, the one place that I'd leave the mental hospital for would be an inpatient brain injury unit. BUT only if the system wasn't as crappy as the last one I worked at. Low and behold, the Portland inpatient rehab hospital has an opening on their brain injury unit. I spoke with the manager and she says they only see clients 1:1 for their total 3 hrs therapy a day, and run groups for additional time (I'm fine with that, I just don't want to have to see 2 clients at one time for general therapy. It just doesn't work, and unfortunately it was the norm at the last inpt rehab I worked at. ). Caseloads are 5-6 clients with 1.5 hrs documentation time a day- this sounds fabulous! We had maybe 30 mins documentation time a day at the last place and it wasn't nearly enough. I'm still worried that I'll run on adrenaline all day, to and fro. I LIKE running on adrenaline, it makes me feel good and productive. But I know it's really not best for my body to be in that state. I'm worried that if census goes up, we will be expected to work longer hours or double clients. I guess I'm worried that I'm being told the ideal and the not the reality. Because experience has told me this is often the case. I'm trying not to let my worries run away with me, and instead try to get the real picture and have some trust.

I know that I will pretty much always be welcomed back at the mental hospital, should I decide to return. I know having a shorter commute, less gas money, and a big pay increase would decrease my stress and allow me to focus more on my health. I'm worried that their health plan won't be as good, and what that means when Sarah and I are both still seeing various practitioners. I hate leaving my clients who are starting to build relationships with me, when they are such vulnerable individuals who have trouble doing so. I feel bad for leaving the projects I'm working on, and will miss being able to do more systemic things in addition to hands on therapy. I would love to work 1:1 with clients again, and be in an atmosphere where EVERYONE is working on recovery, vs where there are still many staff with archaic views of the clients and their role in helping the clients. I know I want to get back into brain injury work. I know I want to go back to school and get my PhD in Cognitive/Behavioral Neuroscience. I thought I had to go to Eugene for that (and guess what, the mental hospital is opening a second location there in the spring!), but it turns out a university in Portland does have a similar program. This university has working relationships with both the inpt rehab hospital AND the mental hospital.

I'm not a religious person. I don't believe in fate in the traditional sense. Whether I believe in Karma, or universal energy manifesting in different ways, I'm not sure. But I had a sleep study consult scheduled for next Tuesday at 9am, and it was cancelled at noon yesterday due to a referral issue. At 2:30pm I received an email from the inpt rehab hospital with a slew of times to interview, and Tuesday at 9am was on the list. I already have the time off work and most of the other times wouldn't work as well. I can't help but raise an eyebrow at the timing and coincidence.

Everything seems to point to at least having the interview, asking more questions, seeing and getting the feel of the facility. And then I can decide. IF I take this other job, I will ask if they can wait for me to start until the beginning of Oct. I want to wrap up the initial stages of my projects so that others can maintain them more easily, as everyone is busy and I'm afraid the organization piece will overwhelm if it doesn't have a strong foundation. It also gives me time to process with the clients and hopefully not leave them feeling abandoned (do I have delusions of grandiosity? I don't think so. I know everything will continue when I leave, as it does when anyone leaves. But, I also understand the impact my decisions have on others, especially those as vulnerable as the population I work with). So if I feel I can maintain the quality of treatment I prefer to give, without being stressed and working a bazillion hours a day, if the health insurance plan is good, if I get the right vibes from the staff and environment, I think I may just take the inpt job. I still vacillate on whether or not this is truly the right option. I haven't even been at the mental hospital a year, and that irks my loyalty and sense of what I should do. Bah.

So decisions decisions. I'm glad decisions are complex for me. I have many a client who are very black and white thinkers, and I see the issues that can cause. But geez louise, sometimes it'd just be easier to not feel so torn. ;)

But as I sit outside watching the pups play in the backyard, hear the sprinklers, and enjoy the cool Oregon morning. I'm happy. I have a wonderful partner and a great life. I'm grateful to have the opportunities to make complex decisions and for the opportunities that will continue to present themselves in our future.

(no subject)

The last few weeks have been rough. Turning in the divorce papers has been pretty emotional, going back every day to see if they have been signed isn't fun. They were supposed to be signed and in the bin on Tuesday. Not there yet. No other way to check but continue to go, which means leaving work early, finding parking, etc etc. The hassle in itself is stressful and the ever present reminder of what lies beyond the hassle is exhausting as well.

