fuck it.
i'm never gonna use this place again. LJ is dead and I have no interest in bothering with it (let alone paying for it) any more. I don't seek it and I don't miss it. Most of you whom I'm pals with, I know elsewhere online. So... yeah.
short link-update
So I can stop annoying you guys on faceborg with my socio-political links and updates, I remembered the Smart_Punx community is a good place for discussions (if anyone posts there again... has been dead for a few years).
So, as I did before, I shall link to the posts I made so people I know more intimately (friends, family) can also weigh in on the discussion in comments HERE. If you want to.
TSA Nude Scanners
http://community.livejournal.com/s…
Two Cents for the Economy
http://community.livejournal.com/s…
Nothing special, I'm just getting warmed back up into the idea of opening discussion of stuff. Haven't really had a good old-fashioned sit-down debate for a long time.
So, as I did before, I shall link to the posts I made so people I know more intimately (friends, family) can also weigh in on the discussion in comments HERE. If you want to.
TSA Nude Scanners
http://community.livejournal.com/s…
Two Cents for the Economy
http://community.livejournal.com/s…
Nothing special, I'm just getting warmed back up into the idea of opening discussion of stuff. Haven't really had a good old-fashioned sit-down debate for a long time.
housing and Things To Eat
I'm gonna start with the diet shit 'cause that's boring and I don't wanna be an asshole, posting first about the interesting bit and then BAM! HA! It's BORING now! So if you ain't interested, scroll down. A LOT.
I'm not currently happy with my weight. Over the last year I have gained back what I had previously lost (in the year prior). And I feel it. And it feels not pleasant. I don't like it, so I will change it. Lucky for me, there's a new diet-plan thing we're supporting at the pharmacy! Yay! First off, I hate the whole "magic pills" bullshit. If I have to take it (pills) forever, if it doesn't change my eating habits permanently (or at all, in some cases advertised), it isn't going to really work. But please understand; I am very awful with regards to personal discipline and self-denial. A structure, a set of SOLID rules is extremely helpful. Something I can hold myself accountable to.
Now, some of you might know that I recently "quit" smoking. How is that going, you ask? Uh... not that well. I went 72+ hours without a cigarette at all. Then I had one. One because I really want to have moderation rather than elimination. I carried my smokes with me the full three days because I knew if I didn't, I would get mad at myself. I needed to say "I *choose* not to smoke" rather than "I *can't* have a smoke." Anyway, so I've snowballed back to smoking almost as frequently as I used to. I don't know if I'm addicted so much as I hate to deny myself the pleasure I get from the cigarette. And this is where the present tangent rolls back into the prior diet discussion; without rules, I have the hardest damned time saying "no" to wonderful treats like cookies and ice cream and french fries and bagels and all that wonderful, awful stuff. Also, the three days without a smoke engendered in me a bout of confidence: I *can* restrict myself.
SO! The diet sounds very cruel. Well, at least it does if you don't know what hCG is. The diet itself consists of a mere 500 calories a day. No carbs, no fats. At all. Well, two pieces of melba toast count as carbs, and we're supposed to eat a small bit of protein (50g of lean meat - precooked weight). Anyway, point is: OMFG 500 cal is NOTHING!!! How am I not going to shut down, feel hungry and exhausted 24/7, and destroy my body's muscle tissue and bone structure?! That's the hCG. HCG stands for Human Chorionic Gonadotropin. (biased website "promotion" here: http://www.hcgdietdirect.com/ ) Basically, in a really boiled-down nutshell, hCG tells your body to get energy from stored fat. So, not eating any fat means, with the hormone supplement, all your energy is provided from your fat stores. And, surprisingly, I'm not hungry. Really. Or tired. I *am* thirsty as all hell though. Still, on 500cal a day, a drastic drop from my typical diet of (who knows? I eat like a piggy) ought to be making me feel weak and tired. And it isn't. I mean, I get an occasional hunger pang, but it goes away within a few minutes (and has so far happened approximately an hour before I eat).
