(no subject)
Does anyone use this thing anymore?
It's been FOREVER
I know it has. LOL. I completely forgot about LJ til I got an email saying that messenger was being taken off. BOO HOO... ya I didn't use it.
Anyway...
Off on my grumpy rants.
I have a new student assistant. She annoys me cuz I like to sit in quiet, happy land at work and not talk to anyone til I damn well please. She comes in talking and blabbering and annoying, and I am like... arrrggh... Then she talks to herself and laughs loudly at whatever she is doing (which is usually FB and not work). Today she came in 40 min early, and I told her she is not allowed to come in earlier than her shift cuz we don't have the hours... and she goes "I know." But she stayed anyway...
Cindy and I have been talking about a coworker that we think likes to tell blatant and off the wall lies about everything. She also is extremely rude to everyone (including the students) and says bad things about people LOUDLY in the middle of the library. Apparently, she is too important to do her own job as the front desk clerk and got mad at Cindy for not helping a student. Cindy is the reference librarian, not the front desk clerk. So Cindy got pissed cuz said person blew up at her. I dunno... I kind of just stay civil and out of people's ways. But ya, that was fucked up.
Hmmm.. I dunno what else I was gonna bitch about, I will remember later.
Anyway...
Off on my grumpy rants.
I have a new student assistant. She annoys me cuz I like to sit in quiet, happy land at work and not talk to anyone til I damn well please. She comes in talking and blabbering and annoying, and I am like... arrrggh... Then she talks to herself and laughs loudly at whatever she is doing (which is usually FB and not work). Today she came in 40 min early, and I told her she is not allowed to come in earlier than her shift cuz we don't have the hours... and she goes "I know." But she stayed anyway...
Cindy and I have been talking about a coworker that we think likes to tell blatant and off the wall lies about everything. She also is extremely rude to everyone (including the students) and says bad things about people LOUDLY in the middle of the library. Apparently, she is too important to do her own job as the front desk clerk and got mad at Cindy for not helping a student. Cindy is the reference librarian, not the front desk clerk. So Cindy got pissed cuz said person blew up at her. I dunno... I kind of just stay civil and out of people's ways. But ya, that was fucked up.
Hmmm.. I dunno what else I was gonna bitch about, I will remember later.
Thank you
Illegal Immigrants
Ok... first of all, let me point out the "illegal" part of the title here. The fact that all of this political angst over toughening up our laws against "illegal" immigrants does not mean we are being racist. I would think that most people that are in favor to stricter laws against illegals are like me and think there is nothing wrong with immigration to this country, there is nothing wrong with Mexicans, El Salvadorians, Germans, Canadians, etc that come to the U.S. IF THEY ARE HERE LEGALLY!! I like different cultures, I like other countries, I am like any American open to the idea of a melting pot of different people, but it is OUR law that protects the rightful, legal Americans to allow people into the country to begin with.
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It's High School all over again
Ok, so this has been the drama lately... and it doesn't even really involve me, or me and Billy.
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(no subject)
Ok, first of all FUCK this place. FUCK IT FUCKING HARD. And I wish it would shrivel up and die.
I asked my coordinator yesterday if she could get this sick day restriction thing taken off. Sometime last year, I called out sick and one of my other bosses called my house to ask me something. My mom told her I was at work... didn't bother checking to see that I was in my room asleep... so my boss goes on about me abusing my sick days, cuz I was OBVIOUSLY out doing something exciting and fun instead of being sick. So the director put this restriction that I can only call out with a doctor's note to make sure I am not abusing my sick leave. So for the past year, I have brought in doctor's notes for every day I have been out for ANY reason. If I call out for a headache, I go to the doctor and say... I called out the other day cuz I had a headache, I need a note. And I get my fucking note, and give it to them. I just figured, since I have been complying with their request for the doctor's notes, then MAYBE I can get it taken off.
No.
Because I could be abusing my sick leave.
Excuse me?
Isn't the POINT of the doctor's notes to prove that I am NOT abusing the sick leave?
