Charon's Path

Just a brief note to say that from now on entries in this journal will be locked to "Private", hence only viewable by myself.

I have come to the conclusion that this is truly a solitary path; I know of no others at the same place as me right now. Some are either more advanced and take it more seriously, some have not yet reached the level I'm at or take it less seriously. The questions I seek answers to will not be found on Live Journal, or even the internet for that matter. If I do have a question or point of discussion to bring up with one of you, I guess I will lock it to that person only, but I don't really see this happening.

I appreciate the comments and insight that all of your have provided over the last year or so, but it's time for me to finally follow the fourth directive and "keep silent".

Thanks guys, catch you around.

I have been attempting to meditate every night so I can get back into practice. Often I find that I'm too tired or too distracted to meditate properly, but last night was different. I laid down and listened to some American Indian pipe and drum music and just... melted away.

I couldn't travel - there seems to be a thick wall up at the moment that I can't seem to get through, so I just floated for a bit, letting thoughts and images inspired by the music to wash over me. I saw a few things that need a bit more digesting before I talk about them; they may have just been imaginings or wishful thinking.

However, a vision I had that lasted for most of the meditation, and was crystal in its clarity, was of me in about two years time going from school to school (both primary and high), doing massages for teachers and guided meditation classes for students. It sounds a bit flaky in the light of day, but it was like a memory of something I hadn't experienced yet. I wasn't earning a fortune, but I was certainly earning enough to live comfortably.

It made me feel a bit more confident about what lies ahead of me. It reassured me that I'm on the right track, and that what I am doing now will have broader, positive implications in my near future.

I don't usually talk to Chrissy about my dreams. I tell her about the utterly bizarre ones because they make her laugh, but the ones about The House in particular, I think I've only ever mentioned in passing.

Last night she dreamed about The House, and described it to me in detail down to the colouring of the walls, floors, and what little furniture it contains. She also mentioned lots of stairs...

I tried traveling again last night, for the first time in a long time.

I didn't get as deep as I would have liked, but the transition was fairly quick, quicker than I expected. As I went under though, something strange happened - I started to hear crows, hundreds of them, then I could see them all around me, wheeling in the sky in their dozens, on the ground and in the trees everywhere I looked. This has never happened to me before while traveling.

Shortly after that I came to a place with tall, grey rock spires but that was as far as I could go.

Anyway, it was interesting and relaxing, and once again a nice confidence booster. I really need to get back into this. I think it's time again.

The answers to everything are not to be found up and out, among the stars.

You hold the answers yourself, inside yourself; down, in, and through. You are the stars, they are you.

Everything is connected, everything is permitted, everything is true, now, always, and everywhere.

We are not seperate from our world, each other, or ourselves.

Our connections are infinite and all-pervasive. Zero degrees of seperation - we are whole.

Subvert normality. Reject reality and substitute your own.

You are God. God is you. I am God. God is me. We are all, and all are we.

Discard out-moded programming, and perfom a firmware update on your consciousness. Your soul is dying.

I need a new mentor.

I feel like I have surpassed my old one in the most important ways.

And to anyone who says "You are your own mentor blah blah blah" you can bite me... I've hit a point now where I could really use some external guidance. I haven't shifted or traveled in a long while now, and don't feel especially inclined to try. It's like the road gets exponentially longer with every step I take.

I can feel gravity kicking in again. I felt so free for so long, but mundane matters are starting to nag at me, drag at me. The line keeps wavering. I feel like I have simultaneously outgrown myself and need to grow into myself.

I keep dreaming of big, old houses with empty rooms and staircases that defy physics. A house in a dream is supposed to represent the dreamer, so what do these dreams say about me?

This journey is exciting and terrifying and fun and difficult. I wouldn't have it any other way, but I don't have a roadmap, let alone a bullet-riddled sign to point me in the right direction. Is there a "right" direction? Is there any direction? Can the direction even be defined?

What am I doing? Why am I doing it? Who am I doing it for?

Why am I even asking these fucking questions?

