so long, in fact, that i think my last post was about a year ago. i have a hard time remembering to update, but i still come here almost every day to read. maybe there's an app that will be useful. hrm.
my health is surprisingly good. the chemotherapy cocktail my rheumatologist prescribed two years ago worked. she warned me that it would take a year to see the full effects, and 18 months later, lupus is surprisingly quiet. i still have creaky joints when i wake up, or try to move after being still for a while, but that's probably going to be a lifelong kind of deal. i have more consistent issues with fibromyalgia. i'm constantly grateful that both illnesses are relatively quiet.
i've been feeling so good that i am kind of thinking about looking for a part-time, sit-down type job. i have ideas, but nothing concrete yet. i'm going out of my mind with the not having anything to do. i fucking finally earned my BS in may of 2012. sooooooo many years of struggling through. no thoughts on grad school, other than "not really." now comes the fun part of trying to convince a potential employer that an anthropology degree is actually useful... and it is, people just don't know how it can be applied.
as per usual, i'm using the computer as a tool of procrastination. on monday i fly down to florida to visit my parents, and i have Things To Do to get ready, but here i am fucking around on the internet.
if anyone reading wants to keep up with me on other parts of the internets, i have a tumblr and a twitter account; i am maggiemunkee at both places.
i am officially disabled. the judge issued a bench decision, meaning it was quite obvious that i am super-borked. it is a huge relief for me, honestly. this also means that i am finally finally going to be able to graduate college. so i start my last semester of undergrad today. *grin* only twelve years after i started, but who's counting?
time to shower before class. i'd like to be clean and shiny.
i have my disability hearing this morning. i applied in april 2010, was denied, appealed, was denied, requested a hearing, and after contacting my congressman finally had a date set for today. i will not rant about how lupus is one of the things that is supposed to be approved on the first go-through without all the bullshit. nope, not gonna do it.
i have a vegan green chocolate cherry smoothie for breakfast. i'm going to throw on some clothes and look decent. no makeup, because this is legitimately how i look, and be on my way. wish me luck.
ps - i know i post hardly ever, but i do read everything, every day. MWAH!
things were okay, honestly and really. i'm seeing someone new and it's going really well. and then things with someone else crumbled and i'm beyond confused as to why i am being accused of drama. um, i HATE drama. i retract from it. and in fact, i am the one who has been trying to break through a near week-long punishment of the silent treatment from said dramatics-accuser.
sorry. rambling.
um.
adults do not play the silent treatment game. full stop.
attempting to have a conversation about the reason for all the bullshit, not dramatic.
i am heartbroken. and angry. but mostly heartbroken.
hey guys. for the first time in forever i have a not sad or bitchy update. who ever would have thunk.
i had my one-year anniversary of my lupus diagnosis a few weeks ago. when i think about how sick i was then, i just... i kind of lose it a little. i am starting therapy to help with the anxiety, and depression, and learning how to cope with living with this illness. i'm going okay so far, but i am still mourning who i was and what could have been.
i still haven't figured out how to get divorced. with school happening, that is taking priority. i knew it would, but i'm okay with that. there are apparently legal groups that will help impoverished people do things like file for divorce and get the filing fees waived. seeing as how i am currently impoverished, this is a welcome help.
i've met someone who is pretty fantastic. we met in a group of organized nerds, and so far he has been just incredible. and we aren't even dating. in the almost-month that i have known him he has been kinder and more understanding and accommodating of me being sick than my exhusband ever was. he has stumbled and referred to me as his girlfriend. when i questioned it he said, "oh, um, i meant sexy ladyfriend." he's kind of adorable. and oh so smitten with me. and i am entirely smitten with him. mew.
so. i have made my little update and it is now time to bathe and leave the house so that i can write my essay in peace. the house is being worked on... it's been going on for over a month... still not done... it's loud here. i need to write. meh.
but anyways, i'm generally happy and things are good. i read you every day, livejournal, and i don't always comment, but i read you daily. <3
this icon makes me want fried chicken. in the dark.
i continue to have a severe true blood problem.
otherwise, things are mostly okay. i had a pretty bad day yesterday, i woke up not being able to breath. you know, that was scary. breathing shouldn't HURT. i saw my doctor, who filed my paperwork as medicaid pending so she didn't charge me, and she is confident it's an upper respiratory infection. she prescribed a generic inhaler medication and wow, it worked within the first five minutes. so i can breath today. i haz a happee.
today my parents and one of my sisters helped me move the bed and my dresser from the apartment. my upstairs neighbor helped carry things because he saw me struggling. he's a really fantastic guy, and he has been nothing but amazing. he goes to my parents' favorite bar often enough that they promised to buy him a drink when they see him next.
i made it through the day without crying. i got REALLY angry at him earlier in the week. i don't even want to talk about it again. suffice to say he's making dumb financial decisions. i got mad at him, and for the first time, expressed my anger immediately. he got defensive and angry. right now i don't fucking care.
a few days ago we discussed what sheets i would take. he said that i could have any of them i wanted. i'm leaving him two sets. i'm taking four sets. i'm confident that he won't be buying a queen size bed any time soon, so i'm not too concerned about it. i took the new comforter and duvet that we'd received as a gift last year and never opened. i brought a laundry basket that had been sitting in the bathroom for at least a month, and washed all that stuff, including a comforter that he had brought from his mother's house. tomorrow i'll return that and his clothes.
it appears that in the month since i left he managed to use just about every set of sheets we owned. i had to do four loads of laundry that was entirely bedding-related, and i'm still not done. it's exhausting, but everything is fresh and clean.
so i'm getting through everything. there's still no progress on medicaid. all i need for that is one more letter from someone saying my marriage is indeed over, and then i have to go to DHS and drop off a crapload of stuff for my social worker. since she has not returned any of my calls in nearly a month, i figure she'll call me if stuff is wrong. and i haven't heard from my disability caseworker in nearly six weeks. fantastic. but october will be the six month mark since i applied, and that tends to be the magic number. so here's hoping.
because all the cool kids are doing it. this was me last week, but i still look exactly the same. except tonight i'm wearing a shirt because it got cold. ha!
grateful
sad
sleepy
accomplished
good