You have to be fucking kidding me. You fucking dickass cockfucks.
I hate this place. I like my job, but the people are complete fucking ridiculous moronic imbeciles. I can't use my OWN sick days without a note, and so and so can call out because she feels like grocery shopping or some shit.
I also emailed my director yesterday to ask if I could get a copy of Microsoft Office that I can use at home, since some staff and faculty are allowed access to the software. Well, don't do me any favors or anything, but I kind of wanted to have it for my classwork. Instead of saying "sorry I can't give it to you," I didn't get an answer. In our email system, we can check the status of our emails:
****** Delivered 4/12/2010 9:17 AM
Read 4/12/2010 10:13 AM
Deleted 4/12/2010 11:12 AM
Please... tell me what that says.
Just curious.
Fucking prick.
I asked my coordinator yesterday if she could get this sick day restriction thing taken off. Sometime last year, I called out sick and one of my other bosses called my house to ask me something. My mom told her I was at work... didn't bother checking to see that I was in my room asleep... so my boss goes on about me abusing my sick days, cuz I was OBVIOUSLY out doing something exciting and fun instead of being sick. So the director put this restriction that I can only call out with a doctor's note to make sure I am not abusing my sick leave. So for the past year, I have brought in doctor's notes for every day I have been out for ANY reason. If I call out for a headache, I go to the doctor and say... I called out the other day cuz I had a headache, I need a note. And I get my fucking note, and give it to them. I just figured, since I have been complying with their request for the doctor's notes, then MAYBE I can get it taken off.
No.
Because I could be abusing my sick leave.
Excuse me?
Isn't the POINT of the doctor's notes to prove that I am NOT abusing the sick leave?
You have to be fucking kidding me. You fucking dickass cockfucks.
I hate this place. I like my job, but the people are complete fucking ridiculous moronic imbeciles. I can't use my OWN sick days without a note, and so and so can call out because she feels like grocery shopping or some shit.
I also emailed my director yesterday to ask if I could get a copy of Microsoft Office that I can use at home, since some staff and faculty are allowed access to the software. Well, don't do me any favors or anything, but I kind of wanted to have it for my classwork. Instead of saying "sorry I can't give it to you," I didn't get an answer. In our email system, we can check the status of our emails:
****** Delivered 4/12/2010 9:17 AM
Read 4/12/2010 10:13 AM
Deleted 4/12/2010 11:12 AM
Please... tell me what that says.
Just curious.
Fucking prick.
Fuck. My. Life.
So Monday was just dull, nothing exciting or different happened that I can think of. But I know Monday and Tuesday I could not get a full night's sleep because the cat has insinuated on keeping me awake all night playing with the wall, scratching shit at 4am, or sleeping on my blanket or on me and not getting the hint that me kicking her means to stop... so yeah, I already started out bad here.
It all started Tuesday.
I kept getting emails the past week from a teacher who ordered a book through ILL, and I had emailed her to tell her I sent it to her through the intercampus mail. Everyday she was emailing asking "Where is it." I told her, I put it in the mail, after I stick it in the box, I DON'T KNOW where it is after that point. After 2 days that she didn't get it, I had this idea that maybe I sent it to PRIN instead of LEON, so I called the library at the other campus to see if they had it. No, they didn't have it.
So my boss tells me to call the mail and dist to see if they know what could have happened. So I call them, they said they had no record of it being sent, and to call the other campuses to see if their mail got it. First of all, they wouldn't have a log of it being sent because it was through an Interdepartmental Envelope, they only log packages. Second, LAPL is the ONLY campus that actually has a dedicated MAILROOM apparently, the other campuses just give it to whoever and they organize it and hand it out... wtf. When I called the other campuses, they don't have just ONE person handling the mail, so they didn't know. So, I look up to see where this teacher actually teaches and through out directory, she is in LAPL (my campus) which is why I originally did not mail it TO her, I had it there. When she said to send it to LEON, I just addressed it straight to her, not the Library since she is a teacher. Looking up her information on Colleague, she is not registered at teaching at LAPL, but it at LEON and PRIN, *BUT* she hasn't taught at PRIN for about a year.
