I know people are always saying why me, well let me just say WHY ME? I swear I just can't win. What do I have to do i mean no one is perfect, no matter how hard i try something has to go wrong. Me and my boyfriend fight cause he don't trust me, and i can't say i blame him. I get so withdrawn i want to close in on myselfe and give up but stupidly i can't seem to quit the way i want to. Deep down i am haveing problems letting my youngest daughters father go, more so the idea of him, especially since there is a protection order and i am not even aloud to tal to him or see him, i make him violent. First love, first true relationship i guess sometimes i forget how bad we are together most of the time. Now his mother who is the ultimate evil is trying to get custody of our daughter, and she dont even really want her shes just cruel and traets our daughter like crap, its all about control ans bullshit. I lost me kids for 2 months a couple months ago cause i had a nervious break down and got them back,and things have been ok for the most part, but now this i swear it never ends. I have to call the court house tomorrow, i seriously can not take this shit i just dont know what to do...
Here I go again along this road where to many times I have been. Coming to the end of my rapidly fraying rope, often I wounder if there is really any hope. For every good the bad has to take payment times two, and with that what am i to do? I often wounder what it is I did to deserve this, what have I done for this pain, why is it me that must be insane? When is it my turn to win, will I ever stop paying for my sin? Everything is spinning, spinning out of control out of my mind loosing my soul. The darkness is calling and I am falling fast, trying to escape from my escalating past. The Devil lives across the lawn always knocking at my door i have reached my end can't take no more. Why do I try when I only seem to fail, please release me from this invisible jail, my own personal Hell.. I finally found who I want, someone to save me protect me, free me. Be with me, love me, see me... Someone to understand, be real no more pretend... I am so filled with fear of losing him, afraid of the end. Afraid of ruining it with the very fear that makes me crazy.. Do I deserve the love I feel do I deserve this happy feeling always clinging to my skin like a mist.. Even they very smile he brings to my face is something that should not be permitted to wear... And oh what I wouldent do for him there is nothing, I would walk across hot coals through hell it self... Sacrafise whats left of my black soul... Please don't let me wake up from this dream all to real cause the pain would be so on bearable... It would pierce my slowly diminishing heart... So what do I do now? Where do I go from this moment forward into the end that just dont seem to be coming quick enough somedays...
Well I have managed to screw things up yet again. I lost my best friend after over 11 years by dating him, then him breaking my heart, but I couldent let him go so I took him back out of fear, and love ( strange but true)! Now I said somethings about him not straight out but hinted towords it, and I waited so long to have him back but I dont know if he came back out of love, fear ( cause he dud something right before he came back thats BAD) or me not letting it go and he just gave in. I was scared was it gonna go back to the way it was, ware I was happy for a while and he was not happy but wouldent tell me, or him telling me how to be, live etc. I just dont know I do know that I will not survive that hearteach again it almost killed me no joke... Now what?
Here I am again another day more bs. I lost my best friend by dating him, I wrecked my Harley by jump starting it and letting off the clutch endend up in the ER in a stupid neck brace. Then I go out to this place that im supposed to be safer then anyware else and end up loosing hours that I remember NOTHING and keep hering storys about things I did and said and people I called.. Now I dont know if I can ever go there again but I loved it before that I dont know what to do any more. Now theres a stupid rumor about me I swear and there laughing at me behind my back like high school.
