Love, Sex and Relationship Advice

  When I got married 2.5 years ago, I was a virgin. Which wasn't to say I was a total prude, I fooled around with my then-boyfriend a lot, and had no problems getting sexually aroused. In fact, I'd say I had the bigger sexual appetite which was one of my problems-- I felt hurt and dejected when I wanted to fool around and he didn't.

Anyway, losing my virginity was a nightmare. I was so nervous about the pain, I froze up and couldn't let him in. I tried getting drunk, didn't work. I tried to mentally talk myself down, no use. I had never even masturbated before, so the whole feeling of something touching me in there was so foreign to me I jst couldn't handle it, and when I tried, I froze up more, which just made the pain of trying to penetrate so much worse. It took me 6 days to summon the guts to get through the pain-- even then, I tried numbing myself with enough local anesthetic cream to perform a small operation-- and it ended up hurting me more by causing a local reaction afterwards where I sat in ice and epsom salts to reduce the swelling and burning I felt all night. I literally cried all night from the pain, and could barely walk the next 2 days. not to mention I got my first urin. tract infection and was in a foreign country, so couldn't get antibiotics, and had to suffer through the worst burning pee of my life.


When I got back from my honeymoon, I shared my experience with my mom and sis who also had similar issues of fear, bad sex, and extremely narrow vages. I don't know how much of what I experienced is genetic (small vag) vs psychological because I EXPECTED to have a hard time like they had told me they had... In either case, the whole experience left me a little traumatized and I never really enjoyed sex ever again.. And neither has my husband, and this has caused a rift to grow between us. :(


I don't think my husband is much of a genius in bed. I think he's too rough, too quick, and I know he doesn't have much more experience than I do-- he still doesn't know the angle of my vag very well, and I have to guide him a little so he doesn't hurt me. I dont want you to think I'm a total wimp either-- I really really tried. I spent the first 5 months of my marriage literally fucking myself with a dildo to get used to the feeling of penetration and help widen my extremely tight vag and learn to loosen up and gain confidence that I can do this, just like any other woman in the world. My husband on the other hand, was really frustrated and angry that we weren't having sex without me "doing the face" as he likes to say, that turns him off completely because I look like I'm in so much pain. Even when I pretend I'm enjoying it, he knows I'm not, so its a catch 22, and we end up both frustrated and miserable.

We had a couple of break throughs in our second year of marriage. we changed up the positions we used and I grew a little more confident and let him in more easily, and once we got started, I even started to enjoy it sometimes..but I'll be honest, I'm usually still a little scared at first until he gets it in that he's going to hurt me and I'm constantly giving him instructions about how far he can push etc.. I went to the dr and it turns out I have 7 cysts on both ovaries, one of which is adhered to my pelvis in a low position which explains why sex is so painful for me. And he did tell me I have an unusally small vag. Not that my husband is very sympathetic. At the end of the day, he is a married man that hardly ever has sex and when he does he feels his wife hates it or pretends to like it but ddep down he feels she hates it, so he resents me and is sexually frustrated.

Now oddly enough I am pregnant. I thought "thank God, now after I deliver my baby, my vag will be all stretched out and sex won't be so awful anymore, and I can enjoy it like everyone else.." But during this awkward stage, my belly is huge, my boobs look hideous (big, dark and saggy) and I feel I look awful so I'm not very motivated to strip for him, and what's more is I feel so HEAVY I can barely maneuver.. and having him on top of my belly is so painful..and although I know its not true, I can't shake off the fear that he could hurt my baby while he's banging me...I just want to be left alone..!! :S

Aside from our sad sexual history, i *thought* we had a pretty good marriage. We have fun together, we still enjoy each other's company more than anyone else's...we do fun stuff, we enjoy life, we're best friends.. or so I thought. Today, we just had a huge fight in which he told me he thinks I hardly know him and he went off about how miserable he was in our marriage and went off especially about how bad our sex life is and how he sympathizes with men who have affairs despite how much they love their wives because they are sexually ungratified.

