Hey everyone, it's been a long while since I've posted, I've been really busy.
It was a tough summer, but I got tougher. I've been working out a lot in my basement, listening to hard stuff and getting ready to bring the violence. I'm sick of getting picked on by everybody and it's time I fight back. A friend of mine took me to an awesome 'hardcore' show with some local bands at Clumpy's (a local bar, i so totally snuck in and didn't get carded). The headliner, some band called Gazing Thru Your Broken Eyes, was totally badass, rocking this sick makeup and the sound was SO HEAVY. It was like, such balls-out rock, dudes.
Since then I've been getting into really hard stuff, like almost death metal, bands like Poison the Well and Atreyu. This new wave of metal is really here to stay, and emo is just for big wimps nowadays.
Birthdays at my age are no fun. When I was a kid a got tons of cool stuff, now it's like nobody even cares about my Birthday and it was only like 3 days ago... what bullshit.
I don't care anyways, what's another year? It's no big deal. I don't know why people freak out about it anyways. Who cares. What a waste of time.
Anyways, I got my Thursday shirt as promised, it's pretty cool and symbolic. There's a dove on it flying, soaring on the winds of hope. Sometimes I imagine I'm a bird, flying above all my troubles. I'm thinking about getting a really cool bird tattoo, I'm looking for images now, I'm sure I'll find something PERFECT on the net. My parents will go nuts.
They still haven't caught me smoking, so I might get away with this tattoo business too...
I turned 17 a little less than an hour ago. I don't even care, it sucks to be another year older and still lonely... Why doesn't anyone pay attention to me?
On the bright side, my parents promised to give me a Thursday T-shirt this year. They're always trying to buy my love with stupid crap. Just my luck they'll probably get me a Large, when I specifically asked for Medium.
I'm going to sleep now, I hope I dream of Mona, and she dreams of me...
God, it hurts. Mona has a LiveJournal too, I found out from one of her friends... (no, I'm not linking her here, she's mine) I read every last page, and she didn't mention me once, but she keeps mentioning this "Charlie" guy. I'd hate her so much if she wasn't so cool... she knows tons of bands, personally! She's friends with Alexisonfire, From Autumn to Ashes, and At the Mercy of Inspiration... it sucks that she HATES me, we'd be so cool together. I'll post pictures from her journal soon!
We could go to shows, lean against the wall together, and after the shows we could hang with the bands awhile, smoking cigarettes and stuff (I still have half a pack!). Then afterwards, we can go out for coffee, maybe bringing the singer or guitar player along, and I can interview them for the 'zine I'm working on.
If you can think of a cool name for my 'zine, please suggest it in the comments... it will cover lots of topics, any cool band, of all kinds of styles, and the many books I've read.
It's getting to be difficult to get over my lost love, Mona. I know she wasn't right for me, but it just hurts sooo much. I just moped around my house all day today (Ped Day! Hell YEAH!), and felt the hurt. I scraped my dad's razor across my chest, an X across my heart, I cross my heart for you, my sweet. It was just a safety razor, but I still got some good red welts.
The only thing saving me from ending it all is the discovery of a great band that nobody in town talks about. I hope they come to town soon or something, I know they're old school, but the lyrics are so perfect, so strong, so full of power and triumph, I know that they will soldier on forever.
Oh man, I was downtown today and I was smoking my cigarrettes and people were all looking at me in a whole new light. I used my totally AWESOME Sandman Zippo from 8th grade, and lit this fucker up! I smoked half of my first cig before I got the shakes and had to go home... I think I've got the Black Lung, but it was worth. I was so adult. All the kids from Napanee High at the coffee shop were green with envy and caffeine. I fucking BLASTED my iPod and nobody dared cross my path.
Today the school administration came down HARD. Like, they're destroying freedom of speech and it makes me sick. I put a GUK (Get Up Kids) sticker on my locker and I saw a hall monitor stripping it off. WHAT THE FUCK? This blows. It's like, I can't EXPRESS MYSELF. This is the most despicable kind of oppression.
I went by Urban OutFUCKERS last week again, I tried to get up the nerve to talk to Mona but I couldn't. Not after what she did to me. I decided I'd be the biger person and just walk away. I stuck my headphones back on, BLASTED Poison the Well (like how SHE poisoned me) and got the FUCK out of that shithole. I won't ever shop for clothes there again. Their books are cool though. And I saw a kickass Ramones shirt they sell... it'll fit me just the right kind of tight.
I went back to Urban Outfitters to talk to Mona, and I saw her talking to another clerk. I can't beleive she did this to me. While I was watching that two-face talked to the guy, and then PUT HER HAND ON HIS SHOULDER. I blinked back tears and got the hell out of that den of iniquity.
I'll never make the mistake of caring about someone ever again. My life is over. This hurts too much for words. I want to go on but I just can't. This pain is too much to bear. Why do I bother to even go on living?
I met the most wonderful girl today. I was picking up a totally badass Ramones t-shirt and Mesh hat combo from Urban Outfitters and I saw her. She's the girl of my dreams and I love her and she'll always be mine. We talked, for like, an hour. Her nose is pierced and she's my parents worst nightmare. She loves Tom Waits (who?) and she was carrying around a dog-eared copy of Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul! She's smart and sexy but she'll NEVER be an object. Not yours, anyway.
Her name is Mona. I read it off her name tag. I'm going to make her the BEST mix-tape.
contemplative
crushed