(no subject)
This journal is now private.
I would delete it if it weren't for the fact that I've invested so much of myself into it, I've had this thing since I was around 13 years old and I kind of want to keep it for archival purposes.
I hardly even update nowadays and, actually, so few of you actually read this anymore, it all just seems somewhat pointless.
If you still wish to read, you may add
retrospeck to your friends list, I update that one fairly regularly.
It's been good. <3
I would delete it if it weren't for the fact that I've invested so much of myself into it, I've had this thing since I was around 13 years old and I kind of want to keep it for archival purposes.
I hardly even update nowadays and, actually, so few of you actually read this anymore, it all just seems somewhat pointless.
If you still wish to read, you may add
retrospeck to your friends list, I update that one fairly regularly.It's been good. <3
Mangoes
My dad just knocked on the door, jokingly saying, "room service" and brought me a plate of sliced mangoes.
I love mangoes. Everytime I eat them I feel like I'm on some exotic Caribbean island without a care in the world, just basking in the sun working on my tan and listening to the water lapping.
I really love fruit, I'm just too lazy to prepare food for myself. I can tell this is going to be a huge problem when I'm living on my own, because anything that takes longer than 5 minutes to make is often considered not worth the trouble. :P
Anyways, I was just thinking that it's so amazing how far my parents and I have come. Just a few years ago we were at eachothers throats, and I was packing up my stuff to go to Alisa's. I was constantly being pulled out of class to talk to the guidance counselor and.. life was just hell. I cried myself to sleep a lot.
My dad knows about how lazy I am when it comes to eating fruit, so he's always bringing me some.
As my mom left for work this morning, I wished her a happy mothers day and gave her a hug and kiss and she told me that I make her really happy.
For those of you who were reading this journal three or four years ago, during the climax of all this fighting and pure crap, I'm sure neither you nor I could've seen this happening.
Although, to be honest, we still fight. All the time. My mom and I must fight every second day about something. And just last week my dad flipped out because I wanted to go to a party the next day. He was in a great mood until I asked if I could go out, and then he did a complete 180 and demanded to know why I have to go out every week and why don't I focus on school more instead of socializing so much, blah blah blah. He was letting me go, but he was just being really bitchy and giving me this ridiculously early curfew.
I mean, he may have had a point about the schoolwork, but realistically, he couldn't possibly have expected me to sit home and work all weekend. It's not like there's much for me to do at home, I don't really go out that much.
The next evening, I was getting ready to leave when he got home, and he apologized for flipping out and gave me $50, and told me I could stay out later but not to be home too late.
In case you missed the big part (which, actually, wasn't the $50), he apologized. My parents never used to do that, they were "always right" and I was "always wrong".
See how we're getting better?? It makes me so happy.
I may look really shallow on the outside, like all I care about is partying and clothes and shopping and boys, but honestly, I just want to be with the people I love, doing the things I love, whether it be drinking ourselves into oblivion or lying in a field on a sunny day.
Things just keep getting better and better. I keep meeting the sweetest, most wonderful people who have changed/are changing me (for the better, I think :)). I keep waiting for it to all crash down on me, like somebody is playing some ridiculously cruel joke on me, but so far, I'm still riding this wave.
I'm such a sap, but I really feel like this right now. If I believed in god, I would thank him for Nick and Sam, the boys who make me feel beautiful and sexy and unique. And I'd thank him for Serena, my old-new friend, and especially Alisa; 15 years of friendship and still counting, I can't even begin the list all the things we've been through. And my parents, whom I rarely get along with but who still provide unconditional love and support, in their own strange way.
I mean, this is all just how I feel right now. I know that this coming Friday, I'm going to be asking to go out Saturday night and my parents and I will get into some big row about how I go out too much and I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend and then I'll call Alisa to cry about how unfair the world is and how much I hate my parents. But I know that my parents will give in and let me go because they don't like to disappoint me (and they'll have fallen for my guilt tripping! ;)) and I will get to go out for dinner with Sam, who is super sweet and cute and seems to think I'm amazing (even though I honestly don't see it), and I'll probably go home feeling kinda like how I am right now; like having mangoes. :)
I love mangoes. Everytime I eat them I feel like I'm on some exotic Caribbean island without a care in the world, just basking in the sun working on my tan and listening to the water lapping.
I really love fruit, I'm just too lazy to prepare food for myself. I can tell this is going to be a huge problem when I'm living on my own, because anything that takes longer than 5 minutes to make is often considered not worth the trouble. :P
Anyways, I was just thinking that it's so amazing how far my parents and I have come. Just a few years ago we were at eachothers throats, and I was packing up my stuff to go to Alisa's. I was constantly being pulled out of class to talk to the guidance counselor and.. life was just hell. I cried myself to sleep a lot.
My dad knows about how lazy I am when it comes to eating fruit, so he's always bringing me some.
As my mom left for work this morning, I wished her a happy mothers day and gave her a hug and kiss and she told me that I make her really happy.
For those of you who were reading this journal three or four years ago, during the climax of all this fighting and pure crap, I'm sure neither you nor I could've seen this happening.
Although, to be honest, we still fight. All the time. My mom and I must fight every second day about something. And just last week my dad flipped out because I wanted to go to a party the next day. He was in a great mood until I asked if I could go out, and then he did a complete 180 and demanded to know why I have to go out every week and why don't I focus on school more instead of socializing so much, blah blah blah. He was letting me go, but he was just being really bitchy and giving me this ridiculously early curfew.