I'm not sure whether to hate my husband for being such a non understanding asshole, or to face the reality of the matter and deal with the fact that my marriage is in trouble, whether I tried to help it or not. I honestly just don't know what to do. I'm ready to bite the bullet tomorrow and give the performance of my life and give him the best sex he's ever had, pain or not, but the thing is he knows/thinks I hate it because he knows it hurts me and that I have major burning afterwards...so its not satisfying to him so therefore he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore... So what do I do now???

Before you ask: yes I used plenty of lube, no I do not have a urinary tract infection, yes, my doctor says its ok for me to have sex.. So there's nothing I can really do medically to prevent the pain from happening. I don't know why I have this pain (other than the cysts) The burning thing doesn't really have an explanation.. Does anyone else have burning after sex? Is this normal?

My husband thinks we should have sex 3 times a week..Sometimes when I approach him to do something sexy like a bj etc, he'll turn me down...I thought he was tired or wanted to sleep or something, but he finally explained to me today that he is sick of getting sexually aroused and not being able to do it, without feeling like he's raping me or something.

Even if I was a stupid ass to share my honest feelinsg with him about sex and should have faked it and kept it to myself, what can I do now? Help me please, my marriage is in trouble, I don't want my husband to end up having an affair

Hi guys,

I have a problem that's really pretty complex and it's seriously starting to crush me. It wasn't initially when I found out, but it's gaining on me.

To start at the beginning ( Read more...Collapse )

"Come on," she pleaded. "Just stick it in there!"

"I'm trying," I responded, breathlessly. "It just
doesn't want to go in."

Cameron was sprawled out on the bed with her platinum
blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, showing off the
dark roots. Anxiously, she waited for me to slide the
large shaft home.

After being apart for nearly two months, this was a
much-anticipated meeting. "Come on," she moaned
again. "You're fucking killing me here!"

"That's it," I said, no longer hiding my frustration.
"I give up." I dropped the large metal shaft I had
been holding for the last 15 minutes. "I didn't come
over here to help you put your furniture back
together. Get your dad to do this shit when he gets
home."

"Good," she said with a smile. "I'm starving. Let's
order some Chinese food to go with that wine."
Cameron hopped off the bed and led the way back
downstairs.

It was the first weekend of summer break, and the two
of us were celebrating a reunion or sorts. Cameron
and I had been friends for as long as I could
remember. We grew up together, and had been nearly
inseparable since the beginning of high school. Over
the last nine months, we had each been away for our
first year of college. Although we talked on the
phone several times a week, this was our first time
hanging out together since Easter.
Read the rest at free christian dating site

to get where im at there needs to be a little background.

i came out last year. my family was only luke warm to the idea, but fortunately i had friends that were really supportive, and since i had moved away three years ago my family didnt really have that much of an influence on my life anymore. i had dated guys before, but never really found that real connection with anyone.

then i met e. we will say e for now. we met at improv auditions. she was funny, quirky, incredibly talented in whatever she wanted to do, beautiful, and genuine. i instantly fell for her. we playfully flirted for months, then finally realized we were too attracted to each other to be apart.

it was amazing. i had never been in love before. we were so close, felt so safe, were so honest and open with each other. i went to europe on a solo trip near the beginning of the summer, and we made a blog just for the two of us so we could talk every day. i had never been so happy in my life.

the summer was rough. we were six hours apart, she worked, and i was in limbo trying to find a job and a place to stay. we had one tense visit where i visit her and came down with the flu, forcing her to take care of me for a week. we had some small fights that would come up, but nothing big. we were in love. it didnt matter. i called her on our anniversary, and we talked for hours. we were going to see each other in about a week, at that point.

two weeks ago, she came back up here, where we both go to college. the first night she came back, she told me that she wasnt in love with me anymore, and that she didnt want to be with me. i was shocked. and heartbroken. she has been very distant, and will alternate between saying that she misses me and wants to see me, or completely ignoring me. every time i see her in passing she is always laughing and joking around with her new friends (one of which is a boy that i suspected she had a thing for; they are often seen together).

i dont know how to handle this. she was the most improtant thing in the world to me. she never gave me a reason for antyhing. one week she loved me and the next she didnt. i feel physically ill (and have been ) for two weeks now.

im at my wits end. please. insight. advice. anything.

