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@bringerofbisexual

bi,18, she/they, loves reading, writing and D&D. Anxiety, adhd and tourettes are the things I hath been cursed with. The powers that be had to nuke my ass for I would have been to powerful
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Reblogged sirbonesly
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frogmunist-deactivated20190724

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?” The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.” The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.” The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.” The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.” The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?” The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.” The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk

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BWAHAHAHAHAH. 

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the way i learned this, it was always told through spoken word. And you’d do the door thing for ages. AGES. literally just making up any old material. ‘behind the foam door is a door made of spinach’ that kind of shit. Go on until whoever is listening has already begged you to stop and has now gone on to pleading, clutching your shirt on their knees pleading. And when you finally said the last line? People went fucking nuts Like there was a good chance of just getting the teeth knocked out of you after telling that joke.

A friend of mine did that shit for 30 minutes on a camp once. The entire fucking bus just exploded in anger when she finished. It was a fucking massacre. 

#MOTHERFUCKER
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Reblogged
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I love alternate universe fics where Shane’s parents/Hayden find out because they walk in on like. Shane and Ilya passed out on the couch together. Ilya alone in Shane’s apartment in his pajamas. Open boxes of sugary cereal on the counter at the cottage. Ilya making a sick Shane soup. Ilya and Shane playing video games together and being so loud they didn’t hear the knocking on the door. Adidas sneakers lined up neatly in the hallway.

Fics where they don’t just stumble across Ilya, but also across evidence of deep and long-lasting affection.

Thank you to all the writers who keep feeding me.

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Ok for the people interested, I went back through some tags on AO3 to find some good fics that sort of fit in this category. I do think most of this style of content is stuff I’ve read on Tumblr tho, so if anyone has links to posts please share w me and I’ll make a masterlist!!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/82224851 - Yuna finds out via security cams. This one’s good if you’re ok with Yuna knowing a little too much about their sex lives.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/78562401/chapters/205983256 - Shane’s injury doesn’t come until after their summer at the cottage, and Yuna and David don’t find out about his secret boyfriend until Yuna tries to pick some things up at his apartment. I love this one.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/81899076 - The Hollanders get stuck in Boston, and Shane thinks it’s a great idea to bring his parents to his “friend” Ilya’s place.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/80391666 - Ilya and Shane start a serious relationship earlier in the timeline, and keep Polaroids documenting their time together to avoid the risk of digital leaks. Then Shane’s parents find the photo album.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/85743866 - Ilya impulsively kidnaps Yuna Hollander in the middle of a storm.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/85744131 - David goes to help Shane, who’s sick with the flu. Ilya beats him to it.

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I hate the south. I hate it here. Wdym it's barely 7 in the morning and it's already 74 DEGREES AND GETTING HOTTER. I'm already sweating bucks bro wtffffff it's even hotter inside than outside Kill meeeeeee

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Reblogged honey-on-your-tongue
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"I'm so lazy for lying down so often" "I'm so greedy for eating such a big meal" MY BEAUTIFUL FRIEND!!!! YOUUUU ARE A GIANT OMNIVORE. YOU'RE MEGAFAUNA. DO YOU KNOWWW HOW ENERGY EXPENSIVE IT IS TO KEEP A GIANT OMNIVORE WITH A HUGE BRAIN RUNNING. very!!! very energy expensive!!! eat that burger take that nap. holy moly. you wonderful animal. your species is made for frequent meals and daytime rests and long sleeps. let yourself be a human.