I mean, he may have had a point about the schoolwork, but realistically, he couldn't possibly have expected me to sit home and work all weekend. It's not like there's much for me to do at home, I don't really go out that much.
The next evening, I was getting ready to leave when he got home, and he apologized for flipping out and gave me $50, and told me I could stay out later but not to be home too late.
In case you missed the big part (which, actually, wasn't the $50), he apologized. My parents never used to do that, they were "always right" and I was "always wrong".
See how we're getting better?? It makes me so happy.
I may look really shallow on the outside, like all I care about is partying and clothes and shopping and boys, but honestly, I just want to be with the people I love, doing the things I love, whether it be drinking ourselves into oblivion or lying in a field on a sunny day.
Things just keep getting better and better. I keep meeting the sweetest, most wonderful people who have changed/are changing me (for the better, I think :)). I keep waiting for it to all crash down on me, like somebody is playing some ridiculously cruel joke on me, but so far, I'm still riding this wave.
I'm such a sap, but I really feel like this right now. If I believed in god, I would thank him for Nick and Sam, the boys who make me feel beautiful and sexy and unique. And I'd thank him for Serena, my old-new friend, and especially Alisa; 15 years of friendship and still counting, I can't even begin the list all the things we've been through. And my parents, whom I rarely get along with but who still provide unconditional love and support, in their own strange way.
I mean, this is all just how I feel right now. I know that this coming Friday, I'm going to be asking to go out Saturday night and my parents and I will get into some big row about how I go out too much and I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend and then I'll call Alisa to cry about how unfair the world is and how much I hate my parents. But I know that my parents will give in and let me go because they don't like to disappoint me (and they'll have fallen for my guilt tripping! ;)) and I will get to go out for dinner with Sam, who is super sweet and cute and seems to think I'm amazing (even though I honestly don't see it), and I'll probably go home feeling kinda like how I am right now; like having mangoes. :)
(no subject)
...But the days went by, and the pain it grew,
You must have known what I was going through,
You know that, I never even heard a word from you
Is that what good friends do?
You must have known what I was going through,
You know that, I never even heard a word from you
Is that what good friends do?
-
-
disappointed
-
(no subject)
friends only
comment to be added (maybe)
you know the drill
Ferrari Festival
Some guy started talking to me today at the bus stop. He saw the SwissAir tag on my backpack (left over from after the trip) and asked me if I spoke Dutch (sadly, no) and we had this big long conversation about music, careers, and Europe and stuff. It was cool, he was really nice.
A man on the street yelled out, "Got any spare change, cutie pie?" while I was speedwalking to Rideau and I totally just swept past him without a second glance. Actually, I made a point of not looking at him. People who do that always leave me feeling really torn, I want to help them, god knows I don't need spare change, but something keeps me from stopping. I don't know if it's because I'm scared or.. I'unno. When I was younger I used to always want to give spare change but Mom would always wrinkle her nose, grab my hand and walk a little faster.
At any rate, I was rushing to the MAC counter at the Rideau Centre and was set on fulfilling my desire for a new eyeshadow brush. After a quick chat with the girl at the counter (she's the fucking coolest! She has dyed hair, but it's dyed really gorgeously, not that cheap, runny stuff that fades after a few days, but really nice shades and very neatly done make-up as well, I must add) I soon discovered they're releasing a set of brushes for $58 on July 17. That is a MAJOR bargain. I'm gonna hafta wait (and I hate waiting) but I'll ask Bella to put a set on hold for me. If I hadn't decided to go to MAC on a whim I would've gone to Bella in the first place, but hey.
Oh yeah, good news, they're opening a Tommy Hilfiger store in the Rideau Centre. Maybe I can order that bikini I've wanted for so long from there. It's hot. :) (they have an awesome close up of it in some magazines. I liked the ad so much I ripped it out. :P)
( Don't you want a Ferrari too?Collapse )
A man on the street yelled out, "Got any spare change, cutie pie?" while I was speedwalking to Rideau and I totally just swept past him without a second glance. Actually, I made a point of not looking at him. People who do that always leave me feeling really torn, I want to help them, god knows I don't need spare change, but something keeps me from stopping. I don't know if it's because I'm scared or.. I'unno. When I was younger I used to always want to give spare change but Mom would always wrinkle her nose, grab my hand and walk a little faster.
At any rate, I was rushing to the MAC counter at the Rideau Centre and was set on fulfilling my desire for a new eyeshadow brush. After a quick chat with the girl at the counter (she's the fucking coolest! She has dyed hair, but it's dyed really gorgeously, not that cheap, runny stuff that fades after a few days, but really nice shades and very neatly done make-up as well, I must add) I soon discovered they're releasing a set of brushes for $58 on July 17. That is a MAJOR bargain. I'm gonna hafta wait (and I hate waiting) but I'll ask Bella to put a set on hold for me. If I hadn't decided to go to MAC on a whim I would've gone to Bella in the first place, but hey.
Oh yeah, good news, they're opening a Tommy Hilfiger store in the Rideau Centre. Maybe I can order that bikini I've wanted for so long from there. It's hot. :) (they have an awesome close up of it in some magazines. I liked the ad so much I ripped it out. :P)
( Don't you want a Ferrari too?Collapse )
(no subject)
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
-unknown
-unknown