Hi everyone, I stumbled across this community and I have been wondering lately about something I would like outside opinions on.

My boyfriend and I have dated for almost a year now. I'm going to be a senior in college this year, he'll be a junior. I'm 21, he's 20. We started dating last September and said 'I love you' about a month later. We are both very loyal and committed people. We have a great relationship and this summer we have been living together with some friends in an apartment, which has also gone well - we have a few fights about little things but we have cohabitated for three months and still love each other, so that's promising :) In about a month I'll be leaving to study abroad for a semester, so that will be difficult, but we know we can get through it.

We started talking about being together after college seriously about 6 months after we started dating, and since then we've pretty much established that we want to get married. This is very odd because I never really thought about getting married so young, or even at all really, but I completely feel like he's the right one, and I can see myself with him in 10 and 20 years. So I'm not rushing into it because I want the dream wedding I've dreamed about since I was a little girl or anything.

Our current plan is to get married in the year after he graduates, so I'd be 23 and he 22. I think he's going to propose before I graduate next May. After that I'm planning on staying here an extra year while he's in school, and we're looking at grad schools we could possibly both go to.

Some of my friends and family have expressed their concern that we're too young. I know that the society stereotype for American college students now is that they want to casually date or sleep around, and they're still going to change a lot more before they're an adult. Still, I feel like both of us want to change together, with each other, and we don't want to put off marriage or go our own ways for now just because we're not "supposed" to be so serious at this age. one of my friends just kind of asked if I was maybe "getting into things too fast" and that especially for him, getting engaged while only being a junior in college was awfully young. i've also told my mother that we're thinking about it, and she didn't freak out, but she did say to just think it through because people in their 20's still change a lot and you shouldn't compromise things that matter most in this life stage (education, career) for a relationship. I can sort of see where she's coming from, but love is also so important to me in life and I don't think I would necessarily have to chooose one over the other.

Does anyone else have opinions on this or know people in this age group who got married? Do you think it is too young to know for sure that you're right for each other? Or that you should always wait until you've got an established career before you do something like marrying?

So, I just broke up with my boyfriend.

It went well for about 4 months and then it just became too much. He was too needy and clingy and I am not a very emotional person. I used to be, and then I kind of shut myself down.

But, the problem is this: I have a tendency to go back to people because I feel bad for breaking up with them. He was a good friend for a long time before we dated, and I don't want to lose him as a friend but I also don't want to add him back to my friends list, phone list, and buddy list if his entries and everything he says are going to make me feel like a heinous bitch.

Has anyone ever been in this situation? What is your advice?

( be gentle!Collapse )

On Sunday I hung out with Josh, and Lisa (along with another friend, but she doesnt really play a part here). This was the first time I actually hung out with Lisa. She seemed cool for the most part, but she definately had her periods of bitchiness throughout the two days. We were all sitting on her deck after a swim, and I forget how it came up, but she said shes "not opposed to sharing him" (to quote). Then she offered him to my other friend and I. I immediately said "Im good" because I dont exactly want her to know that I kinda like her boyfriend. She was totally serious when she said it though (or so I think), and everytime he would try to get her back onto the subject, she would just ignore him. I definately think that there are problems to be worked out.

When Josh, friend, and I were walking around at like, 1am around downtown, completely sober (had to add that) and he said that "when Lisa and I break up, you and I are going to Mexico and getting married" "sounds like a plan" "notice I said when, not if". Am I to take this comment somewhat seriously? Like, does that mean that when the breakup happens, I have a chance (after I let the healing process take its toll. Im not going to be a rebound)? Its probably nothing, but I overreact all the time. The psychic told my mom that she was going to be a grandmother in the next three to four years, and I dont think anyone would want to make love to my sister, so I put that into play too.

He wants to go on a trip like, next week, and he wants me to take the time off work to go with him. This is what he said:
PaperClips says:
I told her on the way home from the mall that you wanted to go to your sisters this summer and that you were interested in me coming along, and she asked where she lived, but i couldnt remember, and she didnt say much after that, just to be careful about taking time off.
Josh says:
well find out
Josh says:
I wanna go really soon
Josh says:
like... really soon
Josh says:
plus... I kinda wanna get to know you better.