Why does this matter? Because after a 2 hour battle of calling about, and talking to the lady at our mailroom a million times, she finally calls me back and says "oh hey, I called over, and PRIN has the book. They saw that she is a teacher there and they were holding it there for her to pick up." So yeah, I had sent it to PRIN out of habit (I never have to mail to LEON like ever, but always to PRIN) and they didn't think "oh she doesn't teach here this semester, I should send it to LEON." After all that mess, the mailroom lady told them to just send it to LEON and that was set.
That was just frustrating.
Then I get an email from the library director to ask for ILL statistics of how many books between these dates from which libraries (mentioned in this email) so we borrow or lend to. We don't lend really, just because we don't have anything to lend, and in all my almost 3 yrs I have been there, I have never lent anything. Well, in my access program/database thing, there isn't a way to just get that data.... so I email my boss to see if she knows how. She sends me this confuddled, clusterfuck of the database spreadsheet with 300 records... I am looking at it like.. how the FUCK am I supposed to read it first of all, and thanks a fucking lot for making it SO EASY for me to find this information. I had to make a list of the libraries and scroll through each record and find there the school names were that were mentioned in that email, and put a check mark and then email the director this rough rough bad estimate of how many books there were... which ended up not looking like many at all.
By the time I got off work, I was ready to go, and I went over to Chris' to hang out with Billy and relax. I left there, and right as I am about to get on the bridge from Calvert back to Charles, I get pulled over at midnight by a state cop. I was going 68 in a 50... the cop gives me a warning... thank god.
Wednesday comes! OH FUN.
I am driving to work, already left the house a little late. I am doing ok on time, I will get there at JUST 8:30 or so. I turn off the long ass road to La Plata, and get on the back road behind the State Cop's Barracks. A cop is driving towards me, goes past me, then makes this huge fucking u turn in the middle of the road and pulls me over... I am going 55 in a 40. FML. I know they are going to see somehow that I got a warning last night and I can't get out of it. (I swore at first he said 45, which makes sense cuz this is a short ass road and I didn't think I would be going that fast by that point... but WHATEVER) I get a $90 ticket. I am 10 minutes late.
I don't have any money as it is, but I was tempted to just write out the check and send it in to be poor, but I have NEVER gotten a speeding ticket (I got a red light ticket once) but otherwise, I don't have anything on my record... so I might go to court.
This is the beginning of my migraine. And as much as that really didn't bother me after it happened, I still teared up as I came into work... so I knew my period was starting cuz simple things were going to make me more emotional than usual.
I had a migraine for the rest of the day. Maybe it was my week, maybe it was the allergies, maybe both. I felt bad.
I finish up work, I leave. I get in my car, and I hear *pop*. Now I have a box of Sprite in my back seat. I have had boxes of Mtn. Dew in my car over the past few summers and NEVER had a problem. I look back, and I don't see anything. I get to the end of the road and hear *POP FZZZZZZZZZ* I pull over in the State Barracks parking lot to remove a spraying can of Sprite, and I dump it out. Nice...
I get back in the car, and keep on my way. Halfway down the road, another *POP FZZZZZZZZ*. God fucking dammit. There is going to be a puddle in my back seat.
I call Billy and tell him I have to go home and get a shower cuz that one can already got me all wet, so I am sticky. I get home, pull the box out of my backseat, but hey, the box is soggy and all the sodas fall out. 2 fall out of the car and literally explode, rocket out to the yard but not before it gets all on the inside of my car, and I am sitting there with Sprite dripping down my face. I drop the box... leave all the exploded cans, walk in the house and take a shower... I come out later with a wet washrag and wipe out what I can. I counted about 8 cans that had exploded, some had been emptied, possibly earlier in the day they had exploded and evaporated. about 3 or 4 didn't open themselves, but I opened them to empty them out.
