The Locked Tomb by Tamsyn Muir, also knows as the book of "please don't go where I can't follow" and it's long awaited sequel "I went where you can't follow and Ianthe was there, please pick me up" and the phenomenal third book of "You've done fucked up and went where I can't follow: electric boogaloo found family core edition"
Look out for the hot new addition of "you thought I could not follow and you will regret that oversight when I shove this sword up your ass" coming soon (allegedly)
shouting “DERIVATIVE!” at an art school kid just walking down the street from a moving vehicle, they break down and sob
okay but if i, a guy driving a car, yell that at somebody walking on the sidewalk, that’s not really an insult, that’s just what they are
It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good
Highlights include:
Actually I've decided this is a poem
being escorted out of town
The criminal has been apprehended
Grond! Grond! Grond! Grond!
GROND! GROND! GROND! GROND!
first day in the time loop i suspect nothing
second day in the time loop i still suspect nothing
third day in the time loop i realize that it has been tuck him in tuesday for 72 hours
fourth day in the time loop i realize that spending money has no long term consequence. i go to waffle house 15 times
fifth day in the time loop i am now sick of waffle house. i look up how much horses cost
sixth day in the time loop i buy a horse. i dont know how to ride it
seventh day in the time loop i buy the same horse again and watch youtube tutorials on horse riding
eighth day in the time loop i buy the same horse again and i am getting better at riding it
ninth day in the time loop. i once again buy the same horse. i can ride it successfully. it seems to know me
tenth day in the time loop i buy the same horse and ride it to waffle house. i feed it hashbrowns and sweet tea
eleventh day in the time loop i buy my horse and go to waffle house. we go on a ride through the mountains. we see a hitchhiker and a driver. we stop by the car.
..13th? 20th day? im in the time loop. me and my horse have not left the mountain road since we first came here. all four of us have died multiple times. i mount my horse. the hiker and driver join me. we're getting out of the time loop
first day out of the time loop i am thousands of dollars in debt
May we all know decadence such as this
"godless beast" and it's literally Dionysus in animal form.
Oh jesus, I thought this person was exaggerating until I dared try this out of morbid curiosity. I hate the state of society 🤮
Yes, come on in!
Yes, yes, come in to my cabin, watch your step please.
You Have A Lovely Hombe
Thank you, Horace. Sit, make yourself at hombe. Or would you like to play a game of Billiards in my special room over here?
Oh I Just Love To Play Balls
We’ll get along splendidly, then.
Some wine?
Oh Enough Chit-Chat And Lets Talk Creams.
Go on.
Well I Just Love Creams. Well They Taste Good. And. Oh The Texture An-
…
*All pretense and friendly affect is dropped, eyes fixing coldly on the boar*
*Advances*
Well I Simply Knew All A Long
*And Horace Delivers A Series Of Funny Kicks And Rageful SMACKS To The Assailant’s Solar Plexus And Hip Bones*
Hm Hm Hm That Aought To Teach You Scoundrel
*Horace Turns His Handsome Snout To Face YOU*
Rememboar: Dont Go In A Strangor’s House Or Something I Forget