Now, to me, that sounds like a first motive that was added to make it look like a last thought. Maybe Im just overanalytical. Like, Im looking for there to be something because I cant accept that theres not.

Alright, I dont know whats happening with me. Firstly, a question: Is it possible to like someone just because they are there? Heres the thing:

I know this guy, we'll call him Josh. Josh contacted me a year ago through my msn profile, telling me that he'd moved to the town and was looking for people in it to be friends and stuff, and after scoping out his website and all that, I added him. He was really interesting to talk to, and eventually I developed a little ecrush on him. I never told him this. It was an ecrush, it didnt mean anything at all. I would wait up until midnight, waiting for him to come online so I could talk to him. He got really depressed and angry at the world, and I knew what he was going through, and I talked to him. When I visited my old town I would go online where I was staying, just to see how he was doing, to make sure he was alive. One time he went back to his hometown for a visit, and ended up hooking up with a girl, and they started going out. I was jealous. Then they broke up. I was happy. Then he found another girl back in his hometown. I was crushed. Then they broke up. I was happy. Then he met this girl in our town, we'll call her Lisa. He told me about her, I was devestated. But I just shrugged it off. Then a few months later we finally met. I met him and Lisa in the same night, and was totally with them, but I still had that pang of jealousy. That was around but after Christmas. Now theyre having problems. Hes the only guy shes been with, and she resents him for it, says hes holding her back from the dating scene. He loves her. She wont break up with him because she doesnt want to lose his friendship, which she will lose because he wouldnt be able to watch her be with other guys. Shes dangling him by a string. He tells me these problems theyre having. He told me she told him that she didnt know why she was with him, just that she wanted to be, like a "I want to be with you, I just dont know why". Am I wrong to think that he could do better? That Lisa should stop dangling Josh like a puppet? They quarrel, then they mend. They hit a rough spot, and then they act like it never happened at all. Am I stupid to sit in the wings? I told him just a half hour ago about how I had a little ecrush on him last year and stuff, and he said "last year? youd figure you wouldve developed something now" so i told him I didnt want to develop anything now because he has Lisa whom he loves and the only thing that would end up happening is me only hurting myself, and he said "fact is Sara, you have every quality I would look for in a person that would be significant in my life." Then why is he still being a puppet in Lisas game? Im so completely torn up about this. Sorry for the length. Its just very frustrating and angering. Maybe I see things differently because Im on the outside looking in. I dont know.

Hello-

First off, I am sorry if this question is not the correct one to post. I am new to the livejournal scene and yeah. I have never been close with my Father so that source of advice is not really there and being the oldest child my Mom is well, still in the 'my baby is growing up' kind of moods.

Basically, I am fumbling with the aspect of when is a good time, the right time, to start seriously planning for popping the question. It seems like everytime I turn around one of my friends or roommates is getting married or starting his corporate world job and I am standing there thinking I thought all that was so far off.

My g/f and I have been dating for three, almost three and a half years. We have had talks about marriage and time tables and such, but none of which ever have to do with the engagement, but as is common focusing on the Brides big day, etc. We had both decided and agreed that marriage would be something for after college, we will both be fully done the summer of 2007.

I have heard everything from taking two months salary to put into an engagement ring and that to find a really good ring in size and quality you would be looking to spend $3k...I have also heard the 'if it the right ring then you know, dont think about price'.

I dont even know what the typical engagement period is, a year?

We are basically talking about either a larger family wedding in the states... or a small wedding in Ireland (where our families are from).

So I guess my question is really if marriage is 2-3 full years away, when does the guy really want to start planning for it? When should he seriously start saving for the day? How much should he start planning to spend? Also, is engagement ring shopping something that should be done together, or is that mainly for wedding rings and the engagement ring is something that the guy just picks on his own? Are you supposed to haggle with the stores over price? Some places have said it is like buying a car and some have said that mainly when it comes to such items price wont change that much. Any advice on how to go about making sure you are picking a good quality ring?

Im sorry if these questions seem trivial but if anyone could offer some insight on the process I would really appreciate it. Thanks.