Today, I was exhausted. I felt like shit. My head hurt. I had starting cramps from my period. I stayed home. Tomorrow, I will hear shit from my boss. Then I will have to make a doctor's appt to get a doctor's note. Do I tell them I just had a shitty week and need a doctor's note, or what?
It all started Tuesday.
I kept getting emails the past week from a teacher who ordered a book through ILL, and I had emailed her to tell her I sent it to her through the intercampus mail. Everyday she was emailing asking "Where is it." I told her, I put it in the mail, after I stick it in the box, I DON'T KNOW where it is after that point. After 2 days that she didn't get it, I had this idea that maybe I sent it to PRIN instead of LEON, so I called the library at the other campus to see if they had it. No, they didn't have it.
So my boss tells me to call the mail and dist to see if they know what could have happened. So I call them, they said they had no record of it being sent, and to call the other campuses to see if their mail got it. First of all, they wouldn't have a log of it being sent because it was through an Interdepartmental Envelope, they only log packages. Second, LAPL is the ONLY campus that actually has a dedicated MAILROOM apparently, the other campuses just give it to whoever and they organize it and hand it out... wtf. When I called the other campuses, they don't have just ONE person handling the mail, so they didn't know. So, I look up to see where this teacher actually teaches and through out directory, she is in LAPL (my campus) which is why I originally did not mail it TO her, I had it there. When she said to send it to LEON, I just addressed it straight to her, not the Library since she is a teacher. Looking up her information on Colleague, she is not registered at teaching at LAPL, but it at LEON and PRIN, *BUT* she hasn't taught at PRIN for about a year.
Why does this matter? Because after a 2 hour battle of calling about, and talking to the lady at our mailroom a million times, she finally calls me back and says "oh hey, I called over, and PRIN has the book. They saw that she is a teacher there and they were holding it there for her to pick up." So yeah, I had sent it to PRIN out of habit (I never have to mail to LEON like ever, but always to PRIN) and they didn't think "oh she doesn't teach here this semester, I should send it to LEON." After all that mess, the mailroom lady told them to just send it to LEON and that was set.
That was just frustrating.
Then I get an email from the library director to ask for ILL statistics of how many books between these dates from which libraries (mentioned in this email) so we borrow or lend to. We don't lend really, just because we don't have anything to lend, and in all my almost 3 yrs I have been there, I have never lent anything. Well, in my access program/database thing, there isn't a way to just get that data.... so I email my boss to see if she knows how. She sends me this confuddled, clusterfuck of the database spreadsheet with 300 records... I am looking at it like.. how the FUCK am I supposed to read it first of all, and thanks a fucking lot for making it SO EASY for me to find this information. I had to make a list of the libraries and scroll through each record and find there the school names were that were mentioned in that email, and put a check mark and then email the director this rough rough bad estimate of how many books there were... which ended up not looking like many at all.
By the time I got off work, I was ready to go, and I went over to Chris' to hang out with Billy and relax. I left there, and right as I am about to get on the bridge from Calvert back to Charles, I get pulled over at midnight by a state cop. I was going 68 in a 50... the cop gives me a warning... thank god.
Wednesday comes! OH FUN.
I am driving to work, already left the house a little late. I am doing ok on time, I will get there at JUST 8:30 or so. I turn off the long ass road to La Plata, and get on the back road behind the State Cop's Barracks. A cop is driving towards me, goes past me, then makes this huge fucking u turn in the middle of the road and pulls me over... I am going 55 in a 40. FML. I know they are going to see somehow that I got a warning last night and I can't get out of it. (I swore at first he said 45, which makes sense cuz this is a short ass road and I didn't think I would be going that fast by that point... but WHATEVER) I get a $90 ticket. I am 10 minutes late.
I don't have any money as it is, but I was tempted to just write out the check and send it in to be poor, but I have NEVER gotten a speeding ticket (I got a red light ticket once) but otherwise, I don't have anything on my record... so I might go to court.
This is the beginning of my migraine. And as much as that really didn't bother me after it happened, I still teared up as I came into work... so I knew my period was starting cuz simple things were going to make me more emotional than usual.
