Nope, big fat nope. I should have trusted my first entry about this and walked away then.
He started acting weird, wanting to sext last night, and when I didn't feel up to it, he seemed to get irritated with me.
Today I tried talking to him about getting together this weekend because I knew he had this weekend off, and he has been distant, every response has been extremely short, and sounding definitely uninterested.
At one point I got a "maybe Tuesday" about getting together. I'm just not okay with that.
He hasn't responded to my last couple of messages, and I don't think he's going to. Tried to call just so we can chat for a bit and he didn't answer his phone. So I think I can take a hint when I'm not wanted anymore.
Not even going to say anything. Just going to walk away. I was stupid, I got involved, I got used, and tossed aside yet again. But at least this time it was only a week and not any more than that. So it will be easier.
I'm not doing it again. I should have stuck with my original plan and stayed completely celibate. And that's what's going to happen now. I don't want to be with anyone. Ever. Not in any way.
I'm just not capable of handling anything right now. I shouldn't have done it. And now I'm paying for it.
Well, I was totally expecting him to never talk to me again, or even to tell me to f off after our wonderful encounter the other night. Just kept waiting for that sentence that can be said in many ways, but always means the same thing: it was a one-night stand, and nothing more.
But, much to my surprise, he has continued talking to me. He messaged me last night asking what I had been up to all day. Although his responses are short, he has maintained contact from the last couple of days. I'm starting to think that maybe he just isn't that into texting?
Maybe he's just one of those people who feels that he can say everything he needs to in a very short sentence, or just a few words.
I did ask him last night if he would like to get together this weekend. His response was less than satisfactory, all he said was we will see what happens. I'm not sure what that means. I wish he would have at least said yes or no.
Here I was getting ready to write him off today, when all of a sudden I get a message out of the blue: "I just turned on my mom's cellphone to look through all the nice posts people put on her wall. Makes me cry every time"
That made me think. It takes a lot for most men to admit that sort of thing to someone they just met. Him telling me that, I know he told me the other day that his mom passed away last year, means he trusts me in a way. He didn't seem to be using at the try and gain sympathy, he seemed like he genuinely wanted to share his feelings with me.
I'm trying to put my paranoia and PTSD regarding relationships aside, and see this encounter as something completely new. I'm trying to keep in mind that he might not be like everyone else in my past who has abused me and used me.
Thanks to my child molesting X, I have learned how to do a background check on every person who comes into my life. I have checked and checked into this guy's background, and everything matches up with what he has told me. His military career, his mom passing away, the end of his career, the end of his last relationship. Everything is exactly as he has told me.
So for now, I am going to just to see where the rabbit hole goes. I'm not going to push, I'm not going to pull. I'm going to wait for him. I've already told him I would be interested in spending some time with him this weekend, or sometime soon, and I'm going to leave it at that.
Still trying to avoid getting attached, because I have that fear that he's going to ditch me like everyone else in my life. So as long as I can remain detached, even if he does disappear, I will be okay. I just hope I don't remain detached and lose someone who might actually be worth getting attached to.
Two nights of him showing up and running away at 1:30 like Cinderella. Today he won't even read my messages, so yep,I know exactly where I stand.
Talked to one of my counselors about it this morning and he said that maybe he's just not ready and doesn't know how to say it? I don't know.I think he just used me for the sex like so many other guys out there do.
One of the first things he said to me when we started talking was he mentioned that he was not married and did not have any kids, and he's the same age as me, but he asked me if that was weird.I told him I didn't think it was weird, that everyone walks their own path.
He asked me if I would like our hanging out to happen often. I said of course. He said he wanted a hiking partner.
But then he runs away at 1:30 in the morning?
That's why I question his interest in me...Why would him, someone who used to be a jock in high school, and is still a jock now, be interested in me? I'm just a simple farm girl, single mom, two kids, running a small urban farm in the middle of the city. I'm nothing special to someone who is I guess, what you would call, "normal." He's into things like football, Nike, fancy cars, fancy houses, I'm not any of those things. Not at all a fancy girl.
So yeah, just used for sex again. I'm glad I didn't get too attached, I'm disappointed, but I'm not heartbroken like I was over Shannon. I'm more sad that yet again, I am unable to find the relationship I'm looking for. Even with someone my own age, that I went to HighSchool with and graduated the same year as. Will I ever be able to find that person I am looking for? I don't know.
People told me to try dating outside the box, I tried that. People told me to try dating people of different ages.I tried that too. It seems like no matter what, I always end up with a narcissist, or someone whojust isn't capable of maintaining an emotional bond with someone that last for a lifetime.
