The Eternal Twist on the Telescope

Y'know... something really bugs me about critisism. If it's about my artowk, and how to improve it, usually I'm all up for it. I want my artwork to be great.
But when I take a quick photo of myself to show off a new collar I bought and send it to a friend, I don't want to hear an editors review on it.
I mean when a friend takes a look at a quick snap, is it acceptable to just be critical of everything? I took a picture to show off the lace of my collar. Not because my make-up is perfect (and it never is purposely. I love smeared makeup and black all over my lashes). It's not because I want you to say 'Oh hey, your hair color is faded and lame. You should buy more bottles of red and re-dye your hair'. And it's not because I want you to point out my lipstick color doesn't suit my cheekbones or whatever. But honestly, when a friend says 'You look like a Scary Dyke' and expects you to just go along.. no.
Sure, she may be angry. But, y'know, I never take photos of myself for a reason. And when I do, it's not so I can get critisized for not meeting your laws of perfection. And what's worse is that I made a comment and she thought I was a lesbian. We've known each other for years. She knows, KNOWS, that if I am to ever be with someone, it has to be a man. I'm a hotdog girl. I like hairy chests and the junk. And I'll always be that way. So why the fuck did she say that?
Just yesterday she was telling me how she hates it when people insult others to make themselves feel better.
So, what the fuck was that?

It's really knawing at me. And, out of all of this, she didn't even notice my collar. She didn't even mention it. It really doesn't make me feel like talking to her a lot anymore. If she's bitter that I found friends here, you know what, whatever. I'm not going to spend my life waiting online for her to come on everyday like some lapdog. I want a life. I'm 80% not likely to come back. Y'know. Now I'm still irritated. And I ironically drew something nice in this state. Brrrgh.

Ashlee = Kentucky, USA
Sarwar = India
Azam = England, but lived in BC most of his life
Mikari = Osaka, Japan
Desiree = Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Nyko = Mexico
Anamika = India
Me = Alberta, Canada
Shaunah = Victoria, Canada

Most of the people in my Classical Animation program come from all over. We've also got a guy from Miami, Holland, and Brazil. And yet already we've just become together as a group. Today, orientation, we spent it together. Sat all in a row. I made fun of a few policies. I kept hooting when someone said Alberta when they introduced themselves. And I told a guy in Sound Design that I'll totally be on him for sounds. After we got out and we went down to English bay, Ana took a bunch of photos of us, Sarwar kept sitting by me (I think he might have a thing for girls in Bondage Collars...) and I hauled them all up to a cafe on my street before we departed. It was fun, but I already know who I'll be all over. Mikari, Desiree, Shaunah, Ashlee, and Azam. There's people who you grow to love (Melanie back home for me) and then there's people who you immediately love (Like Erin, Lindsay, and Harshini). I'm sure I might grow to love my other classmates, but right now, I'm latched to those guys. Especially Ashlee and Azam because my only guy friend is now, who knows. I need the stability and funness of a guy. And Ashlee is like my crazy hyper friend. Sigh. It's going to be one wild year.

Right now I'm at home chatting with Ashley and trying to write a letter to my Grandma as well. It's hard to concentrate on 6 things at once.

....wow. Just.. wow. So much has happened. One moment, I'm writing out scripts of moody lamplights and dead skies at midnight.
The next moment, Im sitting with my entire class, we're talking. I take 8 of them back to my place. We hook up Rockband. We got nuts! People who've never played were playing. We were singing. We were hanging out.
It was like a reassurance that it'll be great. My intensive year starts May 5th. From here on out, It'll be hell.

Augh. I'm pacing back and forth. It's 6:13am. My taxi doesn't come here until 8:00am. But I'm a little high strung. Orientation has finally come. In a few hours I'll be sitting in a theatre probably freaking out going 'Where am I? What am I supposed to do? Who's That?! Do I have to walk home in the rain?"
Augh, questions!
I still got to paint my nails and eat breakfast and calm down @__@. I don't even know what I want for Breakfast. Lucky Charms (which hurt my teeth and veins) or Nesquik (be jumpy for 1/2 of an hour!) I should have bought the box of Fruit Loops at Shoppers. At least it has aToucan on it than this evil Leprechaun which hates me. That's right!

Why do my clothes smell like work? This is weirding me out. I smell like the month I worked as a secretary. Slightly tinged with summer rain and coaldust.
It's too early.
D:

Oi. I've gone nuts. I downloaded some add-ons to The Godfather and now I'm running around shooting anyone that just looks at me bad.
It's like... nuts.
But it has re-awakened why I love the mafia so much. I keep running through new scenes in my head. Cutting together a script for when I have to do a film this year. I know I want it to be on the mafia. But if my parents are going to see, it can't be so.. violent. But then I won't enjoy it. And It's going to be shown around in festivals. Maybe I'll have to tone down my natural violent behavior. Cut in scenes of Lucky Charms Cereal doing Jigs.

I still want to make some Lucky Charms plushies.

"As she stared at the postcard with bright writing and happy faces, she wondered something in her head.
Why wasn't she like this fabricated family? 
She touched the faces, wondering what it was like to be one of them. Below her, the city was alive. Everywhere, people walked side by side, hands held, chattering. Around her, lights were everywhere. signaling life and vibrance. Phones rang, girls giggled, boys joked, dance music played.
The lights were everywhere, but where she sat. Where she was, the ground was cold, but not as cold as her. The lights were out and everything was black. There was no music. No laughing. No life. Just silence as the night began to start. She stared out at the world, wondering what it was like to be one of the people walking. To have a destination to go, to have people to hold her when she fell, to laugh and have memories.
But it was forbidden to her.
She looked down at the postcard again. To be like them. To look like them. To be like us.
She got up and stepped into the dark room. This was her. There was no warmth. Only silence and echoes of the night below. Another day was coming soon. But not even the sunlight of the day could break this. For being marked as a freak never held happiness in the eyes of others. It only held confusion and hate.
She shut the door.
Like every other night."