Point is, it helps you train your metabolism to process foods in a healthier way. The "training" takes a minimum of 2 weeks. After that, with a re-set metabolism, all one has to do is continue a daily weigh-in. If your weight goes up, cut fat and calories from your diet for a day or two and the target weight will be maintained.
So. Target. What's the goal here? Um... I don't have one. I'm actually borrowing my sister's scale. I'm not the type that weighs myself... mostly I am as curious as the doctor whenever they take my weight for their chart. I want to feel good in myself, I guess that's the goal. To be honest, I'm somewhere between 70-100lbs overweight, depending on how you measure "healthy" weight (I have always thought the government's list was about 10lbs too light for me. with my bone structure, I would be gaunt at 140lbs. Trust me, I looked good at 165.) I highly doubt that I will lose more than 30lbs in the next 40 days (if I do the longer version, shorter is 23days), *if* that - and people keep telling me to expect massive loss. Pun. Intended. But I'm not *really* hoping for more than ten lbs or so. Anyway. Digression. Anyway. I might do the diet/supplement a few times (they recommend breaks between them, not to exceed 40 days on the diet) to lose more if I want to. but really I just want to feel good again.
Well, so here we are. Numbers game! Starting off at 246lbs! Go!
("Before" photocoming soon!) ( Collapse )
I've lived in and paid mortgage on my house for three years now. Almost 3.5, at the end of it; I'm moving out and into a place with my Jen Jenny! <3 I... I am speechless, really. I never EVER thought I would find someone I loved that loved me back. And to be so good together, so good for each other... It has been a year and a half together and I still get butterflies in my stomach when I get to see her. I am ready, I *know* I am ready to start our life together. Our own little, gay as hell family. :D The date is set! Mark your calendars! July 1st (or thereabouts) I will be as close to married as two fags in Colorado can GET!
I'm not currently happy with my weight. Over the last year I have gained back what I had previously lost (in the year prior). And I feel it. And it feels not pleasant. I don't like it, so I will change it. Lucky for me, there's a new diet-plan thing we're supporting at the pharmacy! Yay! First off, I hate the whole "magic pills" bullshit. If I have to take it (pills) forever, if it doesn't change my eating habits permanently (or at all, in some cases advertised), it isn't going to really work. But please understand; I am very awful with regards to personal discipline and self-denial. A structure, a set of SOLID rules is extremely helpful. Something I can hold myself accountable to.
Now, some of you might know that I recently "quit" smoking. How is that going, you ask? Uh... not that well. I went 72+ hours without a cigarette at all. Then I had one. One because I really want to have moderation rather than elimination. I carried my smokes with me the full three days because I knew if I didn't, I would get mad at myself. I needed to say "I *choose* not to smoke" rather than "I *can't* have a smoke." Anyway, so I've snowballed back to smoking almost as frequently as I used to. I don't know if I'm addicted so much as I hate to deny myself the pleasure I get from the cigarette. And this is where the present tangent rolls back into the prior diet discussion; without rules, I have the hardest damned time saying "no" to wonderful treats like cookies and ice cream and french fries and bagels and all that wonderful, awful stuff. Also, the three days without a smoke engendered in me a bout of confidence: I *can* restrict myself.
SO! The diet sounds very cruel. Well, at least it does if you don't know what hCG is. The diet itself consists of a mere 500 calories a day. No carbs, no fats. At all. Well, two pieces of melba toast count as carbs, and we're supposed to eat a small bit of protein (50g of lean meat - precooked weight). Anyway, point is: OMFG 500 cal is NOTHING!!! How am I not going to shut down, feel hungry and exhausted 24/7, and destroy my body's muscle tissue and bone structure?! That's the hCG. HCG stands for Human Chorionic Gonadotropin. (biased website "promotion" here: http://www.hcgdietdirect.com/ ) Basically, in a really boiled-down nutshell, hCG tells your body to get energy from stored fat. So, not eating any fat means, with the hormone supplement, all your energy is provided from your fat stores. And, surprisingly, I'm not hungry. Really. Or tired. I *am* thirsty as all hell though. Still, on 500cal a day, a drastic drop from my typical diet of (who knows? I eat like a piggy) ought to be making me feel weak and tired. And it isn't. I mean, I get an occasional hunger pang, but it goes away within a few minutes (and has so far happened approximately an hour before I eat).