It's nearly 1:00am and my brain is melting.

I had a really bizarre dream last night, one that left me with all over prickles when I woke from it.

I often dream of being in big old wooden houses, so finding myself in one at the beginning of this dream was nothing new. I walked down a hallway past a bedroom, and from the next room on my right I could hear a noise. I slowly approached the open door and looked in. Every other room in this house was empty and covered with dust and cobwebs, but this one looked like a little girl's bedroom, with white walls and carpet, and a big bed with white and pink blankets and pillows. I recognised the room from other dreams I have had, though I have never seen it in real life.

The bed was in the middle of the room, with the head against the wall opposite the doorway. On the far side of the bed from where I stood, I could see a shelf with dozens of old-fashioned porcelain dolls on it. As I looked in, I saw movement, what looked like blonde hair ducking behind the side of the bed. I stepped into the room and found one of the dolls on the floor. As I picked it up and brushed it's blonde hair aside so I could see it's face better, I felt an overwhelming presence rush at me from the bed, though I could see nothing, and a little girl's voice started to speak in my right ear. It was so close I could feel the breath on my cheek, and could almost physically feel the impact of her voice. Her words were crystal clear, but I can't recall them now.

And that's when I awoke.

Haha. Just when I thought my "visitor" had buggered off...

I'm experiencing a fairly hefty haunting at the moment.

I see and hear weird little things fairly often, and most of the time I just write these off as figments of my imagination, but this one is pretty full on.

It started about a week ago, feeling like I wasn't alone in the house even when I was. Nothing too unusual, we have quite thin walls and sound travels in these townhouses, so I assumed I was just subconsciously picking up on noises from next door.

Then, I started to catch glimpses of somebody in the corner of my eye. I was tempted to just write these off as well except they were happening quite often (maybe every 20 minutes or so when I was at home) and what I was seeing was consistent each time in shape and colour.

Then it progressed to visible manifestations, but only in reflections, specifically my computer monitor. I could see movement in the room behind me, and would turn, expecting Chrissy to be there, but the room would be empty. I started watching the reflection and could see it moving around; this was my first actual sighting of my ghostie. He is tall and thin, very pale (light grey) skin, long straight black hair, and deep, dark, sunken eyes. I can't make out any other facial features besides the eyes.

All of this was freaky enough, but I couldn't and still can't get a "fix" on him. Usually I can "feel" Them and get a name or an over-riding emotion but I can't with this one. It's frustrating as hell because I don't know if it's him or me that's to blame for this lack of "grasping".

Finally, Wednesday night I was half asleep and felt someone come into the room. This isn't so unsual for me when I'm in that hypnagogic state so I opened my eyes and saw him standing by the side of the bed, very clearly. I closed my eyes again and told him to go away because I was absolutely exhausted, but a couple of minutes later I could feel the edge of the mattress being pushed down, enough to cause my leg to bend with it. I opened my eyes again and he was still there, looking at me and not moving.

I don't really know what happened next... I kinda gave him a "shove" and told him to come back later when we were both able to communicate better, and then I must have fallen asleep. I don't remember any dreams from Wednesday night, which is unusual because I have been dreaming up a storm lately.

Anyway, he's back to his old tricks now, just flitting about on the edges of my awareness. I am concerned over my inability to focus on him properly. Maybe I need to go "under" and talk to him there. Problem is, I have so much on my mind at the moment and I'm dog tired, so any traveling I do isn't going to be very effective.

Grrr. Frustrated.

Further to my post about the "message" I got from Chrissy's Grandfather, under the cut are two pictures I scanned from the Little Golden Book. We found it on Ebay :) Bear in mind I had never seen this book until I saw a picture of the cover, the night after I got the message, which, for the lazy and forgetful, was:

I had an extremely vivid image of him, and called Christine to try and verify the details of what I saw, which was this: He was sitting in an old, high back, antique-looking chair, almost like a recliner, wearing a flannel robe, tartan slippers, and smoking a pipe with a small, content smile on his face.

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