I had a migraine for the rest of the day. Maybe it was my week, maybe it was the allergies, maybe both. I felt bad.
I finish up work, I leave. I get in my car, and I hear *pop*. Now I have a box of Sprite in my back seat. I have had boxes of Mtn. Dew in my car over the past few summers and NEVER had a problem. I look back, and I don't see anything. I get to the end of the road and hear *POP FZZZZZZZZZ* I pull over in the State Barracks parking lot to remove a spraying can of Sprite, and I dump it out. Nice...
I get back in the car, and keep on my way. Halfway down the road, another *POP FZZZZZZZZ*. God fucking dammit. There is going to be a puddle in my back seat.
I call Billy and tell him I have to go home and get a shower cuz that one can already got me all wet, so I am sticky. I get home, pull the box out of my backseat, but hey, the box is soggy and all the sodas fall out. 2 fall out of the car and literally explode, rocket out to the yard but not before it gets all on the inside of my car, and I am sitting there with Sprite dripping down my face. I drop the box... leave all the exploded cans, walk in the house and take a shower... I come out later with a wet washrag and wipe out what I can. I counted about 8 cans that had exploded, some had been emptied, possibly earlier in the day they had exploded and evaporated. about 3 or 4 didn't open themselves, but I opened them to empty them out.
Today, I was exhausted. I felt like shit. My head hurt. I had starting cramps from my period. I stayed home. Tomorrow, I will hear shit from my boss. Then I will have to make a doctor's appt to get a doctor's note. Do I tell them I just had a shitty week and need a doctor's note, or what?
Yeah? Prove it.
You know, I am pretty sure everything everyone has been telling me is correct. Maybe I just like punishing myself. Maybe I like to think that people can change for the better against my general assumption that all mankind does it lie, cheat and steal to get what they want because it's part of our animal instincts. Not just one person in general, it's EVERYONE. So I am going to think this way about my lovelife. And you know what, don't bother posting "Oh, my so and so would never do that," cuz sadly:
"The National Center for Health Statistics recently released a report which found that 43
percent of first marriages end in separation or divorce within 15 years...
"About 50% of first marriages for men under age 45 may end in
divorce, and between 44 and 52% of women's first marriages
may end in divorce for these age groups. The likelihood of a divorce
is lowest for men and women age 60, for whom 36 % of men
and 32 percent of women may divorce from their first marriage by
the end of their lives..."
And I wonder what the statistics are for people that cheat on their spouses? Yeah, so I might be crazy for always doubting when someone says "I love you," but I will not be one of these fools that finds out later in life that the person that has been sleeping with them every night has been sleeping with someone else every day or morning...
But that is the extreme, I am not married. And you better believe that I am having a pre-nup with WHOEVER I decide to marry.
The one person I love with all of my heart is the same person my trust fluctuates with every other day... I hear something from someone, or I find out a fact that I had not known previously, and it sets me off.
So I guess here is really where an opinion matters...
You get stabbed in the back (I mean, I have been lots of times and have forgiven). That person swears that they will be better, they know you have no reason to trust them but they will try to earn back your trust.
WHAT... HOW... can they show you to PROVE IT??
I am finding out details from the whore that are things that happened before this whole mess, or during... before we settled a lot. And he says she is lying. But I believe maybe 45% of it, cuz some of it does sound like something he would say. Then again, she is the HS drama queen that just happened to end up in 13th grade... So, who to believe...
"The National Center for Health Statistics recently released a report which found that 43
percent of first marriages end in separation or divorce within 15 years...
"About 50% of first marriages for men under age 45 may end in
divorce, and between 44 and 52% of women's first marriages
may end in divorce for these age groups. The likelihood of a divorce
is lowest for men and women age 60, for whom 36 % of men
and 32 percent of women may divorce from their first marriage by
the end of their lives..."
And I wonder what the statistics are for people that cheat on their spouses? Yeah, so I might be crazy for always doubting when someone says "I love you," but I will not be one of these fools that finds out later in life that the person that has been sleeping with them every night has been sleeping with someone else every day or morning...