Point is, it helps you train your metabolism to process foods in a healthier way. The "training" takes a minimum of 2 weeks. After that, with a re-set metabolism, all one has to do is continue a daily weigh-in. If your weight goes up, cut fat and calories from your diet for a day or two and the target weight will be maintained.
So. Target. What's the goal here? Um... I don't have one. I'm actually borrowing my sister's scale. I'm not the type that weighs myself... mostly I am as curious as the doctor whenever they take my weight for their chart. I want to feel good in myself, I guess that's the goal. To be honest, I'm somewhere between 70-100lbs overweight, depending on how you measure "healthy" weight (I have always thought the government's list was about 10lbs too light for me. with my bone structure, I would be gaunt at 140lbs. Trust me, I looked good at 165.) I highly doubt that I will lose more than 30lbs in the next 40 days (if I do the longer version, shorter is 23days), *if* that - and people keep telling me to expect massive loss. Pun. Intended. But I'm not *really* hoping for more than ten lbs or so. Anyway. Digression. Anyway. I might do the diet/supplement a few times (they recommend breaks between them, not to exceed 40 days on the diet) to lose more if I want to. but really I just want to feel good again.
Well, so here we are. Numbers game! Starting off at 246lbs! Go!
("Before" photo
I've lived in and paid mortgage on my house for three years now. Almost 3.5, at the end of it; I'm moving out and into a place with my Jen Jenny! <3 I... I am speechless, really. I never EVER thought I would find someone I loved that loved me back. And to be so good together, so good for each other... It has been a year and a half together and I still get butterflies in my stomach when I get to see her. I am ready, I *know* I am ready to start our life together. Our own little, gay as hell family. :D The date is set! Mark your calendars! July 1st (or thereabouts) I will be as close to married as two fags in Colorado can GET!
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exhuberant!
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Aunt Pat
So, my dad's younger sister Pat died last week. He was able to go see her before she passed (small cell lung cancer, spread to brain and liver cancer... it was less than a month between diagnosis and death) and for that I am grateful. Her death was very peaceful, a grace considering most deaths by small cell lung cancer occur with the infected person literally coughing up their lungs/bronchial tubes and choking to death since they can no longer get any oxygen at all.
I never knew Pat. To be honest, I usually forgot my dad even HAD a younger sister. My only memory of her is back when the family took a vacation up to Canada to visit my mom's relatives; on the way home we stopped off at Pat's house in Seattle, WA in the middle of the night. She gave me about 30 old gorilla stuffed animals.
I was talking with my dad today about her. I never knew her. From what I hear, I think I really would have connected with her. She's similar to myself in a few key ways. I guess it's sad to know that I could have had an important and fulfilling relationship with an aunt and only found out after she died.
I never knew Pat. To be honest, I usually forgot my dad even HAD a younger sister. My only memory of her is back when the family took a vacation up to Canada to visit my mom's relatives; on the way home we stopped off at Pat's house in Seattle, WA in the middle of the night. She gave me about 30 old gorilla stuffed animals.
I was talking with my dad today about her. I never knew her. From what I hear, I think I really would have connected with her. She's similar to myself in a few key ways. I guess it's sad to know that I could have had an important and fulfilling relationship with an aunt and only found out after she died.
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thoughtful
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ONE YEAR!
We are 11 days away from dating a full year.
i never thought it would happen.
i love you, jen jenny!
i never thought it would happen.
i love you, jen jenny!
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ecstatic!
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had fun!
had fun, made a new Mustache Tradition (lots and lots of people came up to love our facial hair, two people asked for photos, many others took secret ones), will do again!