Ok, here’s my dilemma, I was with the same man for 9 years and we had a lot of hard times and some good ones too. He’s the firs man I ever truly loved. Now don’t get me wrong I’ve been in other relationships but never truly loved them. We seemed to have the same fights over and over he never let cretin things go that were ruining us. It would be ok for a little while when I’d have a major break down, then go right back to the same fights, but I was to attached and to afraid to leave, not to mention we have a little girl together. Well anyway something happened ware my son from another relationship got hurt and my husband now got blamed, and he was told to leave by CSB and there’s a restraining order on him so he’s not to be around my son and it happened a week before our 9 year anniversary of meeting. I tried to take it as a sign to move on, and right before that my best friend (who's a guy) that I have not seen in 5 years we started hanging out again, we've always had some kind of connection stronger then an average friendship besides having a major amount in common, but I never imagined being together in anyway but best friends. Well right after me and my husband split, his girl friend he was with for a short time broke up with him ( coincidence ?) And I went to his house and comforted him cause I cant stand to see him in pain. Well we started hanging out a lot more and one night he asked me out and I was shocked and just couldn’t say no, he’s the only other person I've ever truly loved, but as my best friend not the other way. So we started dating and it was so different then being with my husband he told me he loved me all the time and he paid a lot of attention to me, and it was wonderful, but he’s more into the man is stronger then the woman and that sort of old fashioned belief, witch I do not agree with but he was also raised different then me. Well we ended up having some problems and almost split up and I took it was harder then I thought I would, it actually made me sick. So I wrote him a letter one night at 3am and it really touched him so now things are good again so far. But during the time we were having problems my husband was there for me helping me get through it, and he’s still being nice to me and some times I miss him but I just know we just cant be together, and I really love my boyfriend with all my heart, but there’s just cretin things he gets mad about that I just don’t agree with and I’m so used to being with someone that’s the total opposite of him its hard. He's talking about us moving in together and I pray it works. And of corse divorce my husband witch is harder then I thought it would be.
While your sleeping peaceful, I wake up in the middle of the night- While I sit here crying, your watching a fight- while my life is falling to pieces around me, outside of MY "drama" is ware you want to be- sometimes I need you just to let things out, but you would rather take another route- Every day things are getting worse for me, something you refuse to even see- What happened to the us instead of me and you- what is it that I am supposed to do- when you no longer need me but I still need you-
Here I am again, anxiety every day no matter what! I'm going through some major things right now witch I understand can cause this but it still don't make it easy. But I have a new man in my life who used to be my very best friend for 11 years, so he's only new to us being a couple, he's this missing half of my heart and soul! But I just got out of a bad relationship with someone I've been with for 9 years I'n September, and am not a hundred percent sure how to be with someone that loves me for me, and treats me the way I have been wanting to be treated for years, I'm just not used to it especially being happy, how sad.. I constantly worry about ruining it and no matter how hard I try I can't stop thinking I'm gonna do something to loose him and I don't want to loose him as my best friend or my man, I need him to be some part of my life no matter what part that his, cause he always has been!!
: While you SCREAM at your woman, there’s a man wishing he could whisper softly in her ear… While you HUMILIATE,OFFEND and INSULT her, there’s a man flirting with her and reminding her how wonderful she is. While you HURT your woman, there’s a man wishing he could make love to her. While you make your women CRY there’s a man stealing smiles from her…
It is sad to know that I have all these people who say I am their friend but they won't visit or ask me to hang out with them unless they need something Don't you just love when you bend over backwards to help someone, but when you need help they are no where to be found. I don't understand why people act two faced, use other people, and judge you when they don't even really know you.. what do they get out of it.. Makes me sick.. This is part of the reason I don't have friends, and because I am too honest for most people to handle, but if you don't want the truth don't ask me....
I have been getting migraines for about 8 years now and they have gotten worse! I have had ct scans MRIs all those other tests that say nothings wrong with me. For a while I was practically living at the ER the don't even ask my info any more cause they know me. The would give me some shots and tell me to go home and sleep, and to come back if I need to and If I had to go back I swear the would get pissed! They act like I'm a drug seeker and I always tell them If I was an addict I would be off some ware getting something better the whatever there going to give me instead of sitting here in pain being treated like a lire among other things. I have had preventatives witch cause worse side affects then the migraine and don't help anyway. Fioricet makes my head hurt worse, and they refuse to give me med for at home to stop the migraine once its full blown. I have tried so many things and nothing helps except some of the shots I get in the ER. Vicodin and percocet help but they wont give me that because of how they view me. I broke a bone in the top of my foot and they wouldn't give me anything for pain they told me to go home and take some tylenol. all because I have migraines all the time, I wish I was faking like thy think at least I wouldn't be in pain. Migraines are ruining my life I cant take it. I have an appointment in Indiana at a place that specializes in migraines there my last hope. My mom gets shots to give her self at home I wish they would do that for me! I don't wish this on anyone but it makes me feel good to know I'm not the only one!!!
distressed
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