bleed

 

 

     ~FRIENDS ONLY~

hello livejournal. i have missed you. not happy with life just about now, but i dont feel like sharing...in a mood to just kind of co-exist with somebody if they are special enough...no music. no tv. no talking. and you know what? no bloging. bye.

i met kita, and i actualy like her. shes my favorite of all of marissas friends.

today has been ok. i cannot wait for marissa to call me tonight! grandma is saposed to call too. dannie made me a card, and it was nice. it had a rainbow on it and said happy freakin birthday on the front. i got a 97 on my woodland quiz! i studied hard for it. we got new seats in global, i sit in the front far corner. its strange not having anybody to run to all day, but im doing ok. i get bouts where i miss her intencely and others when i miss her but its tollarable. sometimes i cry tho. i listen to her old messages on my ansering mechine, it helps. i keep seeing cars like the ones marcy and neil drive. well happy birthday to me i guess.

hungry tired and killing time in studyhall yet again. marissa is leaving wednesday for florida. tomarow is her last day at school. its also v-day. i have the v-day stuff in my loccer.30 min till i can leve study hall.

so yeah i got ditched by marissa for lindzy. i didnt want to be near lindzy but i wanted to see marissa its ok tho, i kinda wanted to go home and nap anyway.

killing time till dismissal. marissa is asking marcy to bring me home (cuz i dont want to see katie) . its been an ok day and i dont want to ruin it with getting agitated by her weird ness. i hope she will. so hungry today. tired and hungry but its a skip day so no sit ups.

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t o d a y w a s l o n g . algebra sux ass...my father is about as mature as a fucking maggot. yesterday was one of the worst days in a long time. prolly since the last time marissa and i broke up. dont feel much like writing bout any of it. just thought id update the half a person who reads this once in a mans pregnancy. bye


~your favorite lil bitch

nothing. inside and out. i am.
vommit
empty
sad
alone
hate(d)
shelled
hollow
tired
calm

today wasnt good at all, for the most part. at lunch, this grl kaylie sat down and stole our seats, and so i went over and put my arm around her and swung my face in front of hers and siad "its kaily, right?" she looked so scared, and then i let go and looked at her and said "heard you are a homophobe" twaz funish but i was shaking afterward, tremboling more. with mania i guess. marissa is here today. i love her so much. yeah ok bye.

blah...weird mood. things have been calm, except for me. i have been good the last few days, but b4 that i was so....i cant even describe it. i kept bitching and i was such an ass.it will be 4 years this october. school begins soon as well as my new job. im unsure about going back to school. alyssa wont be thjere, shes living with her father now, but vall will be. and all of her freshmen peers...its my last full year there, and thats kinda sad.