I cant believe I fell for his shit yet again. He tells me all this bullshit. And I believe it for the 4th time. Bullshit. I lost so much....I dont think it was worth it, but now my life is cleared of the people not worthy of me being worried over. Yes now they are talking trash, but I dont care because no one likes them anyways. I have the tensions to start cutting, I'm not sure if I should..
Me and my boyfriend of 2 and a half years just broke up a few days ago. Needless to say I've neen a bit of the fucked side. And so has my wrist.
I think that pretty soon my arm will be joining my wrist in an orgy of blood and releif, more or less. I'm not looking forward to the next few months I can say that much. I want to just repress all the shit feelings like I've been doing for the last 3 days for the rest of my life so that they can come out in other ways.
I know that's not in the least bit healthy, but I really don't care right now.
I have started to cut the vein side of my wrist. This is really weird and new to me, kinda disturbing. It's the only place I wanna cut now too. It hurts, which is good. But then there's the obvious 'what if I'm drunk and I slip' thing.
I don't think I have much to worry about though, only 5% of slit-wrist suicide attempts work. And since this isn't a suicide attempt I think I'l be okay.
However, with my mindset the way it has been lately I can't be sure of anything right now.
numb
sleepy
Tense