Sarah and I have been arguing a lot lately (for me a lot = at all basically.. I'm not used to arguing in my relationships). She's stressed, I'm stressed, I'm trying to remember that and not be so pessimistic. She is voicing some doubts about our relationship, which then makes me more anxious and starting to doubt too. Positive thinking. Positive thinking, Oi.

Last month's PMDD was pretty severe. Emotions and physical. I'm sure the external stressors aren't helping that either. Getting that much closer to trying anti-depressants. I hate the risks, the potential side effects, but I'm not functioning well. I hate feeling this out of control, such a mess. I'm not sure they will be the solution either- my body either seems to reject meds- side effects or them just not working- or adapt to them fairly quickly- and I don't want to be on an ever skyrocketing amount of anything. As it is I've gotten to the point where Ibuprofen doesn't work for me any more, again. A few months without it ( i only use it when I'm on my period for cramps etc) and I should be able to use it again fine.

There are positives in my life. I got a "cost of living/market increase" raise at work, pretty significant amount- especially compared to my merit raise earlier this year. My student is halfway through her internship, she's doing well. Sammie is growing like a weed, still a terror, but makes me happy most of the time anyway. I'm getting back into eating healtheir and exercising more again. My vacation to Seqouia National Park is nearing in August. I plan on going to see my favorite band play in Denver in September.

I've been reading a lot of fiction lately- outside of my normal Fantasy genre. Either books for book club or recommended by people in book club. I'm wondering if they aren't exacerbating my mood as well. Ever since I was a little kid I've been too empathic- not just with people, but with characters in books as well. The last 4 books I've read have all been very sad and/or had someone with some sort of mental health problem that really affected their life. I'm about 60 pages from being done with the 4th book, and I think I either need to stick to non-fiction for a bit, or my fantasy novels that make me think, but not feel. At times I envy the people who can turn off their emotions. At othertimes, I think what a waste! Experiencing life through solely logical lenses? I'm able to use those lenses and yes they are very helpful, but life wouldn't seem as sweet either. Must have the lows to have the highs, I'm just a bit exhausted from it.

Slacking again

I tend to primarily post when Im anxious, so the lack of posts lately really is a good thing!!

After I broke up with Erin in February I went on a few dates, but overall decided not to rush into anything serious. I have had such a bad habit of leaving one relationship and finding another within a week or two just to have it fizzle quickly. I made it a point this time to really analyze everyone and not just get caught up in "yay new person in my life!" happiness.

I have since met an incredible woman. Despite thinking it wouldn't come to much of anything at first, I am crazy about her. We share the same name and have already been dubbed "Sarah Squared" by my friend Annika. Saturday will make 1 month since our first date. I can't get enough of her! But I'm also not freaking out when we can't see eachother; my normal anxieties about relationships aren't really coming into play. I take this as a VERY good sign. :oD.

I could gush for paragraphs about her, but I will save readers all the sappiness.

I've also been going to newbie practices for Roller Derby and recently started a book club. Yesterday I got a new kitten- he's all black with eyes that seem to alternate between blue and green. Super cute, but very young 6-8 weeks old. He's going to need a lot of my time for a while, methinks.

I'm incredibly happy where my life is going right now. I'm pretty happy with myself, despite frustrations with my PMDD. Yeah. Life is good :oD .

Now off to grocery shop and get stuff done before I get to see my woman tonight!!

30 Days... Day 7

Day 7... Your best friend.

I'd say I have two true best friends. Serenia and Brian. I have a few other friends whom I care deeply for, but we are more distanced- like Luz.

Serenia and I met on craigslist years ago.. I've lost track exactly. I think maybe 2.5 yrs ago. We started out as dancing buddies once a month, with the common bond/understanding of being lesbians married to men. Very slowly we started talking more and then hanging out more. We are both emotionally intense, intelligent, people-pleasing women, but also have some differences. We are able to be completely honest with eachother about ourselves and eachother, which is really nice. We haven't been able to get together as often as we have been lately as girlfriends, work/job hunts, and her studying have interfered. Neither of us know how we would have gotten to, or through the past year without eachother.. I treasure our friendship so much..

Brian.. well yes. Brian.. We also have a very honest friendship. It can be complicated by our past history together for sure, especially from my side. But he has truly helped me become who I am and accept who I am and value who I am. I was so insecure and lost when I met him. Words cannot even describe... I hope we are always able to remain close friends.

30 Days... Day 6

Day 6.. Your day..

