(no subject)
I was never really good at paying attention to my surroundings, because generally, I didn’t really care. Why should I be bothered on anything but myself or what was happening to me personally? But I was paying plenty of attention when that plane started to shake to hell. And why shouldn’t I have? I of course wasn’t going to start screaming and throwing panic everywhere like some people were around me; if I did, that would just have given Boone licence to play the big hero again, and I was not about to let that happen. To hell with him, I could look after myself thank you very much. Of course if I was to know what was going to happen once the turbulence only got worse; I just might have let go and screamed my goddamn head right off, no one would have blamed me since they were all screaming too.
To be honest I can’t remember much after that. Now I’m standing in a mass of sand and plane rubble; my shoulder feels as if it’s been dislocated, my head is absolutely spinning out of control, and I’m pretty sure if there was a mirror to look in, I’d be disgustingly grotesque looking. I want to cry, but right now I can’t even find the strength to do that. “Sweet Jesus,” I grab a hold of my dislocated shoulder and begin to rub it slightly, only to end up hurting myself more.
There’s no way right now to tell if I have any permanent damage done to me. I mean, I feel okay considering what could have happened and how bad off other people are, but how could I be perfectly fine after what just happened to me? Now I’m here - on this beach that could have very easily been a beautiful place to day trip to – and all I can really see through the smoke is a burning plane and dead bodies. I can’t help but think over and over again; oh my God. People are dead, and that could have been me. I can no longer hold it in, and tears begin to leak out of my eyes as I choke out very audible and distressed sobs. There are so many people around me to hear my cries, but no one really answers them, as if I’d want them to anyways. And for about the millionth time in my life, I’m happy I’m not alone, even if these may be very well the last people on the face of the planet I’d want to be around.
A woman is lying on the ground in front of me, about my age, and I can tell just by looking at the large piece of metal expelling from her chest and the blood leaking from it, she’s dead. Now not only am I crying, but I’m screaming. I don’t care what people think about it, I can’t stop it, and I don’t think I should have to. I have the right to scream as loudly as I damn well want.
And even though I know it’s doing nothing, it’s all I can do but make myself useful. And I just can’t stop. It’s all far to horrifying if I stop.
To be honest I can’t remember much after that. Now I’m standing in a mass of sand and plane rubble; my shoulder feels as if it’s been dislocated, my head is absolutely spinning out of control, and I’m pretty sure if there was a mirror to look in, I’d be disgustingly grotesque looking. I want to cry, but right now I can’t even find the strength to do that. “Sweet Jesus,” I grab a hold of my dislocated shoulder and begin to rub it slightly, only to end up hurting myself more.
There’s no way right now to tell if I have any permanent damage done to me. I mean, I feel okay considering what could have happened and how bad off other people are, but how could I be perfectly fine after what just happened to me? Now I’m here - on this beach that could have very easily been a beautiful place to day trip to – and all I can really see through the smoke is a burning plane and dead bodies. I can’t help but think over and over again; oh my God. People are dead, and that could have been me. I can no longer hold it in, and tears begin to leak out of my eyes as I choke out very audible and distressed sobs. There are so many people around me to hear my cries, but no one really answers them, as if I’d want them to anyways. And for about the millionth time in my life, I’m happy I’m not alone, even if these may be very well the last people on the face of the planet I’d want to be around.
A woman is lying on the ground in front of me, about my age, and I can tell just by looking at the large piece of metal expelling from her chest and the blood leaking from it, she’s dead. Now not only am I crying, but I’m screaming. I don’t care what people think about it, I can’t stop it, and I don’t think I should have to. I have the right to scream as loudly as I damn well want.
And even though I know it’s doing nothing, it’s all I can do but make myself useful. And I just can’t stop. It’s all far to horrifying if I stop.


uncomfortable
confused
distressed