Someone told me to bring it here, even though this community is dead. I rarely post, so I decided to whore myself around.
You sexy bitches you.
The Set-up: The other day I was riding the bus home from work. I have a condition that causes vertigo and I have to be very careful about where I sit or else I get dizzy, queasy, and possibly throw up. I'm new to Seattle, and also this whole bus thing, so I'm still working out the kinks. A mother and her pre-teen son got on and asked if they could sit where I was sitting. I told her about my condition and they decided to sit towards the back, in the seats that were along the side.
WWCFHD?
Okay, so I have this totally SERIOUS CONDITION right? Like, it's awful and I'm never having kids because of it. Like, what if I'm holding the baby and I fall over, or it wants to ride a roller-coaster and I can't? I'd totally be an unfit parent because of it.
Anyway, so I'm on my way home from work and at the Space Needle stop this stupid fat moo with her stupid fat over-grown crotchfruit get on. And they're being all loud and shit, like I want to listen to their mindless prattle. They were so fat I bet they were talking about food anyway.
So the dumb bitch moo comes up to me, obviously a worthless tourist, comes up to me and demands that I give up my seat. "LOOK AT MAH HANDSOME SUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S TOO PRECIWOUS TO STAND ON THE BUS!!!!!!!!"
"Look bitch" I say, rising up to my thin, lithe, gorgeous height of seven feet tall, "fattums could use the exercise. Also, I have a condition that will cause me to vomit all over your precious chyuld if I am forced to move from this, the only spot on the bus."
Then, as the bus magically arrived at my stop, she threw a punch at me. I shoved her backwards and she exploded under the pressure of her own fat. As I pranced off the bus into the arms of my hunk of a boyfriend I saw her fat little orphan bastard crying while strangers lectured him about proper nutrition.
Then I had lots of kinky sex. Parents don't have sex.
The End.
So this afternoon, I went to my sister's bridal shower and one of the games we played was designing a wedding dress out of toilet paper, tape, and ribbon.
Well, my team's was the awesomest- I was the model- and we should totally have won, except that the model for another team's was this little brat. Everyone thought she was just the cutest little thing, plus nobody wanted her to have a tantrum over not winning (and she WOULD have, kid was a brat).
It was obviously unfair to everyone, considering my dress was CLEARLY the best, so I called them out on it and got my sister to admit that my dress should have won, and the 'winning' team got their prizes taken away and given to my team, and when the brat tried to throw a fit, she got sent to bed without any supper.
What's the word for that?
Oh yeah, PWNED!
true story:
I was at Barnes and noble and this rather cute little boy who may've been a year old stared at me for a minute or so and I smiled and nodded.
Crazy child free spin zone( title unlovingly ripped off from Bill O' Reily)
But I just have to tell you about this incident the other day, I just hafta!
I was at barnes and noble, looking at music books when this lil goblin who was one year old kept starin at me! OMG! Stalker! Fortunately, IT stopped lookin at me after a few seconds, the nasty bugger
So, like, today I was walking from my class: I had been hittin the vodka bottle pretty hard in the last hour (I snuck into my sociology clazz! Omg!!1111) Suddenly, this little demonspawn with an ugly hat races across MY path and his ugly cunt momma lifts him up and lets him get a drink of water! WTF??! He stepped in my way! I soooo wanted to smack the little...thing and beat the mother bloody! How dare they interrupt my day! HOW DARE THEY!
thank you for your time
amused