Well... I woke up around midnight or so last night starving, since I hadn't been able to keep anything down yesterday... Brian made me some toast and some flat Coke. I ate 2/3 of a peice and fell back asleep. At 2:30ish he checked on me and gave me some pain killers, as my back had also been killing me all day.. I slept from then until 6:45am when I texted a co-worker to say I probably wasn't coming in.. Slept again until 9? Got up and ate some chicken noodle soup and toast. Slept more. Watched a few episodes of Lie to me Season 2. Slept some more. Ate something else and drank a lot.. Played Wii Harry Potter.. and here I am. I'm feeling much much better, and am glad I stayed home to eat and drink and sleep. Ooh. and there was snow on my lawn this morning! Right about on schedule, I remember my first winter here the first snow was thanksgiving too.


Uber exciting day I know. Now I'm contemplating reading or watching more Lie to Me. Shower. And then back to bed.

30 Days.... Day 5

Day 5: Your definition of Love.

I have been avoiding the 30 days thing, because I didn't want to tackle this one. In a lot of ways I have a much clearer understanding of love now than I ever have, yet I really don't know how to verbalize it.. So instead I'm stealing some of my musings on it from a past post.. this shall have to suffice.

Love.

I wrote a poem when I was 14 or 15 about love. Not about "being in love", or any other permutation, simply on what love was.

Ah, I found it..

"LOVE IS...... (1/21/00)
Love is a verb
it can't be bought nor sold
it's not up for grabs
love can't be created or destroyed
emotions can sway but love endures
tempers flare but love is still present
crushes fade, lust dies
but love survives
love doesn't give up
love is kind to the unkind
love is hope to the hopeless
love doesn't care what others think
love is self-giving not taking
love is beyond words
beyond superficial
love lies with motives
hidden deep in our hearts
love can be spied
by the meticulous eye
looking beyond the noticeable
to the humble
to the quiet smile
of a helping hand
not to the glaring
announcer of self-righteousness
love is life. "


There are so many definitions of love, and most of us when asked find it hard to describe. We describe the physical sensations of being "in love" or we describe other emotions tied to it (joy, peace, heartache, etc). But what IS love? Well, as something intangible, love IS the words we use to describe it. Love is a conglomeration of thoughts, feelings, actions, neurons firing and neurotransmitters creating percetions. A very unromantic view perhaps, but at the fundamental physiological level that is true. I don't have my own ideas of spirituality, connectedness between people, the universal, any of it figured out. I don't know how to reconcile my spiritual side and the metaphysical with my scientific self. That disclaimer aside, here are my current thoughts on love.

I think that true/pure love, as close to unconditional as humans can possibly come, is fairly rare. I think it requires a certain level of self-awareness, insight, etc that most humans haven't attained yet. When the potential is there, there are still a myriad obstacles in the way. Conflicting thoughts, emotions, etc that make it hard to express. Love is unconditional. It is true acceptance of another (I don't think understanding is necessary, but feeling understood leads us to FEELING loved by another). It is saying, you, as you are, are beautiful, are worth while, are deserving (deserving seems contradictory to the requirement of "unconditional" but it is an inheret quality, not based on deeds, simply by being). Wanting to see this person experience life, in all of it's highs and lows, wishing happiness and success for them, but without repercussions if they are not found. Careing for their wellbeing. And all of this without regard for yourself. Whether or not they love you, whether or not they hate you, whether or not you are a part of their life in any way. The love remains. This is where it gets hard. I truly believe you can have this love for someone (multiple someones, actually)but all of our conditioning, our socialization can get in the way. We also have our own biological, psychological, emotional, etc needs. Where it goes wrong, in my opinion, is that we think that everything is a competition. If MY needs aren't being met, how DARE you expect yours to be! Now, I know that if one's basic needs aren't met you really can't help to meet other people's because you are just trying to survive. But often we think of our comforts as needs. I'm realizing now that continuing as I am will result in a long ramble, very convoluted and probably very circular. Much more though and mental organization is needed.. I think that our other emotions can affect our ability to love as well as our expression of love. For example, fear. Fear of being hurt, fear of becoming vulernable and not eliciting the same in another. Fear of being alone. So many fears. I think we are socialized to believe that love must be requited for it to be worthwhile, and if it isn't we should be unhappy. I myself am prone to very intense emotions and often feel like I'll burst if I can't express things as I feel them. Unrequited love drives me insane. Then I am likely to turn it on myself and think that I must be some sort of failure for not inspiring the same love back. very very back thought patterns. Love is beautiful. It's amazing to love someone so thoroughly so truely, it feels good even when it's not returned. It's just the expectations, the socializations; all the baggage we attach that causes the pain.