Writer's Block: Ten minutes in heaven
If you could have 10 minutes alone with anyone in the world where you could do or say whatever you wanted without consequences, who would you choose and what would you do?
Fuck! It's a LION! Get in the car!
So. Sooooooooo I'm going to Pride this Sunday. Never done that before. Jen goes every year; it was the one place she always felt acceptable, regardless of her personal circumstances. I'm not gonna break the tradition...
...but shit, I feel so awkward at stuff like that! I mean, I hate going to ANY parades downtown 'cause there are SO MANY PEOPLE. But i especially hate going to gay-centric stuff. Probably some sort of internalized homophobia, I guess... I just hate being so damn OPEN about it. Sex and sexuality isn't really something we discuss in our family. It is personal, private, and kept between spouses (unless you "mess up" and then you have to confess to Mom and get your penance or whatever). I don't like how exposed I feel when i'm at an event where the simple act of BEING there puts a big neon FAG! sign on me.
I dunno.
I'm nervous.
...but shit, I feel so awkward at stuff like that! I mean, I hate going to ANY parades downtown 'cause there are SO MANY PEOPLE. But i especially hate going to gay-centric stuff. Probably some sort of internalized homophobia, I guess... I just hate being so damn OPEN about it. Sex and sexuality isn't really something we discuss in our family. It is personal, private, and kept between spouses (unless you "mess up" and then you have to confess to Mom and get your penance or whatever). I don't like how exposed I feel when i'm at an event where the simple act of BEING there puts a big neon FAG! sign on me.
I dunno.
I'm nervous.
pue-blows
So we're getting my Jen Jenny all moved in to her new place down in Pueblo, CO. It is a nice place, really. Same cost as her old apartment downtown, but has a HUGE kitchen, two bedrooms... it is nice. Quiet neighborhood near a retirement complex and two elementary schools. So even though there is graffiti EVERYWHERE, it's crappy, unsophisticated tagging and probably the kids that are just starting out. We figure they're the kids that grow up into thugs and move across the interstate to Pueblo West, so she's in a relatively safe area.
We did have to pass through a group of 8 or 9 Gangsters though, heading back from errands (via bicycle) on Saturday. Tough guys. I was glad it was two of us, to be honest. I said good morning as we passed them... I dunno, maybe it's just having grown up in Middle Class, but I get nervous around a group of young men with a gang-connection among them. I don't trust people in gangs to be decent or respectful when the cards are all on the table. I don't trust anyone, really. Any time a large group gathers under a common flag, it is easy to fall into Mob Mentality and leave one's personal convictions at the door. Hell, I've done it myself a few times in my life... nothing I'm proud to admit. But gangs tend to be violent or at least be prone to violent pantomime and I don't feel comfortable with that. I don't like the potential. I mean, Jen's really good at taking care of herself, but she's lived her whole independent life in Colorado Springs. ColoSpgs doesn't really HAVE a ghetto. We have a very low population of real gangsters. Most people here join one of the armed forces since there are so freakin' many of them stationed in town... a Big Government Gang, really. I don't trust the soldiers around here either.
I don't know what to think. I don't feel that caution is out of order, but I also feel it would be silly to get worked up about this. Mostly I'm just sad and stressed and nervous about being so far away from Jen Jenny or such a long time (2 years, probably. plus/minus) and maybe I'm projecting my anxiety onto the local population.
Aside from all my discontent, Pueblo has been really nice! It is hot as bloody hell though! :p Still... it is relatively flat (like Ft.Collins); Jen and I went on bike-errands all across town on Saturday, riding for 3 hours (with very brief interludes in the post office, realtor office, and college campus) straight and even my fat, smoker's ass didn't get tired! I did, however, get a bit overwhelmed by the heat and we had to go back to her place for a cool-down. 95*F is too effing HOT! And not a damn cloud in the sky! pleh!
later we got popsicles.