Edit: he finally messaged me back earlier, but didn't have too much to say. Hasn't said anything about getting back together or anything about us in general. So I'm just backing off and if he contacts me, he contacts me. What else should I do?
Ok, so recently in my state, the subject of abortions being covered by medical has come up - again. It keeps coming up. I've done a lot of thinking on it, and well, here's my take.
I do think surgical abortions should be covered by medical. HOWEVER... I think they should be covered ONLY in cases of rape, medical conditions, and other incidents along those lines. I do NOT agree with women using them as a form of birth control.
I also think if a woman has 3 or more abortions without them being medically necessary, she should be sterilized. Abortion does a lot of damage to the body, and can lead to all sorts of problems in the future.
They also brought up whether prenatal testing should be covered by medical. I think it should - because prenatal testing can show if a baby has problems, or will have problems, and often any of those medical issues can be resolved before the baby is born if testing catches them in time. I had all the prenatal testing done on Kalhyn, and was very happy I did, even though he turned out to be just fine.
I'm having so much fun geocaching lately. Found another one today, it had just been placed about 2 days ago. I was the 4th to find it, not bad. Placed one of my little toad shinies in the cache. Bought about 100 of them at shipwreck beads to use as my personal item to place in a cache, because I think they're better than mctoys and much more unique and collectible, even if they aren't trackable.
That makes 11 or 12 caches I've found. It's so fun! Still have yet to place my travel bug, and so far, no one has reported on my car travel bug yet, but it's only been a few days.
Tomorrow I'm taking Kalhyn down to the Oly Farmer's Market for "trick or treating at the market" and while we're down there, found 3 caches nearby I'm going to try and find as long as it's not pouring down rain.
After the market, we're heading to Rusty Cock Ridge for their halloween get together, and going to try to hit one more interesting sounding cache on the way called "Salamander pond."
Still coughing a little bit, but I'm feeling a lot better. Kalhyn's been sneezing and a little stuffed up. Hopefully he's feeling better tomorrow, would hate to have him miss his first halloween!
BTW if anyone is on geocaching.com and wants to friend me on there, I'm on there as pnwxbcat. :)
So the two beers I tried last week were Mike's Hard Pomegranate/Blueberry Punch and Samuel Smith's Organic Raspberry Cider.
I had the Samuel Smith's Cider first, and I could definitely taste the hops. However, they weren't overpowering. The raspberry taste was definitely there, and not too strong at all. I got a nice, smooth buzz, but nothing major. A great mix, in my opinion, and definitely one to have again, except it's fairly expensive at around $6.00 for a 550 ml bottle, so it's going to be a once in a while cider.
A couple hours later, I tried the Mike's Hard Pomegranate Punch. It tasted more like fruit soda than anything else. Couldn't taste the hops at all, but the sweetness was very overpowering. It was cheaper than the Cider, about $8.00 for a 6 pack. The flavor definitely reflects the price!
I think I prefer the cider over the Mike's, personally. Still have a SSO Apple cider to try out, that will be this week's Beer of the Week. :)
Ok, I know I have a few beer enthusiasts on here, I need your help.
Since finding out I *can* have A beer or 2 while breastfeeding, I'd like to find THE right beer for me. Unfortunately there's no "beer tasting" around my area anymore (lots of wine tasting, but no beer, sadface...)
I'm definitely -not- a cheap American beer fan. Especially not cheap-ass beers, like Coors, Rainier and Bud (blech.)
Preferably not very strong on the hops flavors would be nice, too. No Lite beers, either.
So the mystery Didymos Indio wrap I picked up is Mineral, I think! At first I thought it was Gingko (a very hard to find Indio) but after taking it out on a walk today through the park, it's actually more spruce colored than it is green. Mineral was also released as a limited edition in August 2006, which fits the time frame for when the mama who I bought this wrap from bought it in Germany. Gingko was released in January of 2006 and Pinie was released in July of 2006. I have Pinie and it's definitely NOT Pinie!
It could also be Indio Petrol, but Petrol seems to be more blue than green in color. Argh, so many close colors released too close together!
So I now have three green Indios right now: Salbei (sage), Pinie (pine) and my mystery Indio (spruce-colored). I also have a 4.2 meter Cedar on the way (new 2010 release from Didymos) and am in the process of bargaining for a Petrol Indio shorty sitting in Poland right now.
There a re a few other Indios I would love to find still:
Terracotta (a beautiful terracotta orange and white) Scheifer with wool (dark grey and white wool/cotton blend) Cashmere (medium gray cashmere and cotton blend) Moss with wool (dark olive and white wool/cotton blend)
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