Lair of the Naughty Sorceress

Damn, it has been far, far too long since I've last posted. A lot has happened since my last entry, but I'm going to stick to the more recent stuff. By the way, I did get my mattress situation sorted out and now have a super comfy mattress and a delightfully squishy cooling pillow to go with it, so yay! Anyway.

Yesterday was Sharif's birthday. He would've been 27. I had planned to go leave flowers on his grave, but I have shingles again, so I couldn't. Maybe I'll get to go next week, if it's cleared up and I can get a ride out there. I just miss my beautiful boy so much.

Mom got in a car crash a few weeks ago, and while she's thankfully fine, the car is totaled. It's a good thing we finally got dad's car working again, because we've had to shelve our plans to buy another one because he got laid off from his electrical job a few weeks ago. He's had a few good interviews, though, and one place will definitely hire him if he chooses. It won't pay as much as the last job but it'll still be a pretty decent wage. The place he interviewed at this morning pays much more, but they're worried about his age and the time he spent teaching instead of being an electrician and want to thoroughly check out his references. I think he's got a pretty good shot, though! Whichever job he gets, he'll still make way, way more than he was making as an adjunct professor, which he might still be doing if UWF hadn't decided they'd rather have a football team than keep any of their adjuncts, because apparently sports are more important than teachers. But I digress. Now that dad is gonna be working again, he's going to be using the car most of the time, and so mom and I will be back to begging rides off of family and friends whenever we need to leave the house until we can afford another one. Well, we got through it before and we will again. C'est la vie.

Also, my cat Baron Reginald von Fluffytrousers the Third (you have to say "Third" in a really snooty voice)-Baron or His Lordship for short-disappeared last month. We'd been trying for years to make him an indoor-only cat, but no amount of treats, toys, catnip, cardboard boxes, hidey-holes, playtime, daily brushing and cuddles would convince him not to make a dash for the door every time we'd leave the house or even just let the dogs out or in. On the rare occasions when we'd manage to stop him in time and keep him inside all day, he'd protest-poop in either the tub or sink, sometimes while making direct eye-contact, the little bastard. I don't even know why he wanted to be outside in the first place, as he would usually scratch to come back in within 20 minutes or so. He probably just liked bossing us around. He was definitely a smart kitty, both streetwise and wood-wise, but he was getting on in years and the woods around our house are full of snakes, raccoons, hawks, foxes, coyotes and asshole teenage rednecks. I knew it was most likely just a matter of time before his luck ran out, before he didn't come home, but I still wasn't emotionally prepared for it to actually happen. Then again, can anyone really be fully prepared for a loss like that? I don't know. I just know that I miss him. I keep expecting to hear him scratching at the front door, or for him to suddenly jump up onto my laptop keyboard and demand affection, or to hop up on the breakfast table and wait for me to take my eyes off of my cereal for a split second so that he could stick his head in the bowl, or just to curl up on my chest at night, with his pigeon-purr going at full strength. He was a stinky bastard man sometimes, but he was my stinky bastard man and I miss him dearly. I hate that all I can do now is hope that whatever happened to him, it happened quickly and that he didn't suffer.

Our remaining cat, Chi, has been really depressed since Baron disappeared, but that first week was the worst. She'd just pace the house all day and night, crying so pitifully that it broke my heart a dozen times over. Losing Max last year was hard enough on her, but at least she still had Baron to keep her company. Now she's the only cat left and she's obviously lonely. We're planning to go to the shelter and adopt another cat after the holidays, but until then all three of us have been and will be lavishing her with love and attention in an effort to fill the void.

In other pet news, my 13-year-old dachshund Sokka is now almost completely blind, but luckily he's adapting quickly, and he's still just as stubborn, pushy, and needy as ever, and he is still my tiny overlord. When I spend too much time cuddling with Jig or Pippin instead of him, he still burrows his way in between me and them without even acknowledging their presence and then tries to jam his tongue up my nose. He's like a long, furry tank with cataracts and breath that smells like zombie swamp-ass in July. Which reminds me, I need to set up an appointment for him, Jig and Pippin to get their teeth cleaned next month (my vet's office offers discount dental work in January).

So yeah, that's all the big stuff that's happened recently. At least, that's all the stuff that I can remember at the moment. My memory has been pretty shaky lately due to a variety of factors, including but not limited to: anxiety, pain, fatigue and medication. Well, whatcha gonna do.

Anyway, I'd better get back to doing research for my Yuletide fic. I'm gonna have fun with this one.

So my new mattress came in on Thursday, and all I can say is that I have, as usual, made a horrible mistake, because I am a worthless failsack who always fucks everything up. Gonna call the mattress store I bought it from tomorrow and see about either exchanging it or getting a refund.

In happier news, Angie, thank you so much for the gifts! I especially love that notebook. I'll have to think of something special to write in it! ♥

I got my first back-pay SSI check early in March, and promptly used it to buy a used PS4 and a few games to go with it, such as the long-awaited Kingdom Hearts III (which I am LOVING SO MUCH, Y'ALL), Kingdom Hearts: The Story So Far, Final Fantasy XII: The Zodiac Age, The Legend of Kay and Okami. I also made a few donations here and there as well as some other small purchases, but for the most part I've kept myself from going too crazy because what I've been really wanting to buy for over 6 years is a new mattress, as I've hated mine pretty much from the start. Last weekend, I officially started my search, both online and at the local mattress stores. I found a few that I liked okay, but which were either too expensive, didn't hold up to further research, or both. Today, however, I found The One. It's an Englander Resort Collection: Atlantis model, and it is AMAZING. Soft, squishy, cooling and eco-friendly, no less! Best of all, since it's a 2018 model, I can actually afford it without financing! I paid half up front and will pay the rest on Monday after I deposit this month's SSI check, after which I'll actually still have a couple hundred leftover. I'm also getting a free mattress protector and free delivery and set-up along with it, so that's pretty sweet, too. Honestly, I can't even describe how much I'm looking forward to sleeping in a bed that's actually soft and doesn't make the ones in Markarth look plush and decadent.