We did have to pass through a group of 8 or 9 Gangsters though, heading back from errands (via bicycle) on Saturday. Tough guys. I was glad it was two of us, to be honest. I said good morning as we passed them... I dunno, maybe it's just having grown up in Middle Class, but I get nervous around a group of young men with a gang-connection among them. I don't trust people in gangs to be decent or respectful when the cards are all on the table. I don't trust anyone, really. Any time a large group gathers under a common flag, it is easy to fall into Mob Mentality and leave one's personal convictions at the door. Hell, I've done it myself a few times in my life... nothing I'm proud to admit. But gangs tend to be violent or at least be prone to violent pantomime and I don't feel comfortable with that. I don't like the potential. I mean, Jen's really good at taking care of herself, but she's lived her whole independent life in Colorado Springs. ColoSpgs doesn't really HAVE a ghetto. We have a very low population of real gangsters. Most people here join one of the armed forces since there are so freakin' many of them stationed in town... a Big Government Gang, really. I don't trust the soldiers around here either.
I don't know what to think. I don't feel that caution is out of order, but I also feel it would be silly to get worked up about this. Mostly I'm just sad and stressed and nervous about being so far away from Jen Jenny or such a long time (2 years, probably. plus/minus) and maybe I'm projecting my anxiety onto the local population.
Aside from all my discontent, Pueblo has been really nice! It is hot as bloody hell though! :p Still... it is relatively flat (like Ft.Collins); Jen and I went on bike-errands all across town on Saturday, riding for 3 hours (with very brief interludes in the post office, realtor office, and college campus) straight and even my fat, smoker's ass didn't get tired! I did, however, get a bit overwhelmed by the heat and we had to go back to her place for a cool-down. 95*F is too effing HOT! And not a damn cloud in the sky! pleh!
later we got popsicles.
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unsure
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just shit
Lemme see... been a while since I blogged.
Work is... meh. I've become rather adept at working on my car's electrical system and fixed it, so that was fun! I really love hands-on stuff, you know? I get a lot of enjoyment out of working on my car. I've started having another think or two about getting a degree/certificate at a trade school for mechanics, either automotive or aeronautical... you know, finishing up with a degree or SOMETHING accrediting me in a field I have real passion for. My mom and sis Julie are suggesting I do it, like, NOW since Jen Jenny is moving about 40 miles south of here to Pueblo, CO to finish her own schooling. It should take about 2 years. I'm not sure if I'm ready to go back to school yet though. I mean, I've got accreditation for pharmacy technician status and it is a secure job (with recent lay-offs and cut hours, I'm the only non-salaried employee that didn't get cut hours) for the time being. I'm worried about the future though and, like my family says, now is a perfect time to finish a degree of my own since Jen will be off away in school herself. I mean, there's a bit of a salary cap for pharm techs at College Pharmacy and I'm approaching it readily. My fear though is how fed up with school I got; am I really ready to take that kind of time/energy constraint again? I don't do well with stress like that. Lots of meditating to do on that subject. The one other positive of going back to school though? Deferring my student loan repayment again! So I would have about $250 or so a month for savings/fun. Plus with the economy in the toilet right now I predict that auto mechanics will be in high demand. With people being denied loans and with auto manufacturers cranking out crap for high dollars and with jobs/raises becoming scarce... shoot. People will be fixing up their old cars more than buying new ones when they have the choice! And I'd save a lot of money and time if I could fix my own stuff or at least know when the mechanics were blowing rainbows up my ass.
