[In German so he doesn't reveal his weakness to the ENTIRE Barge:] I know this is a long shot. But if you're out there, Marie, please let me know. Please.
[The video's inadvertently activated - and it's easy to tell by the camera angle. It's pointing halfway up at the ceiling, but Bourne can still be seen, holding a picture frame in his hand and singing almost too quietly to be heard.]
[He looks at his journal and sees the recording light is on. It's switched off dispassionately, but just before the transmission cuts out, there's the shadow of some sadness on his face.]
[Backdated to the RomCom flood, working stuff out.]
The port had really shaken him up. Bourne had barely slept since being rescued by Slade, because every time he closed his eyes, he heard her. He heard Marie.
And he did not like what he had heard.
He picked the framed photo of himself and Marie up off his desk and looked at it. She had loved him. She wasn't the type to lay blame. She'd known the risks.
But maybe that was just what he was telling himself.
Oh, great, is this the flood where we switch genders again? Because that...
[He trails off, recognizing the voice that's now his. A pause for a few moments while he finds a reflective surface.]
...Scheiße.
I...
Marie--!
[He abruptly turns the feed off. Now to spend the next half-hour just staring into a mirror, unable to believe his eyes. And crying a little. Or a lot.]
[Private to the Admiral.] Just so we're clear, this is not what I meant when I said I wanted her back.
[Private to self/letter to Marie.] It happened again. I lost my memories. Everyone here did. They're all back now - at least, all the ones I've gotten back on my own. Getting my childhood again, or most things before 2002...I knew it wouldn't be that easy.
It was terrifying, Marie. I had a picture of you, and I had no idea who you were. I...
It was like being on that fishing boat again. Those two weeks when I didn't even have a proper name. They called me Jean-Paul, but I knew that wasn't right then.
I never want that to happen again, Marie. I can't forget you. I know it was out of my control this time, but...I'm finding it hard to forgive myself for these past few days even knowing that it wasn't just me.
[Private to Costigan and Claire, individually.] Are you all right?
It looks like things are beginning to calm down. At least we have a mandatory port coming up, that might release some of the tension for everybody on this ship.
I've been doing some thinking - that time off the Barge really cleared my head. Does anyone know if it's possible for a warden to make a deal with the Admiral after the fact if they hadn't been offered anything to start? It's a long shot, but
[ooc: Jason is still new to using his journal and does not know of the existence of filters. Oh, Jason.]
melancholy
depressed
moody
discontent
curious