I found out this morning that the judge ruled in my favor! My disability lawyers are going to call me on Friday morning to go finalize some stuff, and even though I hate talking on the phone with the fiery passion of a thousand nuns, I’M SO FORKING EXCITED. I’ll probably be even more stoked once the shock wears off and it fully hits me. This is especially cool because I honestly wasn’t expecting to hear back on this for months. I thought it’d be like mid-July at best before I found out whether I was approved or not. I mean, after my first hearing back in November of 2012, I didn’t get the rejection letter until the end of March, with no contact whatsoever from my lawyer or case manager in-between. Looking back, that firm did me a favor when they dropped me as a client not long after that, even though it sure as fuck didn’t feel that way back then.

At any rate, I am super excited and relieved, and I’m sure I’ll be even moreso once the shock wears off. This was a hard-won victory.

All of this comes after the completely fantastic time I had at Pensacon this last Sunday, so yeah. It's been a pretty good week.

...Because I'm too emotionally drained to write it all out again. Anyway.

Today was the one year anniversary of Sharif's death, so my mom and I went and left carrots on his grave. I arranged 'em into a a little heart shape. I've done that several times over the past year on various special occasions, like the anniversary of the day I bought him or his birthday, but this time I also went down to the stables and interacted with the other horses for a bit as well. It's the first time I've even been within 5 feet of a horse since he died, much less petted one. It was bittersweet. I've missed being around horses, and it was nice being able to give out chin-scratchies and neck-rubs again, but at the same time it was incredibly painful looking out at the pasture where Sharif lived and feeling his absence so strongly. I miss hearing his nicker whenever he saw me pull up to the barn, I miss his trademark Coy Approach that he'd do whenever he saw me heading for the pasture gate with his halter, knowing that he was about to get lots of treats and a good pettin'. I miss how he'd rub his head all over my back (or anyone's back, really) like I was his own personal scratching post. I miss the way his lip would wiggle whenever I'd use the curry comb on that special spot on his back right below his withers, and how he was always so good about letting me clean his hooves, and how he just loved to be groomed and dressed up for Halloween. I miss how he'd silently steal treats out of people's pockets (I was trying to teach him to go for wallets, but no such luck), and the way he'd bow and shake hands on command if he knew there was a cookie in it for him. I even miss how he'd fuss like a little kid when I'd put sunscreen on his nose in the summer. Most of all I miss how loving and gentle he was. Give him a peppermint or show him the slightest bit of affection and he'd be your friend for life. He was especially gentle and patient with children.

I know that I was so, so lucky to have him in my life for 20 years and that I should just be grateful for that, but no amount of time spent with Sharif could ever possibly have been long enough. I know it's cliche and more than a little melodramatic, but I feel as though a large chunk of my soul was ripped away when he died.

So yeah, that was my day.

Happy new year, everyone. Here’s hoping 2019 will be a good year, though frankly at this point I’m willing to settle for it sucking slightly less than 2018. Anyway, here are my resolutions:

1. Read more.
2. Write more.
3. Drink more water.
4. Become a necromancer.
5. Become either a vampire, a cyborg or some other type of abomination of science.
6. Start swimming again.
7. Make an effort to reconnect with old friends.

Today I am 33 years old. That's right, I'm officially an adult by hobbit reckoning. I'm not going to be celebrating it until Saturday, though, because my dad doesn't get paid until tonight and won't be home until late tomorrow evening, so we won't have transportation anyway. The plan is to go out to dinner at the Texas Roadhouse and then go to Barnes & Noble and World Market, then maybe go into the mall itself, as I haven't been in 3 years and I'm curious to see what all has changed since my last visit.

Well, I did it. I managed to get my Yuletide story submitted in time. It was a close thing, but I did it. Then I slept for 15 hours. But I did it.

Today was Sharif's birthday. He would have been 26. I left a pile of carrots and peppermints on his grave earlier this evening. If nothing else, the local deer will enjoy them.

At 9 AM this morning, I'm getting bilateral sacroiliac injections, and I have to admit I'm kind of nervous. Not so much about the pain of the procedure or fear that something will go wrong, but over the worry that they won't help with my back and hip pain issues and I'll have wasted the time and money. Hopefully, though, the shots will give me some measure of relief, at least for a while. Fingers crossed, eh?

In the afternoon, mom's taking the state board exam for phlebotomy, and while she's understandably super nervous about it, I'm somewhat less so, because she kicked all kinds of ass during the course itself and graduated at the top of her class. It's only because of all the help she gave her classmates that any of them passed, and this was all while dealing with severe pain from tears in both of her rotator cuffs and putting up with the teacher from hell, who treated her like absolute shit throughout the whole course. At any rate, mom's ten times smarter and tougher than she thinks she is and I have no doubt that she's gonna do great on the board exam.

In other news, the Please Don't Tell My Parents I'm a Supervillain series is absolutely fantastic, Story of Seasons is eating my life and I've very nearly got all of my Skyrim mods working the way I had them (with a few new ones) before my hard drive got replaced at the start of August. Also, I've discovered that Sokka and Pippin both love apples, which is awesome because apples are great for doggy teeth and breath, and both of them need all the help they can get in that department. Too bad Jig won't eat them, though, 'cause goodness knows he needs something to freshen his tampon-breath.

In writing news, I'm a little over 1,000 words in chapter 5 of my Pokemon/Voyager fic. It's coming along slowly, but at least I'm making some progress.