I'm still madly in love with my Jenny!!! Oh man, we went to Durango (320 miles into the mountains) the other weekend and I swear the drive back and forth was my FAVORITE part! Just spending uninterrupted time with my Jenny all alone... ugh! Bliss! It was hard to leave her again after we got home. Two and a half days together, no pauses, and I still hadn't got my fill of her! We connect on so so so many levels I can't even explain it. I fear the upcoming move to Pueblo and how I will survive without her so near to me. Sure Pueblo isn't THAT far away, but I still can't drive there every night like I do most days now (and right now she's already a 20min drive downtown from me). Heh... I might even rediscover the internet when the Fall comes around. :-/ ...*sigh*
I've been giving my action figure collection to my niece Emmy for a few months now (slowly)! It is so nice to see her play with the toys I bought on desire and impulse to possess! It is so nice to finally have a niece/nephew that likes action figures as much as I did as a kid! She LOVES 'em! We sit and play together, she tries to remember the names and powers, she talks with a gruff Batman voice... it is SO FREAKIN' CUTE! I've also bought her a few (more excuses to spend money on toys!!!!) so she has a well-rounded group. I got her a Wonder Woman (skirt, not thong) and a Batgirl and I already had a Black Canary for her. The rest of the female character toys are very ...naked. And I don't think that's appropriate for a 3 year old. I also avoid the scary looking bad guys in favor of the more goofy ones (yes I'm talking about Jokers).
Well I suppose that's enough blabbing for now!
Work is... meh. I've become rather adept at working on my car's electrical system and fixed it, so that was fun! I really love hands-on stuff, you know? I get a lot of enjoyment out of working on my car. I've started having another think or two about getting a degree/certificate at a trade school for mechanics, either automotive or aeronautical... you know, finishing up with a degree or SOMETHING accrediting me in a field I have real passion for. My mom and sis Julie are suggesting I do it, like, NOW since Jen Jenny is moving about 40 miles south of here to Pueblo, CO to finish her own schooling. It should take about 2 years. I'm not sure if I'm ready to go back to school yet though. I mean, I've got accreditation for pharmacy technician status and it is a secure job (with recent lay-offs and cut hours, I'm the only non-salaried employee that didn't get cut hours) for the time being. I'm worried about the future though and, like my family says, now is a perfect time to finish a degree of my own since Jen will be off away in school herself. I mean, there's a bit of a salary cap for pharm techs at College Pharmacy and I'm approaching it readily. My fear though is how fed up with school I got; am I really ready to take that kind of time/energy constraint again? I don't do well with stress like that. Lots of meditating to do on that subject. The one other positive of going back to school though? Deferring my student loan repayment again! So I would have about $250 or so a month for savings/fun. Plus with the economy in the toilet right now I predict that auto mechanics will be in high demand. With people being denied loans and with auto manufacturers cranking out crap for high dollars and with jobs/raises becoming scarce... shoot. People will be fixing up their old cars more than buying new ones when they have the choice! And I'd save a lot of money and time if I could fix my own stuff or at least know when the mechanics were blowing rainbows up my ass.
I'm still madly in love with my Jenny!!! Oh man, we went to Durango (320 miles into the mountains) the other weekend and I swear the drive back and forth was my FAVORITE part! Just spending uninterrupted time with my Jenny all alone... ugh! Bliss! It was hard to leave her again after we got home. Two and a half days together, no pauses, and I still hadn't got my fill of her! We connect on so so so many levels I can't even explain it. I fear the upcoming move to Pueblo and how I will survive without her so near to me. Sure Pueblo isn't THAT far away, but I still can't drive there every night like I do most days now (and right now she's already a 20min drive downtown from me). Heh... I might even rediscover the internet when the Fall comes around. :-/ ...*sigh*
I've been giving my action figure collection to my niece Emmy for a few months now (slowly)! It is so nice to see her play with the toys I bought on desire and impulse to possess! It is so nice to finally have a niece/nephew that likes action figures as much as I did as a kid! She LOVES 'em! We sit and play together, she tries to remember the names and powers, she talks with a gruff Batman voice... it is SO FREAKIN' CUTE! I've also bought her a few (more excuses to spend money on toys!!!!) so she has a well-rounded group. I got her a Wonder Woman (skirt, not thong) and a Batgirl and I already had a Black Canary for her. The rest of the female character toys are very ...naked. And I don't think that's appropriate for a 3 year old. I also avoid the scary looking bad guys in favor of the more goofy ones (yes I'm talking about Jokers).
Well I suppose that's enough blabbing for now!