In more practical and less philosophical matters.. I do not believe in "one true love". I believe that love is on a spiritual level. That it is a certain connection with another being. I believe you can have this with multiple people, either simultaneously or serially. I think it is the other emotions, the other baggage, and the other practicalities that influence how we act on it. Hence why some people are drawn to monogamy, others to polyamory and there are various levels on the continuum. I have been told (repeatidly) that I am an intense person. I know my emotions are intense. I prefer to be passionate. Neruda speaks of a love that is more quiet, equally intense I think and equally true, but quiet :
"I do not love you as if you were salt-rose or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul."

I love this poem. But it is very not my love style. I am more of a "shout it from the rooftops" sort of person.

I think we often judge people by their love styles, as if that is the indication of how true it is. "If you aren't willing to forsake all others, then you don't love me". Well, that might be true and necessary for some people to express their love.. but it's not a requirement. Someone could forsake all others, and yet not have true love, but a sense of duty, contentment, whatever. In like, someone could be endlessly romantic, and yet simply be infatuated, and not have true love (which I think happens in most cases with people). Someone else may have a quiet love like Neruda, or love and date multiple people and have true love though it may not be seen as such by others..

Various languages have different words to describe different types of love. I wonder if it all isn't simply one love. The love itself is the same. That desire for good for the other person, care, without regard to ourself. But it is the other bundle of emotions and physiologically responses that accompany that love that determine if we feel familial love, friend love, romantic love, etc. Ex. Lust plus love = romantic love. Not that I think romantic love is simply lust and love, but still. Just a thought.

30 Days.... day 4

Day 4: What you ate today..

Seeing as I haven't eaten anything today... I will have to go with what I ate yesterday..


My eating habits have gone down the toilet lately..Since it's cold now I plan on crock potting some healthy stuff starting today... But yeah.. yesterday. I worked and then went to Serenia's then to Rollerderby, dinner with friends, and home, to put it in perspective.

Breakfast:
Water
some left over au gratin potatoes
blueberry bagel and cream cheese

lunch:
Smart Ones Chicken Parmigiana meal
Ice cream cone- drumstick thing.
Star Wars gummy fruit things
water

Snack:
more au gratin potatoes
diet 7up

Dinner:
2 slices cheese pizza at NY pizza downtown
Sprite.
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shit. haven't been this bad in a long time.

I started off handling it so well. Now I dreamt of her last night. I miss her. a lot.

My PMDD is hitting me really hard this month too. I'm usually really good at hiding depression and such when I want to. yesterday a (albeit a very perceptive patient) patient picked up on it. damnit. I feel like I can;t function, but goddamnit I will. It may not be very well, but I will. I should be at work right now, but I couldn;t get out of bed. Despite coming home from work, showering, watching 1 episode of dexter and then crawling into bed at 6:30 pm.

I just don't fucking care.

30 Days... Day 2

Day 2.. Your First Love

I'd say my first love was animals. Yes, yes I understand they probably meant romantic love.. but eh.

I have loved animals for as long as I can remember. I begged my parents for a pet as soon as I could talk, finally getting a cat in 1st grade. Then I began the process for a dog, which took until highschool. I read every Ranger Rick, watched tv shows on animals, wore shirts with animals on them well into middle school, and every research paper/essay we had to write from elementary through 9th grade was on some sort of animal disease/disorder or similar topic. I wanted to be a vet from 1st grade through 9th or 10th (at which point I decided I wanted to help people instead, and wasn't sure I could handle surgery, euthanization etc).

My first love. Hmm. My first boyfriend was when I was 15, we dated about 5 months. I realllly liked him, but I'm not sure it qualified as love. I think Kalvin counted. Maybe. I honestly don't even remember how long we dated, but do know it wasn't all that long. It started out as infatuation, but I do think I truly loved him. He was my big gothic teddy bear. One of the few people I have ever dated that was younger than me ( I think there have only been 3- Kalvin, Mike and Kate). But oh so intelligent, and wonderful. We could talk for hours on the phone, we understood eachother's difficulties in our home lives, and just connected really well. I still cared a lot about him after he dumped me, and always wonder how he is doing. We chatted online sometime after highschool and he seemed to be doing well.

Perhaps more lengthy responses will come to later topics. Ah well. Love is a hard one right now, rethinking everything.