But that is the extreme, I am not married. And you better believe that I am having a pre-nup with WHOEVER I decide to marry.
The one person I love with all of my heart is the same person my trust fluctuates with every other day... I hear something from someone, or I find out a fact that I had not known previously, and it sets me off.
So I guess here is really where an opinion matters...
You get stabbed in the back (I mean, I have been lots of times and have forgiven). That person swears that they will be better, they know you have no reason to trust them but they will try to earn back your trust.
WHAT... HOW... can they show you to PROVE IT??
I am finding out details from the whore that are things that happened before this whole mess, or during... before we settled a lot. And he says she is lying. But I believe maybe 45% of it, cuz some of it does sound like something he would say. Then again, she is the HS drama queen that just happened to end up in 13th grade... So, who to believe...
I don't know
I have no idea what is going on. I have still been hanging out with Billy, and things are... mediocre. Nothing exciting, nothing has changed. He has been sweet off and on, like before. He still has no job, and still has no where to live. So it's not like I am ready to get back in a relationship, but I am still looking for... something. We don't do anything affectionate past hugging and cuddling, sometimes he kisses me on the forehead. We still say I love you every once in a while, not too often. I still get suspicious, I mean, why shouldn't I. He gets angry at me cuz he says nothing is going on. So I have to "trust" him. *sigh* Trust isn't like that, I have told him. I am the kind of person that needs to be shown proof. I haven't seen much change though.
I am just tired of life. I am tired of everything. I have things I can't escape from, things that I cannot control. I don't want to go through my entire life feeling like this. And it isn't just the Billy situation. I love him more than anything, but I don't want to be the one taking care of him; he should be taking care of me. I have no money as it is, it's driving me crazy.
I need to lose weight, cuz that is driving me nuts as well. I feel unattractive and I just don't want people looking at me because I feel like I am constantly being judged. Doesn't help when you break up with your boyfriend because he has been talking to skinnier, younger girls or anything...
I feel like, if I didn't have to work, I would be so much happier. But I come here, sit and do my work for 8 hours, and I am really sad. I go hang out with Billy after work, and that is my only source of happiness, which isn't good. Cuz there are times that he doesn't make me happy, so my whole day just ends up shitty.
I am just tired of life. I am tired of everything. I have things I can't escape from, things that I cannot control. I don't want to go through my entire life feeling like this. And it isn't just the Billy situation. I love him more than anything, but I don't want to be the one taking care of him; he should be taking care of me. I have no money as it is, it's driving me crazy.
I need to lose weight, cuz that is driving me nuts as well. I feel unattractive and I just don't want people looking at me because I feel like I am constantly being judged. Doesn't help when you break up with your boyfriend because he has been talking to skinnier, younger girls or anything...
I feel like, if I didn't have to work, I would be so much happier. But I come here, sit and do my work for 8 hours, and I am really sad. I go hang out with Billy after work, and that is my only source of happiness, which isn't good. Cuz there are times that he doesn't make me happy, so my whole day just ends up shitty.
(no subject)
Happy birthday to me, I had a week off of work!
That was possibly the only positive thing the whole week though.
I decided to get snowed in at Chris'. He didn't have a problem with it, Billy didn't really. Then today before I left, I looked at his cell phone and was not happy with the text messages he was hiding. He said he was waiting to show them to me to show me I was right. Um... I already knew I was right. What a fucking douchebag.
He said he wanted to talk. I said I am not going back down there, so Chris is bringing down here for dinner and I am driving him back. He can talk, I don't know if I will believe him.
That was possibly the only positive thing the whole week though.
I decided to get snowed in at Chris'. He didn't have a problem with it, Billy didn't really. Then today before I left, I looked at his cell phone and was not happy with the text messages he was hiding. He said he was waiting to show them to me to show me I was right. Um... I already knew I was right. What a fucking douchebag.
He said he wanted to talk. I said I am not going back down there, so Chris is bringing down here for dinner and I am driving him back. He can talk, I don't know if I will believe him.