Full of Fail
Well, something I thought was building a bond between me and another leader was, in fact, damaging the relationship. I was excited to learn some additional Spanish, and was doing a daily 'funny put downs' or 'things that only make sense in Spanish' and was sharing them with a co-worker. One that is higher up in the food chain than me. She would laugh and heart things - so I thought she was finding enjoyment in them. However, apparently, she was getting offended. Like, my boss told me she has lost respect for me as an HR professional which absolutely guts me. I'm swinging wildly between feeling so numb and a crushing weight that makes me want to cry. How is it that working for the government was more relaxed than this? I mean, I feel weird saying "sorry - disrespecting your 'position' has never been a thing for me. Like, I've always had close relationships with leadership at other places. Marilee and I were close, Bob and I were incredibly close, Joe and I were a little more professional (I think that was just him), Jim and I were fairly close, and I feel like Alexis was a flaming shit show that I was more professional than.
i mean I get the difference between working for a smaller organization and going to a larger one, I do. I just never thought that I'd work for an organization where I had to walk on egg shells all the time. Especially when I have co-workers who sit and trash-talk employees like it's a part of their job description. There are some days that I feel like moving to this job was one of the worst mistakes I ever made. Then I remember all the hell that was my last job. I mean, is this normal? I love working in HR, but maybe it's time for me to go to something else. Seems like I've invested a lot of time, money and education in something that maybe I'm not cut out for, though. I don't know how I can have feedback that I'm so valuable and there are so many people that respect and look up to me, but then get the feedback that I'm unprofessional and I lack foundational knowledge. If it weren't for the fact JZ is the only other person here, I would likely shut my door and wallow in my feels today, but it doesn't seem like that's going to be an option today. I honestly just want to burst into tears, but - ya know, that might be seen as unprofessional. After my conversation with Mike yesterday - I just feel like a big ol' barrel of fail.
Now JZ's calendar has filled up, mostly with Mike - so I feel like I'm going to be fired. I hope that JZ would say something before that fact, but I'm doing all the doubting right now, so who knows.
i mean I get the difference between working for a smaller organization and going to a larger one, I do. I just never thought that I'd work for an organization where I had to walk on egg shells all the time. Especially when I have co-workers who sit and trash-talk employees like it's a part of their job description. There are some days that I feel like moving to this job was one of the worst mistakes I ever made. Then I remember all the hell that was my last job. I mean, is this normal? I love working in HR, but maybe it's time for me to go to something else. Seems like I've invested a lot of time, money and education in something that maybe I'm not cut out for, though. I don't know how I can have feedback that I'm so valuable and there are so many people that respect and look up to me, but then get the feedback that I'm unprofessional and I lack foundational knowledge. If it weren't for the fact JZ is the only other person here, I would likely shut my door and wallow in my feels today, but it doesn't seem like that's going to be an option today. I honestly just want to burst into tears, but - ya know, that might be seen as unprofessional. After my conversation with Mike yesterday - I just feel like a big ol' barrel of fail.
Now JZ's calendar has filled up, mostly with Mike - so I feel like I'm going to be fired. I hope that JZ would say something before that fact, but I'm doing all the doubting right now, so who knows.
